Day 034 – Postponing the moment

The first card out is Ordinariness in the Now position.  That’s interesting, since yesterday’s first card out was Ordinariness.  This means it is a continuation of the peaceful, restful state of finding comfort in routine and the known.  Looking at the day’s plan, that’s all about getting back to work.

The second card is that of Totality and is in the Influencer position.  It’s about total surrender to the process of embracing the Ordinariness of the day.  There is the chance that Totality could apply to a distraction. In which case an ordinary day could wind up not being so peaceful or ordinary.

The third position of the Goal has the card of Traveling.  The Traveling card can be a big or small trip.  In Coronavirus world a trip to the local shops can count as Traveling.  Where in pre COVID-19 days Traveling might mean visiting exotic destinations by jumping on a plane or going further afield than the local pharmacy or department store.  

My travel plans are for tomorrow’s visit to the dentist and to the laser clinic.  At present, I’m using invisible aligners to correct the alignment of a couple of teeth which have been crowding my mouth.  There’s one in particular which had looked dangerously close to being pushed out completely.  The horror of what follows was reflected in the little teeth my father had left at 80.  Hopefully, with a better diet and better dental health I can avoid the same fate.  

The disadvantage of using aligners is that they make me purse and tense my upper lip more than usual.  To resolve this, my solution was to get either some filler or some botox injected into the area while I’m using the aligners.  Aiming to counteract the pursing effect of the aligners.   

Incidentally, up until recently I’ve secretly (or maybe not so secretly) have thought botox only useful for appeasing one’s vanity.  Okay.  That is until I found out that Zezee’s  husband needs botox injections to manage the pain in his head he got from a car accident.  Another friend Sue needs it for bladder control.  Who would have thought.  Actually, it was probably being used for those medical reasons before it had benefits in vanity appeasement.

For me however, there’s definitely a bit of vanity, but the additional pursing is really quite uncomfortable.  If I were younger in my 20s, 30s or 40s I probably wouldn’t give two hoots. The reality is that I am not in any of those age groups and the tension is something I am noticing and it affects me and my mood.  

Traveling to both these locations and the logistics is playing on my mind.  Especially, since my husband will be dropping me off at the laser clinic because he has to go to work as soon as possible after the dentist. His boss is going on vacation and the ritual handover of activities needs to be passed on to those that will be manning the fort while the boss is away.   The dentist visit was already pushing the boundaries but it is more necessary for both of us.

Distant Past has the card of Past Lives and is the fourth card to be dealt.  Since we haven’t been to the dentist in a long time, the very Ordinariness of visiting the dentist becomes something we both need to commit to (Totality) – even if we don’t want to go.  

Past Lives with respect to immersing myself back at work, sadly brings back all the activities you were working on before you went on vacation.  Let’s face it after being away for almost six weeks, it feels like a lifetime ago!  

Recent Past is the fifth position and is occupied by Participation. Participation is about getting involved with life and its activities.  Since today is about routine activities such as work, it was fully about connecting with people to get back into the swing of frustration, team work and accomplishment.

The Future Energy position has the card of Control in position six. Is it me, or is this card popular at the moment.  Rigid, rule following, boundary setting are all elements of the Control card.  They are part of what I love about working in and on projects.  Projects come to me in a mess like someone has tipped out a junk box full of odds and ends.  It is then up to me to tackle the odds and ends and assemble it in some sort of order.  This is also known as Control and is what I do to appease my inner authoritarian. 

Somehow I don’t think this is about that kind of Control.  Sometimes it means that my inner authoritarian is challenged in other ways.  Circumstances that trigger parts of my: need to be liked, respect for my skills or question the value of my contribution also trigger a Control response from me.  

I don’t like it when it does, it messes with my inner balance and destroys the part of me that likes to go with the flow and use gentle redirection to accomplish what others use hardline tactics to achieve.  More frustratingly, why do I care what others think?  Apart from the fact that it is messes with my; feelings of security, predictability for shelter, food and love *smile*. Eh… the fears have usually been unsubstantiated.

When I am unable to resolve that issue – remember that fight, flight or freeze response I have – well I “freeze” by postponing the issue.  This I hope it will resolve itself and it will go away.  As childish and as immature as that may sound, it does sometimes work.  However, it’s not postponement at that point its strategic.  However, when fear is involved it’s Postponement. There’s definitely fear involved. 

Fittingly, Postponement is in position seven of Feelings.  Osho refers to Postponement as stupid.  And although I know it is, the appearance of the Postponement card seems to indicate that I haven’t yet learnt how not to postpone it yet.  It’s certainly what I want to do about the dentist visit tomorrow!  You’re right in thinking that that would be a mistake.

Other People’s Views is position eight and has the card Moment to Moment in it.  this is the second card to show in the same position as yesterday.  Even if yesterday’s Moment to Moment was an out of sequence selection it seems to mean that those views of me haven’t changed.  For this reason, I thought it prudent to send my boss an email of what exactly I’ve been up to for the last couple of days.   It’s what I’d want if I were a boss.

In the Hopes & Fears position is The Source and it’s the ninth position in the layout.  The Source is about stripping everything back and finding out what you’re made of.  The hope of this card is that I have the courage to face all my challenges tomorrow: dentist, getting around on the broken ankle for the longest time since the ankle has been encased, going to see a laser clinic and having to make my way home without my husband’s assistance.  My fear is that the whole scenario seems a little daunting.

The Outcome position is position ten and has the card of Suppression.  For me this card confirms that the Control card will challenge some of the more emotional aspects.  Suppression is a natural reaction that is more on the “flight” side of the spectrum than freeze or fight end (freeze being the exact centre between fight or flight).  Instead of relaxing and believing in my source or core I cover and suppress it.  Thus, unwittingly perpetuating the insecurity which gets triggered. 

That’s it for today. Until tomorrow when we see if I managed to get over the hurdles.