11 April 2021
Emotional Landmines Context
Today, I set out to spend the day with my sister and my mother, who had returned home. It was my mother’s birthday, and I needed to keep some life-life balance and not overwork myself. One of the things that, spending the day with my sister involved, was watching Married at First Sight (TV reality show). Which prompted questions like, what is it about people’s insecurities that trigger our emotional landmines? The emotional mines exploding is counterproductive because, instead of getting the warmth and support we crave, we push the others away from us?
For years I used to be afraid of watching shows like this for fear of being “tricked” into watching them for the entire season. Somewhere along the way, I was able to resist the lure.
It could be because several TV shows had successfully dragged me into its viewing sphere, only to be cancelled without resolution. It could just be that I no longer have enough free time on my own to devote to show watching.
Perhaps my concentration level is dropping because just getting through the ad break takes commitment. Nothing makes me feel like I’m wasting my life more than sitting through ten ads. I get it; without the ads, there would be no show. Just fewer would be nice.
Regardless of the trashy components of the show, it’s a lesson in the human dynamic, how people hurdle emotional landmines and personal character arcs. The question is, do people watching the show learn from their mistakes? Undoubtedly, one person on the show epitomises the traditional Hera archetype in being loyal to her man, but they’ve only just met. Strangely, I would have detested such blind appearing loyalty, but it’s a beautiful thing in some. Her composure, strength and vulnerability won me over.
Emotional Landmines
Of course, TV shows aren’t the only place where people get defensive and sensitive. Fighting, the Osho Zen tarot card reminds me of a person who has had figurative landmines implanted in their psyche so many that the slightest provocation could set one of the landmines off. Where a landmine once exploded is no longer triggerable, the ones in mind can simply reset. One exploding sometimes creates others in the same area to do the same, making it even more challenging to negotiate the mental terrain.
Friends & Tension Drivers
Close friends and family are rife with emotional landmines. For example, a couple of friends, Dorothea and Ivy, have an unusual relationship where each triggers the other’s emotional landmines. There was mutual respect; then, the relationship became strained when they decided to live together.
Alas, as can happen in some house sharing situations, one party feels they have been doing the lion’s share of the housework, and the resentment builds from there. Rather than going their way, incidents kept them together.
However, when Ivy met someone, they married and had a child. The relationship underwent subtle changes when it came to resentment. Dorothea, the elder, had two children of her own – now grown – she naturally thought she could provide advice on child-rearing.
Ivy, however, was reluctant to consult Dorothea, presuming that the child-raising of yesteryear was no longer applicable to the modern-day, and any assistance from Dorothea Ivy saw as an attack on her and her husband’s ability to parent.
From there, the tension grew as Dorothea perceived the pushback as a slur on her capability as a parent. The situation continued to hover in the background. The discussion of housework and Dorothea’s perceived hands-off approach to it was also a sticking point. Each was unwittingly prodding at each other’s sensitivities. “Sitting” between these two wonderfully strong women when one has set off the other’s landmines can at times be challenging, especially if each party would like you to win your opinion on something you wish to remain neutral about.
Interference Temptation
For many years, I let myself get emotionally drawn into the discussion; when it happened today, my tact in handling the situation changed on my mother’s birthday. Today, I doubt either party noticed that all I did was listen without input. My best plan was not to provide feedback for unintended fuel to trigger an emotional landmine.
It dawned on me that no amount of effort on my part had been adequate. Over the years, I’ve supported each side morally, played devil’s advocate (this never went down well), confidence building, assurances or mediating encouraged the growth or reflection needed on both sides for the flare-ups to stop.
The only thing I hadn’t done often was to listen to both their situations without getting involved with the “dance”. I’ve tried to listen but end up accused as the other person’s lackey. The situation frustrates me because both parties stand upon ipse dixit, or bare assertion, and not on provable facts. One person may have a better memory or better imagination, and I can add nothing to counter or support it.
For me, my fear of not having them as friends has possibly prevented me from going down this path before. There comes a time when the anxiety or sensitivity sets off your emotional landmine, and then it has to take a back seat in everyone’s life.
Other Family Fun
Moving away from emotional landmines, my sister, nephew, husband, and I decided to test out the putt-putt golf nearby and play a round in other activities. There was to be no scoring to eliminate the risk of a tantrum from the more competitive parties, and we had a pleasant afternoon putting around. While we were playing, we took the opportunity to apricate.
Yes, yes. Apricate was Susie Dent’s “word of the day” on 30 March, and I’ve wanted to use it ever since. It reminds me of “appreciate” but specifically applied to the moment of enjoying the sun’s warmth on your back.
Anyway, let’s see what the cards have to say!
Today's Cards
The Cards - Emotional Landmines Analysis
Carry Over Cards
Two cards have carried over from yesterday’s reading Projections which has moved from Hopes & Fears to Feelings and The Lovers which has moved from the Now position to the Outcome position.
Cross
Ordinariness is in the Now position influenced by Ripeness seems to indicate that the time was right to have a pleasant day. The Goal of Laziness supports the mission of just enjoying the presence of my sister and nephew being with us. Strangely aware that regular household chores would crumble a little. If you’ve read previous posts, especially ones where the card of Laziness has appeared, you’ll know that the Laziness card triggers an overzealousness in me to prove it wrong 😁.
Not so today. Being lazy was part of my Goal, and I was aware of the consequences – not that I knew the card would show up in this position because the reveal of the cards didn’t happen until the day was over. Nonetheless, I didn’t retrospectively stress over it.
Distant Past has Inner Voice which allowed Ordinariness to happen. All it took was the practice of Patience in the Recent Past.
The Future Energy card is Beyond Illusion, signifying a transformation of something that has been in the building or growing and then emerges into a butterfly (could this be the “letting go” of being actively supportive with Dorothea and Ivy?).
Base
The Feelings/ Immediate Future position has the Projections card and signifies that perhaps in trying to be actively supportive, I’ve been asserting some of my insecurities (?). Projections coming from yesterday’s Hopes & Fears position could seem very likely if it’s what I’m feeling today.
Others’ Views has the card of Suppression. It appears that my stepping back might be seen as me suppressing my opinion or support or that I’m not who I am. I might need to work on how it comes across.
Hopes & Fears has Participation. I hope that today’s non-scoring putt-putt golf showed Participation is what competition can be like even if you score. The fear is that something associated with the “losing or winning” pushes a personal emotional landmine in some.
The outcome has The Lovers, which has moved from yesterday’s Now – seeming to indicate that the teamwork of the day followed from yesterday. Indeed, it was a pleasant day once I let Dorothea and Ivy’s discourse take its course.
References
- Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
Reference words (Dent, Susie 2021, “Word of the Day”, Twitter)
- Ipse dixit – This is an example of ipse dixit (” He, himself, said it “), also known as the “‘bare assertion fallacy,”‘ a term used to identify and describe a sort of arbitrary dogmatic statement which the speaker expects the listener to accept as valid (26 March 2021)
- Apricate – 17th century: to revel in the warmth of the sun on your back (30 March 2021)
- Tarot Layouts, by month.
