26 February 2021
Context
Welcome to Day 57!
My father and I had a complicated relationship. Today would have been my father’s birthday. He passed away about five years ago. It’s taken me several attempts to write of my feelings about him. Yes, I loved him and it’s also a yes for I hated him. Toward the end of his life, I felt more centred around him and less like I lost myself with him. I used him as my barometer to see how effective my meditation and mindfulness practises were. Initially, it wasn’t very long.
Over time and with practise, the length of composure became more and more effective as the parental triggers, put in place when I was younger, no longer had the desired effect. This helped unearth triggers that had been hidden, like landmines placed in unexpected locations of my soul. Yes, it was probably because we were so alike. Was that the result of parental influence, his ability to gaslight, or were we alike innately. Darn, that’s the whole nature versus nurture thing, which I’m going to avoid at this point.
Getting into the memories of my father is a very long and complex story, which I will write about one day. For now, suffice it to say that I am having a wide range of emotions on the topic. This post was initially called “Memories”, because I had hoped to write to some experience or other on something which I had learnt from my time while exposed to my father. Interactions with him were certainly opportunities for personal growth.
Moving back to work, a lot of progress was made. On Day 055, a situation arose where there was fallout from something that I hadn’t finalised properly six months ago. From the fallout, I made a commitment to get something in place by the end of the week. Today is the end of the week. A solution has been substantially documented, the next step is to get the components into the relative areas while “delegating upward” on the issue that caused the stop last time.
While putting the solution in place, it became apparent that there were a number of existing areas which were going to benefit once the new process was in implemented; it wasn’t confined to just to my project. Now that feels like job satisfaction.
Let’s see what the cards say!
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
From the Now position of Maturity there lies the potential of No-thingness, with the Goal of having to pursue Politics, when in the Distant Past I was open to Receptivity. In the Recent Past of Turning In I was able to form the Future Energy of The Lovers.
Okay, this is how this looks to me: I have learnt and matured both in knowledge and self-assurance in the last six months to reach a point of Maturity. My Maturity is Influenced by the blank slate of opportunity and potential to make whatever I want to happen come to fruition. To make my mission a reality I will need a Goal of handling the Politics of the situation carefully.
The Distant Past showing the card of Receptivity is most likely when I embraced the opportunity of an unexpectedly receiving a new position (same money, different role). If it weren’t for the new role, the Maturity I needed to complete the solution satisfactorily might not have happened.
Day 055’s incident of an IT officer suffering in part because of me caused a Turning In. A meditation on what needed to be done in order to get the solution across the line.
Although The Lovers card is in the Future Energy position, I can tell just from comments received about some of the automated changes, that it will create an environment of mutual respect, understanding, and harmoniously working individuals.
Day 055’s Feeling position had the card of Awareness, which represents the tantalising thought. Today’s is Consciousness which is a full awareness of the situation, it’s the mature state of awareness come from a Rebirth experience.
Others’ Views are that of Projections where they believe that I’m wearing the guilt of a situation not fully my own. Okay, I have no real basis on how to interpret this card. Whatever I’m feeling, I believe is me projecting my hopes, fears, successes and failures upon others. This is too close for me to be able to discern which it is exactly.
The Hopes & Fears is easy because what is required for Politics to succeed and Maturity to hold is Courage. The approach I’m using could be misinterpreted if not handled carefully. My biggest fear is that the solution goes nowhere and causes more frustration.
The Rebel is the Outcome. While the method to putting the solution in place is a little unconventional, the process itself isn’t unusual. The Rebel is about the unconventional bit, and that’s the bit unique to me.
References
Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
