Friday, 10 September 2021
Right to be Stupid Context
In discussions at work today, it came about that a colleague during my holiday absence had grown facial hair. The topic evolved and had me wishing I could say that every child growing up has the right to be stupid. Of course, this poses a challenge for parents who love their children – which I’m taking for granted parents do.
Children will never grow if they listen to everything their parents tell them. My favourite saying over the years has been, “there’s a reason kids are more stubborn than their parents”. There is. Set your mind back and look at how you’ve deviated from your parents’ advice or path. Even if you ultimately came back to your parents’ advice, you had to make your own decisions and stumble to learn the lesson. Sometimes the only way to learn is the hard way.
Taking advice from someone born in a different generation doesn’t always work for the current generation.
On a Side Note
Anyway, the topic began when Martin, in my absence, had grown a beard to be respected by his son. Mainly, Martin attempted to shift his son’s perspective by changing who he looks at when he sees him.
On a side note, when I say the ‘right to be stupid, it’s more the right to make mistakes. In the film, Samsara, the father comes home from a three-year enlightenment quest. It’s winter, and his son wants to go outside. The father insists he takes a jacket because it’s cold outside. Two seconds later, the kid runs in to grab his jacket and says, “oh, it’s cold outside”. The father asked his wife why she didn’t say anything; her reply was, “he’ll work it out”. Thus, showing the mum gave the child his right to be stupid.
Agreed, it was a measured and controlled risk. I did the same with one of my godchildren when I was babysitting when I was cooking. My godson had decided he wanted to know how the red hotplate felt. After cursing, “why me? Why now? What do I do? Can I put him off until his mum comes home?” Nah, it was my right to be stupid too!
Anyhow, I’d remembered the Samsara film’s moment. Industriously, I made him grab a chair to stand on. Once in position, we turned on the stove. Knowing his eagerness, I placed my hand on the underside of his forearm to stop him, hastily putting it directly onto the hotplate. We started 30cm (one foot) from the hotplate and slowly moved closer. When it got too hot for him, he pulled his hand away, “ouch”. He wanted to check the others did the same. Lesson learnt. And nobody got burnt – bonus!
My 18th Birthday
In Australia, you can drink at 18, and it was pretty much customary for 18-year-olds to get drunk on this day. As a 17-year-old, you do a lot of planning about where and how you’re going to get drunk. Sometimes you can’t control the desire, but you might be able to limit the damage – my mother when I had my 18th.
Consequently, my mum threw the party for me at our house, reasoning at least if it were at home, I’d not wind up in the ditch somewhere and in dire straits. Predictably, I still wound up in the gutter and trouble, but it was our gutter, and the “trouble” was my mum complaining about it the next day. 🙄
The lesson is, you can’t stop young people from wanting to do stupid things, especially if it’s their first experience and saying no to someone who doesn’t get why you’re saying no, just isn’t going to work. Alternatively, the most you can do is limit the damage and respect their right to be stupid.
Sadly, there will be times when you won’t even be able to minimalise the damage, then resign yourself to just being there and pick them up when they fall, regardless of how you feel about the situation. At this point, their stupidity will be apparent to them, and they might be more likely to take your advice next time if there is minimal judgement.
Back to the Story
Martin’s children are aged early 20’s and mid-teens. His complaint was they didn’t listen to him when he was trying to help them. The comment reminded me of Stephen R Covey’s book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Habit Five. Seek first to understand and then to be understood.
In the book, there was an example of Martin’s situation. During Martin and my discussion, I pointed out the example. If I remember correctly, the line went something like this: “Stephen, I don’t understand my son, he won’t listen to me”, or words to that effect. Of course, not in those words, but that he should take a moment to listen to his son’s remarks and remember what he was like younger.
Martin responded he wanted his son to reciprocate the listening, arguing listening is a two-way street. Realistically, it’s not. A conversation is a two-way street; listening is not.
The truth is that the younger person will never have the knowledge or skills to understand the older person; there’s a time gap. Like you can’t know what happens at the office when you’re not there, you can’t see into your child’s environment.
Firstly, your child is most likely a digital native. They were comfortable with computers at an early age, long before you probably owned one. For a digital native, understanding how a traditional typewriter works or the preposterous thought of lining up at the bank to get your bank balance. You see, their world isn’t the same.
Secondly, you have experience. For all of what I’ve just written in the paragraph above, emotions don’t change by when and how you experience them is subtly different – that’s the environment.
Love, it’s all about love and balance.
Today's Cards
The Cards - Right to be Stupid Analysis
Carryover Cards
Three cards carried over from yesterday; Intensity moved from Distant Past to Now, Sorrow moved from Goal to Influence, Possibilities moved nowhere and stayed in Future Energy.
Cross
To begin, Letting Go in the Distant Past spawned the fierce Intensity felt Now. Intensity’s influence is Sorrow. Sorrow influences me by fuelling and alternately hinders my Intensity around how people fail to listen. Notably, not listening when they want to understand how another is feeling. Hey, it probably frustrates me because I’m might be unconsciously guilty of it (Refer Projections).
Let’s move to Totality in the Goal position. Totality, as the word indicates and the image depicting a trapeze act, insinuates is about committing to letting go. Realising you have to overcome your inertia to move on.
I made it to the end of my first week back at work after recreation leave. Recently there has been a Celebration (Recent Past). Celebration and Intensity lead to Possibilities in Future Energy.
Base
Alas, today’s topic provokes Feelings of getting back to basics which The Source reflects.
Alternatively, in Others’ Views, my comments reflect my views on Existence.
In the penultimate spot of Hopes & Fears sits Stress. Okay, I hope I have not offended anyone by discussing our right to be stupid; could I have made things worse (fear)?
Finally, Projections are in the Outcome position. Interestingly, this comes back to my comment that I feel so passionate about the topic because I’ve experienced both the discipline of restriction and the comfort of gentle guidance and support. So, yes. I was projecting. But I have a right to be stupid too.
References
- Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
- Tarot Layouts per month
A discussion at work triggered a passionate topic that saw me argue on everyone right to be stupid. Well, argue might be too strong a word.
