Soul Searching

Day 013 – Betty, Dobby, Transforming a New Vision

13 January 2021

Celtic Cross Layout of daily cards.1 is Now, card is Compromise. 2 is Influence, card is No-thingness. 3 is Goal, card is Conditioning. 4 is Distant Past, card is Participation. 5 is Recent Past, card is Schizophrenia. 6 is Future Energy, card is Transformation. 7 is Feelings, card is Adventure. 8 is Others’ views, card is Possibilities. 9 is Hopes & Fears, card is Inner Voice. 10 is Outcome, card is New Vision.

Dobby & Betty Context

My plan for today started simply, and I was going to work on the Celtic Cross Layout, record it and post it on a separate info page.  Putting the layout up on the website was transforming a new vision into reality. First, I would need to learn how to do some of those things.  Luckily, I enjoy learning.  I also wanted to upload my logo at the very least so that the tab you see at the top in your search engine shows my little logo.  

“Moltke, the Elder” has been quoted as saying, “no plan survives contact with the enemy” (Wikipedia) and for me, “today” was the enemy.  The morning usually began enough, but by 9:30-10:00 am, I discovered a cowering mouse beneath the water bowl.  The bowl has a mouse-sized hole which before now I had not thought of as a mouse hole. 

Dobby and the Mouse

It was most likely brought in by Dobby (cat number 2) because it was alive.  After a few seconds of thinking, I managed to trap the mouse.  Valentine (cat number 1), our other cat, with more of a killer instinct, was attempting to get at the mouse trapped in a clear upside-down Tupperware lettuce container (the one’s with holes).   

To prevent the creature from being harassed, I needed to grab a brick – I hadn’t quite worked up the courage to try and move the mouse if I lifted the container and it escaped.  Then I’d be in an even bigger pickle!  Long story short, this mouse stayed where I captured it and at the back of my mind all day, exuding a subtle tension.  Kill it or let it go.  Where do I let it go?  Am I then potentially unleashing a plague upon the suburb?  

Will the mouse go from being a hunted creature (birds, snakes, lizards, cats all eat mice) to a dominant species with humanity shifting the local ecosystem?  Okay.  So, I’m overthinking it just a little. It’s the whole “earthquake happens if a butterfly flaps its wings” thing.

Transforming a New Vision of an Old Friend

Then a spot of lunch. After lunch, I got a most welcome phone call from a friend, who here I will simply call Betty for writing purposes. It’s a safe name for me because I don’t know anyone called Betty at the moment. Betty and I haven’t spoken in ages.  At the outset, I got the impression Betty was having a glass of wine during our chat.  Having a drink is not uncommon amongst my friends to have a glass of wine and conversation. 

So, we pleasantly discussed COVID-19 (Corona Virus), its isolation impacts, the US election, its results, along our hopes and fears.  We talked a bit about physical aches, pains, getting older, her dog, her niece, her country of origin and relationships with husbands and people in general.  A couple of emotional teary starts on Betty’s part, but she assured me she was okay.  

Somewhere, I must have missed a cue.  Maybe it was the talking to an old friend, the inability of connecting when perhaps the cabin fever began to show. The conversation went from lightness to a profound probe question of, “who are you, Michaela?”.  The conversation went from, “I miss you and you guys (our other friends) so much” to “I’ve just wasted two hours of my time talking to someone I don’t know and what I’ve learned in all my years is that I have choices and I no longer choose to speak with you”.  It was the blink of an eye.  Ouch!  Betty then put the phone down – not hung up.  

Shock as Transformation Hits Me

The suddenness stopped me in my tracks. In the professions dealing with the psyche, they would probably argue people go to the extremes of the fight or flight response when shocked.  When confronted with an uncertain situation, I can’t decide whether to fight or take flight.  The centre of that spectrum is “freeze”.  I didn’t lash out with harsh words as I might have once, nor did I hang up the phone and flee.  Instead, I paused waited to see what would happen.  After a few moments of silence on the end of the phone, I hung up.  

Of course, Betty’s a friend of 30 years, and to some degree, I got the frustration.  Is this the end from my point of view? Certainly not.  I’ll give her time to get over her hangover and send an email to test the waters.  From there, it’ll be up to Betty how much of it was me and how much it was anxiety. 

It reminds me of how hard isolation can be, mainly if you are used to socialising.  If you are not into technology, like Betty, life might be challenging indeed.  Betty loves the intimacy of face to face in-person conversations – like most of us.  It’s probably something about other people’s pheromones (refer to References) and their scent which you don’t get when technology is involved.  I didn’t get to ask whether she used video chats, but I suspect not.  The video chats have made it easier for my mother, and at least she can see who is on the other side of the conversation.   

On the upside of my hurt, I reached out to a mutual friend to talk it out.  Thank goodness for friends!

Enough about that; what did the cards predict. 

 

Today's Cards

Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now, card is Compromise. 2 is Influence, card is No-thingness. 3 is Goal, card is Conditioning. 4 is Distant Past, card is Participation. 5 is Recent Past, card is Schizophrenia. 6 is Future Energy, card is Transformation. 7 is Feelings, card is Adventure. 8 is Others’ views, card is Possibilities. 9 is Hopes & Fears, card is Inner Voice. 10 is Outcome, card is New Vision. Shuffle Method used was Washing Machine.

Analysis

Cross - first three

First card Compromise in the Now position.  Firstly, I can relate this to both situations today.  Capturing the mouse and not doing anything with it was a compromise.  The mouse didn’t win because it wasn’t free but it was alive; I didn’t win because the mouse was alive and I didn’t know what to do with this.  This also sounds a bit like Schizophrenia’s rock and a hard place.   

No-thingness was the second card out.  This is a tricky one since I usually refer to No-thingness as “potential”, is Compromise threatened by potential creativity?  Perhaps it’s a situation in which I needed to get creative about.  Let’s assume it’s the mouse situation and that option one was “kill mouse” and option two was “let mouse go”.  The compromise was let mouse go at the end of the day.  

With respect to Betty maybe No-thingness can be interpreted best as “openness” as opposed to receptivity.  Perhaps it’s being open to Compromise?

Conditioning was the third card selected and sits in the Goal position.  Conditioning is an interesting card and in the Osho deck talks about the lion brought up by sheep and led to believe it was a sheep.  That was, until one day it discovered he was a lion and not a sheep.  Osho sees societal conditioning as the sheep and the individual as the lion.  As a Goal, it might mean that it’s time for me to look inside.  

For a moment, I’m just going to mix up the tarot deck and refer to The Mythic Tarot where its about battling your ego or lion within.  The day certainly challenged my ego and it is without ego that I can say there has been some improvement to my early life’s reactions to a similar situations.  

 

Cross - Distant & Recent Past

Next is the Distant Past position and Participation is its card.  Previously Participation showed on Day 004 in the Future Energy position and the card is described as enjoying life and be a part of it.  My thoughts on this one go to my interaction with Betty and how in the past we embraced each other’s company.  

Again, talk of this threw the contact into stark relief and today’s interaction showed that she missed our past “girl gathering” interactions keenly.  This stirred up the realisation that said style interaction would not be possible in the near future.  Reinforcing the cabin fever she was already feeling (refer References).     

Recent Past position has Schizophrenia – The personality split in two minds.  Our being seeks wholeness.  Betty’s dilemma reflected in part my thoughts and my actions.  Entertaining the burden of what society requires at present; restrictions put in place for the safety of all to prevent the spread of the Coronavirus.  Divides us internally.  

We as people who strive for togetherness are now more than ever forced to face ourselves and the choices we have made on where we live and who we live with.  There are no more distractions to keep us from facing our immediate lives.  Perhaps its millennia of conditioning that’s kept us from pursuing our dreams, bound up by a responsibility we don’t really want to understand.  

Then there’s my frustration at not being able to reach out and simply exist in the same space as my friend.  

Future Energy is Transformation – it’s not hard to understand why this card has shown up in the Future Energy position.  If I had read the cards at the beginning of the day, I would have been clueless as to what my day would entail.  As mentioned, my plan was so different to what transpired.  

Transformation

Transformation is the card that tells you that something has forever changed and is irreversible, akin to the moment of learning that Santa is not a real being. It’s the moment you lose your virginity – there’s no turning back. Sadly, so too was my interaction with my friend Betty yesterday.  

It took me a while and a meditation to realise what the situation might be.  Although I made progress on my immediate response it’s far from where I would like to be of responding immediately with compassion instead of stillness. 

Base

 Feelings position is Adventure – Although this might sound a little haughty or aloof I am glad of the experience that Betty provided me.  Although I hope that the interaction was not my last with her.  It allowed me to look at my truth.  Not in the analysis that I am doing here but at the moment of asking.  

While I knew my response would have been, “I don’t know”.  There are also so many facets to the question that hardly made a difference at the instant where I knew instantly then stumbled to articulate 10,000 words into sentences.  This truth is what the Adventure card is all about.

On a literal everyday level, Adventure also reflects the adventure of the upcoming weekend away. 

Other People’s Views is Possibilities – Here we have the Possibilities showing up again – that’s eight times in fourteen days.  This time it’s how other people see me.  Perhaps in chatting to my friends – they being the other – and talking about the plans for the website they saw creativity and possibilities ahead.  Maybe it looks like keeping myself too busy to live.  

The Hopes and Fears position is Inner Voice – This card is about being the same person on the outside as I am on the inside.  The same person that speaks to you at home, at work and to my friends.  Naturally, if I were to be in each moment I would be speaking my truth at all times.  It is certainly my hope, my fear is not being able to attain or sustain it.  This makes logical sense in light of Betty’s call.

Outcome position is New Vision – A popular card of late New Vision. Whenever it has appeared it has been about accepting the light with the dark, the good with the bad.  This is exactly what my plan is moving forward it’s a slightly new way of being and certainly gives me reason to continue meditating and practising mindfulness.

Day 009 – The Compassion of Understanding

9 January 2021

Celtic Cross Layout of daily cards.1 is Now, card is Ripeness.2 is Influence, card is Schizophrenia.3 is Goal, card is Friendliness.4 is Distant Past, card is Celebration.5 is Recent Past, card is Trust.6 is Future Energy, card is Going with the Flow.7 is Feelings, card is Silence.8 is Others’ views, card is Creativity.9 is Hopes & Fears, card is Possibilities.10 is Outcome, card is Understanding.

Today's Cards

Tabled list:position number,description,and daily card.1 is Now, card is Ripeness.2 is Influence, card is Schizophrenia.3 is Goal, card is Friendliness.4 is Distant Past, card is Celebration.5 is Recent Past, card is Trust.6 is Future Energy, card is Going with the Flow.7 is Feelings, card is Silence.8 is Others’ views, card is Creativity.9 is Hopes & Fears, card is Possibilities.10 is Outcome, card is Understanding.Shuffle Method used was Washing Machine.

Context

Welcome to day 9!

Today was the first day of lockdown for the Greater Brisbane area.  This means that excitement needed to be found around the home.  It also meant that my interstate family who usually have trouble catching up with me on a weekend knew exactly where to find me.  

The change in weather and our presence at home has meant that the slave drivers (our cats) have their slaves easily to hand.  On at least four occasions my masters has me pinned to the seat preventing me from doing any housework.  It meant, of course, that left my husband free to bring me food and drink until they deigned to let me off the seat.  It didn’t all go my way, the reverse was true when he was pinned down.

You may ask, how did these felines (fiends) manage to get the upper hand on two strong capable human beings?  Let me respond with my own question, “have you ever been purred at or on?”.  It’s incredibly difficult to resist, just like a puppy that looks up at you with sweet brown eyes wanting a piece of that chicken stuff you have on your plate.   

Alternately, we might just be suckers. 

Before I go any further, I should categorically state that I love my family and friends and do not mind being contacted by them whatever the time or the cause.  Those that know me, know that when I write about “escaping them” it is only because I know they know I’m not serious.  In fact, I am honoured to have them in my life.   

Now back to the jesting :).

The excuses I proffered were like, washing my hair at 2:00pm, brushing my teeth, filing my fingernails did not pass for suitable “doing things” to avoid a Zoom chat.  I did manage to forestall the meeting by claiming that one of our masters, Valentine, was on my lap. Which was apparently plausible – he’s gotten to them too!. Waylaid by master Valentine, hair brushing had to take a backseat.  The Zoom chat clearly demonstrated that I had not brushed my hair for days!

On the upside, I got some gardening done even if it was raining. 

That said, let’s see how interesting the cards make lockdown sound 🙂

The Cards

First card is Ripeness in the Now position. As the name implies I am ready for the next step and that some degree of maturity has been reached.  Indeed, I believe there has been but for most of the day I was stalling on progressing.  Fortunately, I had already committed to deliver a document for editing.

Second card in the Influence position is Schizophrenia. Schizophrenia being that rock and hard place decision making or at the very least being in two minds about doing or not doing something is a blocker card.  The rock was commitments to my family and the hard place was the commitment to send something through for editing in the morning.  Both happened just the timing changed from what was originally planned.

The third position or Goal position has the Friendliness card.  This is just having a good feeling of solidarity with my fellow humans being in lockdown together.  Or could it be that I would like the website to come across as friendly?

Distant Past card is Celebration.  The card of Celebration is moving in a predictable arc.  What this technically means is that the moment of Celebration has left an imprint from which future decisions has been built off.  This could be that I had some success with asking for help instead of trying to go it alone.  The best part about it was that I was humbled and pleased by the positive response. 

Recent Past card is Trust.  The part of me that was reluctant to ask for help, apart from not wanting to oblige my friends to help, was that I get a bit scared having an editor look at my stuff.  This is for two reasons: one is that I’m scared of the judgement on the poor grammar and two is that if the editor finds too much to change that it reinforces that I’m not very good at it. 

Okay there’s a third reason, if the editor does their job well, it sounds as if I could have written it and therefore on some part robs the editor a little of their skill – which what I really don’t want to do.  

That then brings us to what Trust is all about – letting go and trusting the people and the process without it there’s no growth.

Fittingly, the Future Energy position shows the card of Going with the Flow.  The image is of a person floating naked on their back in a relaxed state, letting the water/ river take its body wherever it will. 

This is “going with the flow”.  It’s not fighting where you’re going. Not fighting the circumstances of what you’re in. It’s simply surrendering and accepting without fear.  Note, this is not being blindly led, the figure is not being forced. 

Going with the Flow follows on from the Trust and Ripeness cards to demonstrate that it is certainly time to put documentation out there to be tweaked.  

My Feelings on the issue card is Silence. As mentioned yesterday when Silence appeared as a Goal of listening to an inner quieted mind.  My feelings on being ready (Ripeness) are very closely aligned to Going with the Flow.  I am at peace with the actions I have taken and am awaiting feedback, whether that be good or bad from an ego perspective.

The Other People’s Views spot has the Creativity card. The Creativity card is like the card of pregnancy it is something that comes from you but does not belong to you.  Creativity can be all absorbing for a while and buoys enthusiasm. 

Am guessing that family and friends can see that in me at the moment.  Every second paragraph rolls back to my website.  I pity them over the next year *smile*. 

The Hopes and Fears card is Possibilities and out of nine days it has shown up five times regardless of the shuffle method.  The last three days I have been using the “washing machine method”. The method entails laying the cards on a flat surface and then simply swirling the cards around clockwise and counter-clockwise to ensure they are well and truly shuffled.

So Possibilities is what I hope for, in that I would like things to progress and open up for me.  At some point, I will need to get the other things that make up a business website happening.  Oh, you know little things like, “comments”, “like” and “subscribe” options at the bottom of posts.  That will then trigger another learning curve – scary!

The Outcome position has the card of Understanding.  Many years ago I had a dream of being jailed.  The jail didn’t have doors or a warder to attend it.  The jail was like one of those “honesty boxes” you see by the side of the road situation next to random fruits or vegetables.  

Unsure of my crime, I sensed in the dream that it couldn’t have been serious if there were no bars, doors or guards. Not even any other inmates.  After some time I realised I could leave whenever I wanted.  There was no-one there to stop me but me.  But I was cautious about leaving nonetheless.

It was such a vivid dream.  Analysing my own dream on waking made me understand that sometimes I punish myself for stuff that no-one else would even think was even punishable.  It was stuff that if it was someone else I wouldn’t punish them for it.  

So, I had to pretend I was someone else and treat myself like I would them.  Usually someone I loved and/ or cared about.   

This is what the Understanding card is about.  It is about realising that constraints that were in place by me on me were really of my own doing.  Understanding in the Outcome position might simply mean that I am ripe for this type of realisation or that the indecision found in Schizophrenia and the fears in represented by Possibilities are distorted by an inner unfair and harsher perspective.

With love, Michaela

Day 008 – Doing things Properly

8 January 2021

Celtic Cross Layout of daily cards.1 is Now, card is Friendliness.2 is Influence, card is Totality.3 is Goal, card is Silence.4 is Distant Past, card is Postponement.5 is Recent Past, card is Celebration.6 is Future Energy, card is Thunderbolt.7 is Feelings, card is The Creator.8 is Others’ views, card is Past Lives.9 is Hopes & Fears, card is Laziness.10 is Outcome, card is Morality.

Today's Cards

Tabled list:position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now, card is Friendliness.2 is Influence, card is Totality.3 is Goal, card is Silence.4 is Distant Past, card is Postponement.5 is Recent Past, card is Celebration.6 is Future Energy, card is Thunderbolt.7 is Feelings, card is The Creator.8 is Others’ views, card is Past Lives.9 is Hopes & Fears, card is Laziness.10 is Outcome, card is Morality.Shuffle Method used was Washing Machine.

Context

This morning I woke up, shuffled the cards laid them out and noticed that Thunderbolt appeared in the deck.  Last time Thunderbolt graced my cards while I was on vacation I got back to work and discovered that my job had changed.  

It meant that I was going to move physically but more importantly the result of the move and change of job would mean a complete stocktake of my life.  Unfortunately, there was no extra money.  The change prompted doubts, suspicion, and flattery all mingled in together.

You see, Thunderbolt is about a dramatic shift in the physical surroundings – that’s at least how I’ve always interpreted the card of The Tower – in some other decks this card is called the Tower.  The imagery or how it is depicted is similar too.

As you can imagine, I got nervous.  Without really focussing on the other cards and not wanting to until the day passed so I could form a retroactive perspective on events.  

It turns out the change to my physical surroundings was announced on the news and to me when my mother and husband rang to advise me of the Premier’s decision. 

Yep.  It’s the greater Brisbane area of Queensland, Australia.  We were going into level 4 lock down as of 6:00pm for three days.  Thunderbolt  card now makes complete sense sitting in the Future Energy position.  

It also makes sense for yesterday’s Change card .  And although I refer to the position as the Feelings position, the position has typically also covered on upcoming feelings.  The timeframe I’ve read this at is within the next one to seven days.  The duality of meaning was there yesterday, I just hadn’t had my precognition turned on :).

Now you have context, let’s see what the other cards had to say.

The Cards

Position one had Friendliness.  The night before I talked with my husband about getting the dinners for the weekends.  We had used all the HelloFresh meal kits for the week and decided that we needed a few things from the supermarket.  

Not thinking the shops would get too busy for a three day lockdown I didn’t rush.  But I did decide to go earlier rather than later so I could get back to doing things for the website. Kind of like, the sooner I go the sooner I’ll get back.

Glad I did, the line at the local supermarket was already quite long 200 metres, maybe.  Anyway, in line which was the Now position when I did the cards this morning.  While waiting there was a bit of solidarity.  If you like, a Friendliness.   

Totality as the Influencer in this circumstance meant that I need to commit totally to the shopping.  But there is the subtle hint at the total lockdown to come.  The nice part of going into lockdown was all the support from family and friends we received. Very touching.

Silence in the Goal position can be read as literal or figurative. The Osho book refers to Silence as a quietening of the mind.  For me, it’s bliss. A time to turn inward.  It is like a sense of being one with the universe.      

The Distant Past has Postponement. So, there were certain things I was postponing yesterday; going to the shops, contacting the web developer and approaching a friend to help me out with some editing.  Most of which I had dealt with.

Naturally, dealing with things that I’ve stupidly been postponing brought with it the cause for Celebration.  And look at that, the Celebration card is in the Recent Past position.  What else can really be said?  Postponement overcome created the Friendliness I felt with my fellow line-upperers (yes, I know that’s not a word) which in turn is cause for Celebration.  

Now, how does all this fit in with the Future energy position of Thunderbolt.  Remember that the Thunderbolt card is about the change to physical circumstances and the trigger for a reassessment of one’s situation.  Just because I know its coming doesn’t mean I’ve lived it :).

I fully expect that the Future energy card will last the three days.  It will be interesting to see if Thunderbolt appears at all.  Personally, I’d be surprised if it did since it’s the future position.

The Feelings position has The CreatorThe Creator is about working on oneself to improve oneself.  So, the card and position implies that I will be working on myself creatively.  

On the other hand, I have found that this card can have the other kind of creator that works with nurturing something beautiful and physical into being.  There is a plan to put together a media gallery tomorrow.  We’ll see if I do any deep diving on myself.

Others’ views is Past Lives.  Not quite sure how to interpret the Others’ views position when I’m reading for myself.  It’s much easier reading this position for others.  I find there’s more of a distorted view on anything I think other people might be thinking – as good a guess as it can sometimes be.  

No! In the beginning I said that when I view Past Lives it is for this life time only.  The cards or I know this.  So, this is why it has come up to read with that interpretation.  Others’ views then means that I am bringing back what I used to do.  That’s for those that have known me for some time, that is.  Makes sense.  There’s a lot of my Past Lives cropping up at the moment. 

This next card in the next position does not come as a surprise to me.  Laziness is one of my greatest Hopes & Fears. Oh! To fully enjoy the contentment of being able to sit back and not worry about things slipping.  

On a more serious note, I go into overdrive whenever Laziness crops up in a reading.  There’s a make sure that I’m kicking myself off the lounge and cleaning, reading, typing, creating or just doing something.  Then the fear sneaks in that I will miss something. Especially the thing the card is actually referring to, which is probably what I’m lazily avoiding because I’ve “been there done that”.   

The title of this post is “Doing thing Properly” and the card of Morality’s appearance in the Outcome position had me pursing my lips.  Had this post been written before the day had transpired the “irkiness” I felt at seeing it would have come through.

However, here is a situation where the card makes complete sense. The Morality card symbolises societal conditioning and conforming to expectations.  Words that usually arouse the prickliness in me and whispers for me to see if the boundaries are spongy or breakable :).  

It took quite a bit of self-discipline to quell that rebellious reaction.  Luckily, I’ve learnt not simply to blindly rebel to something when someone says it’s moral and assess whether is has validity for me.  Of course, in this case it completely makes sense to follow the “right thing”.

Yet the COVID lockdown announcement encourages people to conform to do things properly – social distance, wash hands, wear a mask.  Ironically, by conforming and doing these things you are actually heroic.  You are contributing to stopping the spread of the virus and potentially saving lives.   All by doing things properly.

Morality from Osho’s intent, is about being sequacious (thank you Susie Dent – UK Countdown for the word of the day) and unthinking.  It’s all about revalidating what the right thing to do is.  From a Chinese proverb, “he who believes too long in something soon becomes wrong”.  

It’s the “half life of facts”, if you don’t keep renewing the data you have it will become outdated.  Basic mathematics is used daily and is tested for validity and is therefore kept up-to-date’ so too should morality be tested to retain validity. 

Day 006 – Butterflying!

6 January 2021

Celtic Cross Layout of daily cards.1 is Now, card is Beyond Illusion.2 is Influence, card is Courage.3 is Goal, card is Harmony.4 is Distant Past, card is Rebirth.5 is Recent Past, card is Integration.6 is Future Energy, card is Sharing.7 is Feelings, card is Playfulness.8 is Others’ views, card is Experiencing.9 is Hopes & Fears, card is Patience.10 is Outcome, card is Breakthrough.

Today's Cards

Tabled list position number, description and daily card:1 is Now,Beyond Illusion.2 is Influence,Courage.3 is Goal,Harmony.4 is Distant Past,Rebirth.5 is Recent Past,Integration.6 is Future Energy,Sharing.7 is Feelings,Playfulness.8 is Others’ views,Experiencing.9 is Hopes & Fears,Patience.10 is Outcome,Breakthrough.

Butterflying Context

Today’s blog is about Dobby the cat, me, a spider and the word butterflying.   And it’s about transforming Mikki, the logo figure.

 

I know butterflying can mean splitting a piece of fish or meat in two to create a butterfly shape.  However, it has always sounded like it should represent the act of becoming a butterfly to me.  For the website, it’s appropriate as a metaphor for opening up my insides and sharing them, in a sense butterflying my soul.  Hence, the usage of the term butterflying.

 

Yesterday’s reading ended with Schizophrenia or about being caught between a rock and a hard place, with me thinking nothing else but sleep could happen before I went to bed.  How wrong I was! 

The Spider and Me

As I prepared for bed, I spotted a massive huntsman spider on the ceiling above the bedroom door.  You can link to the image about the size is in this article.   Normally, I would call my husband to relocate the spider down to the creek.  However, when I was single, I used to just leave it, but it was right ABOVE THE BEDROOM DOOR!  And like in the article mentioned above, they’re safe, but they do jump at you if you want to get into an argument about ceiling space. 

 

My hard place was I wanted to go to bed and didn’t want to open the door because he might go into the bedroom and wake my husband.  It’s also been a few years since I had slept with a spider in the room.  I’d be a hypocrite to say I don’t kill spiders, I just don’t kill ones this size, and besides, it’s not lethal.  Just scary.

 

The rock was the spider and its location.  I did not want to be jumped by the spider!  So, I took a deep breath and let go of going to bed just at that moment and let go of trying to capture the spider but simply decided to wait until it moved – that elusive third option. 

 

It moved.  Over the dining table, then over the glass table where our small tabletop Christmas tree sat.  At the base of the tree’s base were Christmas cards, family photos, unwrapped presents and a bowl where my husband kept his wallet at night.  Basically, not gettable, although I got the back scratcher and flung a few cards off the table.

The Spider and the Cat

One of our cats (Dobby, the ginger) showed up and thought he would be my rescuer.  The cat would do what it would do, and the spider would do likewise.  It was an interesting game to watch.  Knowing hunters typically need movement to trigger the hunt, the spider was amazingly still for quite some time. 

 

All my attempts at trying to get Dobby to see the spider came to naught.  To Dobby’s credit, he did eventually spot a movement.  Interestingly, when it saw Dobby’s head turn toward me, the spider chose that moment to make its move. 

 

Unfortunately for the spider, Dobby turned back too quickly.  Then the cat and spider’s chase was on.  The spider won the battle, primarily thanks to the glass table – it was always on the other side of where Dobby was.  It was pretty funny!

 

Of our two cats, Dobby is the better strategist.  He lay himself down by the glass table and was content to wait.  It was near midnight, and this was like noon for him.  So on that note, I went to bed.

 

When my husband woke in the morning, I warned him about sticking his hand in the bowl to grab his wallet – just in case spidey wanted to make a home in there during daylight hours.  It turns out spidey lost the war because, by morning, he was no more found dead on the floor.

 

For the simple reason, things still happen after I’ve written my blog and before I’ve shuffled the cards, I am contemplating writing the day’s events before I deal with the cards for the new day.  Writing at this time will give the card cycle a proper 24-hours to work.

Butterflying Reflective Mikki

Anyway, today’s activities were focused on my website again – this time more about improving the logo’s design.  A comment on the logo’s shape that I agreed with had been troubling me since I created it.  There was just something missing.  Something that would make Reflective Mikki, the figure’s name, look like it was contemplating rather than doing a sit-up.

 

So during the day, I drifted from element to element and decided I would obtain the services of a logo specialist/ professional to help me out around the page.  It was then realising when I started this venture a year ago; I hadn’t clearly identified my requirements for the site.  To some extent, I still don’t, but by going live and posting, I’m discovering my real needs and can now put something together.

 

Another thing I started writing on both the “about me” page or simply reword the text on the “home page”.  I will need to chat with an expert about which avenue is better, one or the other or both.  Nonetheless, I wrote the text for both, and in writing, I discovered what was missing from the logo – a soul!  The glowing soul light overlaid with yin-yang rotated to align with the earth’s axis.

 

So today, I sent off the tweak to the logo to the designers for a quote to adjust it to fit.  But I can tell you I’m so happy the addition of the “soul light” ties in all the elements, and it makes sense of who I am both in the text and the tweak to Reflective Mikki.  So comfortable, even if I am opening my life up in it!  But that’s the whole purpose of the blog and of butterflying, isn’t it?

 

Okay, let’s see what the cards had to say.

The Cards

Cross starts with Butterflying

Firstly, the card of Beyond Illusion a beautiful card.  Today the butterfly overlaying a serene person’s face is attracting me.  It makes me think of transformation and the caterpillar that came before the chrysalis into the butterfly.  Based on my day, I would say it applies.

 

Today’s Influencer card is Courage; this can be read as both influencer and blocker.  It required courage for me to decide to open up in the “about me” area.  Yet, the very lack of courage could have prevented the growth.  Mind you, I haven’t published it yet – one tender flat of the wings at a time.

 

And look, the Harmony card has returned but in the Goal position. According to the Osho Zen Tarot book, my goal is to “follow my heart whatever the stake” (p. 116), which fits with my goal today.  Both with my logo and the new addition to my page.

 

I think from the focus of today, and it has undoubtedly come from the Rebirth of the website. Tick that off as the Distant Past card being accurate for today too.

 

Looking at the Recent Past, again based on what I have written about my day, word Integration sums up what I’ve been trying to accomplish. Talk about spot on so far.

 

I certainly hope Sharing this with people interested in having a nibble or even interested in a more extensive read of this site is what I would like to do.  Just deciding when to share it is going to be a challenge.  Maybe tomorrow.  However, looking ahead at the Hopes and Fears position, timing will be my challenge.

Base

Well, I am certainly feeling more playful with what I write and how I write it.  Yes, the grammar isn’t perfect.  I will try and get better – there are still some mental landmines put in during my school years by well-meaning people that I need to diffuse before I understand grammar completely.

 

Nonetheless, I hope to make the site fun in parts.  If we’re going to do this for a year, a sense of humour is needed.  So my Feelings position (see what I did there) for the site today is that it needs Playfulness.

 

The Other People’s Views position on the emerging butterfly is all part of Experiencing life and growth.  Fingers-crossed; not sure how the logo company will feel about the change in logo design – again.

 

So position nine, Hopes and Fear, is Patience.  Aha.  Patience and I don’t see each other often.  Suffering FOMO (fear of missing out) at times pushes my patience to impatience quickly.

 

Funnily, if I don’t think about waiting, patience is its reward.  The question is, how long do I wait to engage the developer?  I know I would like “right now”.  Developer’s cost money, and I want to make sure that I have enough to cover what I need.  Not much I can do about it right now – tomorrow.

 

Breakthrough is a fitting Outcome card for the day.  The one I’m particularly excited about is the logo one.  Yippee!

 

End Day 006 - Butterflying

Day 005 – Too Much Thinking

5 January 2021

Too much thinking. Day 005. Tabled list: order of appearance. Maturity, Harmony, Morality, No-thingness, The Miser, Mind, Healing, Projections, Comparison, Schizophrenia. Shuffle method was Standard Shuffle

Today, I wrangle with an exercise hangover, and the headache is not from too much thinking! Although, overthinking was a struggle sometimes.

Firstly, yesterday I got out my yoga mat and decided it was time to exercise to maintain flexibility.  I turned on the Nintendo Wii and put in the Fitness First yoga disk.

Today, I had an exercise hangover from the exertion, and the lactic acid in my muscles contributed to a headache.  Even with a couple of headache tablets, the thumping was still there, chastising me for being so thoughtless not to continue yoga as part of my regular exercise regime.

On the whole, I wasn’t feeling well and was keeping my activity to a minimum – basically sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself.

Let’s see what the cards had to say about my day!

Today's Cards

The Beginning of Too Much Thinking

The first card is the card of Maturity.  The Maturity card refers to being comfortable with your skills.  For me, that’s true because I can get a post onto a website now 🎉.

It’s interesting to see the Harmony in the Influence position.  Harmony influencing Maturity would mean the maturity I have gained comes from a place of peace and ease instead of, say… frustration.

The Goal position is Morality.  Because I am aware of my situation instead of reading for someone else, I will differ from Osho’s interpretation.  Except Osho highlights that this card is about being prim, proper and following what society expects when it constrains us. 

Sometimes I read this card to mean wanting to do things “properly”.  For instance, I would like to edit my website properly rather than winging it.  And as a snow ski instructor said to me, there are two types of skiers those who can survive the mountain and those who can ski it.  His comment was in response to discovering I was an Australian in a ski lesson, and it wasn’t my first lesson.  The first class will teach you how to survive the mountain.  The more you attend classes, the better at skiing you get.

Australians in Switzerland had a reputation for being terrors on the slopes because they did one or two classes and thought that’s all there was to skiing.  Unfortunately, it made them dangerous to others and not very popular or thought of an overthinking anything – skiing wise.

Sometimes Morality can be a good thing.  I want to build my website, and I’d like to be doing it correctly.  Not because I want to conform and be constrained, it’s because I want to be efficient and considerate to others using the mountain.

Still Overthinking

No-thingness appears in the same position as on Day 3.  Today’s events were born out of potential.  Two days ago was Sunday, and when I start an exercise regime, it’s usually started on a Monday.  That’s when I made the decision I had to exercise.

The Recent Past with The Miser in this position may resemble the fact I had previously been stingy with my exercise.  Also, I’m probably too cheap to pay for a gym when my argument is that if I can’t get myself motivated at home, how will a gym be different?

That brings us to Future Energy which has another one of my favourite cards, Mind – not!  Luckily for me, I did not notice this card at the beginning of the day because it usually means mental turmoil.  The Mind card itself is enough to induce confusion.   Today my Mind was possibly simply a reflection of my headache. 

Layout Base of Too Much Thinking

The next card is easy to work out Healing.  Indeed, I felt getting acquainted with the couch was a method of healing.  I could not do much except binge watch something.

Now I’m not sure how to interpret the Projections card.  Based on what I said on day one, Projections is about placing your expectations upon another.  Does it mean I’m projecting onto others?  Or am I feeling the projections of others?  Thinking on it, it’s probably the latter.  The only barometer I have in my situation is me, and therefore, if I am feeling sorry for myself, I expect my husband to do likewise 😏.

The Comparison card in the Hopes & Fears position is a caution against comparing myself and others.  For the last couple of days, I have progressed quite nicely with my knowledge and, in the background, some future content.  The fear when seeing a “lack” of progress is that I will give up on it.

Comparison gives me pause and makes me recite my current mantra, “I am not them, and they are not me, I need to let each of us be free”.  “Free” meaning free to each be ourselves without harsh judgment.  Just because I can guess what someone might be thinking doesn’t mean the person will act upon it.  Like Agatha Christie’s, Hercule Poirot commented that it is okay to kick a table when you are angry with someone, but it is not the same as kicking the person.

The Outcome

Anyway, the Schizophrenia card as the Outcome indicates being at war between a rock and a hard place.  Osho’s suggestion for overcoming the difficulty is to let go of both things at once.  I’m writing this at 11:00 PM, and the cards dealt at 8:00 AM.  The difference between dealing and writing allowed for a headache to form, and to continue writing is a challenge for me.

After five minutes of trying, it became apparent that I was accomplishing nothing on the website, and the thinking was delaying my headache from getting better.  Any thought seemed to make concentration all the more challenging.  Welcome to Osho’s definition of Schizophrenia.

Did I mention I was stubborn?  Well, I can be.  I persisted a little longer to try and do both, but the third option of self-pity won out.  A good thing, too, because I would have hated to miss writing this post.

Overthinking the Summary

Harmony allows Maturity around the growth that seemed so painful at first.  However, the Goal of Morality, doing things correctly, has been set from a past full of potential (No-thingness) to the tight constraints of The Miser putting limits on growth.  Breaking free will confuse the Mind.

Confusion is the beginning of new growth and Healing.  Taking time to heal is necessary.  Others’ Views are Projections of themselves or perhaps placing unrealistic interpretations on the questioner. 

The fear borne of Comparison can be limiting, but Comparison can be helpful if it is with oneself and one’s personal growth.

Schizophrenia holds the balance of two unfavourable options keeping both causes a split in loyalties.  The solution to the split is to follow neither. 

Day 004 – Compromise is a Bitter Pill (edited)

4 January 2021

Day 004. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now Traveling. 2 is Influence Ordinariness. 3 is Goal Completion. 4 is Distant Past The Miser. 5 is Recent Past The Dream. 6 is Future Energy Participation. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future Going with the Flow. 8 is Others' Views Inner Voice. 9 is Hope & Fears The Source. 10 is Outcome Compromise
Tabled list position number, description and daily card:1 is Now,Traveling.2 is Influence,Ordinariness.3 is Goal,Completion.4 is Distant Past,The Miser.5 is Recent Past,The Dream.6 is Future Energy,Participation.7 is Feelings,Going with the Flow.8 is Others’ views,Inner Voice.9 is Hopes & Fears,The Source.10 is Outcome,Compromise.

When a ten-year-old forgets to pack a charger for his favourite game device.  His options are few, and he’s taught the lesson that compromise is a bitter pill.

Not much to say at the moment; my day felt productive, although there isn’t much to show for it, more like working on the foundations.  My advancement concerning website development has stalled as I have a functioning post template.  

Today’s apologies extend to you because the site is a little challenging to get around, and there isn’t a lot of information filling areas of the site.  I will get there – I promise :).

Before we progress, however, I’d like to explain how I shuffle.  After I lay out the cards and take the photo, I gather the cards and put each one back into the deck separately.  The theory is that if the cards show up together or close to one another, it’s shuffling results, not the product of them having to have been together when they started.

Compromise Context

Compromise is the word of the day, it’s in the Outcome position, and I don’t like it. My dilemma was getting a charger for my nephew and worrying about COVID-19 implications while trying to send the parcel.  I needed to negotiate with a ten-year-old; he’d left the charger to the Nintendo Switch at our place. 

His choice was to wait for the charger, buy a new charger (which his mother wasn’t having any of because she wanted to teach him about consequences) or play another device until the charger arrives.  My nephew wanted to convince my sister to buy a replacement charger.  The Compromise inevitably was he would play with another device until the charger came. 

On the last day of my nephew’s visit, his mother put him in charge of making sure the electronic equipment he wanted back home was packed.  Ironically, too busy playing on the Switch, he neglected to pack it.    

Sending the charger was my mission today 🤔.  On the other hand, my nephew had to compromise on the electronic gadget on which he played.  It was a bitter pill for him to swallow, but hopefully, he learnt something.  Insult to injury, he was unable to blame anyone but himself.  Once my nephew swallowed the compromise pill, he was okay with it (not that he had a choice).

That said, let’s get-go!

Cross leading to Compromise

The first card of the day in the Now position was Traveling.  The Osho Zen interpretation of the Traveling card is about the journey, not about the destination.  Thinking back on the day, it was very much about enjoying developing material for the layouts and finding out how to record the back-end writing.  However, I have a destination, which is building something for you, dear reader, to view.  However, there is more to do and much more to learn.  The journey of my nephew’s charger’s runs parallel to my own.  His charger is ready to travel.

The second card in the Influence position was Ordinariness.  There were some things I needed to do at the post office.  The post office situated amongst shops, and I took the liberty of moseying through some of the shops at a leisurely pace and simply enjoyed doing everyday stuff.   

My sole focus was to post a “gift” for my nephew, which due to COVID-19, I was unable to give him personally.  Since this was something I wanted to get done, it counts as a goal.  It aligns with the card of Completion in position three. On the parallel path of the website development, I wanted to get some aspects finalised, too.

From the Past to the Future

Position four, being the Distant Past, has the card of The MiserThe Miser, I suspect, might be how I would typically be when it comes to the post office; get in, post the parcel, and go home.  If needed, there might even be a quick dash to the supermarket to pick up groceries.  So, The Miser who robs people of time or is very stingy with money spurned the opposite today.  Often we can outgrow what was in the Distant Past, showing that we have grown.

The Recent Past has The Dream’s card, possibly someone misreading a situation by placing romantic, trusting, or unrealistic notions upon it. I confess I did do this—romantic ideas of completing sections of work miraculously.  In my nephew’s case, it was him trusting that his mother would pick up the Switch charger as part of her packing up (we know how that went). 

The Future Energy position shows Participation, which is all about enjoying life.  It’s about noticing the beauty in which you exist; this is what the goal of Ordinariness suggests, being a part of existence rather than separate from it.  Time to not be a spectator but a participant. In my case, it was getting stuck into the website; in my nephew’s, it was about participating in the travel experience and ensuring items he cared about got packed.

Base of Compromise

So, what are my Feelings on the issue?  Going with the Flow is a beautiful continuation of the current state (Traveling) and links beautifully with the Participation of Future Energy card.  There’s not much more to say on this position.  I am not fighting the stream for my website, and my nephew is accepting he cannot play the Switch.

Other People’s Views in position eight appears congruent with the Goal card, too. I’m viewed as listening to my Inner Voice. I love this idea, although I know it is a fleeting state like everything. It’s hard to maintain listening to your Inner Voice

Position nine and its card reflects the inner Hopes and Fears; the card is The Source.  The Source is about finding your core and doing what you need to do. It might be prudent to remember the advice in the Traveling card of enjoying the journey rather than focussing on the result. My fear is of the pain in knowing that the moment of connection with The Source is temporary.

Finally, the tenth card and Outcome position has the card of Compromise.  I’ll fess up; I don’t like this card.  I’m not sure how a Compromise can occur when you’re Going with the Flow or participating in life and enjoying each moment of life.  If I take the situation back to the Now, perhaps a compromise needs to set a plan and provide discipline to meet it.  Penalty, in this case, being contrary to Going with the Flow.

Layout Summary Reading

Travelling with myself aided by Ordinariness of enjoying the journey, Completion occurs through Participation.  I’ve learnt from The Miser from a Distant Past and overcame the unrealistic notions of The Dream.  The Dream is an ethereal construct designed to distract from the longing in the Now for a future made of rose-coloured glasses. 

Because listening to an Inner Voice reflects in the Going with the Flow, there is the hope of connecting to one’s source and connecting to the soul, The Source. However, all is not rosy, and a Compromise may happen to ensure progress continues.

Day 003 – Full of Possibilities

3 January 2021

Celtic Cross Layout of daily cards.1 is Now, card is Ice-olation.2 is Influence, card is Silence.3 is Goal, card is Ordinariness.4 is Distant Past, card is Nothingness.5 is Recent Past, card is Totality.6 is Future Energy, card is Completion.7 is Feelings, card is Compromise.8 is Others’ views, card is Sorrow.9 is Hopes & Fears, card is We are the World.10 is Outcome, card is Possibilities.
Tabled list:position number,description,and daily card.1 is Now, card is Ice-olation.2 is Influence, card is Silence.3 is Goal, card is Ordinariness.4 is Distant Past, card is No-thingness.5 is Recent Past, card is Totality.6 is Future Energy, card is Completion.7 is Feelings, card is Compromise.8 is Others’ views, card is Sorrow.9 is Hopes & Fears, card is We are the World.10 is Outcome, card is Possibilities.Shuffle Method used was Standard Shuffle.

If you were wondering whether things were looking up on how I post stuff on the site, they are.  I learnt how to remove the duplicate headings I was encountering on Days one and two.  Fortunately, I was able to update them without deleting the page – which is a bonus.  Also, things are looking a little less scary around the website today.

Now into the cards! 

The first card, in the Now, is the card of Ice-olation.  Osho typically identifies this as a card where one feels alone due to pushing others away and not accepting help. 

At other times, it had appeared to me when I had felt no one amongst family, friends or co-workers could understand what I am going through.  In part because I didn’t want to burden them, and in certain circumstances, I chose to suffer alone. 

Today, I started with feeling like I didn’t want to burden people with my website.  Little did I know that things were ticking away happily and sorting themselves out in the back of my mind.  This processing of ideas in the background, I would attribute to the Silence I was feeling around how to progress a situation that I thought was a dead end. 

So, I set about my day and accompanied my husband to buy a new pair of work shoes.  Buying shoes is what the Ordinariness card symbolised in the Goal or crowning position.  It was something ordinary that I enjoyed.  Although I dreaded the thought of shopping around for hours to find the right shoes, it turned into something swift, with the shoes also being on a massive discount as a result of the January sales. 

I also decided to purchase a COVID-19 mask to have on hand for those times I might wind up in circumstances where social distancing is a bit more challenging to maintain.

The No-thingness card, which sits blankly in black, represents potential.  Like an empty glass awaiting fulfilment, a blank canvas awaiting the artist’s creativity, it’s the ebb-tide or the moment between the in-breath and the out-breath.  Where the in-breath has finished, but the out-breath hasn’t quite started yet.  It’s just that moment of waiting – potential. 

It is pretty beautiful, and as I type about Nothingness and thinking back on what I wrote above about my dead-end, it was probably No-thingness at work. 

The position of the Recent Past has the card of Totality.  The Totality card is about that moment when you completely surrender.  It is the moment when the tide begins to turn, and the out-breath starts; it’s the moment of letting go completely. 

There is no progress without risk, and then letting go is the risk.  The out-breath is a risk that there might not be another in-breath, but we surrender because we cannot stay in a moment forever (even if we can forever live in the moment!). After we returned from shoe shopping, I sat and experimented continually on my website and risked losing everything.

Stupidly, I hadn’t backed it up beforehand mainly because I didn’t think I would experiment too much; but like pulling on a thread of an idea, everything started to unravel – in a good way.  The notion upon idea was triggering solution after solution; what’s more, it was working.  I didn’t want to stop working on learning something else because I would get distracted and lose my train of thought.   Erh… you mean like backups.  They’re tomorrow’s problem :).

From the Recent Past, we move to Future Energy sitting to the left-hand side of the question.  Today’s card is the card of Completion. This card nicely completes the metaphor of the out-breath.  The out-breath reaches its maximum point.  The card shows a person’s face made up of jigsaw pieces, with the final item put in place.  It’s the moment of exhalation when you’ve been waiting to exhale.

The next card starts with what I usually perceive as the inner strip. In my view, it deals less with the physical and more with the emotional aspects of the situation.  This strip begins with position seven on how the questioner feels about the question.

Sitting above the seven is position eight and seeks to identify how others view the questioner or the questioner’s situation about the questioner.

The ninth card, positioned above the eighth, aims to surface the questioner’s hopes and fears on the question.  Finally, directly above position nine is the tenth card, which is possible, given the other elements make sense.

Today’s position seven has the card of Compromise.  Compromise in the Osho deck means a half-half situation.  It’s when the final score of a game-ending in a draw.  It’s a non-plus or stalemate situation.  It’s better than a loss, but it’s not a proper win because each party has lost something in the deal.

Indeed, although I made progress concerning the website and the creative activities in the background, there are elements that I’ve sacrificed to keep momentum.  There’s also a little bit of sleep surrendered – but with improvement comes rest.  So, yes. I do feel that my isolation has triggered some personal sacrifices.  Talking about my life on the internet also feels a little scary.

Position eight has the card of Sorrow seems to indicate that my sacrifice isn’t going unnoticed.  The card shows Buddha’s trusted companion Ananda crying on the first day of the year.  It is the only day Ananda allows himself to weep for the people who haven’t reached enlightenment yet. 

Perhaps my husband, who has witnessed my rants around the house, has noticed sorrow – maybe he’s feeling like Ananda because I hadn’t reached enlightenment yet.   

Moving to position nine and the card of We are the World.  I hope everything would come together just like I wanted.  That’s pretty much what the Completion card shows with the last piece put into place.  With the final element in place, addressing the next hurdle can be tackled.  I’ve been working on developing a dynamic stats page, a media library and getting the All Posts page up, not to mention the layout and instruction PowerPoints.  Oh… one step at a time!

That leaves the final position, position ten, located directly above position nine.  Most times, I’ll be able to identify whether things have panned out, given that the photo of the layout happens at the beginning of the day, and I write about my day and the cards at the end of the day. 

The Outcome position has Possibilities.  Based on today’s progress, I feel things have indeed fallen into place – not everything, but more than I thought possible a mere fifteen hours ago.

 

Layout Summary:

Grounded in the Distant Past, No-thingness spurned a self-imposed Ice-olation blanketed by Silence. In reaching for and embracing Ordinariness, Totality arises and builds the foundation for Completion

Completion with Compromise that others felt as Sorrow not realising the inner hopes and fears were about harmonising in We are the World.  Without the Compromise, Completion of Possibilities would not be possible.

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