18 May 2021
Context
You know how yesterday I thought the cards were saying that Sorrow is in the Distant Past, and that meant I was over the worst of the cold. Not so. I couldn’t work today; the head cold had set in so much. From a writing article perspective, my mind has also left the building. You probably don’t want to read about me feeling sorry for myself. Although I think a good dose of self-pity can go a long way to healing whatever ails you – otherwise, why have self-pity, right?
There’s a fine line between self-pity and self-indulgent sorrow. Let’s look at the difference. If we look at the first couple of words under the definition for “pity” in the Apple Dictionary app, it’s about “compassion, commiseration, condolence …”, and then we look at “sorrow”. Sorrow begins with “sadness, unhappiness, dejection, regret, depression, misery …”. Although pity includes sorrow, sorrow doesn’t have “pity”.
I’m choosing to interpret the distinction between pity and sorrow, from a purely individual and subjective perspective, is pity has kindness, and kindness has compassion. “Compassion, on the other hand, gives us inner strength. It opens our ‘inner door’ and brings about better experiences.”, writes the Dalai Lama (2000, p.43).
As I’ve indicated pity, also contains sorrow; if embraced, it can lead to negative emotions. It’s fortunate that the page in The Transformed Mind I landed on captures this nicely, “[n]egative emotions negate … possibility. One then deliberately isolates oneself from the rest of humanity, and as a result, resentment, loneliness, fear, doubt, hopelessness and depression arise.” (2000, p.42-43).
Breaking through Self-Pity
Sometimes I like going to the depth of my misery. It’s good for me to plumb to the depths of my psyche. At one point in my life, it terrified me; dark thoughts of so many things, killing people, ways to commit suicide without impacting those I cared about; I didn’t need horror movies. My creativity could make up a scenario when visiting these depths.
Over the years, a few subtle prompts or advice in the form of books, songs, or random chats, and quite possibly a smattering of creativity helped build a safety net. After all, creativity wasn’t a bad thing; it was always there, good or bad, helpful or unhelpful. The advice I got advised me to lean into the depression.
Before anyone gets funny about that last statement, it’s about imagining the depression to its end and feeling it – not, and I repeat NOT, acting upon it. Hercule Poirot spoke about the difference between kicking a table and a person. “I enrage myself with an imbecile. I say, ‘I would like to kick him.’ Instead I kick the table.” (Christie) – big difference.
In one of my black moods of self-indulgent sorrow, I imagined going to the nth degree with the black mood, and when I got there, I realised I wouldn’t follow through. There were tears when I broke through the barrier. Then there was a feeling of immense joy, conquering my fears of the worst of my depths and coming into myself. From that point on, depression didn’t scare me; I simply embraced it.
Strangely, when I am depressed, there’s underlying happiness also because it means I can feel. Going to your emotional depths is like riding the waves at Peahi, Maui, Hawaii; it’s scary and exhilarating at the same time.
Dealing with Unwanted Self-pity or Emotions
When wallowing, try to show yourself kindness. Self-help books are great, but at times they can burden you when you’re low. Some try to steer you away from “negative” thoughts, but the trick is to acknowledge and move on. If you can’t move on, recognise you can’t move on. But remember, the moment will pass. Once you’re past your depression, work on positive thoughts.
Having negative thoughts helps you process; Bjork’s Hyperballad song metaphorically describes how she unloads unwanted emotions:
Every morning I walk towards the edge
And throw little things off
Like car parts, bottles and cutlery
Or whatever I find lying around
It's become a habit
A way to start the day (genius.com)
Bjork talks about sides you hide from your partner. The lyrics can apply to everyday life. I don’t recommend Bjork’s release method: “So, you end up having to unload your aggressions at a bar … So, you can come back to your loved one, kiss him sweet on his cheek, and say happily, ‘Hi honey.’ (genius.com). Meditate instead; it helps clear your head, lean into your self-pity every morning if you like! Meditation isn’t about suppressing thoughts; it’s about recognising, being okay and moving on from them.
But you don’t have to meditate to acknowledge your feelings; if you’re out and about and you “feel the rise of unpleasant emotions, take a moment and make an effort to identify their source. … Accept such feelings as your own in the moment. Do not shove them underneath, ignore them or try to substitute what you think of as good thoughts.” (Roberts, p.199). The key message is to remember it’s in the moment. Have you ever marvelled at a child flitting between emotions; sad, happy, grumpy, happy? That’s a child showing emotions without filters. Each moment different.
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
Carry Over Cards
There were no carry over cards from yesterday.
Cross
Playfulness is in the Now influenced by Thunderbolt with the Goal of Abundance. My Projections onto others is in Distant Past, and self-delusion reflects in the Recent Past by The Dream card. Playfulness appears misguided if Compromise sits in the Future Energy position.
Against context, the change in the physical way Thunderbolt impacts a situation is not about depression but my new writing arrangements. Abundance as the Goal is an echo card of Playfulness, and both have a desire to share their joy. The Dream could be saying “I was dreaming” or have a romantic vision of my new format discussed on Day 137.
The Dream has passed, and the Compromise card represents grudgingly sacrificing something for the sake of progress. Compromise in the Osho cards always strikes me as a lose-lose arrangement, even though it is a win. Compromise can sometimes trigger sadness and some self-recrimination or self-pity.
Base
Beyond Illusion sits in the Feelings/ Immediate Future position; it indicates my feelings toward Playfulness or those encouraged by it as a transformation similar to a caterpillar and a butterfly.
Others’ Views see me as The Fool. The Fool is about new things, and there’s a risk in the new arrangement that might see me sleep in and miss the publish time.
My inner Hopes & Fears reflects Postponement. I hope to move past any Postponement, which has already happened today in writing (my fear). The hope is the Postponement does not affect anything.
The Outcome position has The Master, who is taking a higher spiritual path unaffected by social conditioning – not sure, all I know it means is things tend to move more quickly when I’m in the presence of The Master.
References
- Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
His Holiness the Dalai Lama, 2000, The Transformed Mind – Reflections on truth, love and happiness, Penguin Books, Great Britain, ISBN 0340-76948-3
Christie, Agatha 1941/2019, Evil Under the Sun, Harper Collins Publishers, London, quote from Goodreads quotes, last viewed 20 May 2021
Genius Lyrics on Hyper-ballad, Bjork 1996/ 2002, Hyper ballad
