5 May 2021
Context
Day 125 – Unexpected Topic with My Mum
Most of Day 125 went by without a hitch. The little ginger cat, the rascal, managed to sneak out an open door 🙂. Then later in the day my mother called. During the discussion, an unexpected topic with my mum arose – older people’s sex lives! Yes, it happens. Did I think, as I got older, it wouldn’t happen? No. After all, I’m older. I’ve also been preparing myself to accept and acknowledge older people have sex.
Talking about sex lives, isn’t necessarily an unexpected topic nor is it offensive, but when you’re in the middle of a TV show relaxing and you get a phone call about a computer question you don’t expect it to veer into my mother’s friends sex lives.
Over the years, sex was and still is a topic of interest, discussion, and concern. Using the three phases of Triune or Triple Goddess (The Maiden, Mother and Crone) to highlight the different stages of a woman’s sexual change. The change is, of course, related to the hormonal shifts in a woman’s life. The most fascinating and unexpected topic to have discussed with my mum in my younger years would have been the aging process of sex.
Ah… forget it! It would never have happened, because being the version of the goddess before my mother, puts a different perspective on things. The older person knows, or at least can identify intimately or experientially, with aspects of the younger person’s situation. Whereas it is impossible for the younger person to know the feeling of being older, even if their maturity is developed enough to get the concept.
The Unexpected Topic
During the discussion, it became obvious two of my mother’s friends were still quite sexually active. This to me, while my husband mentioned the nursing homes are full of sexual activity, and therefore older people having sex is unsurprising.
The unanticipated matter doesn’t correlate with conversations I’ve had with various friends (mostly female/ some male) saying that sex was over-rated. It may seem this is due to menopause in the women and potentially the men with unusually high levels of estrogen in their bodies when they were younger. The loss of estrogen contributes to the lowering of libido (Harvard 2017).
I’ve noticed a drop even in myself, the drive for sexual activity has decreased – but not gone. Could the variance in sexual activity I’m hearing about in nursing homes and the comments of friends over the years be a generational thing? Or is it an age thing? Is it the belief that sex and love are one and the same thing? Either way, it’s too big a topic to cover in this post.
Mum’s Topic Twist
The most unexpected element of the discussion was on the one hand, my mother has a friend who appears to be a free-spirit when it comes to sexual morals (they’re in the 80s – to my mind they’ve earnt the right to be freer with them. Providing, of course, it’s between willing and consenting adults). On the other hand, she has a friend who is in an open marriage arrangement who would like to meet the other friend. You know, to … get it on.
Both my mother’s friends I know only through my mother’s conversations. What I don’t know is whether they ARE in open-style relationships. This is because, I’m unsure, whether my mother agrees with them. I suspect she might be okay with them. It’s more the FOMO (fear of missing out) aspect which is likely to prevent the two ever meeting through my mother.
Both parties are unreliable when asked to attend social events. Organising anything would be a headache for the organiser. Plus, my mum argues, if things don’t work out between the two, she may lose both friends. She’s not prepared to risk it, so they can have a dalliance. The two parties’ reliability could prove the undoing, especially since neither view themselves as unreliable.
Now the unexpected point that I got from the discussion with my mum was, nothing has really changed since the school yard!
Other stuff
I’ve decided that I need to get back to exercising and meditating. This means something must give. Perhaps this will mean that I need to get stricter with myself when it comes to writing the blogs. It may even mean, on occasion there will be a couple of dot points in lieu of a large “Context”.
Let’s see what the cards have to say!
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
Carry Over Cards
New Vision was the only card to carry over, it moved from Feelings into Hopes & Fears.
Analysis
The Burden influences Control which is in the Now position. Makes sense, I’m trying to wrest back some Control in my life by exercising and meditating and sadly this makes writing the blog at times, The Burden.
In the Goal position is Integration. Integration is exactly what I would like to do with exercise and meditation.
Distant Past position has Clinging to the Past. Clinging to the Past not letting other activities go is contributing to the Now.
In the Recent Past is Completion. Completion is probably referring to the relatively finished healing of what was my broken ankle. Only today, did I feel there weren’t many “pain” areas left, what remains is a bit of stiffness but there are no more seven or eight level pain aspects to the ankle, when stretching.
Future Energy holds the card of Maturity. This means looking at the options available to me and working how best to incorporate it into my daily routine. Alternatively, the blog may simply be the analysis expanded to apply to the relevant areas of my day.
The Feelings or Immediate Future position has the card of Understanding. Understanding is simply identifying the areas holding me back from integrating all the aspects I need to fulfil a work-life balance.
Others’ Views has The Dream card. Suggesting others probably know me better than I know myself and I’m unlikely (dreaming) to let stuff go because I want it all!
Hopes & Fears has the New Vision card which has carried over from yesterday’s Feelings position. New Vision has become my “yoga” card since Day 122 Doggy Yoga reading. Since, yoga is my preferred form of exercise, my hope is to be able to get time to get to it. My fear is the time is consumed by other activities. Coming from the Feelings position fits in nicely with the Hopes & Fears, since these too are feelings.
Receptivity is in the Outcome position. Indicating Maturity and Receptivity to a new approach may be the answer I’m looking for to meet my goal.
References
- Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
- Wiginton, P. Jan 2019, The Triple Goddess: Maiden, Mother and Crone, Learning Religions website, last viewed 6 May 2021
Harvard, 2017, Yes, you can have better sex in midlife and in the years beyond, Harvard Women’s Health Watch, last viewed 6 May 2021
