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Day 307 – Hating Myself happens Sometimes

Wednesday, 3 November 2021

Day 307. Cards in order of appearance: The Lovers, Consciousness, Creativity, Aloneness, The Creator, Completion, The Outsider, The Source, Friendliness, Schizophrenia, Standard Shuffle

Hating Myself Context

There are days when I love myself, and there are days when I hate myself.  Luckily, the difference isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  If you love something intensely, the reverse of the sine wave is to hate intensely.  This dichotomy lets you know the depth of feeling you’re capable of understanding.  Today is one of those days where I am disappointed that it borders on self-directed hatred. 

When I’m talking about hating myself, I’m not talking about depression or thoughts of self-harm.  Today I know about my feelings and their depth and are part of why we exist – in my humble opinion, anyway.

So, I’m disappointed in myself because I’m constantly undermining my goals.  For instance, I’m trying to lose weight and cut down on sweets and sugar.  Almost with the next breath, I’m walking toward the kitchen to grab a chocolate chip cookie!  Why do I do that?  Is it my last hurrah?  Or a mechanism for self-sabotage?  Whatever the reason for my contrary actions, it’s annoying.

Last Sunday, I stepped onto scales for the first time in six months and was appalled at my lack of restraint.  I discovered I’d almost reached my heaviest weight – ever!  Hence, the goal was to cut down on sugar. 

The additional weight might be contributing to my ankle not recovering as quickly as it could, not to mention the excess sugar in the diet!  Alas, even with the logic piling up, controlling my appetite seems insurmountable.  Why, with all my mindfulness and meditation, am I seem unable to stop my action?!  Sure, mindfulness is excellent!  All that seems to mean is that I’m aware of me countering my intentions, but compulsion seems to win, and then I hate myself.  Grr.

Next Steps

For now, my next steps will be to work on why I need to rebel against myself.  In the past, it has been a great way to do things that I’d generally object to doing.  However, it appears to be a disadvantage for weight loss.

Maybe if I tried to eat more, I’d rebel against the thought, lose weight and hate myself for being so contradictory.  Hmmm, that’s food for thought!  (Yes, pun intended).

Today's Cards

Day 307. Cards in order of appearance: The Lovers, Consciousness, Creativity, Aloneness, The Creator, Completion, The Outsider, The Source, Friendliness, Schizophrenia, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday; The Creator moved from Influence to Recent Past, and The Source moved from Future Energy to Others’ Views.

Cross

So, it would appear that when it comes to weight loss, the Distant Past’s Aloneness has contributed to parts of my foundations not being as sturdy as they could be.  Although The Creator in the Recent Past indicates that there is something in my history to be applied to curtail my “cravings”.

Fortunately, this Consciousness has a unifying influence, and there is something at work in my subconscious forming the harmony of The Lovers.  The Goal is to try and reroute my focus using Creativity.  With a bit of luck, Future Energy will arrive at the Completion of an internal duel.

Base

Supporting the Aloneness with the current card showing The Outsider indicates feelings of loneliness and ostracisation.  The key to reading The Outsider card is realising that the effect and the solution are available. 

Others’ Views of my predicament are that I am at The Source or I’ve reached a moment of clarity.

Unlike what I’m feeling, the Hopes & Fears position reflects Friendliness.  The fear of the Friendliness card shows that learning to reroute my attention when I’m heading to the pantry is perhaps a passing phase.  Conversely, the reverse of fear is hope, and the fix is part of the unification transpiring Now with The Lovers.

Finally, the duality of Hopes & Fears or The Lovers’ “individual togetherness” could cause an internal struggle when it comes to letting go of old habits; embodying a little bit of compassion toward myself could allow me to acknowledge and move on from hating myself.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – Although there are days when I’m not happy with myself, and it goes to the “hating myself” realm, I know it’s only temporary.

End Day 307

Day 306 – Taking a Step Back to Give Space

Tuesday, 2 November 2021

Day 306. Cards in order of appearance: Patience, The Creator, Ice-olation, The Rebel, Change, The Source, Control, Innocence, Exhaustion, Celebration, Deck pile shuffle

Taking a Step Back Context

A couple of days ago, I was at a loss about how I could help someone I care about when they were emotionally hurt (Day 301).  Today, I had a different story; it’s about checking myself when someone asks me to step back.

Just helping others in small, subtle, unnoticeable ways builds my inner peace and somehow validates my existence – to me at least.  On the other hand, I’m okay stepping back if asked.  However, being told to “back off” cause you to get defensive.  It’s a lesson I’m learning, and I’m, oh, so much better now than I was. 

When someone is yelling at you or asking you to back off, the key is to remember they’re stressed too.   Think of it as an animal growling at you; it’s a warning to keep away, but the animal will attack if provoked.  Stepping back is a difficult thing to do after a growl.  The growl usually had me defensive and “growl” back.  In hindsight, you realise it was a misstep on your part, and that’s presuming you manage to patch it up with an apology!  🙄

When Someone Doesn't Step Back

Years ago, I asked a colleague to step back and found out what it was like to be on the receiving end of someone getting defensive.

Setting the Scene

Now, some women don’t experience mood swings with their menstrual cycle.  Lucky them!  I, however, wasn’t one of them 😟.  By the time I reached 38, I could sometimes sense my mood change, and it usually happened about one to two days before “de day”.  In the office, something had happened I thought was particularly stupid, but knowing not to say anything and continue working was my safest approach.  So, I mumbled to myself and kept working.

Unfortunately, for all concerned, the mumble was overheard.  My boss, Carmella, had taken the caring but wrong path of asking me what I had said.  Full of concern, she asked if I wanted to talk about it.   

Since I was aware this was the day I might haphazardly resign, and my emotional sensitivity was on high alert with very little control, I asked if it could wait until tomorrow and if she wouldn’t mind stepping back.  Carmella, full of further concern and to use the phrase “bless her cotton socks”, didn’t let it drop.

The Outburst

Once again, and controlling the internal emotional warring forces threatening an apocalypse, I calmly stated that it was just before my “feminine monthlies”, and I would likely say things I would regret if we spoke about them now.  My emotional glass was at capacity!  Carmella couldn’t let it go; being asked to step back triggered her concern and feelings of rejection.   Found that out later.

Valiantly, or so I thought at the time, in a last-ditch effort to head off the discussion was to use the urgency of my work as an excuse to discuss it later.  Inwardly, I was pleading for Carmella to leave me alone.  Please, just let me get on with my work without needing to apologise later.

You guessed it!  Her curiosity was also piqued, and I had no chance.  Then I spewed forth anything and everything that had been on my mind.  The domino effect led down a path right down to the irrational.  All the things I knew I didn’t want out in the world came out. 

Yes, I had to apologise later.  This outpouring of dribble is what happens when people don’t step back.  It’s awkward, and you’ve said things that can’t be unsaid or unheard.r

The Lesson

Finally, after my outburst to Carmella and apologising, I learnt Carmella had also been processing her internal issues.  It was simply “wrong place, wrong time” – or was it?  After all, the experience provided me with a piece of valuable information – albeit the lesson was an emotional one.

Today's Cards

Day 306. Cards in order of appearance: Patience, The Creator, Ice-olation, The Rebel, Change, The Source, Control, Innocence, Exhaustion, Celebration, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday; Change moved from Outcome to Recent Past, and The Source simply continued in Future Energy.

Cross

If you are going to step back and today is where, although not asked, the need to step back played on my mind; it requires Patience I’d learnt in the Distant Past from my being The Rebel.  It’s not typical for someone to ask you to step back, which caught Carmella off-guard.

Today’s influence was The Creator.  It’s apt since The Creator card is all about applying skills you’ve learnt and adopted into your arsenal of coping and compassion abilities.

Complementing The Creator’s influence, or perhaps generating it, is the Goal of Ice-olation.  Ice-olation, in this context, is about pulling back and providing the person with hurt feelings the right to experience their pain and come to grips with their situation. 

It can be tough to witness others go through what you’ve experienced.  You need to change how you handle others encountering situations you’ve mastered for the first time.   Think of it like (and this is more for me than those reading this post) you’re unable to walk for someone else.  There are some things we have to do for ourselves.  Realising this in the Recent Past was a Change for me.

Since Patience worked for me, I will continue to work on The Source in Future Energy.

Base

Alas, to step back requires considerable self-restraint and Control; they’re my Feelings on the matter.  😏

Surprisingly, Others’ Views are that of Innocence, and like The Creator card, Innocence isn’t about the new fledgling wide-eyed and naïve unsuspectingly facing a scary world.  It’s about being comfortable handling any situation when it arises, and this knowledge is wisdom.    In summary, it appears that’s what I’m doing.

In the Hopes & Fears position is the Exhaustion card.  Why I would hope for Exhaustion in this situation is unclear, but I can see why exercising Patience might take its toll.  😁

Finally, it appears there is something to celebrate.  Perhaps it’s the exercising of Patience or the satisfaction of being able to step back.  Nonetheless, it’s a time for Celebration!

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – Taking a step back when someone’s plucked the courage to ask for space can be challenging when you just want to help.

End Day 306

Day 305 – Losing Yourself in a Relationship

Monday, 1 November 2021

Day 305. Cards in order of appearance: Flowering, Turning In, We are the World, No-thingness, Healing, The Source, Compromise, Mind, Projections, Change, Deck pile shuffle

Losing Yourself in a Relationship

Yesterday I wrote about always being there wherever you go, or I should say you should always be present wherever you go.  Today, a friend Bernadette (Bernie – not her real name ), advised me she’d split from her husband, and she said she’d lost herself in the relationship.   

Whenever I think of people losing themselves in a relationship, I think of Bjork’s Hyperballad.  Bjork uses metaphors for the habitual throwing out of ‘things’ in her song.  These ‘things’ represent the parts of yourself you don’t show to your partner to keep the peace.   

"Every morning I walk towards the edge/ And throw little things off/ Like car parts, bottles and cutlery/ Or whatever I find lying around/ It's become a habit, a way to start the day".

Bjork - Hyperballad

Over time, the sacrifices you make can become more extensive because it’s habitual to surrender something of yourself simply.  One day like in the song by Talking Heads, “And you may ask yourself, “Well… how did I get here?”.  Suddenly, you’ve lost yourself.  The “you” you want to be, seems buried under social, family, self-sabotage pressures.

By the end, you’re not doing any of the things that brought you joy, and you please everyone but yourself.  This self-sabotage is what it is like to lose yourself in a relationship, and it’s where I was in my first marriage and other relationships. 

The thing is, time has moved on, and you know you’re not who you were, but you’re also not sure of who you’ve become either.  You might find out you’ve become who you want to be the trick is in the discovery, and some people never find out.  However, to find me, I went to a Buddhist meditation retreat where it happened by accident.

Today's Cards

Day 305. Cards in order of appearance: Flowering, Turning In, We are the World, No-thingness, Healing, The Source, Compromise, Mind, Projections, Change, Deck pile shuffle

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday; Turning In moved from Now to Influence, Change moved from Feelings to Outcome.

Cross

By Turning In, we understand, and with the Goal of unity, we work together in We are the World, the Flowering of our true self can begin.  In my situation, the reaction or ‘wisdom’ for today’s events stems from when in the Distant Past.  I had encountered and recognised I’d been losing myself in a relationship too. 

It’s at the point of recognition when potential opens up, allowing me to make different choices.  The choices seemed bleak and daunting, at the time, like the No-thingness of the artist’s untouched canvas – where do you begin?

Simply by Turning in, Healing can begin.  When you can read of others’ experiences and recognise the injury in yourself, like in the Recent Past for me, you are undergoing Healing by showing yourself kindness.

In turn, that tenderness toward yourself brings about the Future Energy of me connecting to my truth or my core connected to The Source.

Base

On the inward journey of Healing, we sometimes feel like we are sacrificing a part of ourselves if we don’t adhere to a principle.  This Compromise is part of the choice we have to make on whether to heal or not to heal; stay stuck or take baby steps toward a new us.  A Compromise is sometimes necessary, even if it isn’t a win.  It’s a little bit of letting go and a little bit of hanging on.

When I see the Mind card appear, sometimes I think of it as “overthinking” and getting wound up over too much happening.  Others’ Views of me at the moment is that I’m overthinking or overanalysing a situation where I know nothing.  True, and I probably am.

Inwardly, there’s the fear that I’m projecting my own life’s situation upon what I’m reading.  Hence, the Projections card appears, but there is a glimmer of hope that I’m aware of it and cannot comment on something, not my business 🤔.  It’s easy in this case.

On a side note, there are a lot of cards with circles today.  Perhaps, I’m seeing the cyclical nature of events play out in someone younger than me, going through what I see as a similar situation to what I had gone through.  In turn, it makes me aware that when I was undergoing that Change, someone older was identifying with me.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

Placeholder comment while I got my mojo back:  “Hello, family priorities have taken over my life at present, and the publishing I’d hoped to do during this period has been put on the back-burner until the family priorities are done.Thank you for your patience.
The next expected article is anticipated for 22 January 2021. At this time, I hope to have the November, December and 2021 Year in Review published.”

End Day

Day 304 – Losing Yourself

Sunday, 31 October 2021

Day 304. Losing yourself. Cards in order of appearance: Turning In, Schizophrenia, Totality, Friendliness, Trust, Stress, Change, Celebration, Morality, Playfulness, Fan Selection

Losing Yourself Context

In my school years, I used to write, “remember wherever you go, no matter where you are or who you’re with, you’ll always be there!”.  It was my version of a philosophical koan or riddle.   Because, well, you always are wherever you are, and you will be whoever you will at that moment in time.  So, what is this business of losing yourself? 

So, when people – me, included – have said they’ve lost themselves, it’s pretty unrealistic, but I understand the point of view.  Wisely, it’s good to remind yourself that you are not lost, and it’s simply the social constructs you are surrounded by when you feel lost that don’t match your sense of true identity. 

Kyler and Sonja both mentioned the sense of loss in their hometowns.  It’s a different sensation to the feeling you get when you’ve found “home”.   In the latter, it’s that sense of acceptance, the feeling of “this is right”; your defences aren’t up because you’re unsure where or when the next emotional trigger sets you off when you don’t get that feeling it can feel like you’re losing yourself.

Before you go home, you’ve done all this work on yourself; let go of stuff, come to peace with elements of your past, you no longer get frazzled by most things.  Then you go home!  If you’re unlucky, someone will remind you of your place within the first five minutes.  Now, I’m not talking in a bullying or aggressive way, and it’s just where there is a lack of understanding that what they remember of you is no longer a reflection of who you are now.

Situational Response

My mother sometimes buys my sister cutesy things, but my sister is now 50!  It would be like someone I met at school buying me a KFC Zinger burger because they remember it as my favourite.  In the meantime, I’ve been a vegetarian for 25 years.  If I ate the Zinger out of kindness, would I be losing myself?  Not necessarily.

Okay, these examples are simple, but this scenario happens all the time.  I bumped into a friend/ work colleague I hadn’t seen for 20+ years at a funeral.  It was fantastic to see her!  Before recognition happened, I thought how wonderfully poised and elegant the beautiful woman was standing in front of me. 

Slowly recognition dawned on both our faces, and a conversation ensued.  Naturally, the discussion focussed on memories of the deceased and our past journey together.  However, I’d forgotten Anita’s turn of phrase and how it sometimes triggered an automatic emotional and defensive response from me.  It’s these times where I risk losing myself or my composure and fall into what I’ve been working to outgrow.

I thought I didn’t have this response anymore.  There’s something about delving into a past situation that brings back past reactions and feelings.  Since then, no one in my sphere has the same turn of phrase or makes the same observations, or at least they’ve not mentioned them to me.  

Regretful Reactions

The truth is that Anita’s phrasing of the observations always feel like they’re limiting me, and in a sense, I lost myself (see my feelings on that in Day 267 Dispelling Poppycock).  I’d asked if Anita had lost weight, and she bristled.  Unintentionally, I’d hit on a sore spot of hers – I’d forgotten how fastidious with her weight and body she’d been.   Anita never had an ounce of fat, but her shape was different somehow.  She seemed taller and willowier. 

It turns out she does a lot of yoga, and Anita has reshaped her body to more tall and slim-looking rather than hourglass-like.  Nonetheless, I bristled at her compliment that I’d always been good at the running type of exercise!  Why was I losing myself?  It was true.  When I knew her, I played squash two to three times a week, went to the gym five out of seven mornings; why then did I bristle?

Anyway, after the funeral, I had to rush off.  Typically, changing a flight isn’t a concern, but there was a work imperative the next day, and I needed to be home to catch the infrequent flight.  Sadly, this meant we couldn’t get past the initial awkwardness and settle into a new dynamic, one where losing myself was less awkward. 

Predictably, Anita and I stopped sending each other text messages to catch up.  Of course, our departure was awkward, not only because we hadn’t updated our connection, but I also needed to ask a favour of her to drop some things off at a company before I rushed home.  In addition, there was the painful memory of a funeral where we lost our primary connection to each other.

Forever Learning

Since the funeral, I’ve been working on those sensitivities and understanding the times where I undergo the act of losing myself.  I also spent time wishing to apologise, but the opportunity is gone.  And I know that in wishing Anita the happiest life she can have, she would want the sentiments reciprocated.  It’s the classic card of Friendliness.  We were on the same road heading the same direction for a time, but then we turned off and went our own way.

Today's Cards

Day 304. Losing Yourself. Cards in order of appearance: Turning In, Schizophrenia, Totality, Friendliness, Trust, Stress, Change, Celebration, Morality, Playfulness, Fan Selection

The Cards - Losing Yourself Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday into today’s ‘Losing Myself’; Turning In moved from Goal to Now, Friendliness moved from Feelings to Distant Past.

Cross

Following the crypto crash of yesterday (Day 303), I discovered that it too was a mechanism for losing myself.  Turning In took the form of meditation.  During meditation, a past incident with Anita played on my mind, and the crypto angst I was feeling (Schizophrenia) were warring within me.  It’s funny that I was talking of the Friendliness card above, and it showed up in today’s Distant Past.

Interestingly, Totality and Trust have appeared one in the Goal and the other in the Recent Past, suggesting the moment of Trust (I think that both the crypto crash and Anita’s conversation somehow link in my subconscious).  Totality is about the moment you surrender to the process, and Trust is the faith to lead you to the decision.

Coming up in Future Energy is Stress.  Does this Stress have to do with the crypto investment or my losing myself?

Base

Regardless of circumstances, Feelings of Change are whirling through my head on both topics.  I need to Change how I react to a compliment without losing myself.

Others’ Views are that I have cause for Celebration.  Could it be in the confelicity I find when I visit the websites where people have posted such heart-warming comments?

Inwardly, my Hopes & Fears are all about doing the right thing, aka Morality.  Soulfully speaking, it’s the fear that I’ll lose myself again.  Under the circumstances, I fear not knowing how or what will trigger it means I need to find a way not to mask it but to cope with it simply.  I hope I’m up to that challenge.  😁

Finally, Playfulness is in the Outcome spot, and for those of you who have read a couple of my posts where Playfulness has appeared, you’ll know that Playfulness sometimes masks times of Stress.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – A Youtube website’s comments prompted me to think about situations where losing yourself seems inevitable.

End Day 304

Day 303 – Experiencing a Crypto Crash

Saturday, 30 October 2021

Day 303. Crypto Crash. Cards in order of appearance: Control, Intensity, Turning In, Transformation, Participation, Traveling, Friendliness, The Master, Creativity, Adventure, Washing Machine

Crypto Crash Context

Although on many occasions, I’ve repeatedly stated in my posts that you shouldn’t invest what you’re not prepared to lose.  This statement is entirely faithful.  Nothing, however, prepares you for the shock of the crypto crash when it happens. 

Many people suffered magnificent, temporary losses when Bitcoin had its crypto crash.  A friend’s investment dropped by over AU$400,000.  At the same time, I’d read an old post by Daniel Puzny of Speed Dragon on LinkedIn re Bitcoin’s drop.  The implication was that putting money into crypto is like riding a roller coaster.  Daniel said, “This is why I remind people that the crypto market is highly volatile and that they need to have the stomach to invest in it“.

The Roller Coaster

I’ve now experienced one of the crypto roller coasters Daniel’s mentioned, and it’s scary.  It was with the money I could afford to lose.  Notwithstanding, there comes the point when you begin to trust the system, even with its highs and lows. 

But what you don’t count on is your attachment to the increase and the incremental increases until it becomes something more significant.  The rewards start to look promising, with the projected APY (Annual Percentage for the Year) forecasting happy growth – even with a modest investment.  Your hope builds.

Then in an instant, your investment plummets, leaving you with nothing or what feels like next to nothing.  You breathe a sigh of relief that it was only money you could afford to lose, but it hurts nonetheless, even if you do have the stomach for it. 

So, what happened?  Simply put, AutoShark, while “super secure”, had its ecosystem abused.  A vault on their site had low liquidity and low fees making it vulnerable.  AutoShark’s ownership of the issue and its Compensation Plan –  Telegram announcement – saved an angry outcry.  To me, it felt like a pump and dump (cnbc.com), and I was left holding the bag.  Only time will tell if the recovery plan will work.  But for now, I’m just coming to grips with the reality. 

To think only four days ago (Day 299), I extolled with the progress the cryptoverse was making and my confidence in it high.  But experimenting means failures as well as successes.  We learn more from the loss but are stronger when we heal from it.

Today's Cards

Day 303. Crypto Crash. Cards in order of appearance: Control, Intensity, Turning In, Transformation, Participation, Traveling, Friendliness, The Master, Creativity, Adventure, Washing Machine

The Cards - Crypto Crash Analysis

Carryover Cards

Four cards carried over from yesterday; Intensity moved from Hopes & Fears to Influence, Turning In stayed in Goal, Participation moved from Others’ Views to Recent Past, Adventure moved from Influence to Outcome.

Cross

In the Distant Past, Transformation in my mindset led me to establish Control today.   The emotions surrounding or influencing me are that of Intensity, and to get a grip on inner turmoil, I’m setting the Goal of Turning In.

In the Recent Past, Participation has been fun.  Still, something was holding me back, encouraging me to re-evaluate my position around how much money I sank into the cryptoverse.

Future Energy is about Traveling to new locations and talking to my crypto sensei. 

Base

Despite the plummet and the shock of the breach, I still have Feelings of Friendliness toward the environment.  Of course, it helps when you go to the AutoShark Telegram site and read the positive comments from the AutoShark faithful.

Others’ Views is that I appear like The Master and remain seemingly unaffected by the suddenness of the crypto crash.

My Hopes & Fears are hopeful that the team at AutoShark and Atlantis, the underpinning platform, use Creativity to bounce the tokens back to life after the crypto abuse.  Hope is the Creativity employed to reinvigorate the site.  On the other hand, I fear other people’s  Creativity might cause a mass departure from the site.

In the end, Adventure is the Outcome.  It’s about learning and experiencing something new – although – disappointment isn’t a new feeling.  The challenge from the crypto crash is to HODL.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
  3. Day 163, My First Cryptocurrency
  4. Day 276, Danger of Crypto Addiction

SEO – Although I’ve preached not to invest what you’re not prepared to lose, you feel mortified when crypto crashes and you’ve grown your initial crypto play money.

End Day 303

Day 302 – When are You Too Old?

Friday, 29 October 2021

Day 302. Too Old. Cards in order of appearance: Clinging to the Past, Adventure, Turning In, Silence, Integration, Aloneness, Moment to Moment, Participation, Intensity, The Creator, Standard Shuffle

Too Old Context

After an intense session of Hot Yoga, I got to wondering when, at what age, should you stop exercising?  And how do I lower my expectations of the results as time goes on?  Is this something that happens naturally?  I guess it all boils down to one question; how do you know you’re too old?

For your information, the Bonfire Yoga site describes their Hot Yoga routine as a series of 27 yoga asanas (postures) and two breathing exercises performed in a room heated up to 37°C (98.6°F).  And yes, it’s hot!  I began trying to get one session in a week, although I’d like to get to three by mid next year.

Long gone are the days when I’m expecting my belly to become taut, flat and terrific.  I never knew what I had until I don’t have it anymore 😟.  My flexibility sucks at the moment, even though I’m pleasantly noticing incremental improvements with each session I attend. Sadly, this flexibility could change depending on the instructor.

So, what is an acceptable age to stop or be too old?  Am I persisting because I’m hanging onto the idea of returning flexibility?  Or will I get the flexibility back?  Basically, when is it too late?  Do I have to give up climbing trees?  When do you know?

For my part, I’m going to tread down the path of many before me and either wait until I just ‘know’ or find out the hard way with something going wrong.  No, my ankle fall in January wasn’t related to my age!  It was a regular spot for people of all ages to fall

Role Model Images

You see, I have a problem when it comes to being “too old”.  The issue stems from two factors: firstly, my mother is a dynamic woman who, despite her protests that she can’t do something, manages to do the task anyway. 

Secondly, Betty White, Jane Fonda, Clint Eastwood, and other actors have demonstrated that they are flexible and talented at any age, at least on the worldly visible side.   Alas, proving that you’re never too old to tackle seemingly impossible things for someone mature.

Today's Cards

Day 302. Too old. Cards in order of appearance: Clinging to the Past, Adventure, Turning In, Silence, Integration, Aloneness, Moment to Moment, Participation, Intensity, The Creator, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday to today’s discussion of too old; Adventure didn’t move and stayed in the Influence spot, Moment to Moment moved from Goal to Feelings.

Cross

Oops, there I go again!  Clinging to the Past, that would be my longing for a flat, taut belly. Wondering, when am I too old?  It might even be the result of the Adventure helping the hurt friend who brought my past coping capabilities (Day 301) 🙄. 

Given I’m not too old to have had experiences and glad I’ve had them, which is a weird thing to say, I know.  But living through a similar experience and remaining active might help.  It does, however, awaken one’s nostalgia.

Indeed, having a Goal of Turning In would allow me to let go.  One of the things I’m unclear of is, why is reminiscing such a horrible thing?  Provided I’m not attached to it, what could it hurt?  

Perhaps, it’s the longing associated with the nostalgia where you can come unstuck or stuck, as the case might be?  Argh, that’s it, isn’t it?  😔  But that’s not what makes it too old?  Oh well, there’s still work to do on me – still too young to be too wise. 😏

In the Distant Past, I’ve settled into Silence and understood things will not be the same, and at some point, I will be too old.  It’s with the recent Integration (Recent Past) of helping by retelling your coping strategies, hoping the person receiving it can garner something from it to help themselves.

Once the retelling is complete, you’re left to your Aloneness in Future Energy, as the person goes and sorts through the new information they got.

Base

Contrary to the circumstances of Clinging to the Past, my Feelings are that I met yesterday’s Goal, and I’m moving from Moment to Moment or taking one step at a time.

Others’ Views indicate that I’ve been involved and supportive, and my Participation makes a difference.  And thankfully, I’m not too old.

Internally, Hopes & Fears has Intensity.  I fear that I cannot control my Intensity regarding my experiences and hope that I have released enough to be helpful but held back, making it about me.  It’s tough!

Finally, The Creator in the Outcome position indicates I’m using my experience and applying it to the present circumstances with wisdom and control.

In summary, I think you’re never too old to make decisions for yourself.  There’s something to be said for the aging process and experience, is that if you listen, it’s not that you’re too old it’s more that it’s something you don’t want to do anymore.  Yoga, even hot, is low impact, and I feel better after attending.

For instance, Do I want to go to a nightclub and hip hop even if I have the capability?  If I’m being honest with myself, I don’t.  It’s fun to imagine I could go and do it, but the real reason for going to a nightclub and participating is not because I’m too old but more like it’s longer applicable to me. 🤔

 

Side note:  The Creator card looked like an evolved and merged version of the Turning In card’s figure and the colours of the Intensity and Participation cards.  It’s probably just me looking for patterns.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – Following an intense yoga class, where I struggled at times, I began to wonder at what age are you too old to do things?

End Day 302

Day 301 – When Someone Hurts

Thursday, 28 October 2021

Day 301. When someone hurts. Cards in order of appearance: Sorrow, Adventure, Moment to Moment, Thunderbolt, Inner Voice, The Master, Abundance, Harmony, Healing, Fighting, Standard Shuffle

When Someone Hurts Context

It’s difficult to help when someone hurts.  My fellowfeel at this time is high, and I’m sure I’m not alone in my helplessness.  There have been many throughout history and around the world daily who experience or have experienced similar inadequacies.  The worst part is when the person hurting shuts down to heal.  Sadly it’s when I unconsciously make it about me. 

Firstly, I understand their need to curl up into a ball and lick their wounds figuratively.  Logically, it makes sense they’re retreating to heal.  We’ve all been there when civil communication is a challenge at one time or another.

So, why do I make it about me?  When someone hurts and shuts down, I feel frustrated and even a little hurt at being excluded from their pain.  Maybe it’s my FOMO (fear of missing out), but I can’t, for the life of me, understand why that might be the case.  Perhaps it’s because their pain resonates in me, and I want to help them fight their fight.  Alternatively, it could be that shutting me out has connotations of unworthiness.

Whatever the reason, the truth is it’s not my fight, and it’s not about me.  I need to trust that.  Sure, I can be supportive, listen and listen some more.  Most times, this is good medicine when someone hurts. 

A friend’s mother warned me not to “say what you’ve always wanted to say” regarding relationship dynamics.  It’s because if the wind changes, you’ve potentially put yourself in hot water with the parties you’re trying to help.  The key is to empathise, not sympathise; there is a difference!

By the way, I’d like to be clear that I’m not talking about physical wounds.  I’m referencing circumstances where people in a relationship separate; someone passes away, or other life events.

Today's Cards

Day 301. When someone hurts. Cards in order of appearance: Sorrow, Adventure, Moment to Moment, Thunderbolt, Inner Voice, The Master, Abundance, Harmony, Healing, Fighting, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - When Someone Hurts Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over from yesterday; Thunderbolt moved from Now to Distant Past.

Cross

Because Thunderbolt moved from yesterday’s Now position to today’s Distant Past, its result indirectly affects the Sorrow I’m experiencing now. 

As you may recall, yesterday (Day 300), I undertook email therapy and pursued it further today.  It turns out there was a miscommunication; the root cause was a miswritten process name.  Phew!  Luckily, the issue got sorted without sending a cranky email 😁.

So, when someone hurt and told me as such, I had to use my Inner Voice to guide me through my response.  Helping someone close in this regard is a whole new Adventure (Influence) for me.  My Goal was to negotiate the mood by going a step at a time or Moment to Moment.

Future Energy has The Master.  I’m going to borrow select words from Osho’s The Master because I would like to embody its purpose; “Together, they create an energy field that supports each unique individual in finding his or her own light” (p.46). 

In the Osho book, the quote refers to Osho’s work with his disciples.  I, obviously, don’t have or want to have disciples, but I like the idea of working with other’s to support their uniqueness.

Base

Alas, when someone hurts, your Feelings of Abundance come to the surface – you want to help. 

Others’ Views is I’m exhibiting a softer, more receptive side of me, mixed perhaps with a touch of playfulness, Harmony.

When it comes to Hopes & Fears, I sincerely hope I contribute to the Healing of someone hurting.  The fear is that my issues are letting me dictate my actions and, therefore, I am not providing the support the person needs.

Finally, Fighting is in the Outcome position.  Fighting is constraining my issues, so they don’t get in the way when someone hurts; that isn’t me.  The funny thing is I seem to have so many of them.  The words going through my head is, these issues are from my life.  They have their problems and their own life – no matter how similar their issues might seem to my experiences.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – When someone hurts, and they’re close to you, it’s not easy helping them without bringing up your past hurts of a similar nature.

End Day 301

Day 300 – Email Therapy & Managing Frustration

Wednesday, 27 October 2021

Day 300. Email Therapy. Cards in order of appearance: Thunderbolt, Completion, The Miser, Stress, Totality, The Source, Letting Go, Consciousness, Guilt, Politics, Standard Shuffle

Email Therapy Context

Sometimes you think what’s happening at work is stupid.  Usually, when I encounter a standard “frustration” type of stupidity, it passes without too much of a blip.  After all, I’m guilty of contributing to other people’s frustration when I do something minor and stupid, and it’s all par for the course.  However, when something strikes me as preposterously ridiculous, I need to rant, and if it’s work-related, I tend to pursue “email therapy”.

The version of “email therapy” I’m talking about today is simple, type an unaddressed DRAFT email to the person who is the source of your frustration and save it to drafts – or delete depending on your preferences.  By the way, I don’t know if there is such a thing as “email therapy”, and I’m too frustrated to look it up on the internet; so, forgive me.

The Beginning of Therapy

Today, I typed several drafts!  If you plan on pursuing email therapy, as per the above paragraph, there are some things you need to consider.  Firstly, DO NOT address the email.  If you have a burning need to address the email to somebody because you’ll feel better, address it to yourself or a friend. 

I cannot stress not sending or addressing it to anyone enough – trust me, I know the consequences of eating humble pie.  Several things happen if the recipient gets a “ranty” email.  At first, they might get defensive, and an email war ensues.  You could be making a career-limiting move, undermining your credibility or getting fired.  At best, you may make a point, and the person realises the stupidity; this is rare and usually happens in movies.

Secondly, after you’ve written the email and decided not to delete it, you need to park it in “drafts”.  Once you’ve parked your draft email, email therapy doesn’t end there.  The third activity is to walk away, preferably leave it parked in drafts for a day and reread it tomorrow. 

This last step of waiting is a crucial part of email therapy.  I’m a fire sign, and I react like someone flicking drops of petrol (gasoline).  That’s right, I spit, crackle and hiss with words.  So, I need time to recompose and redirect my hissing.  Trust me; it’s not always easy! 

When it comes to waiting, I try to persevere until I’ve spoken to the person.  By the time I’m in a position to talk to the person, I’ve calmed down sufficiently not to hurl insults or use passive-aggressiveness.  Most times, it ends up a miscommunication.  Let’s face it; we’re not always able to convey information clearly, especially when we’re under pressure.

After the Wait

If I’ve managed to clarify where the stupidity or frustration came from, then it’s “all good”, and I go to my drafts and delete the email.  On the other hand, if the frustration is still from a lack of information, it’s time to reread your email and embark on the next phase of email therapy.

By this time, I’ve cooled down, and the spit and crackle have disappeared – mostly. Rereading the email is a good way to gauge just how frustrated I was at the time.  The reread allows me to correct the emotional content, make the email sound more professional and less career-limiting. 😃  Once the heat’s removed, I can safely readdress the email and send it. 

Note, if the email is to someone high up in the office hierarchy and I have a manager, I try to send it to my manager.  In my case, my manager is intelligent and level-headed and has a way of diffusing any explosive content I may have left in the email. 

Likewise, if one of my direct reports sends me an email communicating something they would like to pass on, I can assist with diffusing because I’m not close to the experience.

In conclusion, I am writing draft emails to myself and waiting until the next day is soothing.  This form of email therapy works for me.  Note, I sometimes type it up in a word processing document, in Mac Notes, TextEdit or Notepad – they’re safer when I’ve encountered a cup of stupidity rather than a few drops. 🔥

Today's Cards

Day 300. Email Therapy. Cards in order of appearance: Thunderbolt, Completion, The Miser, Stress, Totality, The Source, Letting Go, Consciousness, Guilt, Politics, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Email Therapy Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over from yesterday; The Source moved from Others’ Views to Future Energy.

Cross

Thunderbolt (Now) is about a significant shift; this is what I’m going to attribute to the external ranting of my frustration; that is, email therapy “step one”. 

In the Distant Past, a service I’d built was hijacked and conflicted with its intended purpose.  Developing this service created a lot of Stress with its elements finalising in their Totality in the Recent Past.

Hence, the service’s Completion influences today’s Thunderbolt.  Admittedly, my Goal with the service was miserly keeping it to a minimum, and since it was our team’s to own hadn’t expanded it to meet alternate requirements.  Alas, The Miser’s appearance in the layout.

Fortunately, Future Energy has The Source and indicates a resolution founded on the root cause for the frustration.  It looks like there might be something I’m missing, and the email therapy has been worthwhile.

Base

I don’t like feeling frustrated or annoyed with someone, and confrontation is such a stressful pursuit for me – unless it’s on the sports field. 

The other good thing about email therapy is that it allows me to clear my head and clarify what I want to say with the added benefit of blowing off steam.  After several rewrites, the only thing left is the Feeling that I’m Letting Go. 

Others’ Views are that I’m fully aware of my circumstances (Consciousness).  

Alternatively, Hopes & Fears has me shackled with Guilt.  I fear I’ve done something and communicated too much to people in the office about my frustration; thus, spreading unwarranted rumours.  On the other hand, I hope I’ve said just enough not to feel Guilt.  Only tomorrow can tell.

Finally, Politics is in the Outcome position, and it doesn’t surprise me.  Until the situation resolves, I’m going to be treading tentatively.  Of course, by the morning, I will have calmed down and will contact the person involved.  That’s the next step in email therapy and my least favourite one.  So, what I do sometimes is to check with others first before getting involved.  Ah, Politics.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – It was a tough afternoon because I had to employ “email therapy” to manage my frustration.  Our team’s purpose-built item got repurposed.

End Day 300

Day 298 – What is it about Monday?

Monday, 25 October 2021

Day 298. Cards in order of appearance: Flowering, Integration, Past Lives, Comparison, Beyond Illusion, Rebirth, Adventure, The Source, The Outsider, Silence, Deck pile shuffle

Monday Context

My energy is flat, and the will to push through the day is at its weekly low.  Although it’s not like me to feel like this regularly, Day 041 was the last time and today isn’t even that bad. There are some Mondays where my mood is down.

I guess there could be many reasons for the feeling.  Firstly, the weekend was great, and you don’t want it to stop.  Secondly, you have too much scheduled for the weekend, and you don’t get time to do it all.  Thirdly, you feel the contrast between a relaxed lazy Sunday against the intensity and rigidity of Monday.  

And as much as I would love to abolish Monday mornings and Friday afternoons (Dire Straits, Industrial Disease), it would simply push my mood to Monday afternoons and Friday mornings.  Monday Morning Syndrome is a thing.  While not having the symptoms of a legitimate syndrome apart from being a little hazy or tired, ITFM offers some suggestions to overcome the mood.  They’re adorable, but I’m determined to enjoy my flat Monday morning mood! 😏

Today's Cards

Day 298. Cards in order of appearance: Flowering, Integration, Past Lives, Comparison, Beyond Illusion, Rebirth, Adventure, The Source, The Outsider, Silence, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Monday Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday; Beyond Illusion moved from Now to Recent Past, The Source moved from Recent Past to Others’ Views.

Cross

In the Distant Past, this mood happened because of Comparison.  That Comparison has been brought on by emerging from a cocoon and going Beyond Illusion.  (Wonder whether this has anything to do with yesterday’s reality check on humanity and my association with it?). 

Anyway, I feel like the mood was brought on by the personal illumination or glimpse yesterday.  Consequently, the following concept might be difficult to grasp, but I think this has something to do with my karma.  

I don’t typically delve into “Past Lives“, aka previous existences, ” as some of you know.  Butchering Osho’s words, it’s hard enough to carry and live one life; why would you focus on others?  Unless, of course, you believe that in previous Past Lives, you were always noble and wise; if that were the case, you probably wouldn’t be here. 🤔

Moving on, Integration and its effects influence the Flowering of confidence and Future Energy’s Rebirth of faith in personkind.

Base

Embarking on a journey to work when I’ve been flat, or am emotionally down, can ironically provoke Feelings of Adventure.  

There’s something about pushing myself and getting through the day.  However, not an exciting Adventure allows me to explore whether I immerse myself in work or do something else entirely.  Sometimes, it even gives me the courage to say stuff – tactfully, of course – that I would typically let slide.  See, it is an Adventure.

Others’ Views of me are that I’m connecting to The Source of my being.  Maybe that’s why they thought I was quiet today?

However, in Hopes & Fears, my thoughts turn to fear, where the lack of outgoingness makes me The Outsider.  On the other hand, I sometimes hope to be on the outer.

Finally, the Outcome has Silence indicating that I’ve reached a state of peace by the end of the day and gotten over my “humanity is disappointing” thing.  Sometimes, I feel like Leeloo in the 1997 movie The Fifth Element when she views the encyclopaedic footage of humanity’s war history.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – As I struggle with another dark mood, it strikes me that it’s always a Monday when I battle the inertia of the weekend to go back to work.

End Day 298

Day 297 – Pets Adopted & Discarded

Sunday, 24 October 2021

Day 297. Discarding Pets. Cards in order of appearance: Beyond Illusion, The Dream, Clinging to the Past, Going with the Flow, The Source, Celebration, Politics, Healing, Schizophrenia, Conditioning, Deck pile shuffle

Pets Context

There was a shocking story on my Twitter feed this morning.   The BBC reported pets adopted during COVID-19 lockdowns were returning to shelters as fake strays and essentially declaring they no longer have use for the animal.  This returning of “pets” has produced an onslaught of animals for euthanising.  I guess that the UK isn’t the only country experiencing this trend.

Reading the story made me nauseous, and writing this makes me hollow inside because I can’t fathom why anyone would do that to an animal.  Take it, love it, then dump it?  Why?  This animal gave you their trust, and you fed, looked after it, and it became your pet.  What? Only to have you discard them like a worn chew-toy.

Many years ago, my ex-husband mentioned that the Catholic church – at least the one he attended – claimed that animals didn’t have souls, so their treatment didn’t count.  He didn’t believe it, thankfully.  Anyway, like many things, I wondered about this and concluded, leaning slightly toward the Buddhist viewpoint, that animals are sentient beings and therefore worthy of love, respect or both.

Now, I could carry on about the possible justifications for doing it, but to be honest, I’m not a news site and therefore don’t need to pretend neutrality.  Let’s put it this way, looking after the pet goldfish is annoying, and although pet stores can take them back, my heart’s not in it.  Fortunately, my husband is accommodating and cleans the fish tank most of the time; I just get to overfeed them 😏.

Besides the story on pets, the rest of the day was uneventful.

Today's Cards

Day 297. Pets discarded. Cards in order of appearance: Beyond Illusion, The Dream, Clinging to the Past, Going with the Flow, The Source, Celebration, Politics, Healing, Schizophrenia, Conditioning, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Pets Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

Going with the Flow in the Distant Past led me to an emotional response prompting a look at myself (The Source in Recent Past).  Previously, I’d been so buoyed by humanity getting animals as pets from shelters.  I was elated when I heard the pet shelters had very few animals left to adopt if any.   

Alas, this was the influence of The Dream’s misconception.  The conception sits shattered by today’s tweet, bringing me to reality and taking me Beyond Illusion. I’m now numb to the subject because I feel helpless.

And, yes, I would like to Cling to the Past (the Goal); it’s humbling greeting and living with the better half of my humanity – it’s the glass half full approach to the situation.  I’m hoping that more animals found good homes than not, and the plight of those pets is cause for Celebration in Future Energy.

Base

Somehow Politics is the card in the Feelings position.  Could that be that I don’t want to get deeply involved in the discussion on fake pets or fake strays because it hurts too much?

Others’ Views are that I’m currently Healing.  Accordingly, Osho, Healing is about discovering an area of your ego that has been invested too much in something.  It’s the whole “it’s because of the principle” attitude.  The principle is another name for “I’ve got my pride and my ego”.  Perhaps, not going on too much of a rant means I’m healing that “principle”.

Conversely, Schizophrenia in my Hopes & Fears shows my struggle and duplicity, trying to be fair about discarding pets.  I hope not to understand but fear that I know all too well.  It’s like disowning a family member, and I know all too well; because my father and I estranged for years. 

Under Others’ Views, I talk about others witnessing healing or letting go of ego and in the Outcome position is Conditioning. 

Once again, I refer to Osho’s book for guidance.  You know what? Scratch that!  It’s more the Mythic Tarot I refer to with this, although in the Mythic Tarot, it’s the card of Strength I see every time I look at this card today. 

So, the Strength card is Hercules fighting the lion, representing his ego struggling with one’s “principle”.  This association between Healing, Schizophrenia and the Mythic Tarot makes more sense.

Oh, shoot.  I’ve come full circle back to Osho’s interpretation of Conditioning about sacrificing the personality that society bestows upon you.  Alternatively, Osho states individuality is intrinsic from birth, and the “principle” is irrelevant.  

Aw, where does that leave me on the pets or strays thing?  Still sad.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
  3. Sharman-Burke J, Greene L, The Mythic Tarot – A New Approach to the Tarot Cards, ISBN 0-207-15356-6

SEO – A BBC article, “Covid: Fake strays”, affected my mood, & it was about owners who previously adopted pets but were discarding them as strays.

End Day 297

Day 295 – Unremembered Epiphany

Friday, 22 October 2021

Day 295. Epiphany. Cards in order of appearance: Guilt, Suppression, Completion, Going with the Flow, Patience, Change, Maturity, Traveling, The Source, Thunderbolt, Deck pile shuffle

Epiphany Context

Don’t you hate it when you have an epiphany partway through the day and can’t remember what it was?!  You have the thought to make a note quickly, but you “poo-poo” the idea because it’s such a memorable epiphany there’s no way you’re going to forget!  This rejection of notetaking flies in the face of the multitude of times. In the past, you’ve done the same thing and forgot.  And so it was that’s how today’s story went.  😟

Alas, when I had the idea, it was pure illumination, and I was so excited about it that I would write about it tonight.  Sadly, all I’m writing about is the epiphany I had and forgot.  It’s minor instances like this where the “Transformation” card shows up in some Distant Past position, and you wonder what it was that changed. 

Epiphany moments can be like when you think you’ll remember a dream, but as soon as you wake, all you remember is dreaming, with the content slipping further and further from your grasp. Eh.  Maybe it wasn’t such a great epiphany after all.

Today's Cards

Day 295. Epiphany. Cards in order of appearance: Guilt, Suppression, Completion, Going with the Flow, Patience, Change, Maturity, Traveling, The Source, Thunderbolt, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Epiphany Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over yesterday; The Source moved from the Now to Hopes & Fears.

Cross

In the Distant Past is Going with the Flow.  Going with the Flow can be the same as deferring to the situation.  It’s like those times when you are unsure what you want to eat, and friends ask where you want to eat. 

In a Going with the Flow situation, you might reply, “I don’t mind.  I’ll go wherever”.  So, in the Distant Past, deferring to others’ has led me to the Now where I’m amid Guilt.

Guilt influenced by Suppression.  See, even the cards show the Guilt around forgetting the epiphany, and it probably means that it’ll show up again at some point.  And, if I had to guess what the epiphany was about, I’d say it had something to do with Completion – since it was today’s Goal.

Future Energy has Change afoot, forecasting the potential impact of today’s unremembered epiphany.

Base

Now we’re into the base of the cross, and Feelings of Maturity shows my growth.  At least today, I’m aware that I’ve been silly about not writing the epiphany down rather than repeating it blindly.

Others’ Views think of me as Travelling; it is something percolating in my thoughts at the moment.  Perhaps, it’s made it outside my mind .  

Conversely, Hopes & Fears are all focussed inward and connecting to The Source.  It’s the hope of securing it and the fear of what will happen if I do, and I don’t like what I find.

Finally, Thunderbolt in the Outcome position reinforces the Change sitting in the Future Energy.  Okay, it’s one thing to have an epiphany but quite another to have the upheaval that Thunderbolt implies – I’m nervous.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – Don’t you hate it when you have an epiphany and can’t remember what it was?  That, in a nutshell, is what happened today.

End Day 295

Day 291 – Resigning in Words with Friends

Monday, 18 October 2021

Day 291. Resigning in Words with Friends. Cards in order of appearance: Patience, Suppression, Ripeness, New Vision, Existence, Guilt, Maturity, Flowering, Moment to Moment, Rebirth, Standard Shuffle

Resigning in Words with Friends Context

Okay, I play Words with Friends on my iPhone with strangers.  I am genuinely happy to get thrashed and have someone score against me, and I’ve lost by over 300+ points a couple of times.  Unsurprisingly, the person took a screenshot and showed everyone.  Winning and losing is part of gameplay; I don’t consider resigning.  Hey, I don’t even like swapping my letters to try and get better ones.

It constantly amazes me with the number of people who give up when I’m playing a stranger on Words with Friends 2 (WWF2).  You see, in my early days of playing, I opted for the “Game of the Day” or the option to play “Someone with Similar Skill”.   I thoroughly enjoy playing these games, regardless of whether I’m winning or losing. 

Initially, when we finished playing, and I lost, of course, I was crestfallen (which the other player didn’t see).  Naturally, I congratulated them on a game well-played and asked whether we could rematch.  “Sure”, was the reply.  Great!  Throw the stick again, boss. 🎾

The Change

During the game, the player revealed he was a “he”.  Let’s call him Anton.  Anton was thrilled with his 300+ victory and thanked me for allowing him to have it.  Of course, my response to that was, how could I do otherwise?  Never say die, right?

Anton then told me that many players simply resigned when he’d gotten in front by 200+ points.  Dumbfounded, I asked, “why”?  Anton guessed it was because he was winning.  Okay, I can kind of see that. 

Then Anton asked me why I hadn’t resigned.  I replied, “just because I’m losing doesn’t mean I want to deprive you of your rightful victory.  Besides, I could come back”.  (That last sentence was me deluding myself – in that game, at least.  I still had two tiles to play 🙄). 

The whole thing left me flabbergasted.  Today, someone resigned on me because I was substantially ahead.  It’s true; I don’t know why the resignation occurred; it just seemed that 150-200 points that to some might seem insurmountable.  Darn, it was early in the game and a triple J with a triple word, and you’ve got 90+ points immediately. 

By the way, there have been a couple of people who resigned because I hadn’t chatted to them.  They’ve all been males.  Initially, I used to text, and it was limited to a “good” score, or if I got a great scoring word, I’d be like “sorry”.   Then the “dating” chats began; sadly, I no longer chat.  This form of quitting didn’t sadden me.  

Losing

Of course, if you decided to play a game with a random stranger, you’re going to have the possibility of losing and potentially losing “big-time”.  The algorithms to match players with abilities aren’t infallible.    Thank goodness!

Understandably, it’s hard to lose when you get your butt is handed to you on a silver platter several times, but that too is part of the thrill of playing.  Coming back from defeat makes the victory satisfying because you tried your hardest.

Maybe I’ve got it all wrong.  Nonetheless, I played Anton for ten games before I could win.  But with each game, I got closer to a victory.   Sadly, Anton didn’t get time to play more often due to work, and after I had a couple of wins, he no longer played WWF. 

Funnily, I thought it might have been me winning.  Naturally, there could be many reasons for Anton not playing, but the timing was unlucky for us. 

Today's Cards

Day 291. Resigning in Words with Friends.Cards in order of appearance: Patience, Suppression, Ripeness, New Vision, Existence, Guilt, Maturity, Flowering, Moment to Moment, Rebirth, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Resigning in Words with Friends Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

New Vision in the Distant Past is about opening up to new adventures and new experiences.  Alas, opening up to connect, in Words with Friends, outside of myself to the world, confident that I could handle, winning or losing and losing I can do. 

Recently, I’ve begun appreciating losing more and more; it’s my best mode of learning – all I have to do is weather the welling of emotional disappointment.  The weathering has become more manageable, and I am now indifferent to wins or losses.  Don’t get me wrong; I still try very hard to win; however, my ego isn’t in the game’s outcome anymore.  

Instead, I embrace my Existence and the joy I get from experience.  It sounds cliché, but there’s a reason it has become so.  A phrase can be as original as the day of its inception if you mean it, and it’s not an off-the-cuff remark.

Following today’s resignation against me, I held together my emotional disappointment, Suppression (Influence) and exercised Patience (Now).  Before the opponent’s resignation, I was ready to play another strategically placed word and felt that I might win.  That was the Goal of Ripeness, anyway.

Future Energy holds Guilt.  Guilt at playing too hard, I should curb my enthusiasm for placing good words when the opponent leaves a spot open and, as luck would have it, I have great tiles.  Sadly, I shouldn’t have to do that just to get a game.

Base

And even though I suppressed my emotional frustration at the resignation, I’m getting better with that too.  It’s all about Feelings of Maturity and seeing the experience for what it is; just someone who is where I was.  So, hugs.

Other’s Views is that they see me Flowering and becoming comfortable in my skin, and embracing the feminine.

In agreement is the card in the inner Hopes & Fears position, Moment to Moment.  I’m hoping to live life stepping from Moment to Moment but fear that I’m more pretending rather than genuine.  This pretending notion comes from the lack of continuity of experience, that I can’t maintain the feeling for any sustained length of time.  Alas, that’s the point, isn’t it?

Finally, it’s Rebirth in the Outcome position.  Rebirth is about “a time of growth and change” (Osho, p. 136), part of the continual self-evolution experience.  Now that I’ve conquered (cough) losing, where to next?

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
End Day 291

Day 285 – Being Late is Frustrating

Tuesday, 12 October 2021

Day 285. Being Late. Cards in order of appearance: Maturity, Trust, The Lovers, New Vision, Beyond Illusion, Politics, Totality, The Miser, Stress, We are the World, Standard Shuffle

Being Late Context

One of my sister’s favourite lines is “she was born late, and she’s been late ever since”. It’s true; arriving on time is a struggle for me, and I was born late.  When I met my husband, an early person, everyone I knew breathed a sigh of relief because, between the two of us, we arrived on time – no more being late for me! 

By the way, I hated being early, particularly to events.  Usually, you sat there making small talk and only once the small talk passed stuff would get interesting.  It was selfish of me to let others do the hard work of small talk.  To be clear, it was mostly an unconscious decision to be late. 

I’ve asked myself many times why I’ve persisted in being late.  My retrospective reasoning went like, “I’m always where I’m meant to be when I’m meant to be there”.  Yes, it’s more a justification but still maddening for recipients. 

Alternatively, I blamed TV shows.  As each show went from plot point to plot point, usually without travel, so too was my reliability and being late.  For example, if an event needed or wanted my presence (I reasoned no one ever ‘really’ wanted me there) and it was 15 minutes away in travel, I was 15 minutes late.  The degree of lateness, of course, became a problem the further I was away from an event. 

Now, my tardiness isn’t always within my control.  As a “relieving staff” officer for a couple of years, one of my jobs was to backfill anyone sick or on leave across the metropolitan region, and relieving as a teller was one of them. That was before automatic teller machines (ATMs), banks had staff at counters performing that function.  So, travelling up to two hours, at a moment’s notice, was not uncommon.

Mitigating Circumstances

One of the ways I tried to overcome my lateness was by reading.  I discovered the joy of reading if I arrived early and there was nothing to do upon arrival.  Alas, I headed off super early on several occasions, so I got the opportunity to read. 

Also, I found going to the gym first thing in the morning near the place I was required to relieve at was another beneficial way to get me within a shorter travelling distance.  That was only possible if the local “sweatshop” reciprocated my gym membership. 

I left home early on multiple mornings only to encounter circumstances beyond my control and wound up late.  Usually, it was traffic.   And before you say everyone faces traffic, not like this, they don’t!  Sadly, the universe conspired to thwart my attempts at timeliness.

For instance, one morning to get to the gym – and maybe squeeze in some reading – I left home four hours early for a 20-minute journey.  The plan was to leave at 5 am for an 8:45 am start.  There was a 5:30 am gym class not 10 minutes from the branch I was to work that day.  As you may have guessed, I arrived late!  And that’s without going to the gym and without doing any reading.  Why?  There was a truck that had “fallen” sideways and blocked all lanes in one direction.  Emergency rescue teams then needed the freeway in the opposite direction to do rescue type activities.  Thank goodness for the radio!

Back in those days, there weren’t any mobile phones, so there was no communication capability.  You had to rely on the radio to broadcast news of the event or hope others were heading in the same direction and communicated the predicament.

The Universe versus Me

Luckily for me, the truck impacted many people heading in the same direction.  But for a time, this type of delay happened to me ALL the time!  Even now, going to meetings, I’ll get a phone call as I’m about to head off to being late. It’s challenging to say no when you’re in back-to-back meetings. 

In project management, it doesn’t have to be the boss that waylays efforts to arrive late for a meeting.  After all, the focus of a project manager is to keep issues from impacting the timeframe, costs or quality of a project.  That means there’s always some sort of ‘brush fire’ to fight, figuratively speaking.

One of the things I learnt from my constant tardiness and meditation was that if I listened to my inner voice, I’d get to places when I needed to get to places.  I know it’s fatalistic, as in “what’s meant to be will be”, but I believe this to some extent, anyway.  But it’s crucial to note that we are not powerless in the exchange.

You see, I believe before we’re born, our souls choose a mission and part that means hitting meeting specific touchpoints.  For example, your task is to make a chocolate cake.  One of the ingredients needs to be chocolate.  You usually get the ingredients by the time you’re 20, sometimes those end up being late too.

Whether you get the ingredients early or late is what you decide when you’re here. Of course, one of your missions might be to do them in a particular order or make something with them.  But as long as you get the ingredients, your soul’s purpose is on the right track. Only you listening to your inner guide can say when fulfilment will happen.  First, you gotta learn to listen.

Learning

Once I learned to listen to my inner voice, I found I wasn’t being late, I was there “at time” rather than “on time”.  Being somewhere “at time” can be translated to being “at the right time”.  Several times when going to the airport, I’ve not felt pushed to get moving.  On each occasion, the plane has either been late, rescheduled or cancelled. 

My learnings have never extended to confidently saying “I’m not packing” 😃.  So, today I’m less late, I get impatient when I need to be somewhere early.  Yes, no surprise other people don’t like being late!  Believe it or not, there have been times when I’ve been pushing my husband to get ready and “we gotta go”, not for any other reason than we need to be somewhere “at time”.  Okay, it’s rare, but it happens.

By the way, when it came to the truck traffic event.  I learnt more than “don’t fight the universe” I also learnt to let go of my frustration at being late when there’s nothing you can do.  It was when I could define the difference between anger and frustration. 

Anger is when you could or couldn’t do something to influence the outcome of a situation.  Frustration, on the other hand, is when you’ve done everything you can, but it’s out of your control, and nobody else is to blame.  It’s like the truck event there was no avoiding being late to work that day.

Today's Cards

Day 285. Being Late. Cards in order of appearance: Maturity, Trust, The Lovers, New Vision, Beyond Illusion, Politics, Totality, The Miser, Stress, We are the World, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Being Late Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over from yesterday; Politics moved from Hopes & Fears to Future Energy.

Cross

I’m going to guess that the Distant Past’s New Vision came from the moment I realised I needed to trust my inner voice.  Next, I need to specify my inner voice not to frustrate those waiting on me and prod me before that happens.

Consequently, in the Recent Past, I’ve morphed, which is what the Beyond Illusion card is saying.  The image has a third eye opening up and the light of clarity emanating from it, showing only recently I’ve evolved.  The Goal has always been to work in harmony with my inner self and the world like The Lovers.

It’s only with Trust’s influence that Maturity has happened.  

But, uh oh!  Future Energy has Politics, possibly signifying that duplicity is still necessary when I’m late and get held up.

Base

Totality is in the Feelings spot and continues Trust’s influence to allow total commitment toward managing late attendances; at least, that’s how I feel.

With others viewing me as The Miser, my Politics aren’t as flawless as I would like to think they are; in truth, I’m not very good at Politics.

Whenever I’m late, Hopes & Fears come to the fore.  Firstly, inwardly I Stress and fear arriving late.  If I’m late, I get tempted to play Politics and find reasons that feel like lies; I hate lying – lying causes even more Stress.  Secondly, there’s hope that I’ve left enough time or that no one has missed me enough to notice I’m not there yet.

Finally, We are the World is in the Outcome, which signals what goes around comes around.  This perception is not typical for the card, but maybe being tolerant of others brings about the feeling of solidarity. 

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – There were a couple of back-to-back meetings today, and I kept being late to meetings, and it reminded me of old habits I need to kick.

End Day 285

Day 281 – The Thin Etiquette Line

Friday, 8 October 2021

Day 281. Thin etiquette. Cards in order of appearance: Moment to Moment, Playfulness, Thunderbolt, Adventure, Understanding, Rebirth, Schizophrenia, Ice-olation, Maturity, Abundance, Standard Shuffle

Thin Etiquette Context

Today, I was in a meeting, and the topic of bullying arose.  It’s a prickly subject, and depending upon the audience, your views can get misinterpreted.  Saying something which treads the thin etiquette line between etiquette and offensive can quieten a room. 

Fortunately, those in the meeting understood my intention and were not offended, thus avoiding crossing the thin etiquette line between morality and embarrassment.  But it could so quickly have gone wrong.

I’m going to cover my views briefly, and I apologise in advance if you’re offended.  Thus, I mentioned that the bullying I’d received at school strengthened my character.  Admittedly, it wasn’t the same degree of bullying that the person in the meeting had witnessed as he was growing up, with kids turned upside down and their heads held above the toilet.  The comment then was grossly out of context.  That’s what happens when you enter part way through and don’t have the facts.

Yes, the bullying I’d encountered was some name-calling, hair pulling and persistent innuendo.  The latter always confused me because I both found it flattering and offensive at the same time!  I was flattered because the comments implied, I had a great body or bust line worthy of attention and appreciation.  On the other hand, I was offended that it was the only area to get attention.   Alas, the thin etiquette line got crossed.

Fortunately, I can look back on those times, acknowledging it for what it was, youth and inexperience.  But sometimes, we slip up and wind up with “foot in mouth”, from which we need to extricate ourselves.

Today's Cards

Day 281. Thin etiquette. Cards in order of appearance: Moment to Moment, Playfulness, Thunderbolt, Adventure, Understanding, Rebirth, Schizophrenia, Ice-olation, Maturity, Abundance, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Thin Etiquette Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

An Adventure in my Distant Past fuelled the Goal for a change in views, Thunderbolt.  In the Recent Past, I gained an Understanding of a situation I hadn’t comprehended before.  How horrific has my friend’s life been to be exposed to such horrible “bullying” tactics?  And I grew up in a “bad” neighbourhood!

Luckily, the Playful influence in the meeting allowed me to travel from Moment to Moment (Now) and escape traversing the thin etiquette line.

Future Energy has Rebirth, and for once, I’m not sure whether to view this card as a positive card.  Do I want a Rebirth of the memories about childhood challenges, even if they helped me form a sense of worth based on reference to me?

Base

As I entered the conversation and realised the thin ice I was walking on, I struggled with finding my footing to the safe ground (Schizophrenia card in Feelings position).  In the end, I felt simply letting my perspectives go and seeing how the chips landed was the best way to go.

Others’ Views are that I’m experiencing Ice-Olation.  This recognition could have occurred when the invitees realised I was struggling for the right thing to say once I had the full context.

When it comes to Hopes & Fears, I hope my Maturity helped me navigate the situation.  Alternatively, the reverse – expressed as fear – could be true, and immaturity was what showed.

Finally, the Abundance card is in the Outcome position.  The Outcome shows the expansiveness and benevolence of the people attending the meeting.  Their generosity allowed me to skirt close to the thin etiquette line without causing me to panic and cross into nonsense comments to save myself.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
End Day 281

Day 280 – Men Can Say No Too

Thursday, 7October 2021

Day 280. Say No. Cards in order of appearance: Politics, Breakthrough, Possibilities, Friendliness, Stress, Ripeness, Transformation, The Dream, Harmony, Suppression, Deck pile shuffle

Say No Context

Today, I heard two songs that got me thinking, Nenah Cherry’s Heart and Dolly Parton’s Joelene.  Both tunes are full of passion about how the other woman is threatening to take away their man.  These songs don’t credit men with any volition of their own.  Surely men are empowered to say no, too.  

Or are these songs saying men are susceptible?  Then, why would you be with someone so gullible?  Isn’t there a line in the Lord’s Prayer asking us not to be led into temptation, and isn’t the whole point of that line to encourage our convictions and loyalties?

Quite simply, temptation is there to resist.  By the way, I’m not very good at it myself; in the words of Oscar Wilde, “I can resist anything except temptation”.   Does it hark back to Adam and Eve’s apple scenario?  In that scenario, is it saying Adam/ men are innately the weaker sex because he/ they can’t resist temptation from his/ their rib? 

It’s a fundamentally flawed concept if men are unable to say ‘no’?  Are they ‘spoilt’ brats?  Or is it generation upon generation giving leeway to boys what they want?  In my grandmothers’ generation – and my mother’s – men were fawned over.  My mother doted on most I dated. 

In relatively recent times, a person I know when, in the middle east, was part of a multi-rape trial.  Her perception was the innocent young woman displayed her body like she was walking through London rather than the middle east.  The young woman was unaware of the cultural nuances, thereby “courting trouble”.  

My acquaintance’s view was, men were powerless to say no?  Yet so many men had!  I can’t begin to write how I disagree with the perspective.  Because once I start, I’d be writing all night.

Women's Magazines

On the contrary, men can say no and often do but don’t traditionally have no told to them.  There are some aspects of society; I’m talking women’s magazines that write stories about various women being ‘homewreckers’ or taking another woman’s man.  Really? 

Firstly, a person should not be a possession of someone else.  Any engagement or co-existence should be mutual, in my humble opinion.  Secondly, doesn’t the man doesn’t have a say?  What bewitching beguilement do these women possess to have such power? 

My ex-husband, in a heated argument I told, cruelly baited him to cheat on me.  Out of spite, he went to take me up on the offer, but he couldn’t go through with it in the end.  The same was true for Anton, a previous work colleague.  He had made plans to cheat on his wife.   He changed his mind at the last minute when he realised how much he loved his wife and didn’t want to hurt or lose her.  He simply had to say no.

In both these cases, the man was not a mere puppet, nor was he a slave to his physical urges both understood consequences?  I love the saying, ‘it takes two to tango’ because it reminds me that men or the other party involved can say no too, even if it is challenging.

Today's Cards

Day 280. Say No. Cards in order of appearance: Politics, Breakthrough, Possibilities, Friendliness, Stress, Ripeness, Transformation, The Dream, Harmony, Suppression, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Say No Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

The Distant Past’s Friendliness, I’m going to assume is a previous love (and I still enjoy) of these songs, has given rise to Recent Past’s Stress.

My Goal today was to discuss Possibilities while playfully and skilfully writing tactfully on this topic akin to serious Politics.  The change comes from the influence of a Breakthrough that, unless the go-between party is drugged, it takes two to tango.

Alas, Ripeness in Future Energy suggests it’s the right time for me to broach the subject and talk about men also having the ability to say no.

Base

The Breakthrough has been illuminating, and my Feelings are that I’m undergoing a Transformation.  I know I’ve now seen a perspective in myself that I won’t be able to “unsee”.

Others’ Views are that my perception is romanticised by The Dream’s appearance – not sure how that works.

In the meantime, Hopes & Fears has Harmony.  I’m hoping not to destroy any Harmony I’ve established with my followers and fear the converse is true.

Finally, however, the Outcome for me is Suppression.  Can I be true that I’m still suppressing something on the topic of men saying no?

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – It’s funny how songs can prompt a breakthrough today.  It was a couple of songs & a conversation with an acquaintance on how men can say no too

End Day 280

Day 278 – From Elation to Emotional Struggle

Tuesday, 5October 2021

Day 278. Cards in order of appearance: Possibilities, The Source, Morality, Existence, Celebration, Moment to Moment, Sharing, The Burden, Intensity, Integration, Washing Machine

Emotional Struggle Context

There’s a gulf of difference between the strange feeling of elation on Day 275 (2 October) and today’s massive emotional struggle is vast.  I don’t know whether it is from the effects of the vaccine or because people around me are planning their retirement. 

When you begin nearing the end of your working life, everyone around you of a similar age is making retirement plans.  Up until recently, I had been blissfully working.   Of course, I knew retirement was around the corner and had a tentative plan in place for what I was going to do in it.  It’s part of the reason I began the website.  What I hadn’t prepared for was everyone talking about it affecting me.

I tend to get an idea and run with it, which is why it was dangerous for me to begin thinking of retirement when I need to work for another three years before it is even a thing.

One of the most important things to consider was activity post-work; the other was income.  So many people, I have heard, are okay being retired for six months and then struggle to keep themselves entertained.   When it comes to finances, if you are no longer earning, you are drawing down on funds designed to last you until you ‘shuffle off this mortal coil’ (William Shakespeare, Hamlet).

Maybe it was a combination of the contrast of the joy, the retirement talk and an overcast day causing the emotional struggle.  But whatever it is, I know this feeling too shall pass!  Thank goodness!

Today's Cards

The Cards - Emotional Struggle Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over from yesterday; Integration moved from Recent Past to Outcome.

Cross

The elation and humility of Existence in the Distant Past led to the Recent Past’s feeling of Celebration opening up today’s (Now) Possibilities.  The Source influences the idea of more ideas and opportunities. 

However, the Goal of today was on making sure things get done “properly”.  It’s like in the card Morality, showing correctly as having the fun removed from it.  Alas, the lack of fun described my emotional struggle today. 

I can just “play it by ear”, which in some cases is far from “reading a music sheet”, and take it from Moment to Moment in Future Energy.

Base

Despite the emotional struggle, the cards suggest that I’m feeling abundant enough for Sharing. 

On the other hand, Other’s Views are of me carrying The Burden.  Perhaps it’s the perception, which I may have encouraged, that I haven’t planned for my retirement?  It could be true.

In the meantime, Hopes & Fears has me hoping for Intensity’s return – or simply a return of energy and spriteliness will do.  Conversely, the Intensity magnifies the emotional struggle (fear). 😟

Finally, the Integration card is in the Outcome position and seems to indicate the merging of moods blending today’s struggle with Day 275‘s elation to form a happy medium.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
End Day 278

Day 275 – Dealing with Elation

Saturday, 2 October 2021

Day 275. Elation. Cards in order of appearance: Abundance, The Dream, Letting Go, Aloneness, Friendliness, Success, Guilt, Stress, Suppression, Intensity, Washing Machine

Elated Context

I’ve got a weird sensation today; I feel happy through to my core.  And, quite frankly, I don’t know what my thoughts are on the situation.  The good thing about today is it’s a Saturday, meaning I don’t have to fight this elation at work.  The feeling is like a weight removed off my shoulders, and I’m floating.  It’s amazing!  I am so at peace and very much me.

The strange part about the whole situation is that I’m no more focused now than when I’m tired. Maybe I’ve eaten something, or the Serotonin Frequencies (Day 269) have kicked in but Wow! It really is like I’m on psychedelic drugs.

This feeling has come out of nowhere.  Maybe it’s the healing, cleansing, or regeneration frequencies I’ve been playing in the background.

Anyway, focus! Let’s get to the analysis! Oh, it’s no good.

Today's Cards

Day 275. Elation. Cards in order of appearance: Abundance, The Dream, Letting Go, Aloneness, Friendliness, Success, Guilt, Stress, Suppression, Intensity, Washing Machine

The Cards - Elated Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over from yesterday; Friendliness moved from Now to Recent Past.

Cross

Perhaps the journey of Aloneness in the Distant Past and the Friendliness of the Recent Past have brought Abundance.  Of course, influencing overwhelming elation is The Dream, aka illusion. 

The illusion comes from the fact it feels like this feeling will never end; sadly, you can’t ride the tiger of Success (Future Energy) forever.  The trick is to enjoy it while it’s here and enjoy the next moment when it appears.

The elation sensation I’m feeling appears from me Letting Go of something, or at least that the Goal implies. 😃

Base

So why is it that amidst the overwhelming Abundance of elation, I am having feelings of Guilt?  Is it because I’ve already realised that the elation will need to pass, although it seems to stretch forever?  My notations suggest this very dilemma.  It is in acknowledging that the feeling will end that I’m encouraging it to do so 😔.

Conversely, while I’m experiencing joyousness, Others’ Views are of me under Stress.  Whether this elation is viewed as me finally cracking under pressure, or it’s simply the overhanging perception from the past couple of days.  It could also mean I’ve finally gotten past the vaccine hangover.  

Further to the feelings of Guilt, I have Suppression in the Hopes & Fears position.  Firstly, I am trying to suppress this feeling. I fear people won’t understand this feeling – hey, I’m not sure I know this feeling!  On the other hand, there’s a secret hope that by suppressing it, I’ll be able to hang on to it a little longer.

Finally, there’s Intensity in the Outcome spot. The elation I’m experiencing is intense, and the world feels like a beautiful place to be.  Hugs and love to all!  You’re all beautiful, beautiful beings!  What more can I say?  

You know, I love this 💞 emoji because it looks like an exchange of love in a continual loop!  And I like this 💗 emoji because it is like love growing outwards and everywhere.  Lastly, this 💕 emoji is sweet because, for me, it’s like sending someone love.  It may not be the case, and there’s some innuendo associated with it.  You know what?  That’s okay, too (I hope 🤞).

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – Today I found myself in a strange predicament where I had come across this overwhelming elation; why then did I want to suppress it?

End Day 275

Day 268 – Living in Personality Boxes

Saturday, 25 September 2021

Day 268. Cards in order of appearance: Change, Thunderbolt, Possibilities, Traveling, The Outsider, Integration, Experiencing, The Dream, Ripeness, Aloneness, Deck pile shuffle

Boxed Context

Putting us in boxes has been happening since togas were in fashion in ancient Greece.  And while I’ve been the first person to take umbrage at the first wall being erected.  It’s only recently, I’ve discovered that the boxes are not definitive.  Each system acknowledges none of it is fully applicable to every single person.  And most people use them to try to “understand” a person, a way to help empathise. 

Although some people do use whatever mechanism of ‘box-in-ation” (the verb for using a system to put someone in a personality box) is available to rank others.  Heck, I know, I’ve done it myself!  Being able to judge imbues a self-righteousness to promote condescension upon those folk sorted into other categories.

In a massive turnabout on my past self, I now understand the purpose of boxing people’s personalities (the process of putting someone in a box).  You can’t go to every person and take the time to understand them.  Let’s face it, most of us don’t fully know ourselves all the time either 😏 Then finding a way to help connect with those you don’t know, boxes can help.

Look at it this way; no two people are precisely physically alike.  Yes, even identical twins occupy a different physical footprint on the planet.  Therefore, this subtle difference means they’re not “exactly” alike. 

Even if the twins walked around with one on top of the other’s shoulders, one would be the top twin and the other the bottom twin.  The perspectives for both of them would be different.  The point is that as humans, we have specific physical characteristics that identify us as part of the human species.  We box/ identify/ log humans by eye and hair colours.  Why is it then when we talk about personalities, it’s not?

Today's Cards

Day 268. Cards in order of appearance: Change, Thunderbolt, Possibilities, Traveling, The Outsider, Integration, Experiencing, The Dream, Ripeness, Aloneness, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Boxes Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

Travelling sits in Distant Past and contributes to the Recent Past’s feeling like The Outsider – even if it was self-inflicted.  Since a Thunderbolt has hit me as I wrote tonight, I realised I’d been looking at “boxes” all wrong.  People have been trying to understand people for a very long time.  Boxes are another way of trying to do that.

Under Thunderbolt’s influence, Change thrives, allowing for Possibilities to open up and become a Goal.  There are always opportunities for growth in chaos.

Change and Possibilities comingle to form Future Energy of Integration.

Base

Thinking about the new way of looking at boxes gives me mixed feelings.  Some feelings are because I’m shocked at it taking me this long to connect what I was doing with the intention.  And the other is simply Experiencing the joy of discovering another perspective.

Others’ Views are that I have a romanticised view of boxes, expressed by The Dream.

Alternatively, Hopes & Fears has Ripeness, where I felt there had to be more to the stereotyping view, and I hope the new revelation opens my eyes.

Finally, the Outcome of Change continues to see me travel the road by myself in my complete Aloneness because boxes will continue to make people uncomfortable or misused.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on personality boxes and how I hate them for their rigid constraints, removing freedom of decision, and yet.

End Day 268

Day 263 – Hair Colour and Hairdresser Challenge

Monday, 20 September 2021

Day 263. Hair colour. Cards in order of appearance: Traveling, Courage, Possibilities, Adventure, Playfulness, Clinging to the Past, Sorrow, Exhaustion, Integration, The Master, Deck pile shuffle

Hair Colour Context

As some of you may know, when you go to the hairdresser to have your hair coloured, by the time you’re due for the next colour, the dye has “faded”.  Sometimes the change isn’t bad, but it’s unpleasant to live with at other times.  And you’re the only one who cares!  Sure, you might get a comment from a close family member, but they usually don’t see you every day.

Of course, it’s all about personal preference.  We usually have an image in our heads of how we would like to present ourselves to the world.  Some people are fussier about it than others, but we make choices on what we wear. 

I’m selective on where I like the part of my hair.  Therefore tolerate it being out by the millimetre to the left or right 😏.  But, I don’t expect the hairdresser to understand.  After all, I can fix it when I leave the hairdresser.  So, the extent of the hairstyle’s variation to how I want it in my mind will determine how quickly I try to fix it.

And I don’t know what it is about hairdressers that challenge my vanity.  Is it my inability to communicate my vision or a blinkered determination, on the hairdresser’s part, to implement the fashion cut of the day?  Alternatively, it’s likely a little of both creative and communication differences.

The Error

The day I was supposed to get my haircut was the day the hairdresser had a personal day.  Her leave delayed my colour by two weeks.  Not a problem, yet in that time, the colour went from acceptable to blah. 

I thought a wash with the chocolate shampoo would do wonders for the colour.  It did.  I was thrilled with the colour.  So much so that at the next shampoo, I did it again.  However, this time, it didn’t look as good because it had built on the existing colour. 

My error was believing the first shampoo would wash out the previous colour entirely.  So, I used the chocolate shampoo on the second shampoo again.  Sadly, it came out darker.  The colour wasn’t too bad, but it looked worse by the next wash day and hairdresser day.

This experimenting with colour shampoo gave my hairdresser license to charge me more to fix the mistake.  My hair had additional “red” from the chocolate shampoo, throwing out the existing expensive colour.  In hindsight, I would have been better pushing out the hair appointment by another fortnight to wash out the colour.  Of course, there would be no guarantees that some other form of flawed logic wouldn’t capture my imagination. 

If I almost fell off the chair when I first embarked on this journey with the cost, today sent me to the floor!!  I felt trapped, and it was all a result of a poor shampoo choice.

Trapped

When I’m trapped, I lash out.  If I’ve made a mistake and don’t want to own the error, I lash out.  Slowly, I caught my internal rage.  However, I realised why I stopped hairdressers to colour my hair and stuck with supermarket colours.  The colour a hairdresser gives you is seldom what you want. 

Ironically and sadly, the best hairdresser was able to replicate the supermarket colour on the box perfectly.  The hairdresser was also incredibly generous and provided me with the details so that other hairdressers could replicate the colour!  How amazingly thoughtful and kind was that?!  Alas, Vanity Hair was also in Jindabyne, New South Wales and is now sadly permanently closed. 

Response

Under shocking circumstances like the price to fix my mistake, I adopt a “fight” position.  The fight takes the form of a barrage of questions fired at the messenger in the situation, following the psychological path of grief: denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance.   Today, I went through each of the phases quite rapidly. 

And although I’m not grieving, I find the “grief” response can apply to any number of situations, including changes or new information.   

First, it was “what?, no?”, then anger which I strategically channelled into checking my bank balance to buy me some time to come to grips with the shock.  Following the shock, I hit negotiation.  It was to understand my options.  And, at the back of my mind, an exit strategy out of this horrible costly hair-colouring exercise began to cook.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s a beautiful hair colour.  All I wanted was a colour with the same hue as the previous colour but a little lighter to blend in with my regrowth.  The colour I wanted was the same as if I’d put the brunette dry shampoo on it.

Image illustrating Fight, Freeze, Flight spectrum. The spectrum is a horizontal line. On top of the line are stylised figures. Extreme left is a boxing figure, in the centre is a cross-legged meditator, and on the extreme right a figure walking away from others.

Exit Strategy

So, to get me out of any more months of frustration, I have to develop an exit strategy.  As far as I can see, I have three options: staying the current course and hoping it gets cheaper.  Two, do nothing with the colour next time and let it grow out over time, or three, shave my head and start again.  Fourthly, and that’s to do my colour from a supermarket colour – they’ve been great in the past. 

The only reason I began getting the hairdresser to do colours again was that I met a great hairdresser in Jindabyne’s Vanity Hair.  The owner knew colour.  For instance, when I took my supermarket colour in, although she was unable for insurance reasons to put that colour on, she was able to make up a similar colour.  And in an enormous act of generosity, it provided me with the colour codes to allow any other hairdresser to reproduce it.  

One of the code’s flow-on effects was that they taught four other hairdressers how to treat a colour challenge they’d been facing and couldn’t resolve, even with assistance from the dye manufacturers.  Each hairdresser was impressed with adding a colour, which made sense but hadn’t tweaked because of the advice they’d received or their training.

Shaving my head is something I’ve wanted to do my whole life, and I thought it might be something for when I retire or reach sixty.  However, the box colour is 30 times cheaper than what I paid today!  Anyway, I’m leaning toward the third option.

Today's Cards

Day 263. Hair colour. Cards in order of appearance: Traveling, Courage, Possibilities, Adventure, Playfulness, Clinging to the Past, Sorrow, Exhaustion, Integration, The Master, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Hair Colour Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

Once I’d formed the Goal (aim) to venture into the many Possibilities offered up by coloured shampoo, there was little that could stop the impending crash. 

This Goal formed in the Distant Past when I wanted an Adventure (Day 096 and Day 147) or, put simply, I wanted to try something different.  My Adventure into the world of hair colour brought out, more recently (Recent Past), my sense of fun in Playfulness.

For me, hair colour requires Courage, and under its influence, I ended up Now Traveling along this path.  Does Travelling to the hairdresser count as travel?  Considering we’ve been dodging COVID-19 lockdown, I’m going to say, “yes”.

Unfortunately, my error in judgment regarding the coloured shampoo will most likely lead to Future Energy, where I’m Clinging to the Past.  Clinging to what was and how I loved it after the first coloured shampoo attempt.

Base

Alas, there’s no mystery for Feelings of Sorrow to surround my situation. 😢

Others’ Views are that I’m suffering Exhaustion and not thinking clearly.  It could be the continual late nights catching up, I suppose.

What I was most hoping for was Integration.  That is, the unity between hair-colour shampoo and hairdresser-applied colour would work together.  My fear is the Integration I had expected didn’t work out.  Sadly, this was the case.

Lastly, The Master is in the Outcome position, suggesting that the experience was worthwhile because I learnt to detach and acknowledge the vanity elements.  The Master also highlights the “mastery” over my emotions in the fight-flight response spectrum.

By the way, I put the meditative person in the middle because this would be the calm, cool head assessing every situation.  However, it’s more likely to be a confused looking person with hands-on-hips wondering which response to enact, aka “frozen” by indecision, compared to its converse opposite.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
  3. Vanity Hair, Jindabyne – site seems active.  Yet the notice that comes up on a search says “permanently close” 

SEO – Well, it’s time for another hairdresser visit but not before I’d tampered with my hair using a coloured shampoo which had costly consequence.

End Day 263

Day 262 – Depending on Others

Sunday, 19 September 2021

Day 262. Cards in order of appearance: Awareness, Innocence, Laziness, Morality, Participation, The Dream, The Lovers, Patience, Breakthrough, Receptivity, Washing Machine

Depending on Others Context

In short, today, I needed to depend on others to do something for me.  My notes don’t say what the dependency entails.  However, my priorities aren’t those of others, and I get that – but it can be oh so stressful!  So, here is what I have written in my ‘diary’:  I hate depending on other people, but I’m aware of my limitations and understand I need help. 

In taking a philosophical and karmic perspective, when I need to depend on others and get frustrated.  This frustration might be karmic repayment for when I’m late to events where others depend upon me to attend.  Let’s face it, I’m not usually the life of the party, so I don’t feel I’m a necessary part of any particular event.

That’s all I had in my notes, and maybe that’s all I needed for the analysis.  Let’s see!

Today's Cards

Day 262. Cards in order of appearance: Awareness, Innocence, Laziness, Morality, Participation, The Dream, The Lovers, Patience, Breakthrough, Receptivity, Washing Machine

The Cards - Depending on Others Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

Firstly, Morality in the Distant Past suggests that I haven’t always followed expectations or rules.  And I’m Now becoming aware (Awareness) of my tardiness’ impact on others.  Luckily, it’s an innocent situation that is bringing about my Awareness.  Alas, no dire consequences but a gentle hint to cause the awakening. 

My Goal of Laziness caused the whole situation.  By avoiding some activities that I wanted to get done, I forced myself into the “last minute”, which takes longer than a minute!  This “last minute” then impacts how others depend upon me because it causes me to be late. 

Secondly, in the Recent Past is Participation.  Since it’s Sunday, and I’m expecting Audrey’s visit.  My guess is my frustration in depending upon others involves the scurryfunge before she arrives.  Participation is possible because I’ve had my husband running in all sorts of directions or didn’t request assistance early enough.

The last card of the first six, or the cross-component, is The Dream, suggesting although I’m developing an Awareness and my desire to rectify it.  I am going to continue to be frustrated in depending upon others.  😟

Base

In contrast, my Feelings reflect The Lovers, which is about harmony, unity and teamwork. 

On the other hand, Others’ Views of me is that I need to exercise more Patience.  Really?  🥱

In the Hopes & Fears position is me hoping that the Awareness will lead to a Breakthrough but fearing that the Awareness is simply a passing phase due to my current discontent.

Finally, Receptivity in the Outcome position implies I’m at least open to the idea of altering some bad habits and maybe removing the frustration of depending on others.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – My diary notations said I experienced frustration because I depended on others for help, but reflection showed a deeper meaning.

End Day 262

Day 261 – Confelicity and Jealousy

Saturday, 18 September 2021

Day 261. Confelicity. Cards in order of appearance: Aloneness, Courage, Harmony, Control, Ripeness, Integration, Schizophrenia, Maturity, Healing, Traveling, Standard Shuffle

Confelicity Context

Firstly, I’m going to confess that I do not have a lot of notes on today.  And secondly, I’ve drawn a mental blank on the exact situation.  What I can say is that the notation in my diary has the word confelicity in it (it’s another Susie Dent word meaning “joy in another person’s happiness”). 

The other thing sitting beside the word is “overcoming jealousy of another’s opportunities”.  Hence, I am going to surmise today I had turned a corner when it comes to feeling envious of opportunities others have gotten, which I think I wanted.  Similar in a way to how I felt landing my current job. 

Today, someone else was awarded something similar, not to the extreme, but the ugly head of being unvalued came across me in the form of jealousy.  Then I remember how I got the job I’m in, or the philosophy of “the job for me will have my name on it”.  Alas, the current role had my name on it.  At this moment, I was able to let my inexplicable longing go.

Today's Cards

Day 261. Confelicity. Aloneness, Courage, Harmony, Control, Ripeness, Integration, Schizophrenia, Maturity, Healing, Travelling.

The Cards - Confelicity Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

It looks like the cards know that in the past, confelicity was only present at some moments.  In the Distant Past, I have striven for Control over my emotions, creating a balance.  Judging, if you will, the circumstance, the situation and the person’s worthiness. 

In the Recent Past, the situation has changed where I’ve matured through meditation and reflection, and the time is ripe (Ripeness) for me to grow. 

The problem with Control is maintaining the balance was exhausting and could cause subtle tension in situations until I processed my emotions. True confelicity, if socialised out of you due to your influencers life-toughened experience, is challenging. But if you’re aiming to have a Goal of Harmony, something needs to change if you don’t want the underlying stress.

Confelicity can take Courage if you’re going to brave being different from those influencers.  After all, your influencers are people whose approval you seek.  Setting off on your own, breaking new ground is Aloneness.

Alternatively, Future Energy shows how the balance I was trying to achieve in the Distant Past with Control works with Integration.  Thus, making life easier.

Base

My Feelings were like those portrayed by the Schizophrenia card.  To achieve the state of confelicity I wanted, I needed to let go of keeping the two seemingly incongruent sides together.  On the one hand, I wanted to be ecstatic and truly happy for the other person’s achievement. 

On the other hand, a little voice in my head that sounded like my father pulled me back and asked, “why isn’t that you getting that achievement?  Aren’t you good enough?  Work harder/ smarter?”.  Because of that voice, I grew sad.  Perversely, I felt his disappointment, acceptance and love of me withheld – unintentional though it might have been.

So, I had to let go of wanting to be happy for someone; when that was gone, the voice didn’t appear either.  Then I was proud of myself, confelicity for the other person arose without prompting, and the bonus was I felt happier because of it.  Aha!  You get happiness when you’re happy for someone else – there is something in it apart from jealousy.

From Others’ Views, I’ve simply matured and reached Maturity.

I fear that this Healing isn’t temporary and isn’t an across the emotional spectrum Healing, although this is what I hope.

Lastly, in the Outcome position is the Travelling card.  Currently, there are no travel plans, but anything is possible.  Will it prompt a challenge to test the Healing and whether the ability to feel confelicity, happiness for others, will occur in more areas of my life? 🚲

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
End Day 261

Day 260 – The Right to Say “No”

Friday, 17 September 2021

Day 260. Right to say no. Cards in order of appearance: Mind, Intensity, Trust, Thunderbolt, Laziness, The Lovers, New Vision, Guilt, Completion, Innocence, Standard Shuffle

Right to Say No Context

Stuff on my mind today was the right to say “no”.  Moreover, where do you draw the line in allowing people freedom without locking people into feeling helpless?  Today, there were people on the streets of Melbourne protesting amid a lockdown, “a lockdown”.  More specifically, the lockdown restrictions or vaccinations.

For starters, vaccinations are not mandatory, but they are “strongly encouraged”.  Moving forward into a post-COVID world, there will be few choices available to those who are not vaccinated. 

I’m unsure where the failure lies if there is any.  The protestors technically have a right to protest and have a right to say “no”.  But I suspect the ones protesting are suffering a type of cabin fever from continual pseudo-voluntary restriction.  Heck, I experience it now and again.  What must it be like for those in lockdown for an extended period?

Sure some want to make a point, drum up anti-anything sentiment.  Are there people who still disbelieve COVID’s existence?  Perhaps there are, maybe in locations where COVID hasn’t been as prevalent. 

Living in Brisbane, Queensland, we’ve been fortunate to get away with comparatively fewer cases.  In places like Melbourne and Sydney, the six degrees of separation would have you know somebody that’s suffered it.  Thus, putting paid at least to the conspiracy theory. 

Again, why make life difficult for yourself and others?  Weren’t we all in at least one class at school where the teacher punished everyone because of one misbehaving child?  It was frustrating, right?  Where is the victory in getting COVID, passing it to family and friends?

History of No "No"

I’m an empathiser, not a sympathiser.  Ever since we were children, our parents have said “no” to us, and from a child’s perspective, the “no” sometimes – if not all the time – seemed unfair.  We grow up, and adolescence is troubling because you’re not quite old enough to do “grown-up” things, but you’re not a “kid” either. 

In adolescence, the right to say “no” seems to be permanently removed from our will to the point we don’t feel we have one.  Yet, others get to say it!  By the time we hit teenagehood, we’re still feeling the restrictions, but it’s parental, societal, and peer restrictions this time.  Adding to the plethora of restriction confusion are newly minted coursing hormones! 

So here we are, teenagers, our right to say “no” has seemed limited to this point.  Agreed, it has been for our safety.  In teenagehood, we are to say “no emphatically”.  The “no” applies to cigarettes, alcohol, sex, drugs, loud music, cool kids, uncool kids, and the list goes on.  Fortunately, creativity is high, which provides us ways to skirt within the myriad of rules and when to break them. 

One of the things that I have not mentioned up to this point is that girls are often told “no” more than boys, in my humble opinion at least.  When it comes to being teased, we’re encouraged to “take the higher ground”.  If you’re gentile or have attended some religious scriptures, you’re to say “yes” more than “no”.   Is it any wonder teenagers find themselves in trouble?  And cross physical boundaries they don’t fully understand, particularly around sex.

The Freedom of being Grown-up

Then we head into adulthood, and we discover we have more rights than we thought.  All those years of well-meaning lies to keep us safe come to the fore when it happens once again. 

You see, we’ve experienced the freedom of having the right to say “no,” and having that removed, however temporary, doesn’t fly.  Some take it to the streets and protest for no other reason than to exercise what they think is their right.

Here’s the rub, it applies when there isn’t a pseudo-state of emergency.  Fortunately, COVID isn’t bombs dropping, but would the people still be out there protesting if this were Agent Orange?  Probably. 😟

Today's Cards

Day 260. Right to say no. Cards in order of appearance: Mind, Intensity, Trust, Thunderbolt, Laziness, The Lovers, New Vision, Guilt, Completion, Innocence, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Right to Say No Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

Today’s Goal was one of Trust.  Given my thoughts drifting to the right to say no, Trust is one of the aspects brought up by the protests.  I’m trying to trust that things will work out.  I believe that by sending my intention toward things working out, working out will get supportive energy.

In the Distant Past, Thunderbolt points to a time when my world changed, physically speaking.  It’s too difficult to pinpoint just one instance of when I felt I couldn’t say no.

More recently, Laziness has contributed to me not pushing back when I felt like saying no.  This one is most likely the vaccination.  The Recent Past has me on the path of least resistance was getting vaccinated.

Obviously, with the Intensity surrounding (influencing) the restriction and vaccination protests, my Mind is in a state of confusion.  Now that I’m vaccinated, I don’t understand the fuss.  Oh, no!  The Mind control worked!  Just kidding, in retrospect, why did I make such an ado?

Fortunately, The Lovers are in Future Energy, and an acceptance of my choices are likely.

Base

While typing this post, my Feelings match the New Vision card.  Feelings of clearing out old thoughts and being flexible about the future. 

Conversely, Others’ Views are of me with Guilt, where I feel New Vision.  Guilty of beating myself up over nothing.  Again, I cannot comment on others’ views easily.  And I do feel guilty no matter which side of the debate choose at the moment of discussion.

What I’m hoping for is Completion, a finality to the vaccination talk, and to quote a line from Monty Python’s Holy Grail, “get on with it”.  However, I fear protests might drag on until vaccination projections by the government occur.

Finally, Innocence is in the Outcome position, and wisdom will be forthcoming.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – Protests in the streets of Melbourne about lockdown restrictions prompts me to look at when in our lives we are allowed to say no.

End Day 260

Day 259 – Emotional Variance & Mood Swings

Thursday, 16 September 2021

Day 259. Emotional Variance. Cards in order of appearance: Breakthrough, Sharing, Comparison, Rebirth, Stress, Ordinariness, Projections, Courage, Guidance, Inner Voice, Deck pile shuffle

Emotional Variance Context

During meditation, I happened upon some resistance.  Rather than look at the issue, I focused on my emotional variance – yes, it’s avoidance.

One of the things that happen when you meditate is cleaning out your thoughts.  Whether the clearing process is known or unknown, your emotions shift.  The emotional variance can be as significant as when some women head toward the feminine monthlies.  Notice I didn’t call them mood swings because they’ve gotten such a bad wrap; I thought I’d something a little more “businessy”.

Next is the mood swing from hell; one minute there up in the air, the next they’re in the “I hate men” mood.  Closely followed by the “I’m feeling sooky” coupled with the please don’t touch me; and where’s my hot water bottle! 

Once cranky mode’s over, it’s appreciation or guilt mode when you appreciate everyone and everything or feel guilty about what you’ve said.  Or maybe that was just me!

Fortunately, I no longer experience those mood swings, but the emotional variance created during a 15-minute mediation session can be the same.  Unfortunately, I can’t think of a male equivalent for the mood swing.

When I go through this emotional variance in meditation, it means I’m fighting something.  Something concept or belief is trying to hold on to, and another part of me wants to shift it.  I won’t know I’ve won until the next time I come upon a situation where my reaction differs from how I previous reacted.

Today's Cards

Day 259. Emotional Variance. Cards in order of appearance: Breakthrough, Sharing, Comparison, Rebirth, Stress, Ordinariness, Projections, Courage, Guidance, Inner Voice, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Emotional Variance Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday; Rebirth moved from Now to Distant Past, Projections moved from Influence to Feelings.

Cross

We’re moving quickly at the moment with Rebirth being in the Distant Past, and although there has been Stress in the Recent Past, it has led to a Breakthrough.  The Goal of Comparison enabled me to take on feedback others were Sharing (influence) with me and process it during meditation. 

Future Energy has Ordinariness.  When it comes to weight loss, the Osho recommendation is it’s “… a time now when this easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to the situations you encounter will bring far better results than any attempt on your part to be brilliant, clever, or otherwise extra-ordinary” (p. 152).

Base

Naturally, I feel the Osho approach in just being relaxed is projecting my desires for ease upon the situation.  Hence, my Feelings of Projections.

From the outside, Others’ Views are I’m courageous.  I’m unsure why undertaking weight loss requires Courage, in my case. 

Conversely, Hopes & Fears shows that I want Guidance and fear I will not get it. 

Ultimately, we arrive at Inner Voice in the Outcome position.  Inner Voice suggests that the only Guidance I need comes from within and trust my emotions, even if there is a sizeable emotional variance.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
End Day 259

Day 258 – Vanity Kicks back Laughing

Wednesday, 15 September 2021

Day 258. Vanity's Kick. Cards in order of appearance: Rebirth, Projections, Healing, Moment to Moment, Patience, Suppression, Silence, The Master, Understanding, Going with the Flow, Standard Shuffle

Vanity's Kick Context

This morning I had to have a chuckle at myself.  After my meditation, I went to the bathroom, had a look at my figure side on and front on and felt good about me and my “perceived weight loss”.  On the high, I smugly sought out my loose-fitting pants to wear to work.  Well, smugness and vanity took a Bugatti Veyron, at full speed, out the door and exited the building.

Alas, the tight-fitting loose clothing revelation saddened me.   Especially since I thought I had resisted some of yesterday’s (Day 257) temptations.  The Dream card sitting in the Outcome position has reverted to reality.

What did I really expect?  One day of resisting temptation was not going to make that much difference at my age.  Gone are the days when I could lose three kilos overnight by being good one day.  Oh, well.  Assuredly, it was a wake-up call.  Luckily, I was able to laugh at my misconception and apparently, laughing at yourself is beneficial.

Today's Cards

Day 258. Vanity's Kick. Cards in order of appearance: Rebirth, Projections, Healing, Moment to Moment, Patience, Suppression, Silence, The Master, Understanding, Going with the Flow, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Vanity's Kick Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over from yesterday; Moment to Moment moved from Now to Distant Past.

Cross

No surprises as to where Moment to Moment in the Distant Past came from, in this instance (yesterday).  Yesterday I exercised Patience (Recent Past) with my weight control, and today I expected results.  It’s really like going out to the garden to pull up seedlings to see if they have roots yet.

Today’s Goal was Healing.  Being able to laugh at me and shrug off vanity when it struck was a new sensation.  Not that I hadn’t laughed at it before, it was more spontaneous this time.

Projections as the influence on Rebirth is that I was most likely using long experience memories to measure the Now.  And it looks like I’m going to retreat into my shell if the Suppression card in Future Energy is any indicator.

Base

Where the Future Energy has Suppression, my Feelings are of Silence.  Silence is self-reflection for me.  Currently, I’m quiet in myself.

Others’ Views of me are as The Master.  Others see me as detached from the emotion but acknowledging it at the same time.  Ah, if only it were all true.

Hopes & Fears has the card of Understanding.  Of course, I hope to understand my situation, but there’s always the fear that I will not do anything about it.

Once again, we reach the Outcome position, and like Moment to Moment, Going with the Flow is simply accepting where one is going without resistance.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – I felt good after resisting yesterday’s temptations to eat comfort food constantly.  Only to laugh at donning “loose” clothing.

End Day 258

Day 256 – When Heroes Fail to Meet Expectations

Monday, 13 September 2021

Day 256. Heroes. Cards in order of appearance: No-thingness, New Vision, Fighting, Abundance, Compromise, Experiencing, Awareness, Moment to Moment, Creativity, Transformation, Standard Shuffle

Heroes Context

When your heroes fail you, it’s a sad moment.  If you read yesterday’s post (Day 255), you’ll know I’ve been an ABBA fan for many years.  I vaguely recall my parents talking about the Swedish pop group that won the Eurovision song contest with “Waterloo”.  Little did I know that ABBA would be in my life for many years to come. 

My sister and I used to buy chewing gum card packs.  The cards would have part of a larger image on the back.  If you taped the cards together, you’d get a “poster” of ABBA.  I still clearly remember the picture like it was yesterday.  The two girls wore animal print dresses.  

We dressed up in 1920’s headbands with feathers and walked around with round hairbrushes for microphones.  It worked; I had dark hair, and my sister was a natural blond. There’s no need to guess who played who when it came to the singers. 😁

Naturally, for many years the ABBA girls were our role models.  When I watched Agnetha Fältskog’s interview, she was still impressed.  By the end of the interview, my admiration for my “hero” rose.  Agnetha always liked music and singing and stuck with it.

Inspired, I watched Anni Frid Lyngstad’s. She impressed me with her naturalness, moving to Switzerland – my mother’s Swiss, so I’m biased.  Frida was living in the Swiss mountains and connecting with nature.  She was active in preserving nature; by the description of the interview, she was an environmentalist.  Frida loved walking and being outdoors.  I identified because I could see myself in her.

The Fall

Frida, like most, has also been through her share of pain.  However, in her interviews (Part 1 and 2), she presents as less dynamic, somehow.  A lack of dynamism doesn’t detract from a person’s hero status; it can be humbling.

Then Frida spoke of her foray into the fashion world. Mainly around designing women’s ski gear to be more feminine.  Naturally, I was curious and wanted to find out if I would be interested.  How cool would it be to wear something designed by Frida from ABBA?!  And we live in a world where we have the Internet!

The internet search turned up the designs, and I have to say, hmmm, they were okay.   Still, the desire to own something designed by ABBA kept me searching.  I looked for something of the environmentalist like the Kickstarter La Mansio bag has a Vegan version (Day 241); I hoped a portion of Frida’s ski gear when to help this or that environmental cause. 

Sadly, my search revealed a moment when one of my heroes failed my expectations.  Without being able to stop me, Frida’s designs used real fur!  Unfortunately, I felt the plummet.  It hurt to have my romantic illusion shattered.  The Osho cards would say I lived in The Dream, projecting my expectations onto another.  It’s my problem

Philosophically, until I work out how I feel about it, I will remain saddened by my tarnished hero.  At this point, there’s an internal conflict between letting someone be themselves and using fur for fashion.  Moreover, my opinions ebb and flow on the topic like those on abbachat. 

Alas, my hero has, for the first time in 30 years, failed me.  😭  So, am I still an ABBA fan?  Of course, just my fan-ship will take on a different look and feel.

Today's Cards

Two kittens in a bathroom sink.

The Cards - Heroes Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday; Awareness moved from Goal to Feelings, Moment to Moment moved from Future Energy to Others’ Views.

Cross

Since today’s cards were all about one of my heroes falling from grace, seeing the Fighting card in the Goal position is a natural fit.  Fighting is about retaining control over your triggers.

In the Distant Past, Flowering is about confidence in your abilities and sharing the love.  Applied to my ABBA love in the past, it forms an accurate perspective of the past.

More recently (Recent Past), I’ve had to Compromise my perception as one of the four fails to meet my expectations. 

Consequently, this all leads to the slightly dark blank slate of No-thingness I’m experiencing Now.  New Vision wonderfully influences the No-thingness of potential.  Alas, my existing view needs to go back to the drawing board for review in a new light.

Future Energy is about Experiencing the shift in perception.

Base

So, it turns out that yesterday’s Awareness in the Goal position wasn’t from Day 251; it was to discover more about my heroes.  I guess that’s what I was doing when I was researching my ABBA heroes on the Internet.  By Awareness moving to Feelings today, I became aware of something I probably knew in the back of my mind but didn’t want to acknowledge.  And now it’s out in the open.

Furthermore, Moment to Moment moving from yesterday’s Future Energy position to today’s Others’ Views is appears like the manifestation of the cards transition.

Creativity is in the Hopes & Fears position, and I hope the New Vision does not remove my admiration and joy the group has provided me.  Nonetheless, I fear the change is permanent; I need Creativity to steer me to a solution.

Finally, Transformation echoing the fundamental irreversible shift I’ve experienced is in the Outcome.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
End Day 256

Day 255 – ABBA’s Back! With New Songs!

Sunday, 12 September 2021

Day 255. ABBA. Cards in order of appearance: Completion, The rebel, Awareness, Silence, Postponement, Moment to Moment, Sharing, Existence, Participation, Conditioning, Deck pile shuffle

ABBA Context

The thing most on my mind today was the release of two singles by ABBA.  Yep.  I did a doubletake too!  ABBA’s back with music?  The last I’d heard, they were definitely not getting back together.  Had I read the Guardian in 2010, I might have had hope.  So my response was, Nah, it’s probably stuff I hadn’t heard. The music industry was bringing out songs years after Elvis and The Beatles had moved on in their respective manners.  So, I figured these weren’t new releases, just remastered or something along those lines.

It was quite by accident that I heard the tunes.  You see, my husband is a fan of watching younger YouTubers reacting to music they hadn’t heard before, although he tends to focus on reactions to Australian artists he likes ACDC.  He knew I grew up with ABBA and put it on screen.  The reactionist was Sincerely, KSO., and the song by ABBA called, I Still Have Faith in You (2021).   

Initially, I thought the song must have escaped my radar, even this long a time.   So, my reaction was “yeah, yeah”, but I sat down to watch anyway.  KSO followed up with ABBA’s second single, Don’t Shut Me Down (2021).  Wow!

Anyway, the last I’d heard, and my news was very dated as I was about to discover, Agnetha was struggling from fear of open spaces and had the Greta Garbo desire to have people leave her alone.  That snippet was in the early 2000s. 

An internet search turned up an interview by Agnetha, and she’s been far more productive than keeping her musical talents confined to Sweden!   In the interview, I was also impressed to hear that she, like Jane Fonda for Grace & Frankie (Netflix), went back to school to top up their respective skills.  Agnetha went to music lessons, and Jane Fonda to acting classes.  It’s so incredible that they weren’t too proud to get a couple of lessons to brush up even with both their skills.

Today's Cards

Day 255. ABBA Cards in order of appearance: Completion, The rebel, Awareness, Silence, Postponement, Moment to Moment, Sharing, Existence, Participation, Conditioning, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - ABBA Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over from yesterday; Conditioning moved from Hopes & Fears to Outcome.

Cross

In the Distant Past is Silence.  On the one hand, this could be about ABBAs hiatus as a group from music.  On the other hand, it’s about me and when I felt mental quietude.

Recently, I’ve been guilty of Postponement and delaying the inevitable disrepair that leaving even the most essential things alone can have.  More appropriately, taking too long to complete something because you’re distracted into reconnecting to ABBA on an emotional level. 😉

Awareness is in the Goal position, and it follows from Day 251 when I discovered who I was amid emails.

Fortunately, I’ve moved on from Postponement and moved to Completion under the influence of The Rebel’s dynamic, self-assured energy.

Consequently, following Completion are opportunities to go from Moment to Moment.

Base

ABBA’s back!  After watching KSO’s reaction, amongst others, to ABBA’s songs, I felt like Sharing.  I wanted to be Sharing my enjoyment and my news.

Others’ Views are of me simply living my life in my Michaela-esque way, summed up by the card of Existence.

Alternatively, Participation is in Hopes & Fears. I hope I can participate in something again – like in the past, a bit of nostalgia.  But I fear ABBA are too old to be too energetic with promotions.  Let’s not forget the impact COVID has had on our lives.

Finally, the Outcome has Conditioning, and since it has moved from Hopes & Fears to Outcome, we’re still talking about breaking free of societal constraints or becoming part of a culture.  Based on the Participation card, the latter seems more likely today.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
End Day 255

Day 254 – The Right to Refuse Unvaccinated

Saturday, 11 September 2021

Day 254. Right to Refuse. Cards in order of appearance: Letting Go, Possibilities, Abundance, Sorrow, Innocence, Harmony, Compromise, Comparison, Conditioning, Ice-olation, Standard Shuffle

Right to Refuse Context

Now, I am the first person to jump on the bandwagon when empowering people to choose.  However, I often forget that choice in a democratic society is okay, providing you’re in the majority.  New South Wales, an Australian state, has ruled that businesses have the “right to refuse”.  The right to refuse entry to anyone not vaccinated.

I’m so conflicted, about businesses getting the right to refuse.  I don’t know why exactly, but I am.  Is it the manipulation or eroding of yet another choice?  We’re believe allowing individuals the power of choice is a right. 

As a girl, the teaching was that the woman was there to serve and support her “man” in religious tuition.  An example is Mary had always said yes.  Women have fought so hard for the right to say no. 

Of course, it’s not just women, it’s children too.  Our parents prevented unwise choices with restrictions.  When we become teenagers, we try to buck those controls, only to realise there are so many constraints within society there’s little room for us to explore who we are without bumping into some “you shouldn’t”.

Anyway, that’s what was on my mind today.  If I don’t stop here, my frustrations of the day will return, and I’ve settled on a tentative acceptance. The point I’m trying to make is that the “right for businesses to refuse’ bothered me.  It’ll take some reflection for me to understand my feelings on the subject entirely.

Today's Cards

Day 254. Right to Refuse. Cards in order of appearance: Letting Go, Possibilities, Abundance, Sorrow, Innocence, Harmony, Compromise, Comparison, Conditioning, Ice-olation, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Right to Refuse Analysis

Carryover Cards

In the Distant Past, it appears I have encountered Sorrow.  Today’s subject has surfaced for me to begin Letting Go Now.  Influencing the Letting Go is Possibilities, which are about reflection and assessing options.  Recently (Recent Past), my response to the policy news came from Innocence, as my ramblings here.  My comments or their intent aren’t malicious.

Future Energy has Harmony, which is about listening and working at one with your heart.

Cross

In the Distant Past, it appears I have encountered Sorrow.  Today’s subject has surfaced for me to begin Letting Go Now.  Influencing the Letting Go is Possibilities, which are about reflection and assessing options.  Recently (Recent Past), my response to the policy news came from Innocence, as my ramblings here. There is no maliciousness intended in my comments.

Future Energy has Harmony, which is about listening and working at one with your heart.

Base

Naturally, with any of my rantings, I feel I need to Compromise.  I’m not shy about sharing my views, but I am aware the protests might be out of context, and therefore opinions are more rounded – probably a good thing.

Others’ Views, rightly, see me as making Comparisons between different circumstances, and my illogic links them in my mind.  Consequently, the Comparison I’m making in the context of the topic of “right to refuse” are as different as chalk and cheese.

In the meantime, the Hopes & Fears position has the card of Conditioning.  The card represents breaking free from societal constraints, but since this is the Hopes and Fears position, it means I hope to break free of society’s Conditioning while remaining part of it.  Correspondingly, I am scared (fear) being ostracised if I break the boundaries. 

Finally, it’s the card of Ice-olation in the Outcome position.  The Ice-olation card is present because it’s about crying.  Unexposed or suppressed tears need an outlet for healing to begin.  The right to refuse is a sensitive topic.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – Today I heard about NSW allowing businesses to have the right to refuse anyone who isn’t vaccinated.  It prompted a feisty discussion at work.

End Day 254

Day 253 – Right to be Stupid

Friday, 10 September 2021

Day 253. Right to be Stupid. Cards in order of appearance: Intensity, Sorrow, Totality, Letting Go, Celebration, Possibilities, The Source, Existence, Stress, Projections, Standard Shuffle

Right to be Stupid Context

In discussions at work today, it came about that a colleague during my holiday absence had grown facial hair.  The topic evolved and had me wishing I could say that every child growing up has the right to be stupid.  Of course, this poses a challenge for parents who love their children – which I’m taking for granted parents do. 

Children will never grow if they listen to everything their parents tell them.  My favourite saying over the years has been, “there’s a reason kids are more stubborn than their parents”.  There is.  Set your mind back and look at how you’ve deviated from your parents’ advice or path.  Even if you ultimately came back to your parents’ advice, you had to make your own decisions and stumble to learn the lesson.  Sometimes the only way to learn is the hard way.

Taking advice from someone born in a different generation doesn’t always work for the current generation. 

On a Side Note

Anyway, the topic began when Martin, in my absence, had grown a beard to be respected by his son.  Mainly, Martin attempted to shift his son’s perspective by changing who he looks at when he sees him.  

On a side note, when I say the ‘right to be stupid, it’s more the right to make mistakes.  In the film, Samsara, the father comes home from a three-year enlightenment quest.  It’s winter, and his son wants to go outside.  The father insists he takes a jacket because it’s cold outside. Two seconds later, the kid runs in to grab his jacket and says, “oh, it’s cold outside”. The father asked his wife why she didn’t say anything; her reply was, “he’ll work it out”. Thus, showing the mum gave the child his right to be stupid. 

Agreed, it was a measured and controlled risk.  I did the same with one of my godchildren when I was babysitting when I was cooking.  My godson had decided he wanted to know how the red hotplate felt.  After cursing, “why me? Why now?  What do I do?  Can I put him off until his mum comes home?”  Nah, it was my right to be stupid too!

Anyhow, I’d remembered the Samsara film’s moment. Industriously, I made him grab a chair to stand on.  Once in position, we turned on the stove.  Knowing his eagerness, I placed my hand on the underside of his forearm to stop him, hastily putting it directly onto the hotplate.  We started 30cm (one foot) from the hotplate and slowly moved closer.  When it got too hot for him, he pulled his hand away, “ouch”.  He wanted to check the others did the same.  Lesson learnt.  And nobody got burnt – bonus!

My 18th Birthday

In Australia, you can drink at 18, and it was pretty much customary for 18-year-olds to get drunk on this day.  As a 17-year-old, you do a lot of planning about where and how you’re going to get drunk.  Sometimes you can’t control the desire, but you might be able to limit the damage – my mother when I had my 18th. 

Consequently, my mum threw the party for me at our house, reasoning at least if it were at home, I’d not wind up in the ditch somewhere and in dire straits.  Predictably, I still wound up in the gutter and trouble, but it was our gutter, and the “trouble” was my mum complaining about it the next day. 🙄

The lesson is, you can’t stop young people from wanting to do stupid things, especially if it’s their first experience and saying no to someone who doesn’t get why you’re saying no, just isn’t going to work.  Alternatively, the most you can do is limit the damage and respect their right to be stupid. 

Sadly, there will be times when you won’t even be able to minimalise the damage, then resign yourself to just being there and pick them up when they fall, regardless of how you feel about the situation.  At this point, their stupidity will be apparent to them, and they might be more likely to take your advice next time if there is minimal judgement.

Back to the Story

Martin’s children are aged early 20’s and mid-teens.  His complaint was they didn’t listen to him when he was trying to help them.  The comment reminded me of Stephen R Covey’s book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Habit Five.  Seek first to understand and then to be understood. 

In the book, there was an example of Martin’s situation. During Martin and my discussion, I pointed out the example. If I remember correctly, the line went something like this: “Stephen, I don’t understand my son, he won’t listen to me”, or words to that effect. Of course, not in those words, but that he should take a moment to listen to his son’s remarks and remember what he was like younger.   

Martin responded he wanted his son to reciprocate the listening, arguing listening is a two-way street.  Realistically, it’s not. A conversation is a two-way street; listening is not.

The truth is that the younger person will never have the knowledge or skills to understand the older person; there’s a time gap.  Like you can’t know what happens at the office when you’re not there, you can’t see into your child’s environment. 

Firstly, your child is most likely a digital native. They were comfortable with computers at an early age, long before you probably owned one. For a digital native, understanding how a traditional typewriter works or the preposterous thought of lining up at the bank to get your bank balance. You see, their world isn’t the same. 

Secondly, you have experience.  For all of what I’ve just written in the paragraph above, emotions don’t change by when and how you experience them is subtly different – that’s the environment.

Love, it’s all about love and balance. 

Today's Cards

Day 253. Right to be Stupid. Cards in order of appearance: Intensity, Sorrow, Totality, Letting Go, Celebration, Possibilities, The Source, Existence, Stress, Projections, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Right to be Stupid Analysis

Carryover Cards

Three cards carried over from yesterday; Intensity moved from Distant Past to Now, Sorrow moved from Goal to Influence, Possibilities moved nowhere and stayed in Future Energy.

Cross

To begin, Letting Go in the Distant Past spawned the fierce Intensity felt Now.  Intensity’s influence is Sorrow.  Sorrow influences me by fuelling and alternately hinders my Intensity around how people fail to listen.  Notably, not listening when they want to understand how another is feeling.  Hey, it probably frustrates me because I’m might be unconsciously guilty of it (Refer Projections).

Let’s move to Totality in the Goal position.  Totality, as the word indicates and the image depicting a trapeze act, insinuates is about committing to letting go.  Realising you have to overcome your inertia to move on.

I made it to the end of my first week back at work after recreation leave.  Recently there has been a Celebration (Recent Past).  Celebration and Intensity lead to Possibilities in Future Energy.

Base

Alas, today’s topic provokes Feelings of getting back to basics which The Source reflects.

Alternatively, in Others’ Views, my comments reflect my views on Existence. 

In the penultimate spot of Hopes & Fears sits Stress. Okay, I hope I have not offended anyone by discussing our right to be stupid; could I have made things worse (fear)? 

Finally, Projections are in the Outcome position.  Interestingly, this comes back to my comment that I feel so passionate about the topic because I’ve experienced both the discipline of restriction and the comfort of gentle guidance and support.  So, yes. I was projecting. But I have a right to be stupid too.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

A discussion at work triggered a passionate topic that saw me argue on everyone right to be stupid. Well, argue might be too strong a word.

End Day 253

Day 250 – How to Choose a Renovator (?)

Tuesday, 7 September 2021

Day 250. Renovator. Cards in order of appearance: The Fool, Flowering, Politics, The Lovers, Completion, Possibilities, Understanding, The Master, The Rebel, Comparison, Deck pile shuffle

Choose a Renovator Context

On Day 120 we had the dilemma of moving or renovating what we didn’t like about our current house.  At the moment, while the market is good for selling a house, it’s poor for buying.  So, we opted for renovating and staying for a little while, at least. Our job now is to choose a renovator.  Day 244, saw us purchase bathroom “stuff”.  It can’t be hard to choose a renovator, can it?

At the tiles place, Andie had a list of renovators who had put their names down to fulfil the questions.  Do you have anyone you can recommend, or how would you choose a renovator?  Andie mentioned the tiles place simply provides the list and are not responsible for workmanship … blah, blah, blah.  Okay, I’m too blasé, and the disclaimer is necessary.

Surprisingly, at that moment, John entered he was part of a couple who loved renovating.  John took a look at the list and identified the different approaches used by a few renovators.  Ultimately, he suggested we contact the renovators and chat with them; if you like them, invite them to quote.  Oh, and you may need to shop around until you find someone who works with you.  John proudly followed with, “and that’s how you choose a renovator”!

In contrast, I hate shopping around, especially with selecting a renovator or tradesperson.  Fundamentally, you just want to trust someone to do the job right.  You hear the occasional horror story of a non-tradesperson trying to be a tradesperson, and it’s easy to lose faith.  Then there’s the whole, “will they, won’t they show up?” or “are they going to be too expensive and rip me off?”.  Astonishingly, people still renovate!

My Flawed Approaches

Usually, my approach on “how to” choose a renovator is to look at the list of names, chat to Andie and John, select the person or company based on the description and hope I hit it off immediately.  Then the choice is closely followed by a fervent hope that they’re honest.  

Alas, the problem with my approach is I tend to put all my eggs in one basket, perpetuating the risk I’m trying to avoid.  On top of that, if they turn out to be the wrong person or company, then I’ve wasted time.  And consequently, I need to start the process again.

Previously, and because I’m aware of my “eggs in one basket” approach, I thought I’d try to switch things up and invite three trades over to give me their quote.  The scatter-gun approach didn’t work too well either. 

All the trades wanted to rock up around the same time, so I staggered the visits for the same day.  Of course, I’d forgotten the golden rule of tradespersons, never show up on time!  That’s right; predictability would give the impression they weren’t busy!  After all, I didn’t want to spend days on end at home away from work.  So, you picked it, didn’t you?  I wish I’d remembered it.

Some tradies were early, others late, and others on time.  Yep, they were all there at the same time.  And the result was, no one quoted. 😟  The trick is going to be to find the happy medium. 

Summary

In summary, I’ve given you the “how to not” choose a renovator.  Following our lunchtime from hell, I vowed not to do that to the tradespersons or myself again.

Retrospectively, the sensible approach would seem to go to places like Hipages.com.au, Service.com.au.  Alternatively, approach your local bathroom furniture and fittings, tile store or other and compile a list of three, maybe four company names. 

Once you have a list, contact each prospect and take John’s advice and have a chat.   During the conversation, determine if there’s a “fee for quote”, if you’re happy with the response, book a time and ensure you have plenty of time between visits.   

If you don’t like someone following the chat, make your way down the list (this was also John’s recommendation), not sure I’d go with his advice unless all of them proved unsatisfactory.  Oops!  There I go again, narrowing it down to one basket.

See if you can get an estimate during the site visits – it’s unlikely but worth a shot.  Also, try and determine when they’re available to do the work; it might not suit your timeframe.

In conclusion, there’s no easy way to choose a renovator unless they’re a competent and loving member of your family.  Now, all I have to do is put into practice the advice provided!

My Apology to Tradies

For the record, I’m being so cheeky right now and generalising.  It’s not that I don’t understand there are delays with the previous job or there was traffic, or something has come up, and I can’t make it.  Therefore, I apologise to the tradies who do show up on time. 

By the way, thank you to those tradies that do send a simple text message or make a call to say they’re “Unable to make it due to job/ traffic or blah” or even “Delayed.  Will be there in or at … time”.  Or “something’s come up, unable to make it today, call tomorrow/ next business day”.  Very much appreciated.

Today's Cards

Day 250. Renovator Choice. Cards in order of appearance: The Fool, Flowering, Politics, The Lovers, Completion, Possibilities, Understanding, The Master, The Rebel, Comparison, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Choose a Renovator Analysis

Carryover Cards

Four cards carried over from yesterday.  Firstly, Flowering moved from Feelings to Influence.  Secondly, Completion moved from Outcome to Recent Past.  Thirdly, Possibilities moved from Recent Past to Future Energy.  Finally, The Rebel moved from Now to Hopes & Fears.

Cross

In the Distant Past, I’ve worked with tradespeople who understood what I wanted to achieve; this kind of relationship shows as The Lovers card.

The recent Completion – selection and payment of products – means the idea is Flowering.  Under Flowering’s influence and the next step following Completion is The Fool.

If you want to choose a renovator, unfortunately, you need to play Politics.  It’s not a conscious Goal, but sometimes it’s necessary to show your best side.  If your selection works for you – sweet; you may need to get diplomatic if it doesn’t.

Once you’ve made your selection, Possibilities open up Future Energy.

Base

Feelings of Understanding abound as I undertake the next phase of getting the bathroom renovated.

In Others’ Views, I’m The Master in control of my bathroom renovation.  Oh, dear!  Maybe I’m better at Politics than I think.

Hopes & Fears position.  The Rebel card says I hope to break free of my old habits of throwing my eggs into one basket.  On the other hand, choosing a renovator isn’t easy, and I fear old habits will return.

Finally, it’s Comparison in the Outcome position.  It’s the first time in a reading where Comparison might be a good thing.  The downside, of course, could be I’m comparing my selection method to those of others, and I should be focussing on what works for me.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
  3. Day 120 – Moving or Renovating Dilemma
  4. Day 244 – Bathroom Renovation Commitment 
End Day 250

Day 249 – Saying No to Charities

Monday, 6 September 2021

Day 249. Charities. Cards in order of appearance: The Rebel, Projections, Transformation, The Burden, Possibilities, Breakthrough, Flowering, Compromise, Slowing Down, Completion, Deck pile shuffle

No to Charities Context

One of the disadvantages of working from home is having charities rock up on your front door.  Every charity is a worthy cause, at least from the perspective of the campaigners.  Each campaigner is earnest, or appear so, therefore saying “no to charities” is always a struggle for me. 

A friend of mine considers charities leeches; she had a bad experience with them when her grandfather was dying.  The fundraising from the organisations persistently tried contacting him in his ailing state in the hope of having money left to them in his will.  Obviously, hounding the ill is morbid and crude.  Consequently, when she arrived on the scene, she monitored the hounding and didn’t struggle to say no to charities.

Fortunately, I’m at an advantage when I’m working from home.  Firstly, I’m not keen on being interrupted for a lengthy conversation that isn’t work-related – a delivery of “sign here” is about my tolerance level for exchange.  Secondly, if a meeting is in progress, I will forego conversations and move the charity along.  Thirdly, saying no to charities while I’m in work mode is more manageable.  Finally, I had recently committed to another charity, fulfilling my charity quota for the month. 

If the charities were hoping to catch me while busy and off-guard, as they did, my defensive stance comes to my rescue.  Having these advantages had the charity on the back foot before they started.  I’m unlikely to sign away financial information when a lot is going on.

Don’t get me wrong, I contribute substantially to charities, and even on Day 208, I was hoping to do a fundraising charity walk.  It’s just that when you have six charities on the go, there’s a limit.  I found my tolerance level today.

Today's Cards

Day 249. Charities. Cards in order of appearance: The Rebel, Projections, Transformation, The Burden, Possibilities, Breakthrough, Flowering, Compromise, Slowing Down, Completion, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - No to Charities Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

In the Distant Past, The Burden of not saying no to charities weighed on me. In the Recent Past, Possibilities for the investment made me realise that I’d like to draw the line somewhere. 

Other people’s Projections on what their expectations of me are also irked me.  These Projections influenced The Rebel in me to appear.  Strangely, I felt liberated in saying enough, and in a sense, this was a Breakthrough (Future Energy).  

Today, I felt projected upon; for instance, during the discussion with the campaigner, comments were made about my good character and what I like and don’t like – how would they know?  They don’t know me.  Sure we make impressions in next to no time before we even start a discourse. 

However, a discussion can reveal intent, and a person’s intentions is a critical deciding factor in my world.  Thus, an identifiable Breakthrough aligning nicely with the Goal on the topic, which was to have a Transformation.  A Transformation is about not being able to “unknow” something. 

Base

When a seek breaks through its encasement into the world with a Breakthrough, you might feel empowered, or like you’re Flowering, much like I did today.

Others’ Views, and I’m going to call the campaigners, felt that we had made a Compromise.  A Compromise is like nobody wins. It’s a reasonable meeting of ends but unsatisfying. 

I didn’t feel that way, but they left empty-handed with a promise that I would seek out their website as a possibility to support the cause should I stop supporting one of the others I’m sponsoring.  By the way, I did visit the website.

Hopes & Fears has the Slowing Down card.  Ideally, I’d been hoping to slow down when it came to my charities and learning how to say no to charities.  The fear of not being able to say no to charities scared me.

Finally, there’s a sense of Completion in the Outcome position.  The Completion card echoes the Breakthrough card and fulfils, in part, the Goal of Transformation, all because I learnt to say no to charities.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
End Day 249

Day 246 – Life on Mars TV Series

Friday, 3 September 2021

Day 246. Life on Mars. Cards in order of appearance: Aloneness, Moment to Moment, Maturity, Abundance, The Burden, Going with the Flow, Understanding, Rebirth, Healing, Existence, Washing Machine

Life on Mars Context

It’s so exciting!  We are heading off to Stanthorpe, and we can because Mark doesn’t start back at work until Monday.  Audrey is visiting and chauffeuring her mother, who is recovering from hip surgery.   Since lockdown could happen at any moment, we took the opportunity to catch up with Audrey before heading back to her state.  Before we left, we did the housework thing and watched a reactionist critique the 2006 TV Series Season 1 of Life on Mars.

Before we left for Stanthorpe, we did basic household things like cleaning and cleaning 🧹. Furthermore, we sat around watching reactionists react, and today’s theme was about revisiting a TV series title “Life on Mars” followed by “Ashes to Ashes”.  In my mind, the series has an incredibly satisfying ending; others like Sean Lock also agree with me. 

Sean Lock & Life on Mars

As a perspective on why I’ve used Sean Lock’s tweet to support my argument for TV series with satisfying endings, “So many shows don’t really know how to wrap things up in a satisfying way, but #LifeOnMarsLive did it”.

To have you understand Sean’s attitude to “faking” his emotions or opinion on a topic if you haven’t watched any of 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown, a portion of his obituary written by Harry Hill sums up Sean’s integrity in this regard.

Professionally, he worked hard at being funny and woe betide anyone who didn't match his high standards. On 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown – which became a great platform for his brilliant mind and brought him to a wider audience – he'd laugh like a drain if he liked what you'd done, but occasionally I noticed that the camera would cut to him looking stony faced. I tackled him about it. "Why don't you just fake a laugh?" I asked him. "It would make you look better."
"I don't want to encourage them," he replied with a grin.

Harry Hill, writing for The Guardian for Sean Lock's obituary

Both Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes series work together beautifully.  Additionally, character arcs and the story were set in the planning before filming began.  At the time, Matthew Graham, co-producer of the show, said they wouldn’t make a third season unless they had something to say. Yay!! Low and behold, while writing this post, I discovered Graham had found something that will work, and it looks like a Season 3 is in the making.

Today's Cards

Life on Mars. Day 246. Cards in order of appearance: Aloneness, Moment to Moment, Maturity, Abundance, The Burden, Going with the Flow, Understanding, Rebirth, Healing, Existence, Washing Machine

The Cards - Life on Mars Analysis

Carryover Cards

Three cards carried over from yesterday; The Burden moved from Feelings to Recent Past, Understanding moved from Hopes & Fears to Feelings, Rebirth moved from Now to Others’ Views.

Cross

Abundance in the Distant Past created the Aloneness in the Now.  Having an Abundance of time at one stage, I had the privilege of watching Life on Mars. Furthermore, Moment to Moment’s influence is on Aloneness and the other cards in the layout, with perhaps, the exception of The Burden in the Recent Past.

Maturity as Goal comes from my growth as a person and the way I appreciate a TV series versus how I might have viewed them in the past.  It has been a goal of mine to develop my appreciation of good TV and film and, the finale can make or break its impact for me.  Few come close to the lasting feeling of Life on Mars.

Fortunately, The Burden of yesterday’s feelings on bathroom renovations has all but disappeared from my mind.  The removal of The Burden opens Future Energy up to Going with the Flow, which allows me time to pursue whatever opportunity comes along.

Base

Feelings of Understanding triggered when I watched the reactionist’s response to Life on Mars; that Understanding is related to how I felt the impact of the series ending.  The only feelings to the series are fond ones.

Rebirth is Others’ Views, and since my husband was my only contact today, he would have seen a renewed interest in a TV series fondly remembered but not, until now, front of mind.

Hopes & Fears has the card of Healing.  Each moment influences the next, and strangely watching someone react to a show reawakens the memories.  I hope they’re fond and Healing ones versus fearful of clinging to the past feelings.

Finally, the Outcome is Existence.  And Existence echoes the Going with the Flow card but also embraces one’s uniqueness.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts
  3. Audrey (Day 065)
End Day 246
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