13 May 2021
Context
Feelings of inadequacy and adequacy both existed today. In a meeting at work, I realised others were struggling with our workload. On the home front, I struggled with the changing world.
Feelings of Inadequacy on the Work Front
The feelings of inadequacy at work were off set in the meeting because it became clear I wasn’t the only one struggling; and by comparison, I was doing better than I thought – it was comforting to know.
Every now and again comes a moment when I struggle to keep up with the work on my plate. Prioritising is the key. So, it’s refreshing to find out you’re not the only one with feelings of inadequacy – this was evidenced in a team meeting today. Sometimes the struggle and expectations of yourself can weigh down your emotions.
The other side-effect when you get feelings of inadequacy, for me at least, is that I take on extra work to compensate, which in turn compounds the issue. In a pre-COVID world, a colleague would tell me I was taking or doing more than I needed to do. It’s great to get candid feedback.
When working at a computer company in the 90’s the Managing Director kept some of his favourite quotes from Leadership Secrets of Attila the Hun by Wess Roberts handy. One of those quotes was: “A king with chieftains who always agree with him reaps the counsel of mediocrity.” (p.101/119). Ever since I read the quote, it has been a guiding principle for paradigm shifts over the years (refer to Day 129 for one probably based on this quote).
Feelings of Inadequacy on the Home Front
While I felt better after the meeting at work, later that day, I felt myself being challenged by new and upcoming things – like bitcoin. The challenge happened when Sandy had given me a call after a couple of drinks. Sandy was excited by her latest discovery (love it, love her!) and was at her “fourth drink”. Being at her fourth drink typically means she repeats herself.
Bitcoin has been around for a while now, but it has had little impact on my life. I’ve been curious, of course, but not enough to seek it out – who has the time? Sandy was all a-buzz about bitcoin and Doge. Her enthusiasm on the first listen bolstered me and on the fourth listen had me tuning out. Then I felt rude because I was tuning her out. All I can say is that she would probably wind up with a headache the next day; mind you see she, rarely suffers the effects of alcohol – good liver?
When Sandy was trying to “inexpertly” explain bitcoin and Doge, I began to feel my age. Is this what it felt like when younger? I tried to explain things to those older than me, and they shut me down? Were these poor victims of my youthful enthusiasm shutting me down to buy time to get up to speed on the topic? If so, OMG! I’m so sorry. I felt out of my depth and realised I was struggling to cope with Sandy’s inebriated state.
Struggling with Sandy’s inebriated state also made me feel inadequate. So infrequent has been my experience been that it has thrown me off-guard. It made me wonder whether this was what happened to Betty when talking about Twitter, creating websites and the friendship I have with my husband (refer to Day 013).
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
Carry Over Cards
There were no carry over cards from yesterday.
Analysis
Cross
The Lovers are in the Now position influenced by Silence. Stress is the Goal, an unusual goal – if I do say so myself. Stress and was borne out of Innocence from the Distant Past. In the Recent Past sits Thunderbolt, which is the radical changing and shifting of physical characteristics in my life. The Lovers, influenced by Silence, looks like the calm after a storm.
However, Future Energy has Ice-olation, and the line from Osho says, “It’s okay to cry, and there is no reason to feel ashamed of your tears. Crying helps us to let go of pain, allows us to be gentle with ourselves, and finally helps us to heal.” Implying healing energy is coming up.
Base
Another card that has the feeling of isolation is The Outsider card. It is in the Feelings/ Immediate Future position, implying I still feel left out of the conversation.
The Others’ Views position has the Morality card, indicating others were seeing me do the right thing or being prudish. Maybe I’ve turned into a prude as I’ve gotten older, especially where drunken friends are concerned. I just don’t know what to say in that situation.
The Hopes & Fears, the position is Schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is about being in two minds. One is Hope that my friend was too intoxicated to notice my confusion on the bitcoin and I wanted time; two is the fear that my confusion showed.
We are the World is in the Outcome spot. It represents working and collaborating for or to a common goal, this could be Sandy and I expunging my feelings of inadequacy.
References
- Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
- Roberts, Wess Ph.D, 2009, Leadership Secrets of Attila the Hun, HachetteBookGroup.com, USA, last viewed 13 May 2021
- Day 013 – Betty, Dobby, Transforming a New Vision
