28 February 2021
Context
Welcome to Day 59!
My day started with me being queasy, the same as one of my guests yesterday. The day was spent staying indoors with our good friend, Pity. Fortunately, we found a relaxing neutral show on Netflix called Good Witch. It wasn’t loud and didn’t compete with anyone’s ability to communicate. It suited the herbal tea and plain biscuits we were consuming.
On my mind was the cast removal day tomorrow. I’m anxious. There are so many fears playing around in my head, all of which are unfounded. There’s also the “hurry up” and get it over with! Questions plague me: will the cast stay on? Is it coming off? How will they take the cast off? How much weight will I need to put onto it? At the hairdressers, the manager was excited at the prospect of moving from one crutch to no crutches for eight weeks! Two crutches and cast, one crutch with moon boot, no crutches and moon boot… whaa..t? Everyone has such a different tale to tell. All I know is that the best case scenario I’ve heard of has been twelve weeks from break.
Moving from one form of agony to one I haven’t noticeably experienced. Everyone I’ve spoken to has commented on times when itchiness inside the cast has been unbearable. It’s why right from the start, there have been warnings about not putting things down the cast. At what stage is this meant to happen? To-date, I’ve had a couple of itches but I’ve had worse when on Vipassana meditation retreats, when you get to the day in the retreat where you try not to move to become comfortable. At those times, you definitely learn that the itch passes.
Perhaps, meditation discipline helped overcome the times I’ve been itchy under the cast or it really didn’t get bad. Maybe it will be during the moon boot phase. Wonder if you can take the moon boot on and off regularly – they look removable. Did I not get itchy because I hadn’t waxed my legs for about six months before the slip? (It’s true!). That doesn’t make sense, men have spoken about unbearable itchiness too. Oh no! What is my leg going to look like, hair wise, when the cast is removed? How badly will the peeling be? Just when the peeling toes were finally starting to look reasonable.
Way too many questions! I know. Where did all the questions come from? No wonder I’m queasy. Just writing them down has made me realise, I’m more concerned than I’ve believed myself to be. We’re here! My ankle has healed and cast removal is about to get real! Oh, how I hope the ankle has healed. Work, housework, yard work and less rest 🙁. Am I ready?
Let’s see what the cards have to say!
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
Now is Understanding that The Dream has had an Influence on me. The Goal of Inner Voice means listening to what is right for you without reference to anyone else. Distant Past of a Thunderbolt saw a change in physical circumstances forcing an emotional and metaphysical shift to create the Recent Past of Breakthrough. From Thunderbolt’s push for a Breakthrough in Understanding to generating an environment for Experiencing life from a different perspective.
Understanding that we are The Creator and that the Thunderbolt was generated by us to develop that Understanding. Others’ Views of the circumstances and coming through the experience is that of Success. Our Hopes and Fears are Projections and both our Hope and Fear are not necessarily the reality of what is. The Outcome of Past Lives suggests that Understanding will show the situation to have deeper roots than the recent past.
Translation against my day.
While I have a crude Understanding of what to expect when the cast is removed from the broken ankle, there is a part of me that wishes for me to get up and walk immediately. There is also a part of me which thinks there will be an eternity in a moon boot. The bit where I can walk away relates to that “happily ever after” of The Dream.
The Inner Voice card is for me to trust myself when it comes to my healing process.
When it comes to the Distant Past position and the Thunderbolt card I’m interpreting this as the same event just spawning multiple changes in different areas. Have you ever had the notion of tidying up the spare room, only to realise there’s a domino effect like needing to tidy the garage, and before that needing to empty the garage of rubbish and taking it to waste or recycling?
Well, this can also happen on a mental and/ or internal level of healing. Before you can heal what’s actually wrong you need to heal some of the areas that are possibly less important, but underpin the area you need to tackle. As previously stated, the my broken ankle was a symptom or external manifestation of a crossroads situation with respect to what I want to do with my life as I get closer to retiring. Thunderbolt can refer to both the cause and the symptom which are, in this case, interchangeable.
In the Recent Past, I’ve had a Breakthrough. The Breakthrough was the realisation that I have time to make that decision and I am able to have both. The directions are not mutually exclusive, they are able to happen either sequentially or concurrently. Although knowing this, the ankle break gave me the time to look at and sort through the issue – possibly on a subconscious level because I can’t tell you when I resolved the issue. As the healing continues I can attest that the new direction is a little difficult to manage at present but I’m confident things will get easier.
So, by Understanding this aspect of change and healing I can move into the Future Energy of simply Experiencing the change and fully appreciated the change with fascination.
Understanding that I was The Creator on a metaphysical level does not absolve the local council for their lack of anti-grip material or at least a warning that the steps were slippery. The sign may have given me pause long enough to weather the moment of “existential crisis” and potentially avoid the extended healing I am now experiencing.
Others’ Views I’m going to pick those in the household at present and believe that getting the cast off is a milestone and a measure of Success. It’s been hard fought and comes with a temporary celebration.
Hopes & Fears being Projections. There have been a lot of people projecting their experiences on to me and my circumstance. Indeed, I have done likewise many times. My fear is that some of the more horrific components will come to pass. The flip side of that is that I hope my experience is not a combination of them.
The Outcome of the situation is interesting because it has the card of Past Lives moving forward suggesting that there are still some things unresolved.
References
Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
