Friday, 16 July 2021
Failure Context
Meditation is a beautiful thing to know and is great for your mental health. It incorporates mindfulness and breathing to create a sense of peace. The technique is simple, let go of all the noise, and try to strip away everything and just focus on the very basis of life, the breath. Revelling in sheer simplicity is what creates a sense of peace. Yet, meditation can promote all sorts of feelings, and failure is one of them.
Who would have thought training your mind to focus on the most natural and straightforward thing in the world would be so difficult. It’s the moments when we sit there, and our minds insist on thinking about more than the beautiful gift of breath when we get frustrated.
My first meditation experience, over 30 years ago, in the Blue Mountains Meditation Centre would be hilarious if I hadn’t felt like a failure every time I tried to focus on my breath. Time and time again, my mind would be on something else. It didn’t matter how strongly I told myself, “this time!” or, more accurately, emphatically, “THIS TIME!”. So, did it work? Nah-uh! Thirty years later, I am still saying the same thing!
Failure and Discipline
Ok. The last couple of sentences are accurate, but not every time I meditate. The old adage “practise makes perfect” isn’t technically correct either; it should be “practise makes you better”.
The truth is every meditation experience is different; yesterday, I was buzzing being able to sit for an hour and feeling in control of my mind. Today, I could barely sit still for three minutes, let alone get my mind to settle. It’s days like today, where I feel like a failure, and if I didn’t meditate, I wouldn’t feel it.
We’ve become accustomed to getting what we want, like a spoilt child. The spoilt status is even more applicable to us as adults when deciding what we want and don’t want to do. So, when we sit down to meditate and try to push the noise aside for a moment, and our mind doesn’t do it, we feel like a failure.
Wilful Betrayal
Our minds are betraying us by not submitting to our will. Where’s all that stubbornness and wilfulness I’ve been accused of in the past now? Disappeared like the skulking wimps or pussies they are in the face of those powerful work thoughts, the TV ad jingle or a funny snippet from a Monty Python film, and the demands of living. Huh! Wilfulness, pah! Determination, dedication, and stubbornness are useless before the monoliths of thought.
The trick, and it does feel like a trick some days, is to watch the thoughts without stopping them to take a look at them. It’s like watching an escalator without one side to it, where each step on the escalator is a thought. Try to observe the escalator steps from the top or the bottom but pursue an idea. If you do happen to get onto an idea, recognise and acknowledge your action. Then step off to the side, and start again.
If you jump onto an idea and five to ten minutes go by before you realise, you’re not a failure. You need to remember; you’re a hero because if you want to participate in society, mental data and mental junk food are likely to be the norm.
And while I joked about being 30 years on and not have a clear mind every time I meditate, the ratio of controlled to uncontrolled is better than on day one. As a tip, just notice your breath where you are right this moment reading this blog. Breathe in, breathe out. 🧘🏿♀️
Today's Cards
The Cards - Failure Analysis
Carryover Cards
One card carried over from yesterday; The Source moved from Others’ Views to Hopes & Fears.
Cross
The smiley Friendliness card is Now and influenced by Sharing. In the Goal position is the card of self-delusion, The Dream.
In the Distant Past are my Projections onto others in that I believe others always seem to clear their minds better than I can clear mine.
More recently (Recent Past), I’ve become The Master. The growth occurred when I learnt others struggle with controlling their minds just as much as I do. Some practitioners can hide theirs a little better by not moving as much. 🥱
Nonetheless, Sorrow appears in Future Energy, indicating the struggle will continue.
Base
My Feelings are of Aloneness even when being active. I’ve often used the fact that I’m alone as a way of saying I meditate. Whether I’m listening to music, vegging out in front of the TV or going for a walk are ways I kid myself into believing I have been meditating. Unless you’re building mindfulness on your breath and your action the whole way, it’s just an avoidance technique we employ. Relaxing and chilling out is not the same as meditation.
Others’ Views is Playfulness if you can’t have fun with meditation. Breathe in breath out fast. Making meditation fun is a way to avoid feeling like a failure most of the time.
Hopes & Fears has The Source, which is what you hope to accomplish when you meditate; getting to The Source; of life, of being. The fear is not achieving the feat and feeling like a failure. Why does it have to be so hard?!
Understanding those years of avoidance and indulging the mind, and allowing it to pursue whatever whim it wants is the Outcome.
References
- Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
- Related link: Day 058 – Mindfulness & Meditation Challenges
