1 March 2021
Context
Welcome to Day 60!
In the world of no coincidences and in the world of healing emotions are relevant. Watching those emotions can provide some clues as to what has been the trigger for the injury in the first place. Sometimes, there are a LOT of emotions to wade through. Today for some inexplicable reason I chose to mourn the loss of Prince. That’s right, he passed away five years ago and today it affects me!
It’s not like I have heard his music or seen stuff about him. The unexpected grief for the passing of someone I didn’t even know hit me hard, today. I’ve listened to Prince’s music, seen Reactionists react to guitar legends do “While my heart gently weeps” tribute to George Harrison. None of these things over the past five years prepared me for today’s wave of loss.
In the crazy maze of my mind, I tend to look for how this relates to me and what’s going on in my life. Our lives are like our dreams, we are its protagonists, antagonists and directors of what we get. Frustrating and on a daily basis I make believe that it’s someone else making those decisions. That means these emotions although very real for Prince are but externalisations of me.
So, let’s take a look at the clues. Easy ones first, that’s timeframe. Prince died five years ago around this time. That means, that what I’m looking for happened about five years ago about this time? What emotions is the broken ankle bringing up in me? Restriction, in a physical sense but there is emotional expansion. What happened about five years ago that reflects the current situation?
Next question, what emotions am I feeling when I see or hear of Prince’s death, particularly his tribute to the passing of George Harrison? For me, it’s usually the loss of something or it’s something going away – it’s what always gets me crying in a movie. That vacancy of purpose, the beauty of what was. It’s very much wanting to hang on to the magic a little longer. There’s also some regret mixed in as well. Or more the loss of an opportunity to ever see Prince in concert.
This sounds daft but we got our two cats five years ago. We went from having the freedom to pick up and just go away for the weekend to being responsible for two beautiful kittens. This isn’t an uncommon phenomenon, people go from being single, to engaged to married to having kids in the blink of an eye sometimes. If appropriate celebrations haven’t occurred to mark the occasion, the loss might crop up in unexpected places.
As you can tell, it doesn’t have to be something unpleasant to trigger emotions of loss. Hens’ and stag events appropriately deal with the celebration of the last days of singledom. The outpouring of emotion the focus of the event all help in that letting go process so the emotion doesn’t sneak up on you later.
The loss was that of freedom where once we could just up and go away for the weekend without needing to think of the cats. Although, not a bad thing to happen, the sudden change prompted by the impromptu adoption of two kittens, is similar to grief and requires respect.
If you’re like me and go from one enthusiasm to another enthusiasm, or new shiny thing to new shiny thing, not giving yourself to realise that each new shiny thing leaves something behind, eventually the cumulated loss will call on you to reflect those losses. Sometimes, it’s in the form of tears in a movie, at other times its the loss of a celebrity, but the emotion will need releasing. If you’re not an emotional person it may come out as unexpected frustration and anger to others.
Now, I don’t think that my ankle solely reflects the loss of freedom from having to look after kittens. There’s a whole lot more going on, like the change of job, the uncertainty of retirement or when that retirement should happen, the creation of the website and its launching into public space – just to name a couple of things all directional.
The next thing to mourn is the loss of the cast. Not until it was removed today did I realise that it had afforded me a degree of protection. While the cast was on, my leg/ ankle could take a few knocks without me getting too anxious if I put my foot on the ground. There were also the protections and space it gave me to think, work from home and even take some health days (I like calling “sick” days health days, after all I’m taking the day off to become healthy not to become sick – I get why they call them sick days. Thought I’d try it the other way around for a time 🙃).
Let’s see what the cards have to say!
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
In the Now position is the Thunderbolt showing a massive shift in the physical state of being – sometimes, this is a change in job, house or in my case a move from cast on to cast off! Thunderbolt is Influenced by Clinging to the Past and as the above is all about Clinging to the Past and the removal of the cast, I think the cards are on point.
The Goal position has the Exhaustion card which is more a state of being rather than a Goal. Perhaps, it’s a sense that today’s changes were likely to come with Exhaustion. Exhaustion could also come from Sharing our house with my father-in-law and his wife. Again, it’s not because of their visit it’s because it has been difficult to do anything in a social context with the cast on.
Trust is exactly what needed to happen when you have a vibrational saw come at your leg and cut through the cast. The woman at the hospital was really good, comfortable and confident in her expertise there was nothing for me to do except Trust.
Moving on from the fallout left by the Thunderbolt of change is Silence. It’s like the Silence after a storm. Peaceful, calm and if it weren’t for the tell tales signs of where the storm had been you wouldn’t have guessed there had been one. This will be a nice way to move forward I think.
In the meantime, full recovery will require Patience on my part. Apart from the advice given it is also something reflected in my Feelings. To put this in context, before the cast was removed I’d been putting pressure onto the broken ankle (not weight – just pressure) when I’ve been on the toilet.
When standing I’d been using it to balance (again no weight). Within the cast, I was slowly and in a controlled manner pushed my heel against the bottom of the cast. The aim was to try and keep up the strength so the transition would be easier and I could walk sooner, if not immediately.
Once the cast came off, I realised that I would need to take this part more slowly than anticipated. Patience is certainly something I am prepared to exercise at this point.
In Others’ Views I’m not sure where the Politics come into play. Nor where it might be have been perceived that I had an ulterior motive for something. Sorry. Not even a glimmer, but I did interact with a lot of people today, so it’s possible.
The Hopes and Fears card has echoes of the Thunderbolt card with the Mind card. My Hope is that the emotions that are simply a result of today’s activities. The Fear is that it is something else that I need to look at.
Not unexpectedly, the Outcome position has the card of Healing and it signifies that healing will manifest itself in all areas of me, not just the physical. Resolves are on their way.
References
Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
Prince, Tom Petty, Steve Winwood, Jeff Lynne and others — “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”, George Harrison Tribute.
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