Tuesday, 2 November 2021
Taking a Step Back Context
A couple of days ago, I was at a loss about how I could help someone I care about when they were emotionally hurt (Day 301). Today, I had a different story; it’s about checking myself when someone asks me to step back.
Just helping others in small, subtle, unnoticeable ways builds my inner peace and somehow validates my existence – to me at least. On the other hand, I’m okay stepping back if asked. However, being told to “back off” cause you to get defensive. It’s a lesson I’m learning, and I’m, oh, so much better now than I was.
When someone is yelling at you or asking you to back off, the key is to remember they’re stressed too. Think of it as an animal growling at you; it’s a warning to keep away, but the animal will attack if provoked. Stepping back is a difficult thing to do after a growl. The growl usually had me defensive and “growl” back. In hindsight, you realise it was a misstep on your part, and that’s presuming you manage to patch it up with an apology! 🙄
When Someone Doesn't Step Back
Years ago, I asked a colleague to step back and found out what it was like to be on the receiving end of someone getting defensive.
Setting the Scene
Now, some women don’t experience mood swings with their menstrual cycle. Lucky them! I, however, wasn’t one of them 😟. By the time I reached 38, I could sometimes sense my mood change, and it usually happened about one to two days before “de day”. In the office, something had happened I thought was particularly stupid, but knowing not to say anything and continue working was my safest approach. So, I mumbled to myself and kept working.
Unfortunately, for all concerned, the mumble was overheard. My boss, Carmella, had taken the caring but wrong path of asking me what I had said. Full of concern, she asked if I wanted to talk about it.
Since I was aware this was the day I might haphazardly resign, and my emotional sensitivity was on high alert with very little control, I asked if it could wait until tomorrow and if she wouldn’t mind stepping back. Carmella, full of further concern and to use the phrase “bless her cotton socks”, didn’t let it drop.
The Outburst
Once again, and controlling the internal emotional warring forces threatening an apocalypse, I calmly stated that it was just before my “feminine monthlies”, and I would likely say things I would regret if we spoke about them now. My emotional glass was at capacity! Carmella couldn’t let it go; being asked to step back triggered her concern and feelings of rejection. Found that out later.
Valiantly, or so I thought at the time, in a last-ditch effort to head off the discussion was to use the urgency of my work as an excuse to discuss it later. Inwardly, I was pleading for Carmella to leave me alone. Please, just let me get on with my work without needing to apologise later.
You guessed it! Her curiosity was also piqued, and I had no chance. Then I spewed forth anything and everything that had been on my mind. The domino effect led down a path right down to the irrational. All the things I knew I didn’t want out in the world came out.
Yes, I had to apologise later. This outpouring of dribble is what happens when people don’t step back. It’s awkward, and you’ve said things that can’t be unsaid or unheard.r
The Lesson
Finally, after my outburst to Carmella and apologising, I learnt Carmella had also been processing her internal issues. It was simply “wrong place, wrong time” – or was it? After all, the experience provided me with a piece of valuable information – albeit the lesson was an emotional one.
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
Carryover Cards
Two cards carried over from yesterday; Change moved from Outcome to Recent Past, and The Source simply continued in Future Energy.
Cross
If you are going to step back and today is where, although not asked, the need to step back played on my mind; it requires Patience I’d learnt in the Distant Past from my being The Rebel. It’s not typical for someone to ask you to step back, which caught Carmella off-guard.
Today’s influence was The Creator. It’s apt since The Creator card is all about applying skills you’ve learnt and adopted into your arsenal of coping and compassion abilities.
Complementing The Creator’s influence, or perhaps generating it, is the Goal of Ice-olation. Ice-olation, in this context, is about pulling back and providing the person with hurt feelings the right to experience their pain and come to grips with their situation.
It can be tough to witness others go through what you’ve experienced. You need to change how you handle others encountering situations you’ve mastered for the first time. Think of it like (and this is more for me than those reading this post) you’re unable to walk for someone else. There are some things we have to do for ourselves. Realising this in the Recent Past was a Change for me.
Since Patience worked for me, I will continue to work on The Source in Future Energy.
Base
Alas, to step back requires considerable self-restraint and Control; they’re my Feelings on the matter. 😏
Surprisingly, Others’ Views are that of Innocence, and like The Creator card, Innocence isn’t about the new fledgling wide-eyed and naïve unsuspectingly facing a scary world. It’s about being comfortable handling any situation when it arises, and this knowledge is wisdom. In summary, it appears that’s what I’m doing.
In the Hopes & Fears position is the Exhaustion card. Why I would hope for Exhaustion in this situation is unclear, but I can see why exercising Patience might take its toll. 😁
Finally, it appears there is something to celebrate. Perhaps it’s the exercising of Patience or the satisfaction of being able to step back. Nonetheless, it’s a time for Celebration!
References
- Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
- Tarot Layouts per month
SEO – Taking a step back when someone’s plucked the courage to ask for space can be challenging when you just want to help.
