16 February 2021
Context
Welcome to Day 47!
It appears that yesterday’s too much work wasn’t enough. The increase in work today seemed insurmountable and at times, I simply wanted to cry. My mind felt like a deep fog. Only toward the end of the day did I realise that this is from the bone healing stuff I’ve been drinking. And no, I didn’t meditate like I promised. Procrastination is a middle name I consider adopting!
The mood reflecting how I felt in my teens and twenties seemed to be back. I went through something similar a few years ago when the high protein and low carb diet was first entering everyone’s awareness in a big way. So, I thought I would try it.
For four months I was in agony. My stomach bloated, my moods were all over the place. Flatulence was frequent and embarrassing and I was constantly constipated. Although I wasn’t on any meat proteins, my system just couldn’t process that much protein. For me, weight went on rather than off even with daily exercise and being incredibly “good”.
Within two day of stopping I was able to regulate my moods better and my mind started to become clearer. This time, it was with the Bone. It’s not the objection to the product, it’s just that my body isn’t able to cope with such a spike in my gelatine intake. With the induced sluggishness resulting from the consumption, it took me a whole day to realise that that’s been part of the problem with my moods.
The other, of course, is late nights, broken ankle and stress *smile*. The only real “mood” influencer for me was the “bone”. The rest is almost business as usual. Hopefully, Day 48 will see things settle down and my mind become clearer. Then, I might see how what my work stack really looks like. Hopefully, it’s just a mountain out of a molehill.
If the view is the same, then I will need to give up something. It will take courage to surrender some work. Surrendering to courage isn’t easy. It means letting go of fear and leaning in. Most times I’m quite good at this. In my current mood, I may just wind up in a heap on the floor and yet that would take some courage too. Instead, I’ll sit in limbo forever – nah. Forever’s way longer than my attention span.
Aside from that the day flew by just as quickly as yesterday did and the cats were still demanding my lap and attention. Perhaps they’ve been sensing my anxiety and purring on my lap will make it all better. You know, it kind of does make it better. They do create an obstacle between me and the keyboard. *smile*
Let’s see what the cards have to say!
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
The Now and one position has the card of Conditioning. The picture is of the lion surrounded by sheep who are telling the lion it is a sheep. There’s obviously some self-interest in the sheep’s story. Fundamentally, something’s got to change. There’s only so long you can stop yourself from outgrowing your skin.
In the Influencer and second position is The Rebel. The Rebel is about breaking rules and taking control of the situation in a way that works for you. It makes sense that The Rebel would be influencing a change to the way things are being done. Breaking out of the chains and breaking out of a false image, which has served well up until now are, in this case complementary.
Mind sits in the Goal which is position three. Mind, as you can tell from the multiple fires all over the person’s head, the junk that’s on the mind, behind the person’s face says confusion. It shows potential to hold a lot of things in the mind yet they are all unimportant. Clearing them out is something that the Mind card encourages. Clarity of thought, clear the mental clutter.
Traveling is in the Distant Past and position four. I started off writing this line with, “I’m not sure where the Traveling comes from or how it has relevance”, but I worked out how it fits. It still stems from our weekend break when I broke my ankle. That incident is influencing my mood at the moment, it has me thinking about it constantly. It has me second guessing myself and wondering what on earth I should be doing with my life.
That too, translates to wanting to break free of the Conditioning, which appears to be how I go about working. With the impairment, of course, I need to think differently about everything.
The Recent Past and position five has the Receptivity card. Receptivity indicates that I have been open to new ideas and new ways of doing things. Possibly, in this case to my detriment. It has also made me open to new ways of working. It made me realise that I need to start running the new role, not in the way I’ve always done it, nor in the way that others do it, but my way of managing me and others. (Not sure how that came across, but I felt that it was a great motivational paragraph *smile*).
Future Energy position six has the Participation card. Participation is all about getting involved in life and seeking assistance. Makes sense, just need to get the Courage up to talk about what I want and need.
In position seven of Feelings is the Schizophrenia card. It’s exactly how I feel about holding the two sides of what I’m doing at work together. The solution, according to the Osho book, is to let go of both. As long as you’re holding both things you don’t have room for anything else.
Holding it together for the moment is okay, you’re better off doing a controlled letting go rather than having it forced upon you for being unreceptive. That could cause an the issue where you are doing more damage yourself than in the letting go. Basically, its saying surrender both aspects and start again.
The Other People’s Views of me and position eight is occupied by Sorrow. In reading this one, I’m going to guess (sadly) that most people are NOT seeing “enlightenment through tears” but instead someone who is really struggling. I get that. Especially, if they see the struggle I’m having holding everything together (Schizophrenia).
Position nine is Hopes & Fears and contains the card of Courage. In order for me to break Conditioning and follow my own rules, as suggested by The Rebel, I’m going to need Courage. In simple terms today, I Hope I have Courage and Fear that I don’t have it in me.
Where Schizophrenia is the card that advises surrender so you can start anew, No-thingness suggests the blank slate. So, It looks like I might be taking that advice because that’s exactly the card in the Outcome position.
No-thingness is about potential and creativity. It’s the empty glass awaiting filling, or the blank slate awaiting the creator. No-thingness‘s potential is a result of the letting go of both sides. How will it come about? By choosing or by force? Most likely it will happen as a result of choosing to talk with others. Participation, anyone?
Looks like the Outcome is positive. Can’t wait for tomorrow!
References
Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
