20 February 2021
Context
Welcome to Day 51!
It was a quiet day without experiments! At least those that test the physical capability of a broken ankle. There is an idea kicking around in my brain that is just sitting there waiting to be picked but I just can’t reach it. It’s like having something on the tip of your tongue but you just can’t quite identify its exact shape. Hopefully, it won’t go away because it hasn’t been grasped.
The day was pretty quiet expect for a call from long time friend, Chantelle. Chantelle and I caught up and spoke. It was lovely. Conversation with her is always easy and her perspective on life keeps me constantly questioning my current stance on things. It’s not that we agree on things. Sometimes we do and sometimes we don’t. If we all thought alike we’d be robots. The difficulty relies on each of us keeping our need for approval from those we love in check.
There seems at times to be no greater desire than to belong in a community or group that accepts you for who you are. Even if we don’t know who we are! This is even more so when it comes to family and friends. It’s that whole acceptance thing.
When we misspeak or realise we’re out of alignment we can feel guilty. This could be for no other reason than perhaps the person you’ve been speaking to pauses a moment too long. You know that they have just realised that they’re on a different side of an issue to you. But out of respect for each other, you both wrangle your inner need to make the other person understand your perspective. It can be hard work when you’re out of step.
Sometimes, my mother levels the accusation of, “why are you never on my side?!” at me. I’m not sure why it is, but this happens to me quite a lot. It’s frustrating having independent thoughts that conflict with those you love. This probably applies to everyone. How did we wind up with that weird juxtaposition?
When independent thoughts align with our own values it’s even worse. The chances of misspeaking are greater, and if you have the courage of your values, mix in a passionate nature, ego and different personal histories it’s a recipe for conflict. No wonder wars have littered mankind’s past.
It’s hard! If you don’t want to make waves or cause wars – even little social or family ones – you tend to follow the path of least resistance or try to become THE PATH of least resistance. Chances are we are suppressing who we are for fear of recrimination or ostracism. Do we want to avoid adversity because it’s a form of self-preservation? Or is it because it’s the path more frequently trodden? I’ve found meditation helpful in finding my balance and not suppressing who I am (most times).
Anyway, let’s see what the hards had to say about today.
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
Integration sits in the Now position. Given the perspective today, Integration is about dealing with the two sides of myself that hold opposing perspectives but need to be able to fit together somehow.
Transformation sits in position two, the Influence position. Transformation is the card that in other decks is known as Death. In a sense, it’s the moment when you move from one state of being to another. It’s going from seeing, hearing or feeling something that you know you cannot un-experience. Thus the Integration that is occurring cannot be unintegrated in the future. Like ingredients in a cake, disassembling the cake into its original parts is not possible once the cake has been cooked.
In the Goal position is Ripeness. It’s time for my perspective to change and the opportunity for an idea sitting on the edges to make its way to the fore.
The Distant Past has Morality in position four. Morality is the card that wants everything done properly and doesn’t let a child go without brushing their teeth or without a bath for a day (or two!) to save the battle. Looking back at parts of myself, I have certainly and still am in some respects quite set in my ways. Is it possible to be set in your ways about trying to be open-minded.
In position five of the Recent Past is Intensity, and means doing things your own way. This card looks dynamic and is spearheading with clarity at the head. Roadblocks pale into the distance by comparison.
The Future Energy card is Guilt. When I recognise that I have misspoken I feel guilty. The Guilt card is appropriate. Guilt is not a productive emotion if left festering. If you can channel the guilt into learning what about yourself feels guilty or better still what makes you react to a situation that makes you do something to feel guilty in the first place, that’s at least making use of guilt.
Feelings toward Intensity is reflected in position seven and has the card of Abundance. Having the idea makes me feel more alive, makes something that was a struggle perhaps have an avenue of relief. It’s even money based, something that aligns with my morals and values!
Other People’s Views is that my Intensity looks like an Adventure. The venture becomes and Adventure! My husband has had to chauffeur me around, where normally he would get a few moments to for himself with the PS5. He’ll be glad when I can drive again. Initially at least, he sees the journey as an Adventure!
The Hopes & Fears position has Exhaustion. The problem with new ideas that require physical effort or effort on my part is that sometimes adding the work required to give birth to a new idea is exhausting. My Fear is that I will hit Exhaustion at all levels of my being in the form of burnout by pursuing the idea. My Hope is to avoid such and the effort will be less than I fear.
The Outcome has the card of The Outsider. The very description of the card tells you that at times we all feel like outsiders. If only we’d accept the one truth and eliminate the other, we’d be happier. I cannot be the fox in Aesop’s fable of Fox and the Grapes all the time. The matter of changing or reinventing one’s truth no matter how much I long to be accepted just doesn’t work at times.
Thus, The Outsider card was created by Osho, for everyone will at some point not be unable to change in order to be accepted. Fortunately, at times we are willing to do so because the moment is ripe for us to do so.
