11 March 2021
Context
Welcome to Day 70!
The day was quiet, I needed to recuperate from the swelling and took most of the day off work as per doctor’s orders. This was in part to put up my feet and to assess whether Louise Hay’s List in You Can Heal Your Life applies to my circumstances or whether it’s something else. Is it something I’m suppressing? Our minds are so playful at times, that we can kid ourselves into thinking we’re working on something but what we are really doing is deceiving ourselves. It’s handy to have access to books written by someone who has done some incredible work in this area themselves.
In my younger day, if somebody was selling something, I was petrified of buying into whatever was being sold. To counter this fear, everything got opposition first and accepted later. It was the Michaela equivalent of shoot first, ask questions later; except that shooting first was asking questions. The opposition was necessary because when getting excited over something, it would consume me until it had run its course (and annoy anyone within earshot after the first day). Not that this doesn’t happen today, it’s just there’s a sense of equilibrium and control about it – mostly. Even if the facade hasn’t quite changed with the times.
In Louise’s book, broken bones are “rebelling against authority” and ankle problems are “inflexibility and guilt. Ankles represent the ability to receive pleasure”. Remembering that day, the whole weekend had been wonderful and relaxing. To make this fit, the rebelling against authority might be the need to go back to work, where work was the “authority”.
Originally, the plan was for me to take the rest of the month off, reluctantly because of the new role, COVID restrictions and my sister being unable to visit as a result, I decided to cut my vacation short. Guess that kind of equals an inability to receive the pleasure of the full time off. Ironically, the time was still spent away from work because of a broken ankle, the work benefit and my enjoyment amounted to zero benefit all round. Next time it’s stick to my intuition!
So much easier said than done. How many more times in my life do I need to say that?! Following my intuition has gotten easier mostly, there are all those times when you try to logicalise the feelings away. By that time, you’re so confused you follow a decision you think was your intuition only to have it come unstuck or backfire. These moments make you question your first thought. Also, there are usually so many thoughts competing for attention the thought gets lost is a sea of other thoughts. It’s like the things which are on the tip of your tongue or the elusive thought that slips away before you can type it up 🙂.
The upside of today’s ankle elevation and rest is that my foot have reduced the swelling and the exercises are still causing pain. Yes. It’s an upside. The pain allows me to gauge how far I’ve got to go for the foot to heal. Hard to believe that it’s been eleven days since the cast was removed and I’m still in pain. Yes. There’s the little voice inside saying that I shouldn’t even be walking around without a moon boot on but I look at my other foot and wish, wish, wish for the tightness in the ankle to go away 😭.
Let’s see what the cards have to say!
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
The cards that have revisited are the Harmony and The Creator cards. Let’s look at The Creator. The Creator was in the Future Energy position on Day 069 and in the Goal position on Day 070.
Yesterday it was about The Creator enabling me to build my own destiny and today it’s a goal to do exactly that. Personally, I’m not 100% convinced that the two are related to each other, although it does seem to make a weird kind of sense.
Interestingly, Harmony has shown up in the Influence spot two days running suggesting the state of Harmony overshadowing me yesterday remains in place today.
Yesterday Harmony was influencing Courage and today it’s The Rebel. Reading across the two days, suggests it takes Courage to be The Rebel.
The Rebel is influenced by Harmony. Harmony in the Osho sense is about connecting and listening to one’s inner purpose and only by doing so is true harmony between the “two sides” identified in Schizophrenia yesterday, come together.
The Goal of The Creator is about taking an idea and making it a reality. Following on from what the Courage was for yesterday, part of the Goal is to make available mindfulness and meditation recordings. This would require a massive act of Courage on my part. It’s one thing to put it up in the safety of the organisation I work for, quite another on the open Internet, especially since there are so many beautiful sources available already.
The Rebel in this case would be bringing my individuality and personality to those sessions.
In the Distant Past is the card of Comparison. Comparison is something I’m constantly doing. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s not. The Osho text means it to apply to times when you compare yourself to others and perhaps find yourself falling short or more than your expectations. This is where, in the past most definitely, I see the impressive work by beautiful people and had decided not to pursue it.
Recently (Recent Past), that changed for me with Consciousness and a profound understanding received which is difficult to describe here. To narrow it down would be a disservice, yet… here I go to try It’s like a feeling of almost being the right time for me – those that need to hear it will hear it, those that don’t wont – simple!
The Future Energy card of Success looks promising. Thought I would jump onto the location where I posted the recording, and one person has re-listened to the session. That’s success for me.
In the Feelings or Immediate Future position is The Fool. The Fool is about the “leap of faith” and the beginning of a metaphorical journey. On the other hand, I could look at this card like I would feel like a fool for pursuing such an idea. The reason for the feeling would be because of Comparison in the Distant Past.
Oh, Others‘ Views position is so difficult for me to read or to write about. Others think that I am or have been in Suppression of my true inner self. It could be true, if they believe that the mindfulness recording went well, and I’ve been neglecting it.
Like when writing on Consciousness above, Hopes & Fears has the Ripeness card. The Ripeness card I Hope supports the me and the goal. The Fear is that I’ve waited or will wait too long, and the ripe (groan?) moment has passed.
The Outcome card is Experiencing. The Experiencing card is about the journey, not the destination. It’s a great Outcome card, it’s something to look forward to Experiencing a new phase without any particular goal except to follow my intuition.
References
- Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
- Hay, Louise L, You can heal your life, Hay House Inc, ISBN 1-561 70-628-0
