23 April 2021
Defensive Context
Today, I got defensive and said the wrong things. My thoughtlessness causes me anxiety as I fear I have put my cats in danger from the authorities.
Note, this page has a high chance of being was edited
Ever opened your mouth in response to something you should have been quiet on? These moments pepper my life. Getting defensive usually happens when I’m hurting underneath or disappointed by humanity from my point of view. Being backed into a corner is the prime environment for me to act defensively and lash out. The cycle then repeats; feel bad, alone, misunderstood, something is said to hit the wound, lash out defensively, regret the unkind words, and it’s back to feeling bad. Also, why do you think of the best comebacks after you’ve hung up!
Today, this reaction happened when the cat trapper rang back to advise that our cat was free and not caught in a trap. One thing in the discussion led to another, escalating my emotions, and he pointed to a fact that was missed in communications by council staff on several occasions. Cat owners need to know where their cats are at all times.
Following the discussion, guilt set in because if I’d not gotten defensive, things would have been okay. Instead, I painted a figurative bullseye on their backs by arcing up and revealing more than was necessary. Sometimes “less is more” should enter my head before I admit more. My thoughts and feelings are all over the place.
When the conversation was over, and I walked to the car to go back to work, I looked at the creek area, and it dawned on me the concern that cats would diminish the native wildlife. In the five years of both cats catching wildlife, they have not brought home any native wildlife. It’s true; if the cats roam, they may be getting up to this kind of mischief without us being aware.
Hindsight after Getting Defensive
Before getting in the car, still replaying the conversation in my head, I sat and stared unseeingly at the creek. Then it dawned on me that whoever had been clearing the stream with an earthmover would be causing damage to fauna. When was the concern for the local wildlife during the wholesale unbiased destruction of the creek? The very same stream the cats go hunting along. Where is the respect for birdlife when the trees, which provide homes for multiple bird species, are cut down behind us? Yes. I’m still defensive 😄.
The regular destruction of the creek bed and weedkiller may affect the various fauna in the area. More damage done to the wildlife than both our cats could do in their entire lifetimes! Now, it’s not because I don’t care about the native wildlife species – I do – but I call out the hypocrisy in the allegations. It’s just an excuse.
It’s so difficult not to get responsive. My husband does this so much better than me. By saying thank you instead of questioning the trap’s whereabouts, I could’ve avoided the situation. Then I got defensive and over shared, providing more information than he requested or needed. Thus, painting the figurate target. Previously, he was unaware, and now he’s aware. That’s something to meditate on.
Let’s see what the cards have to say!
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
Carryover Cards
Only one card carried over, Experiencing moved from the Feelings/ Immediate Future to the Influence position.
Analysis
Looking at the cards today, I wanted to regather and re-deal them. It would defeat the purpose of capturing how the cards move. So, the cards remained. Dark and foreboding until I could make sense of them.
Cross
Consciousness is in the Now with Experiencing as the Influence. These cards indicate I’ve been aware of the whole cat thing brewing in the background. It is simply an Experience highlighting an area for improvement.
The Goal position has the card of Schizophrenia. In my belief system, where you make decisions to create your Goals, how to manage the cats and their respective locations conflicts. This being in two minds is Schizophrenia, with the Goal being to drop both the desire to move and the need to cage the cats.
Going with the Flow is in the Distant Past, and perhaps I was too casual in response to some elements which required more attention.
It’s no surprise that Mind is in the Recent Past – Mind representing confusion. Today my Mind got involved where it shouldn’t have and potentially made things worse.
Future Energy has the card of Past Lives. There could be some part of Past Lives as in previous reincarnated lifetimes in play at the moment. Past Lives in the future! Okay, this is something that’s come up before (this lifetime) and looks like it’s going to continue.
Base
While over-sharing might be what I did, but there was a lot of my feelings let down. Looking back on the sentence, it’s Feelings of Suppression.
Others’ Views is that I want to be in or I have a fear of losing Control. Both of these views are true.
The Beyond Illusion card occupies the Hopes & Fears position. Beyond Illusion is the card of the transformed caterpillar to butterfly. I hope that the situation will change into something beautiful. I fear that there will be no transformation.
Finally, the Outcome position has the card of Rebirth. This issue is Rebirth, but somehow the Rebirth of this idea is still unknown.
References
- Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
