Day 048 – Clarity of Mind

Welcome to Day 48!

Today was the first day of taking advice from the cards.  Yesterday’s Schizophrenia and No-thingness cards left an impression.  I needed to pull myself together.  Being viewed as sorrowful and expressing my overwhelmed impression, while productive for me was detracting from those around me.  If I needed to speak to someone, the office provides access to specialists to help deal with stress and mental health management.  That’s where my attentions should have been directed.

Unable to sleep because of a restless leg with a cast. An upside of technology is that access to the following day’s events was easy.  There was a lot on but regardless of all of that there was nothing immediate in the morning.  An email to the boss to let him know of my whereabouts and estimated time of “arrival” (online) was sent. This was the controlled letting go of everything.

It’s amazing what a difference it made.  There were tasks on the home front that needed doing and they got done – mostly. At some point, some of the work dilemmas seemed to have solutions and the fogginess that had been hanging around was lifting.

Guess what?!  I meditated today!.  On went the Headspace app and selected a 20 minute meditation. Okay, it was a “tipple” of meditation and it was semi-guided.  As expected, the mind was a little raucous, after all its had free rein for the past couple of weeks.  

As you may remember, the roadblock that to meditation was that sitting cross-legged with a cast meant meditating couldn’t happen.  We know that was “baloney”.  However a solution had to be found; it was one leg in the half-lotus position while the other lay straight.  Instead of the floor, meditation happened on the bed.  It worked and satisfaction was the reward.  

By mid-morning, the mental fogginess being experienced had cleared.  Now, in the spirit of oversharing, my pee was smelling better too. That can only mean that the “Bone” stuff had left my system.  Thank goodness!  Such concentrated meat protein into a body unused to this density for 26 years was probably asking too much of the body. 

It was this clarity of mind that prompted the realisation that, last time such high doses of protein were consumed and although vegetarian in nature caused erratic moods.  The promise of a diet high in protein and low in carbs to lose weight had the reverse effect on my body. It was a key lesson in, what works for someone else may not work for you. 

I was so disappointed that my body couldn’t become an automatic “weight loser”.  Even after four months of trying I couldn’t make it work. You’d think that the lesson would’ve been learned.  That’s what you get for trying to accelerate the thing that will simply need time. 

There are only 12 days before the anticipated cast removal.  I’m super keen to commence the next stage of healing – some have said it’s the moon boot and physio. Bring it on!  I know, I know … this is what’s known as wishing your life away.  My argument to that is that, that only applies if you solely focus on that single point without living your life in between.  That is definitely not my intention!  After all there is a some fun in wheeling backwards on an office chair down the hall to see how fast you can go *smile*.

Let’s see what the cards had to say.