My Soul Embrace

Welcome Home!

Day 127 – Slowing Down instead of Postponing

7 May 2021

Day 127. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Slowing Down. 2 is Influence card is Conditioning. 3 is Goal card is Postponement. 4 is Distant Past card is Comparison. 5 is Recent Past card is Totality. 6 is Future Energy card is Maturity. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is The Source. 8 is Others' Views card is Harmony. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Thunderbolt. 10 is Outcome card is Guidance

Context

Today, the context will be short and sweet because I’ve been contemplating slowing down, and how I will continue with the website.  I dislike many things about advertising and socials and even companies who email me daily.  It makes me conscious about how to relate the website to people.  At present, any popularity it has gained has been from people being incredibly resourceful to find the website.  Much to my luck. 😀

 

Don’t get me wrong, most of the emails are helpful. It’s just there’s so much, and a part of me hates that I can’t get to it all.  There seems to be a subtle pressure associated with the volume like it triggers some guilt mechanism in my wiring to want to help.  Help what, exactly?

 

There’s a choice.  The choice to unsubscribe, subscribe and resubscribe from these sites exists.  One of the YouTube channels (mojo.com) my husband has on has a lovely way of providing choice for subscriptions – occasional subscriptions or daily subscriptions.   When I get time to learn how to do this, it’s where I’d like to go.  Provide an opt-in choice without the feeling of being pressured.

 

Unsurprisingly, there’s also a lot of pressure for the company to expand.  It’s not so much pressure, as it is motivation.  The constant exposure for someone relying on their website to make a living means their message reaches as many of the right people as possible.  I’m in the fortunate position to establish the website while holding a full-time job.  Comparing myself to others isn’t beneficial.

 

Anyway, that’s what I was musing about today plus it was a good day.  Another topic drifting across the brainwaves was the question of “what is spiritual?”.  Since an answer hadn’t presented itself, this was not a topic for today’s blog

Today's Cards

Day 127. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Slowing Down. 2 is Influence card is Conditioning. 3 is Goal card is Postponement. 4 is Distant Past card is Comparison. 5 is Recent Past card is Totality. 6 is Future Energy card is Maturity. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is The Source. 8 is Others' Views card is Harmony. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Thunderbolt. 10 is Outcome card is Guidance. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

There were no carry over cards from yesterday.

Analysis

Cross

Slowing Down is in the Now influenced by Conditioning.  Postponement sits above both the cards in the Goal position.  In the Distant Past sits Comparison with the Recent Past showing Totality. Finishing the cross in the Future Energy is the card of Maturity.

 

Over the past couple of days, it was clear that my body was signalling its need for downtime (Slowing Down).  I was doing certain things for the website a certain way; it turns out it was more difficult and less effective.  Breaking away from Conditioning was/ is challenging. 

 

Sometimes it’s worth Slowing Down, but it’s crucial not to get swayed into Postponement.  For those of you reading about the Postponement card for the first time, Osho begins his description of Postponement like this: “POSTPONEMENT IS SIMPLY STUPID.” (p. 125) – yes, it’s in capitals.  Osho’s right. By postponing things at the moment, it would be like cutting my nose off to spite my face.  Luckily, it’s in the Goal position, and I know about it and could have changed it had I read the cards earlier this morning.

 

Comparison in the Distant Past has probably led to the current situation of Slowing Down.  I’ve likely compared myself to others and other websites and all the stuff you need to do to keep one going.  Hence, recently been committing myself to both aspects of my life.  It’s the requirement of Totality.  But first, I need to sort out the new role at work.  Once work has a clear direction, my headspace will free up. 

 

From out of the fire of challenge comes growth and Maturity.  Maturity is the reward for the culmination of effort expended to date.

Base

The Source is in the Feelings/ Immediate Future position.  To reuse an analogy, The Source is the clay, and The Creator is its potter.  By Slowing Down, I get an opportunity to revisit and assess the type of clay (material/s) used in the foundations.

 

Others’ Views has the Harmony card.  To others, I look like I am in Harmony with my life’s purpose and goal – I wish it would feel like that on the inside.

 

On the inside, however, in the Hopes & Fears position is Thunderbolt. The fear of everything crumbling, shown by people falling from the tower, feels real and scary. Being based on my emotions means it’s not necessarily fact.  Emotions are like the weather; you can’t have a day without weather, and just because it’s cloudy doesn’t mean it will rain.  Reversing fear and looking at the hope aspect, I hope the shift to Slowing Down is a positive one.

 

Finally, Guidance is in the Outcome position.  Well, all the cards are encouraging me to continue, even if it is at a slower pace.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
End Day 127

Day 126 – Performance Reviews (Updated)

6 May 2021

Day 126. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Morality. 2 is Influence card is Exhaustion. 3 is Goal card is Playfulness. 4 is Distant Past card is Creativity. 5 is Recent Past card is Aloneness. 6 is Future Energy card is Turning In. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Stress. 8 is Others' Views card is Adventure. 9 is Hope & Fears card is No-thingness. 10 is Outcome card is Rebirth

Context

Welcome to Day 126!  Performance reviews happened almost immediately when I began working for a chicken-selling fast-food chain.  Joan, who was the manager, provided feedback that sounded like: “get your ar*e moving young lady!” or, “you’re too slow” or, “where are the chips?”  Chips were a big deal in my role as hostess.   

Performance Reviews & Mystery Shoppers

The threat of a mystery shopper drove a manager’s performance. The mystery shopper/s appear at any time.  The shopper would order something and then assess the quality of the order.  The areas checked were store cleanliness, how long it took to serve, food quality, and hostess’ friendliness.  In turn, managers managed and trained staff to do well in these areas.  So, feedback and training on how you performed was quick.

 

The company had clear parameters for most aspects.  If you were hostess greeted with, “Hello, how may I help you?” and a smile, performance was good.  While you were placing the order, if the hostess followed up your request with, “would you like fries with that?” the hostess got a favourable mark in the upselling category.  Feedback to the store on the areas of success, improvement, or failure determined the manager’s mood and discussion next time you were on shift. 

 

To ensure the stores were ahead of the mystery shopper, managers would organise their own mystery shoppers.  These shoppers came in the form of friends, visiting family, family, and friends of managers in other stores.  I’m not sure whether there was a store budget for this self-assessment to maintain quality between corporate mystery shoppers. 

 

Instant feedback is how I thought employee performance worked. If you made a mistake, you were told about it and told how to improve it at the same time.  The Harvard Business School’s research article titled The Performance Management Revolution in 2016 has many elements used in 1981 by the fast-food company.  

Corporate Performance Reviews

In the bank, reviews were a simple affair.  You sat with the manager once a year; he/ she ticked a bunch of boxes, which worked like a report card.  If you got an “A”, you were excellent, “C” was acceptable, and a couple of others suggesting improvement or underperformance.  It seemed simple enough. Then you found out the bank only ever gave a “C” because it didn’t want you thinking you were good. Otherwise, you might leave the bank and work somewhere else.

 

The question I hated at performance review time was, “what do you want to do in X number of years?”. There was always a lot of pressure to strive to become the next bank chief executive officer.  When you knew the expectation for everyone to want to go for that role was unrealistic.

 

At a structural engineering firm with 80+ employees, I received regular feedback from the lady in the office.  If you weren’t doing your job correctly, feedback happened quickly in the office area.  When working for a computer company, performance reviews determined your pay increase.

 

I can honestly say I don’t remember having a performance review when I was a contractor.  The agency did, however, get a feedback form filled out after each contract to gauge performance.  Again, if you didn’t do well, the feedback was immediate.  Also, contracting was simple; if you did your job well, you got another job from the agency. If you didn’t, you weren’t a contractor for very long.

Government Performance Reviews

The biggest shock to the system was working for the government. By the time I had gotten my first government job, my confidence in my skillset was considerable.  There had been many roles, and at each point rallied resources and smashed the job.  It came as a shock when the supervisor printed everything I had worked on and sat me down to review them. 

 

It was a week’s worth, and highlighted were the bits I’d gotten wrong.  Correction highlighted the areas where I could improve next week.  At first, I felt super bad because of the number of people inconvenienced by my mistakes.  So bad, I cried.  It was that whole, letting others down thing which made me feel terrible.

 

The supervisor patiently explained it wasn’t a criticism; it was to show the areas for improvement.  Getting the feedback was great and, it was also an excellent example of instant feedback before waiting until the end of the contract to find out you sucked.

Performance Reviews Now

In my current role, I avoid performance reviews.  It’s not because I don’t like performance reviews. It is just that performance reviews are complex and meaningless to me at present.  My focus or philosophy is if I’m doing something wrong, just tell me,” and if I can fix it, I will. 

 

Let’s see what the cards say!

Today's Cards

Day 126. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Morality. 2 is Influence card is Exhaustion. 3 is Goal card is Playfulness. 4 is Distant Past card is Creativity. 5 is Recent Past card is Aloneness. 6 is Future Energy card is Turning In. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Stress. 8 is Others' Views card is Adventure. 9 is Hope & Fears card is No-thingness. 10 is Outcome card is Rebirth. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

There were no carry over cards from yesterday.

Analysis

Cross

Morality in the Now is influenced by Exhaustion. The Playfulness card sits in the Goal position.   I’m trying to do the right thing (Morality) by continuing to adhere to my goal of capturing 365 days of tarot.  What I didn’t realise is it would take longer to write each night.  Staying up until 1:30 AM every night is okay. However, when you’re fighting something off, it’s difficult to recover quickly (Exhaustion).

Exhaustion challenges Playfulness.  In this case, Playfulness as a Goal is an accurate assessment of what I’d like to be doing. After all, “Girls just want to have fun!”.

Creativity is in the Distant Past; this is an easy one to address.  Having the idea for the website was Creativity.  This Creativity led me to the current predicament of Morality, which has led to bouts of Exhaustion.   

The Aloneness card is in the Recent Past position is the time of night spent alone.  Note that this does not mean I’m lonely, just alone. 

In the Future Energy position is the card of Turning In.  Turning In is about doing Performance Reviews for myself and assessing what I am trying to achieve.  It might require reducing the Context area of the blog.

Base

My Feelings about being torn between giving up how I like to write the blog at the expense of sleep is why the Stress card appeared.

 

Others’ Views has the card of Adventure.   The Adventure card, according to Osho is about, “entering the unknown with the trusting spirit of a child, innocent and open and vulnerable, even the smallest things in life can become the greatest adventure.” (Osho, p. 78).  Guess others might see me jumping onto the website adventure, unaware of the pitfalls ahead.

 

In the Hopes & Fears position is the card of No-thingness.  I usually describe the No-thingness card as the card of potential.  In the Hopes & Fears spot, the card takes on a different perspective.  The fear is the blankness and the unknown.  When the card acts for hope, it means wanting to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Finally, it’s the card of Rebirth in the Outcome position.  Because of my inner conflict, I cannot interpret the type of Rebirth implied. So, I turned to Osho. My eyes landed on the following sentence, “[w]haterever the space you’re in right now – sleepy and depressed, or roaring and rebellious – be aware that it will evolve into something new if you allow it.  It is a time of growth and change (Osho, p. 136).   It seems apt.

 

For a day that seemed focussed on performance reviews, the cards focussed on something else entirely.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7

  2. Cappelli, P. & Tavis, A. 2016, The Performance Management Revolution. The focus is shifting from accountability to learning.  Harvard Business Review, Last viewed 6 May 2021  

End Day 126

Day 125 – Unexpected Topic with My Mum

5 May 2021

Day 125. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Control. 2 is Influence card is The Burden. 3 is Goal card is Integration. 4 is Distant Past card is Clinging to the Past. 5 is Recent Past card is Completion. 6 is Future Energy card is Maturity. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Understanding. 8 is Others' Views card is The Dream. 9 is Hope & Fears card is New Vision. 10 is Outcome card is Receptivity

Context

Day 125 – Unexpected Topic with My Mum

Most of Day 125 went by without a hitch.  The little ginger cat, the rascal, managed to sneak out an open door 🙂.  Then later in the day my mother called.  During the discussion, an unexpected topic with my mum arose – older people’s sex lives!  Yes, it happens.  Did I think, as I got older, it wouldn’t happen?  No.  After all, I’m older.  I’ve also been preparing myself to accept and acknowledge older people have sex.

 

Talking about sex lives, isn’t necessarily an unexpected topic nor is it offensive, but when you’re in the middle of a TV show relaxing and you get a phone call about a computer question you don’t expect it to veer into my mother’s friends sex lives.

 

Over the years, sex was and still is a topic of interest, discussion, and concern.  Using the three phases of Triune or Triple Goddess (The Maiden, Mother and Crone) to highlight the different stages of a woman’s sexual change.  The change is, of course, related to the hormonal shifts in a woman’s life.  The most fascinating and unexpected topic to have discussed with my mum in my younger years would have been the aging process of sex.

 

Ah… forget it!  It would never have happened, because being the version of the goddess before my mother, puts a different perspective on things.  The older person knows, or at least can identify intimately or experientially, with aspects of the younger person’s situation.  Whereas it is impossible for the younger person to know the feeling of being older, even if their maturity is developed enough to get the concept.

The Unexpected Topic

During the discussion, it became obvious two of my mother’s friends were still quite sexually active.  This to me, while my husband mentioned the nursing homes are full of sexual activity, and therefore older people having sex is unsurprising. 

 

The unanticipated matter doesn’t correlate with conversations I’ve had with various friends (mostly female/ some male) saying that sex was over-rated.  It may seem this is due to menopause in the women and potentially the men with unusually high levels of estrogen in their bodies when they were younger.  The loss of estrogen contributes to the lowering of libido (Harvard 2017).

 

I’ve noticed a drop even in myself, the drive for sexual activity has decreased – but not gone.  Could the variance in sexual activity I’m hearing about in nursing homes and the comments of friends over the years be a generational thing?  Or is it an age thing?  Is it the belief that sex and love are one and the same thing?  Either way, it’s too big a topic to cover in this post. 

Mum’s Topic Twist

The most unexpected element of the discussion was on the one hand, my mother has a friend who appears to be a free-spirit when it comes to sexual morals (they’re in the 80s – to my mind they’ve earnt the right to be freer with them.  Providing, of course, it’s between willing and consenting adults).   On the other hand, she has a friend who is in an open marriage arrangement who would like to meet the other friend.  You know, to … get it on.

 

Both my mother’s friends I know only through my mother’s conversations.  What I don’t know is whether they ARE in open-style relationships.  This is because, I’m unsure, whether my mother agrees with them.  I suspect she might be okay with them.  It’s more the FOMO (fear of missing out) aspect which is likely to prevent the two ever meeting through my mother. 

 

Both parties are unreliable when asked to attend social events.  Organising anything would be a headache for the organiser.  Plus, my mum argues, if things don’t work out between the two, she may lose both friends.  She’s not prepared to risk it, so they can have a dalliance.  The two parties’ reliability could prove the undoing, especially since neither view themselves as unreliable. 

 

Now the unexpected point that I got from the discussion with my mum was, nothing has really changed since the school yard!

Other stuff

I’ve decided that I need to get back to exercising and meditating.  This means something must give.  Perhaps this will mean that I need to get stricter with myself when it comes to writing the blogs.  It may even mean, on occasion there will be a couple of dot points in lieu of a large “Context”.

 

Let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 125. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Control. 2 is Influence card is The Burden. 3 is Goal card is Integration. 4 is Distant Past card is Clinging to the Past. 5 is Recent Past card is Completion. 6 is Future Energy card is Maturity. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Understanding. 8 is Others' Views card is The Dream. 9 is Hope & Fears card is New Vision. 10 is Outcome card is Receptivity. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

New Vision was the only card to carry over, it moved from Feelings into Hopes & Fears.

Analysis

The Burden influences Control which is in the Now position.  Makes sense, I’m trying to wrest back some Control in my life by exercising and meditating and sadly this makes writing the blog at times, The Burden.

 

In the Goal position is Integration.  Integration is exactly what I would like to do with exercise and meditation.

 

Distant Past position has Clinging to the Past.  Clinging to the Past not letting other activities go is contributing to the Now.

 

In the Recent Past is Completion.  Completion is probably referring to the relatively finished healing of what was my broken ankle.  Only today, did I feel there weren’t many “pain” areas left, what remains is a bit of stiffness but there are no more seven or eight level pain aspects to the ankle, when stretching.

 

Future Energy holds the card of Maturity.  This means looking at the options available to me and working how best to incorporate it into my daily routine.  Alternatively, the blog may simply be the analysis expanded to apply to the relevant areas of my day.

 

The Feelings or Immediate Future position has the card of Understanding.  Understanding is simply identifying the areas holding me back from integrating all the aspects I need to fulfil a work-life balance.

 

Others’ Views has The Dream card.  Suggesting others probably know me better than I know myself and I’m unlikely (dreaming) to let stuff go because I want it all!

 

Hopes & Fears has the New Vision card which has carried over from yesterday’s Feelings position.  New Vision has become my “yoga” card since Day 122 Doggy Yoga reading.  Since, yoga is my preferred form of exercise, my hope is to be able to get time to get to it.  My fear is the time is consumed by other activities.  Coming from the Feelings position fits in nicely with the Hopes & Fears, since these too are feelings.

 

Receptivity is in the Outcome position.  Indicating Maturity and Receptivity to a new approach may be the answer I’m looking for to meet my goal.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Wiginton, P. Jan 2019, The Triple Goddess: Maiden, Mother and Crone, Learning Religions website, last viewed 6 May 2021

  3. Harvard, 2017, Yes, you can have better sex in midlife and in the years beyond, Harvard Women’s Health Watch, last viewed 6 May 2021

End Day 125

Day 124 – May the 4th be with You (Updated)

4 May 2021

Day 124. Today's Cards. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is The Fool. 2 is Influence card is Friendliness. 3 is Goal card is Laziness. 4 is Distant Past card is Flowering. 5 is Recent Past card is Creativity. 6 is Future Energy card is The Rebel. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is New Vision. 8 is Others' Views card is Possibilities. 9 is Hope & Fears card is The Miser. 10 is Outcome card is Ordinariness

Context

Day 124 – May the 4th be with You

 

Welcome to May the 4th and it is Star Wars day!  So, May the 4th be with You!  Who would have thought back in 1977, a sci-fi movie would hang around so long?  Not me.  However, I have a confession to make.  Star Wars came out when I was in anti-hype mode and said stuff like, “you’re only going to see the movie because of the hype!  You sheep.”.  Yeah, that’s right I was on the dark side and I didn’t know it.

 

Eventually, I did watch Star Wars.  Yes. All of them! Even the Mandalorian series – which incidentally is my favourite part of the Star Wars film universe to-date.  The movies are nice and all but I’m not that “into Star Wars”.  If you asked me what parts of the Mandalorian series gave a nod to the Star Wars films, I would be clueless.

 

My ignorance and lack of Star Wars culture asides, what does, “may the force be with you mean?”.  Obviously, if you’ve watched the movies, you get the force being a single energy source powering the universe.  It’s only the mindset and intentions of the wielder which changes how it’s used. 

 

The force, then, is simply a resource to be tapped into with mindfulness and meditation. A lot of elements are very Buddhist seeming from my point-of-view.  Those proficient in mindfulness are constantly connected to the force – Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi, for instance.   

 

Anyway, it’s incredibly clever using the fourth of May for Star Wars day.  Would the phrase have taken off in Australia, if Australia weren’t flexible and exposed to the date being read with the month at the front?  The saying just rolls off the tongue, “may the 4th be with you”!  So cute.

 

My Mother

My anti “everything” started because of being an early adolescent female, who had a father who played mind games.  The avenue chosen to prove I was an independent thinking female was to have a different point-of-view to everyone else.  In hindsight, this was akin to isolating myself socially.  Later, it worked out he simply thought that women didn’t think for themselves when a man was around. So, no matter the stance I took, he believed it was someone else’s view. 

 

The reason he and my mother had issues during their divorce, was at some point she proved she was clever.  Many a time in years since the divorce, when I was testing my self-control and he and I spoke, he mentioned how incredibly cunning my mother was.  Incredibly smart – even there he thought it might have been the male solicitors/ lawyers.  My mother’s comment has always been, “I just told the truth”.

 

Mum’s interpretation, however, of what is being asked can sometimes come askew in the translation.  My mother has a determined mindset and an innocent adherence to a path which can come across as controlling in its own way.  Nonetheless, if you asked my mother something in all genuineness it could get misinterpreted, but the response would still be right.  To be clear, it’s never a lie.  

 

There’s no intention to deceive.  It’s because of this lack of deceptive intention, she could get away with things another person would either feel self-conscious about or get caught out on.  My father was almost the complete opposite.  He feigned innocence but even when he was it didn’t usually work for him.  It’s the few occasions where it worked that kept him repeating the tactic.

Pre-1977 - My Father

For instance, during my parents’ divorce my father hid some money from the courts by putting payments against the home loan as term deposits.  Now, I don’t fully understand how this worked. My guess is the money could only be touched by my father, my sister or me.  

 

Since the term deposits were acting, like collateral for the loan bound with a caveat on the title, he felt assured the only people who could access the money was him, my sister or me.  At the time my sister was eight and I was twelve, the money was safely tucked away he thought for 40 years, when the home loan finalised. 

 

What my father hadn’t counted on was for term deposits requiring renewal.  Also, home’s equity increases, over time too. Hence, no longer requiring the collateral of the term deposits or the caveat which bound them to the title deed.  My guess is the term deposits were locked in for a period of three to five years.  By that time, my mother had received legal guardianship over us, and we were living in the home the money was held against. 

 

So, when the terms were up the bank sent a letter to my sister and me asking what we wanted to do with the money and the associated interest.  I vaguely remember sitting in the living room and my mum explaining the money had come from a term deposit my dad had put in our names.  She also advised, if we wanted to keep the money we could, and she would not take it from us.

 

As an eleven going on twelve-year-old, I didn’t have a job or a job history.  It didn’t take a child genius to work out the money wasn’t really mine.  We didn’t get pocket money at the time.  The choice was, if it came from the home loan it should just go back onto the home loan.  Simplistic thinking.

 

Maybe it was all those years of mum going, “where did you get that from?”, and the response being, “fridge/ cupboard/ bathroom/ outside”.  To which the reply would be something like, “if you got it from there, then put it back where you found it”.  Dispensing this wisdom like parents everywhere and throughout time.    

 

When, years later I mentioned to my father the house had been paid off and the title deed was in my mother’s name, he declared it to be impossible.  He questioned where the money and the caveat had gone.   It was with pleasure he was informed of what had happened to the money and caveat.  He didn’t believe it, coming from me (being female).  Hey, he still believed he owned the house and let us live in it because he had a kind hear.  Not the court awarding the house to our mother in lieu of missing child support.

Other stuff

Work:  Work went well, was feeling quite successful in terms of getting myself organised.  You get those days, where you can’t do another thing unless you get stuff sorted – or is that just me?  Also, tackling a problem using a different approach but making it look like something familiar.  If it’s too radical, it falls into the category of crazy and it dies before it gets a chance to live.

 

Cats: We dragged out a cat tunnel which we’d put away for a while, it was pure joy just to watch them play like they were kittens again. 

Today's Cards

Day 124. Today's Cards Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is The Fool. 2 is Influence card is Friendliness. 3 is Goal card is Laziness. 4 is Distant Past card is Flowering. 5 is Recent Past card is Creativity. 6 is Future Energy card is The Rebel. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is New Vision. 8 is Others' Views card is Possibilities. 9 is Hope & Fears card is The Miser. 10 is Outcome card is Ordinariness. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

There’s only the one carry over card from yesterday, Completion has moved from being an influence to occupying the Recent Past.

Analysis

The Fool in the Now position is influenced by Friendliness.   The Goal is Laziness.  Laziness is the point where you can relax.  If Laziness is being at the top of the mountain too long, then the point I want to strive for is the moment when you just arrive.  It’s when the relaxing is in front of you, not the hanging on too long pushing the limits of making it down the mountain before daylight is lost.

Looking at my day, The Fool could be the getting organised at work while relying on the achievements to-date to enable me to do the organising.  Using Friendliness, I was able to move a couple of activities until later (Laziness is definitely being influenced by Friendliness here).

In the Distant Past position is the card of Flowering.  Flowering has happened and is a pre-cursor to Laziness.  It’s probably when I’d managed to get a couple of runs on the board.  Time moves quickly in short weeks and those accomplishments can lose some of their lustre.

Creativity is in the Recent Past position.  One of the activities which was distracting me was planning for an upcoming event I’m facilitating.  The planning was taking longer than expected because of its complexity.  Hopefully, the extra time will pay off – if I haven’t overbaked it 😀.  Other things, unfortunately, slipped a little.

The Rebel in the Future Energy position and The Fool in the Now coming from a basis of recent Creativity hmmm …  This usually spells hanging out on a limb and doing something different to the norm.  Again, it is probably the planning.  Not that the planning is unique, it is different in that the agenda is visual.  A case of show what you mean don’t tell. 

Breaking into the next step of evolution is new territory, and a natural evolution from what the organisation has been doing.  The Rebel, in this context, is simply doing things based on his inner light; it’s not necessarily about bucking any system. 

My Feelings position, toward the slightly different approach is me being open to new ideas from within.  In a sense this is echoing The Rebel card in the Future Energy position.

Others’ Views position has the card of Possibilities.  Sharing the new approach with other team members has fostered some excitement and maybe opened some Possibilities for them too.

In the Hopes & Fears position is The Miser.  Sometimes, I get possessive over my ideas, mainly because every now and again it would be nice to receive acknowledgement for the idea.  Although, I don’t really know what kind of acknowledgement I’m after.  After all I hope people want to use it.  I’m happy if the idea gets used and will share knowledge of it easily and readily – and over exuberantly at times 😏.   The fear is in the losing control and thus being The Miser (inwardly).  

Ordinariness is in the Outcome position.  You know I love this card.  It’s the card without stress, without too much excitement and fanfare.  The card representing, in my mind Mother Theresa, the saint of small things. 

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Star Wars Day, Wikipedia, last viewed 5 May 2021
  3. Star Wars Franchise, Wikipedia, last viewed, 5 May 2021 
End Day 124

Day 123 – Killing Buddha

3 May 2021

Day 123. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Stress. 2 is Influence card is Completion. 3 is Goal card is Moment to Moment. 4 is Distant Past card is Patience. 5 is Recent Past card is Beyond Illusion. 6 is Future Energy card is Experiencing. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Awareness. 8 is Others' Views card is Projections. 9 is Hope & Fears card is The Source. 10 is Outcome card is Transformation

Context

 

The quote “if you meet the buddha” kept popping into my head today, that’s later. It started with we’re back from a wonderful weekend, I was relaxed and feeling very cruisy.  It was a moment-to-moment adventure as I tuned into where the day needed to take me.  This meant we lunched in a fast-food restaurant, which is incredibly rare, but the mood just felt right.  Let’s just say, the kilojoule count was high.  Maybe I was on the way to becoming a buddha!

  

Today, it didn’t matter – it just felt in the moment.  There are times when being in the moment is more difficult than others, today it was easy.  Anyway, while my husband was waiting for the food to be made, I was able to take a moment and sink totally into the now.

 

 

 

There had been a lot of late nights and while I love visiting my friend, sleeping at her place is a struggle because I respond to the foxie’s need to join us in the bed.  We sleep with the door closed, with me slipping into a light sleep state more often than my husband, it’s me who gets up to let the dog in and out. 

 

 

So, there was the chance sleep deprivation was contributing to the slightly dreamy state.  In this dreamy state, I felt connected to everything.  The road, the traffic noise, the noise of the children in the play area of the restaurant.  Everything around me had a crispness to it and all the while conscious of my breathing and my heartbeat.  The way my teeth were sitting, the tongue’s position the saliva build-up and swallow, toe, and finger positions.  Connected.

 

 

Earlier in the day we spoke of what “killing Buddha” really means.  The quote, “if you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him” is, of course, metaphorical.  There are various interpretations depending upon the source.  In verifying my memory of the quote, there was an Abstract by Michael Jerryson which provoked my curiosity; Jerryson writes, “[t]he statement deliberately confounds people and is meant to jolt them from complacent ways of thinking”. It’s an article, I hope to get back to read just to see where the paper leads.  For now, I will refrain from pursing it further in the interests of keeping my thoughts to the memory of earlier today.

 

 

 

The statement doesn’t confound me, except in its cleverness.  Here goes my attempt at conveying what it means to me. First, the analogy. Think of everyone’s destiny as a room, house, or bed.  When you and a friend decide to visit a centrally located restaurant to catch up.  Your friend knows the area as he’s been there before but you’re new and unfamiliar with the location.

  

 

The end of the night arrives and you both need to head home.  Your friend offers to drive you to a drop off point near the freeway, he’ll point the direction you’re meant to go, and he’ll loop back and head toward his place.  Once you’re on the freeway it should be familiar, and you can take it from there.

 

 

 

So, your friend drives you to the drop off point but just at the point off moment, something happens and suddenly you’re unsure of whether you interpreted your friend’s pointing correctly.  The safety you felt in following his path now needs to change. You doubt yourself.  You’re unsure whether you’re on the right path to your home or whether you read the queue correctly.  You thought saw it, but …

 

 

 

In the analogy, you could try and catch-up with your friend because you saw which way he went.  In the end, you’d just wind up at his house maybe a little red-faced.  If you didn’t want to end up red-faced and realised early enough, you could head off down a side street and wind up more lost than before.  You’d still be red-faced but at least you’re the only one to know it but you’re also miserable because you’re still not home.

 

 

 

To put analogy against the metaphor, imagine the friend in the analogy is Buddha.  Buddha knows where he lives, following after the drop off point doesn’t get you to your destination. It gets you to his destination, but you don’t have a key to get into his house. 

 

 

 

Put simply, “killing Buddha on the road” is the moment when you part ways.  You can only follow the teachings of great masters or wisemen so far, after that point you’re on your own.  Yours and everyone else’s uniqueness requires it.  There is no one in time like you nor will there be, it only makes sense then that your destinies are going to be different. 

Today's Cards

Day 123. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Stress. 2 is Influence card is Completion. 3 is Goal card is Moment to Moment. 4 is Distant Past card is Patience. 5 is Recent Past card is Beyond Illusion. 6 is Future Energy card is Experiencing. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Awareness. 8 is Others' Views card is Projections. 9 is Hope & Fears card is The Source. 10 is Outcome card is Transformation. Shuffle method was Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

There were no carry over cards from yesterday.

Analysis

Completion influences Stress which is in the Now position.  Completion over Stress, if rephrased is “end of stress” or nearing the end of it in any case.  This reflects the “relaxing” weekend I’d returned from.  As does the Goal position occupied by the Moment to Moment card.  Think I may have mentioned being in the moment once or twice .

 

In the Distant Past is the card of Patience.  This will have been the waiting for the best COVID safe time to catch up.  Patience led to the Recent Past of Beyond Illusion.  Beyond Illusion being the moment coming out of the cocoon. Possibly the freedom of moving about on my ankle and revisiting “the” spot which has been a while in the making.  Revisited, no trauma – happy!

 

The Future Energy card is Experiencing.  Experiencing is certainly what today was all about – just tuning in to everything around me.

 

Awareness is in the Feelings/ Immediate Future position and it couldn’t be more in sync with the mood of the day.  Hmmm… I wonder could the cards be more responsive because I’m more aware and responsive?

 

Others’ Views is the card of Projections.  Possibly meaning I’m getting back from the experience what I’m projecting onto it.  Could be.  Could be.  Nonetheless, I’m happy either way.

 

In the Hopes & Fears position is The Source card.  The Source is about getting back to the inner me, the me that I want to be.  It’s certainly true of being a hope of mine.  Not having it and misunderstanding it is the fear.

 

Transformation is in the Outcome position. Wow!  Today I felt the shift.  My experience at lunch time changed me somehow. Just not sure how but I’ll be looking at things differently without knowing exactly why.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7

  2. Jerryson, M. 2018, If You Meet the Buddha on the Road: Buddhism, Politics, and Violence, Oxford Scholarship Online (March 2018), Print ISBN-13: 9780190683566, last viewed 5 May 2021

End Day 123

Day 122 – Dog Yoga, Keys and My Fall

2 May 2021

Dog Yoga. Day 122. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Existence. 2 is Influence card is The Master. 3 is Goal card is Ripeness. 4 is Distant Past card is Slowing Down. 5 is Recent Past card is Letting Go. 6 is Future Energy card is Sharing. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Silence. 8 is Others' Views card is New Vision. 9 is Hope & Fears card is The Miser. 10 is Outcome card is Clinging to the Past

Dog Yoga Context

Following advice from my doctor, I searched for yoga routines to increase bone health.  On Day 119, the Yoga Journal pointed to a 12-minute workout that would help strengthen bone health.  Today was the first opportunity to try out the 12-minute routine, which ended up becoming dog yoga.  Nothing like goat yoga; this was an impromptu assault.

Michelle’s place had some space, and while everyone sat in the day bed area, I occupied the lounge-dining room.  These exercises usually are a challenge at home as either one or both cats decide the yoga mat is where they want to be while I’m exercising on it.

Dog Yoga Sensei

The exercises began with Tree Pose, which was easy enough.  Standing on the left leg was easy, and as expected, the right leg was shaky.  The exercises continued with various standing, stretching exercises, among them warrior two and side extensions.  For these exercises, the resident canines decided to visit me during the routines.  My yoga workout became dog yoga.  

Ever so helpful, jumping onto me to ensure my stances were stable .   Fortunately, both dogs are little; one is a fox terrier, and the other is Shih Tzu.   After checking my stability, both dogs checked their other humans in the day bed area, and I thought that would be the end of their assistance and dog yoga. 

A few moments later, this was going to be proven a false assumption.  For the floor exercises, I used a small section of the rug as my yoga mat.  No sooner had I commenced Locust Pose when a fox terrier was on my back while the Shih Tzu wanted to provide supportive kisses.  This assistance took me by surprise, and the integrity of the Locust pose fell apart from my giggles.  Yes. Giggles 🙃. 

Then it came time to do the Bridge pose.  There was a guard change, now the Shih Tsu was lying under the hips, and the foxy wanted to provide kisses (ew?).  Unlike the Locust pose, the Bridge I had to hold, or there would be a squashed Shih Tzu.  The dog yoga sensei was serious about my practice.  No more laughing; it was time to get serious.  Once again, the dogs provided quality assurance and integrity for the duration of the pose.  Amazing how animals know to keep you honest.  Animal sense is my guess!  It was all so incredibly cute … aw…

Revisiting the Scene of My Fall

After dog yoga, we went to lunch at the Twin Towns Club, next to where I broke my ankle back on Day 018, January.  Back then, it was raining, and the tide was lapping at the steps making the algae on them wet.

It’s incredible how innocent the place can look when it’s not raining, and I’m not in pain on one of the steps.  After my fall, I had contacted the council saying some signs warning people the steps could get slippery when wet would be a minimum.  Some anti-slip “pimples” would also help.  It’s not like anyone would be doing dog yoga on the stairs, even if they are wide enough.

The council did put or had a warning sign; however, it wasn’t evident.  My husband and I also suspected the warning might have been there when I slipped.  As I said, it’s still not obvious, and when heading toward the “slippery when wet” steps from any angle but in front of the sign, you wouldn’t even notice it.  The warning was below the eye line.  Nonetheless, the stairs were algae free, so some cleaning activities have occurred.

Today the weather was sunny (or at least when we were there), and the tide was out.  The step I slipped on looked incredibly innocent and had the look of “no-one would slip on me look”.  With the step being dry, it was easy to walk on, although I did shy away from stepping on that step in that place.  You know the saying, “once bitten, twice shy”.

On the whole, revisiting the area wasn’t anything significant.  There was no trauma to speak of and no repressed memory or shocking insight.  It was very much like visiting a nightclub during the day – meh.  Anyone for more dog yoga?

Back to Dog Yoga Home

The longer than 12-minute routine, thanks to dog yoga assistants, wasn’t the only exciting thing to happen.  When heading out to lunch and revisiting the “scene of my accident”, my husband locked the second lock on the front door.  That’s the one next to the deadbolt. 

You see, there’s the deadbolt, and then there’s the original doorknob.  The original doorknob has a small barrel turner in the centre of the back that you twist and pull the door shut.  Unbeknownst to him, this doorknob does not have a key on any of the car key sets.  Usually, with the screen security door and the deadbolt, the gate doesn’t get locked unless they travel. 

With the dogs barking at the window and the gate and no amount of dog yoga (yoga by dogs, in this case) would get us in without a key.  We needed to find an entry.  Fortunately, the key to an always-locked door was a forgotten key on an owner’s keyring, and it saved the day.  There wasn’t talk of getting a locksmith yet, but we would need one if we hadn’t gotten lucky.

Today's Cards

Dog Yoga. Day 122. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Existence. 2 is Influence card is The Master. 3 is Goal card is Ripeness. 4 is Distant Past card is Slowing Down. 5 is Recent Past card is Letting Go. 6 is Future Energy card is Sharing. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Silence. 8 is Others' Views card is New Vision. 9 is Hope & Fears card is The Miser. 10 is Outcome card is Clinging to the Past. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Dog Yoga Analysis

Carryover Cards

Only one card carried over from yesterday, and the day before; The Miser stayed in Hopes & Fears.

Cross

The Master influences Existence which is in the Now position. Existence is about being one with yourself and the universe.  The Master is about being an “untouchable” who is free of desire for material possessions.  Perhaps me just doing the dog yoga what this is all about.  I was experiencing Existence and just being myself, and the dogs were being The Master/s exhibiting nothing but themselves.

Ripeness is in the Goal position.  The Goal was to find the right time to perform the yoga workout.  From today’s context, I found the moment.  

It comes from a decision in the past, possibly when we agreed to visit Michelle – visiting is always a joy.  The dog yoga made it extra special. Hence, the choice or judgment in the Distant Past for Slowing Down.

In the Recent Past is the card of Letting Go.  My Letting Go may have something to do about the potential “fears” of revisiting the scene of the broken ankle accident or the fear of COVID restrictions occurring at a moment’s notice.

Future Energy has the card of Sharing. Sharing is the resulting energy from bonding with the universe during dog yoga and being allowed to be yourself and accepted for it.  Generosity, sharing, and love breed themselves and everyone benefits.

Base

As for the Feelings position today, it is occupied by the card of Silence.  The Silence card in the layout is an extension or echo of the Existence card. It’s when the noise inside your head stops, and there’s the moment of blissful silence.  It’s what I enjoy about yoga, or today during dog yoga.

The Others’ Views position has the card of New Vision.  The person on the card looks like they’re doing a yoga pose, so just from a visual perspective of how others saw me today, this card relates.  New Vision is about opening up to the universe and connecting to it.  It’s possible others saw me in this light while I was doing yoga.

The Hopes & Fears position is the complete antithesis of everything else in the cards to this moment, and that is the card of The Miser.  I hoped to maintain the state of unity, sharing and Silence.  The fear comes from trying to hold on to it, and like sand in your hand, the tighter you try to hold it, the more it slips away. 

And finally, the Outcome position displays the fear’s evolution manifested, Clinging to the Past.  After such beautiful moments, like dog yoga, it is natural to want to hold on to them, yet as mentioned in Hopes & Fears, trying to hold on only sees it disappear faster.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. 2017, Goldman L., The 12-minute Yoga Sequence for Strong Bones, Routine, Yoga Journal, Last viewed Saturday 1 May 2021 Online
End Day 122

Day 121 – Comfortable Friends

1 May 2021

Day 121. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is The Rebel. 2 is Influence card is Awareness. 3 is Goal card is No-thingness. 4 is Distant Past card is Harmony. 5 is Recent Past card is Receptivity. 6 is Future Energy card is Comparison. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Maturity. 8 is Others' Views card is Inner Voice. 9 is Hope & Fears card is The Miser. 10 is Outcome card is Understanding

Comfortable Friend Context

Grabbing an opportunity amid easing COVID restrictions, we caught up with comfortable friends.  An AFL game brings out the best & worst.

It’s Saturday, and in Queensland, it’s a long weekend.  Labour Day is celebrated in Queensland on the first Monday of May 1912 since 1912, when the eight-hour working day came into its inception.  The eight-hour day was about breaking the day into three parts:  work, recreation, and rest (sleep).

Celebrating Labour Day meant we could visit my friend, Michelle.  COVID restrictions in some form or another had prevented us from catching up since 2020.  At present, we’re free from most COVID constraints, and we took the opportunity to head her way and catch up.

Long Time, No See

It was wonderful seeing my friend again. You know, every time I write those words “see my friend again”, I think of the movie Shawshank Redemption (1994).  In this context, it has even more meaning as Michelle, and I have a fondness for the film.  We’ve been comfortable friends for many years.    

Anyway, the Shawshank Redemption is well written and directed; and it’s challenging to go past this movie as my number one recommendation for people to watch.  If you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favour and find a legal link and watch it.

Another thing that reminds me of friendship or inspires me to maintain some of the friend connections – although I’m really quite rubbish at connecting if they’re not in my immediate view.  Luckily, my friends are like this too, and we pretty much where we left off when we see each other again.   If too long a time happens, it takes a bit catching up like Betty, and you drift apart.  The time apart hasn’t changed most times, and the nature of the relationship simply picks up where it left off.

Michelle and I have known each other for a long time; we’re almost sisters.  Michelle was there when my younger sister wasn’t old enough to be there, and that creates a bond of its own.  We’re comfortable friends simply being in each other’s presence without the need for discussion.  Of course, if we’ve spent time apart and the catch-up time is short, there isn’t much opportunity to enjoy silent companionship.

Comfortable Friends and The Game

One of my challenges today was the playful competitiveness between her husband’s AFL team and mine.  While he and I get along, I’m unsure if we’re at the comfortable friend stage yet. He supports Geelong, and I support Sydney.  Geelong is in great shape and has managed their players well not to drop out of the top eight (the top eight go to the “finals”).  Playing finals gives your team the ultimate victory.  Sydney, on the other hand, has injuries to key players.  

 

Sydney is playing some great footy (AFL), but they’re a young team, and youngsters make mistakes and get injured as a realistic supporter.  Up against a more experienced side like Geelong, Sydney was unlikely to win. 

 

Yet, win, they did.  Unfortunately, the win got marred by a couple of controversial decisions made in the game’s dying seconds.  There was a Geelong unpaid mark where Jeremy Cameron, the story is in The Age.    

Michelle’s husband was a tremendously good sport throughout the game, too.  If the result had been the reverse, I think I would’ve cried “robbed” at every moment (even though I would have been secretly happy Sydney was competitive).  Stu handled the loss with good grace, and I’d say I’m confident we’re becoming comfortable friends.  

 

Before I published the post, I looked up news articles and found the AFL had issued an apology to Geelong for the calls.  At least that much. 

 

Even though I am glad for the Swans to win, it’s not the way I’d like the win to happen.

 

Let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 121. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is The Rebel. 2 is Influence card is Awareness. 3 is Goal card is No-thingness. 4 is Distant Past card is Harmony. 5 is Recent Past card is Receptivity. 6 is Future Energy card is Comparison. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Maturity. 8 is Others' Views card is Inner Voice. 9 is Hope & Fears card is The Miser. 10 is Outcome card is Understanding. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Comfortable Friend Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday: Inner Voice moved from Distant Past to Others’ Views, and The Miser moved from Future Energy to Hopes & Fears.

Cross

Awareness is in the Influence position and sits over The Rebel, who is in the Now position.  Awareness is like waking up from a dreaming state. The Rebel is about the strong direction and male energy, and a unique approach.   In this case, I think it might be referring to my friend’s husband’s team’s loss.  The Awareness in me is about realising his excellent sportsmanship.

No-thingness is in the Goal position, with Harmony forming its basis in the Distant Past.  Indicating our past Harmony would benefit the unknown outcome.  You see, before this occasion, I was unsure how our watching our teams play each other would pan out.  Hence, the Goal of No-thingness.  No-thingness is representing, in this case, the “unknown”.

The Recent Past position showed both he and I were receptive to (based on the foundations of Distant Past) working with each other in Harmony.  This Receptivity allowed for the Future Energy to become Comparison.  Under the circumstances, Comparison is a positive sign for growth.  The Comparison between Stu’s handling of the situation provided me with an inspiration model.

Base

In Feelings/ Immediate Future position is the card of Maturity.  Overall, I felt I handled the situation quite well and was surprised by how sympathetic I felt towards Stu.

Others’ Views were seeing a connection by me to my Inner Voice.

Hopes & Fears has The Miser, which has moved from the Future Energy position to becoming today’s Hope & Fears. It’s a neat transition as Future Energy can take the form of Hopes & Fears.  Selfishly, I cling to the hope the decision does not have future repercussions for our teams.  Both teams are side by side on the competition ladder at the moment.  By extension, my fear is the impact later in the competition, spoiling any potential victory there for the taking.

Finally, Understanding is in the Outcome position. One of the reasons I enjoyed the AFL compared to other “footballs” is the ease with which teams handed over the ball.  For me, this indicated great sportsmanship on display (later, I found out there was a penalising rule for not handing the ball over immediately).  The ball was simply handed over without fuss, fanfare, or griping.  Children watching the sport learn to let go if something doesn’t go their way.  This positive conditioning was on display today with my friend’s husband’s behaviour. 

The incident also helped me gain a better understanding of the person my friend married.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Queensland Labour Day, https://www.qt.com.au/news/significance-labor-day-queensland/4008328/, last viewed 4 May 2021
  3. Luhrman B. 1997, Everybody’s free (to wear sunscreen) (aka The Sunscreen Song), Youtube, last viewed 4 May 2021
  4. Luhrman B, 1999, Everybody’s free (to wear sunscreen) aka The Sunscreen Song – remix Youtube with links to Sunscreen research for and against, last viewed 4 May 2021
End Day

Statistics for April 2021

Statistics for April 2021

Total Number of Appearances

It’s been another interesting month for statistics.  This month Ice-olation is the only card that didn’t make an appearance.  

Image of Chart Comparison of month by month statistics.

Top 10

Bottom 10

Day 120 – Moving or Renovating Dilemma (updated)

30 April 2021

Day 120. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Thunderbolt. 2 is Influence card is The Burden. 3 is Goal card is The Creator. 4 is Distant Past card is Inner Voice. 5 is Recent Past card is Friendliness. 6 is Future Energy card is The Miser. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Rebirth. 8 is Others' Views card is The Source. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Slowing Down. 10 is Outcome card is Patience

Now and again, something comes up to make you look at the moving or renovating dilemma.  But is it worth it – for me?

Dilemma Context

Welcome to Day 120!

The cards tended to focus on where my attention was throughout the day, and it was on whether we should be moving house or renovate the bathroom.  There is a dilemma because we have purchased a bathtub already, viewed tiles, vanities, basins and renovators.  We just haven’t started renovating.  If we move, what do we do with the bathtub?  

There are so many benefits to staying put and renovating; you don’t have to move, the neighbours (if they’re good) stay the same, any routines you have can remain in place.  Nothing moves, and getting rid of rubbish you should get rid of is unlikely to happen. Of course, the downside of renovating and living in the same area during renovations is noise, inconvenience, and mess.

Moving has its benefits.  You get a new house, and you get to throw rubbish you haven’t looked at for years out.  If you don’t like your neighbours, you might have new neighbours.  But the downside of moving is packing, organising new voting, new address details for everyone – you always forget one!  Then, there’s cleaning, unpacking, new routines, pleasant and unpleasant surprises in the new place.

Now it depends on where and why you’re moving whether the move is worth it.  If it’s into a magnificent waterfront property, close to work and activities you like to do with a pay rise or fewer costs, it’s probably worth the move.  Darn, I think I just talked myself into staying put and doing the renovation – this time!

However, most of my thoughts throughout the day were on the bathroom or moving dilemma.  It turns out the cards seemed to get the vibe too.

Non-dilemma Stuff

So, my workday went well, with most of my activity involved in ad hoc meetings.  These are productive in their way but sometimes go a little longer because the ad hoc nature begins with social conversations then drifts into work.  

It was also a long-time friend’s birthday today, and I am constantly reminded about how lucky I am to have her in my life.  She’s like a second sister to my sister and me.

Without further ado, let’s see what the cards had to say about the renovating or moving dilemma.

Today's Cards

Day 120. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Thunderbolt. 2 is Influence card is The Burden. 3 is Goal card is The Creator. 4 is Distant Past card is Inner Voice. 5 is Recent Past card is Friendliness. 6 is Future Energy card is The Miser. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Rebirth. 8 is Others' Views card is The Source. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Slowing Down. 10 is Outcome card is Patience. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Dilemma Analysis

Carryover Cards

Only the one carryover card;  Inner Voice moved from Hopes & Fears to Distant Past.

Cross

In the Now position is the card of Thunderbolt.  Thunderbolt is about a change in the physical aspects of your life.  Thunderbolt covers dilemma aspects of life like moving house, changing jobs, change a relationship status concerning loved ones, buying a car, or even undertaking a bathroom renovation.

The Burden influences Thunderbolt and The Burden card is restrictive, and therefore in my interpretation, is a blocker card preventing, in this case, the Thunderbolt of change to happen.

The Creator is in the Goal position.  As mentioned once before, The Creator is the potter or the artisan.  The Creator shapes the clay.  Having this card in the Goal position is what the aim was for today is perhaps progressing work.  The Goal position is not an outcome or happening position, but a position that shows the motivation for the Now predicament.  Sometimes the reasons are recognisable from self-awareness; at other times, it might be so subtle or assumed it’s unnoticed.

The Inner Voice sits in the Distant Past and has generated the Now of Thunderbolt.  If Thunderbolt is the desire to move to a new house, it was listening to an Inner Voice that formed the foundations of the search.  Note, the Inner Voice was the card that carried over from yesterday.

More in the Recent Past was the card of Friendliness.  Friendliness is probably the real estate agent contacting me. 

Future Energy has the card of The Miser.  If we’re talking about moving to a new house, in all likelihood, The Miser will show its face when I go, “you’re asking, how much?”.

Base

In the Feelings position is the Rebirth card.  Rebirth is about re-energising something which I thought wasn’t going to happen for quite some time.  The original idea was to move in where we are, pay off part of the home loan and then move.  Then we got comfortable.  It looks like the original plan got a Rebirth.

Others’ Views is getting in touch with The Source: my source, inner drive and connection. Others see me as being in touch with my “truth”, and the dilemma appears unnoticed.

Hopes & Fears has the card of Slowing Down.  When first gazing upon a particular house, I wanted to put our name down and sign the contract immediately.  The place just felt like it was right – my Inner Voice had kicked in.  Waiting or Slowing Down is what I feared – hoping for Slowing Down to happen. 

We weren’t ready.  Also, if it were ours, it would have come to us. It may have just been the right trigger to keep an eye out for one that will be ours.  There is no point in having a dilemma if you don’t need to have one.

The Outcome card has the card of Patience.  Need I say more?!  Okay.  Just a line.  The right property for us will need a little time; it’s almost there, as indicated by the pregnant woman on the card – just not now.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
End Day 120

Day 119 – Blood Results

29 April 2021

Day 119. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is The Lovers. 2 is Influence card is Integration. 3 is Goal card is Adventure. 4 is Distant Past card is Suppression. 5 is Recent Past card is Abundance. 6 is Future Energy card is Maturity. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is The Master. 8 is Others' Views card is Transformation. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Inner Voice. 10 is Outcome card is Fighting

Context

Day 119 – Blood Test

It was time to go and see the doctor. Blood, bone density, hand and ankle x-ray results were in, and it was time to get some answers. Did I have gout? or was my finger broken and overlooked because of an attention-seeking fractured ankle? What would my blood test reveal? Did I have gout? What would the bone density test reveal, was the fall a result of weakened bones or simply a hard fall? I was bracing myself for the usual comment received by vegetarians saying my iron levels were low. By that measure what were my calcium or cholesterol levels? It was time to find out.

The doctor and I sat down and chatted. We talked about being menopausal and post- menopausal which brought about the discussion about hot flushes. It’s my interpretation that hot flushes are an untapped superpower. Think of it like this, if you were stuck in cabin out in the snowy woods and left something in the car but didn‘t want to don winter gear just to go a handful of metres. Then, you could simply summon a hot flush, run to the car, get what you needed from the car and return. After which time, the hot flush would subside, and all was right with the world.

Or if you dropped a set of keys in the bottom of a cold pool in the middle of winter, easy fixed – wait for a hot flush, strip off, dive in, get the keys – boom! Keys retrieved! All jokes aside, hot flushes are not fun. Unfortunately, the superhero quality happens randomly when I get frustrated with myself or others. Intentionally getting frustrated doesn’t trigger the flush.

This morning I also received a compact disk with X-rays and printed test results since the accident. When these were handed over to the doctor, she was ever so pleased. The look of joy on her face was surprising and rewarding. Her smile made me feel like a kid who had done something good. It made me feel good. It was worth the visit already. If I were sick, I’d be feeling better.

Then came the test results: cholesterol perfect (an advantage of being vegetarian and having good genes), don’t have gout either, iron levels are good. What? Iron levels are good? Wow! Love it! Nothing at all to worry about in the blood work. Walking on sunshine right now. Bones have, however, taken a knock and the bone density could be better but it is not near osteoporosis territory, but it needs a bit of work. Argh! So close to full clean bill of health. Really, it’s not bad. Also, my vitamin D is low. Phooey!

Doc then went on to say: fortunately, both the bone density and the vitamin D can be remedied easily. Firstly, start with a vitamin D supplement, which will help the bones anyway. The next step is to do some yoga, running or weight bearing exercises to further improve bone density. Interestingly, I found this article on the best yoga exercises to increase bone density here.

Have to say, I was shocked to hear the bone density was low. Before the fall I did yoga and a fair bit of walking and stairs. Perhaps it was lucky I did, and the last three months spent indoors doing very little exercise has directed a lot of the bone reserves to the broken area. Certainly, hope this is the case. Guess we’ll see because the doctor has put it on the watch list and these test results will act as a baseline to measure progress against.

Let’s see what the cards have to say! Analysis

Today's Cards

Day 119. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is The Lovers. 2 is Influence card is Integration. 3 is Goal card is Adventure. 4 is Distant Past card is Suppression. 5 is Recent Past card is Abundance. 6 is Future Energy card is Maturity. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is The Master. 8 is Others' Views card is Transformation. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Inner Voice. 10 is Outcome card is Fighting. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

There were no carry over cards.

Analysis

The Lovers occupies the Now position which is influenced by the card of Integration. Both cards are crowned by the Adventure card in the Goal position which has all been spawned by the Suppression card sitting in the Distant Past position.

The Lovers is about a union whose energy extends beyond the immediate couple outward. Integration is also a union card the two working in harmony to create a pleasant energy which ripples outward. The Goal of this union is to embark on an Adventure. An Adventure into the unknown. Not sure what the Adventure is in to or how the adventure came about. All I do know, is that apparently, the Adventure has come about from a time in the Distant Past where I’d been suppressing a part of me.

In the circumstances, it was most likely the Suppression of my preference for natural remedies in lieu of other prescribed medicines. Today, I felt the doctor was okay and accepting of it, as she had been all along. It was me finally recognizing the doctor‘s acceptance which had changed. Possibly the reason for the Integration.

Abundance sits in the Recent Past. A feeling of generosity usually makes it easier to share. Promoting the kind of unity reflected by the card of The Lovers.

Moving forward, from the energy of The Lovers sitting in the Now to the Future Energy of Maturity. Maturity is about growing from the newness exhibited in The Lovers and the compassion generated by it becoming a way of life.

Maturity is reflected by The Master who sits in the Feelings/ Immediate Future position. The Master sits above the daily grind unaffected by the barbs and suffering because he has become compassion. The Lovers can have this feeling when it is new.

Others’ Views position has the card of Transformation. Transformation is about making an irreversible change. It’s having a baby – there’s no putting the genie back in the bottle! Reminds me of a slightly crude joke back in high school, ”lost my virginity, but I still have the box it came in”. That’s not something you can come back from, and I don’t mean reading the joke :).

Hopes & Fears is occupied by Inner Voice. Simply put hope is that I listen to my Inner Voice correctly and fear is that I’m not listening correctly.

Fighting its way back into a reading after 31 days is the Fighting card in the Outcome position. Hmmm, may be constant late nights are having an effect. I‘ll have to monitor my responses to those around me to ensure I’m not triggered.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. 2017, Goldman L., The 12-minute Yoga Sequence for Strong Bones, Routine, Yoga Journal, Last viewed Saturday 1 May 2021 Online, https://www.yogajournal.com/practice/12-minute-yoga-sequence-for-strong-bones/
End Day

Day 118 – Technology Down!

28 April 2021

Day 118. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Morality. 2 is Influence card is Turning In. 3 is Goal card is Change. 4 is Distant Past card is Completion. 5 is Recent Past card is Stress. 6 is Future Energy card is Mind. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is The Miser. 8 is Others' Views card is Thunderbolt. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Intensity. 10 is Outcome card is Innocence

Technology Down Context

There’s nothing more taken for granted in our modern era than technology.  Technology down becomes a nightmare for all involved, except for those asleep.  There’s also nothing more frustrating when an update arrives at an inopportune time.  For instance, when writing this post, my Mac required an update.  That’s okay; there’s a PC available – nuh-uh!  The PC required a critical update too. 

 

The technology at work also required overnight updates and meant that “technology down” happened at work too.  At work, if you don’t run them within a set window, auto-install takes over.  So, why is it so frustrating?  I mean, most of my life was spent without a computer – obviously not a generation Y or a millennial. 

 

Growing up, the Walkman and Compact Disc (CDs) was the trend as far as technology went.  More by luck than design, I was in the right place at the right time and the right age to embrace early word processors.  I was then working for a computer company that sold personal computers with a whopping two megabytes RAM. 

 

When looking back at some of the fun questionnaires circulated in the early 90s that asked, “what made you a geek?”  One of the answers was owning one computer.  If I count the devices, including smartphones and smartwatches in the household, we have about 12.  That amount varies if I bring home the work laptop and smartphone.  My, my – how things have changed!

More than Technology Down

Computers make me think of India.  Thinking of India makes me think of how remarkable its computer recycling is and the impact the effort will have on future earth’s sustainability.  And at present, I doubt you can think of India without sending wishes and condolences to its citizens experiencing tremendous loss resulting from the coronavirus outbreak.  In the same way, Europe, specifically Italy, got sympathy in the epidemic’s early stages.  The whole epidemic is incredibly heart-retching. 

 

The world is undoubtedly undergoing a tremendous grief outpouring.  With its tightly controlled communities, China has managed to keep the virus to a standstill almost six months after it initially had its outbreak.  Admittedly, it would be devastating if the virus got a hold of China the same way India has encountered it.  It’s the difference between the free-spirited Indian population and culture to China’s more conservative and cautious culture – politically speaking.

 

China, like its rival manufacturer India, of course, contributes hugely to the world economy.  Any loss in manufacturing by either nation would have an impact, on a large scale, globally.  For instance, insurance companies in Australia have a “follow the clock” call centre.  This system means call centres in a work time zone answer calls as night and the end of the day arrives, calls switch to another country that is just beginning its day. 

 

India is a popular choice for a call centre because of its low labour costs.  At the moment, this choice is being felt by the Australian housing market because companies have assessors located in India.  A call centre of usually 200 might now be a call centre of 20.

 

Technology down and not working has its impacts.  For me, it has impacted the time I will get to bed!

Add Your Heading Text Here

Today's Cards

Day 118. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Morality. 2 is Influence card is Turning In. 3 is Goal card is Change. 4 is Distant Past card is Completion. 5 is Recent Past card is Stress. 6 is Future Energy card is Mind. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is The Miser. 8 is Others' Views card is Thunderbolt. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Intensity. 10 is Outcome card is Innocence. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

Morality in the Now is me doing the right thing and initiating the computer update, not realising how long it will take.  The Influence of Turning In on Morality is the ability to reflect while technology is out of action. 

 

Quite simply, Goal has the card of Change.  It can be said, by selecting the “upgrade now” option, I was aware that Change was my Goal.

 

In the Distant Past is the card of Completion.  Completion is the end of the previous update; the state’s stability is just after the update and before the next; for a while, everything is complete. 

 

The Recent Past has the card of Stress.  Imagine my Stress when sitting down early at the computer to get an early night.  Because it was early in the morning, I thought, “why not quickly do the computer update?”.  Click update, I did and decided it was a good time to reflect and meditate while the update was in progress.  The meditation was done with one eye open, watching the progress 🧐.

Base

The Feelings/ Immediate Future card has the card of The Miser.  The Miser is how I was feeling when my information around the finances is lacking.  Whenever dealing with finances or time, I get a little miserly.  That is until I forget about it!

 

Others’ Views has the card of Thunderbolt.  Being back in the office for most of this week has enabled me to see just about everyone.  The biggest thing to notice is the absence of the cast, the scooter, and how I walk, which is almost back to 90% – at least on a portrayal side. 

 

Hopes & Fears has the card of Intensity.  I’m going to play with this a little today.  My Intensity is there when hoping for the update to be short and the number on the screen saying it would take half an hour was a lie.  The fear also has my Intensity, but the number could be worse. 

 

Finally, the Outcome position has the card of Innocence.  Experience and wisdom bring us full circle from birth to death.  Innocence is also the state without technology down or technology altogether.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
End Day

Day 117 – Emotional

27 April 2021

Day 117. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Laziness. 2 is Influence card is The Rebel. 3 is Goal card is Maturity. 4 is Distant Past card is The Source. 5 is Recent Past card is Participation. 6 is Future Energy card is The Creator. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Letting Go. 8 is Others' Views card is Experiencing. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Transformation. 10 is Outcome card is Friendliness

Context

Just like a teenager, hormones can majorly affect you when you’re menopausal.  Today, my nose was blocked, my mouth full of ulcers, my heart heavy and emotions filled with sadness.  Partially, this is because there have been many late nights and a lack of sleep can have that effect on me.  If I manage to recognise and control my emotions in this sleep-deprived state, something happens in terms of emotional growth. 

 

There were times throughout the day where control was seriously challenged.  A couple of persons, who challenge me in when in peak emotional days had me almost fall short. However, as opposed to normally suppressing it, my voice box worked with me controlling the words, still short but not reflexively so.  That is, there was no need to apologise afterward as the response was still professional.      

 

If I were to look for a trigger for the emotional state, it would most likely be the change in the circumstances of how we have been keeping the cats.  If animals were extensions or metaphors of aspects of ourselves then cats represent our freedom, independence, free thought, intuition, truth, are defiant and elegant – mostly.  The trigger, then, is the shift in how we need to treat our cats.  Unknowingly, we’ve been on the border of putting our cats in danger.  By allowing them to roam in a non-fauna-precious environment to restricting them 24 hours a day. It’s like being forced to constrain intuition and shut down independence, free thought and suppress defiance.  No wonder I feel like I’m grieving.

 

Yes. The cats will cope, they’re adaptable. However, if like in dreams the world reflects our inner selves, then their restriction is something which first had begun to happen inside me.  Sometimes when your intuition tells you to move on but you’re comfortable where you are and ignore it, somehow your intuition attracts circumstances which move you on. 

 

Like in my first fulltime job.  After two years I needed to be placed in a single branch.  This was to prevent burnout in those who were relieving officer travelling across Sydney, filling in for staff who were either on leave or sick.  A permanent base of operations was considered essential. As a “reward”, the relieving officer got to pick a branch, of those available at the time, where they wanted to be placed.  Inwardly, my intuition was telling me this wasn’t going to work for me anymore.  After being in a permanent base then going to relieving staff then back to permanent base it wasn’t going to work.

 

Looking back, at the time my first marriage to Joe (not his real name) was too soon for the person I wanted to be.  There was time, when I wanted to be able to talk about flatmates, travelling to various countries about experiences, here I was married.  We were looking at land to build a house, this meant a mortgage.  Mortgage meant constraint in my head.  Next would be children, and children meant constraint.  Joe wanted to be traditional; man works, woman home, look after babies.  No, we didn’t talk about it before we got married.  We were late teens, in love – enough said.  Joe’s argument was we could travel when we were older, like other people did.

 

That was fine, but those other people were telling us to travel while you’re young before you get the constraints.  I was listening to them; he wasn’t seeing them.  What we did agree on before we married was, travel first, family next.  Around that time, the stock market crashed.  The stock market crashing meant an increase in house and land values, putting us in the predicament to decide whether to travel or to settle down – that’s how Joe saw it, anyhow. Pushing the pre-marriage agreement into focus.

 

There were a couple of other factors at the time which also felt constraining.  So, when the time came for me to no longer roam the region and go to a single branch, I was reluctant.  As relief, I felt like a spy going on missions.  Absolutely, killing each role I was thrown into. Received like a hero for saving the day from the disaster of overworked staff, who would go home on-time because of me!  One branch would be a letdown.  There were others who hated the insecurity of not knowing where you were going to be tomorrow. Not me.  

 

When the branch choice was removed from me by the selection officer, he placed me in a branch which needed my versatile skillset not the branch of choice.  On arrival at the new branch, I vented.  The vent was to one of the girls I then indignantly stated, safe in the belief no-one except her was listening, I was going to resign.  The accountant walked by and overheard.  He turned to me, “did you say you’re gonna resign”?  The world stood still while I thought, “money where your mouth is, girl?” and said “yes. Saul” (not his real name – my head remembers him looking like the actor Saul Rubinek in Warehouse 13).

 

That’s how my intuition and the universe moved me on.  While tiredness brought about the emotional state, it’s not the reason – metaphysically speaking – I’m feeling it.  The question is, what are my constraints since the cats’ restriction is being felt so keenly? This time the constraints around marriage aren’t there, work’s okay.  The need to roam is no longer there for me, “been there done that!”.  Just a little more wiggle room in the yard space, not too much – it would restrict our time with tending a lawn.  Oh well, another day’s discussion. 

 

Let’s see what the cards have to say!

 

Today's Cards

Day 117. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Laziness. 2 is Influence card is The Rebel. 3 is Goal card is Maturity. 4 is Distant Past card is The Source. 5 is Recent Past card is Participation. 6 is Future Energy card is The Creator. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Letting Go. 8 is Others' Views card is Experiencing. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Transformation. 10 is Outcome card is Friendliness. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

There was only one card that carried over from yesterday, Letting Go moved from the Outcome to the Feelings/ Immediate Future position.

Analysis

Laziness is in the Now position influenced by The Rebel, who incidentally hasn’t shown up for 33 days.  Laziness is the resting on one’s laurels while the bits you’re not maintaining begin to crumble.  The Rebel is about going your own way and not being bound by others’ influences. 

 

Doing my own thing at work, still doing project work for my previous position is possibly looking like whatever work I’ve been doing in the new role is slipping.  Alternatively, it could be the “neighbour-proofing” the cats and we rested upon our laurels thinking we had done enough, and we missed a section of fence.  Therefore, watching the self-satisfied smugness at keeping the cats in the backyard, crumble .

 

Maturity is in the Goal position.  In a work sense, it’s about the goal of settling into the new role more comfortably.  In the cat sense, it’s about maturing the cat-fencing solution.

 

In the Distant Past is The Source.  The Source is about getting back to the root and/ or heart of the issue from which it all stemmed.

 

The Recent Past has the card of Participation.  Recently, for a moment in time, I was immersed in performing my new role and delivering.  This delivery probably had me relax a little too much.  Hope to do more in the future in this area.

 

From The Source to the Future Energy of The Creator.  The Creator knows how to work with The Source.  If The Source is the clay then The Creator is the potter.  Does this mean The Creator knows how to make Laziness an advantage? 😏

 

In the Feelings/ Immediate Future position is the card of Letting Go.  Letting Go was in yesterday’s Outcome position if it has moved to the Feelings or Immediate Future position it’s likely the outcome has moved more into focus and the emotional state.  Right before letting, you have a moment of reflection and clinging then set it free.

 

Others’ Views has the card of Experiencing.  Not sure how to feel about other people seeing me Experiencing.  Possibly my emotional state has been noticed by the slightly more direct approach I’ve taken on issues where softer nudge would have been more my style.

 

The Transformation card in the Hopes & Fears position accurately reflects both my hope and my fear.  As mentioned yesterday, I could feel a transformation happening.  My hope was is for it to be on a smaller scale to the one this card indicates.  The hope is supported by the Transformation card’s position in Hopes & Fears and not happening anywhere else in the reading.  The fear is the Transformation is bigger than anticipated or there’s none happening at all.

 

Finally, the Outcome position has the card of Friendliness.  Looking forward to Friendliness, with neighbours, with work.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
End Day

Day 116 – Others’ Views

26 April 2021

Day 116. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is New Vision. 2 is Influence card is Awareness. 3 is Goal card is Receptivity. 4 is Distant Past card is Celebration. 5 is Recent Past card is The Outsider. 6 is Future Energy card is The Miser. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Guidance. 8 is Others' Views card is Rebirth. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Harmony. 10 is Outcome card is Letting Go

Context

Welcome to Day 116!

While on the phone arranging times to visit Delilah, she mentioned she had recently purchased some new outdoor on water sporting equipment we could try when we were down.  In the background her husband piped up in a teasing tone saying we should go to the Jack Evans Boat Harbour in Tweed Heads. 


In case you’d forgotten, Jack Evans Boat Harbour was where I slipped and broke my ankle back on 18 January.  Obviously, he was teasing in the hopes of getting a “no way”, or “that’s so mean” response from me.  Delilah even told him to pipe down and not to tease.  In all seriousness, I responded with “I didn’t mind in the least”.  In fact, going back to the boat harbour was something on my list of things to do next time we’re in the area.  It’s not like I’m going to walk on the algae-covered steps again – these caused the broken ankle in the first place.  There’s plenty of sand and grass to walk on without having to use the path I slipped on.


The odd thing about the discussion was afterward when I spoke to my husband about it, he too thought I might be shy on returning to the location as well – and he knows me!  it’s amazing to discover how different people’s points of view are.  Which is why judging them based on what you think they’re thinking isn’t always wise.  Anyway, it is understandable to want to avoid the area, but it’s quite the contrary to what I want to do. 

Am I missing something?  Yes, slippery concrete did/ does make me nervous, the trip to the swimming pool on a rainy day not so long ago helped me gain my confidence.  In selecting tiles to refurbish the bathroom extra attention was taken to ensure the floor tiles were more grippy but not too textured where soap or slime could get trapped in subtle raised edged and cause slipping. Let’s just say the incident has made me very aware of some surfaces.


A firm believer in the sooner you revisit the “scene of the crime” the more likely you’ll move on from whatever trauma it created.  When I went snow skiing and got concussion, the sooner we revisited the slope where the accident occurred, the happier I’d be – not that I could remember what happened, anyhow 😉.  There was partial short-term memory loss from the concussion.  Apparently, I was like Dory in Finding Dory (Stanton, 2016).


Even after suffering mild decompression sickness (bends, DCS) SCUBA diving, as soon as we arrived back from the vacation I wanted to go diving, to verify it was a random event – just for my own peace of mind.  Not until recently, have I begun to realise that this approach is not the normal approach; most people need to be forced to go back. 


If there were a safe way for me to re-enact stepping onto slippery surfaces and regain that part of the confidence still on shaky ground, I would probably give it a go. Had I walked on the slippery steps before the incident, I would try them again.  After all my husband walked on them without slipping as have others before me.  Perhaps in six months or a year, when all remnants of swelling and pain have left the formerly broken ankle area, I might give it another try (and it’s a very big MIGHT!).  It would be unnecessary to court the danger unnecessarily.


To me, it’s like the argument used on children spending more time resisting and avoiding doing the dishes, rather than doing them.  Then complaining about going to bed so soon after.  Had the children just gotten in and done the dishes without the resistance, without the argument, the whole chore would have been and gone easier and quicker.  So too with revisits to places of injury and/ or trauma.  Admittedly, my traumas have been mild compared to others experiencing far worse.


Besides, it would be interesting to see if the council had followed through on putting up a warning sign or treated the area with anti-grip measures to reduce the likelihood of others experiencing the same fate or worse. 


Another part of the discussion with Delilah revealed that her husband’s AFL team would be playing my AFL team.  Ooh… looks like we’re set for a feisty night!


Let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 116. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is New Vision. 2 is Influence card is Awareness. 3 is Goal card is Receptivity. 4 is Distant Past card is Celebration. 5 is Recent Past card is The Outsider. 6 is Future Energy card is The Miser. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Guidance. 8 is Others' Views card is Rebirth. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Harmony. 10 is Outcome card is Letting Go. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

There were no carry over cards from yesterday.

Analysis

New Vision is in the Now position influenced by Awareness.  New Vision describes the energy and idea before a transformation takes place.  When influenced by a growing Awareness of one’s situation growth is usually likely especially if one is receptive to it. 

 

The Goal is Receptivity.  Receptivity as a Goal does not mean that the questioner, me in this case, is necessarily fulfilling the Goal, after all a goal is an aspiration.  If it weren’t an aspiration, it would be sitting in the Now position.  The card’s name aptly describes its function in the context.  That is, to be open to new ideas and new ways of being with respect to those around me.

 

There’s the Celebration card in the Distant Past and The Outsider card in the Recent Past.  The New Vision of the Now and the repressive feeling of The Outsider’s fear of missing out has the potential of creating a Future Energy of The Miser. 

 

The Feelings/ Immediate Future position has the card of Creativity. Creativity isn’t restricted to the world of artistry but is about putting together ideas, concepts and forming new visions.  Overall, the reading feels like a psychological shift is in progress happening. 

 

It’s like one of those dreams where you know you dreamt and what you dreamt was important somehow.  However, for the life of you, you can’t remember the dream which was rapidly slipping from your memory and mind as you try to grasp the last fragments in a futile attempt to make sense of it.

 

Others’ Views has the card of Rebirth.  Rebirth or revisit isn’t much different considering today’s context which focusses on a revisit to the “scene of the crime” (broken ankle).  The image on the card shows a person coming from the guts of a lion.  Probably seen as reacquainting myself with place of the accident.

 

Harmony is the card in the Hopes & Fears position.  On this one, hoping the revisit to the site goes smoothly and the council has put up some safety measures.  The other side of that coin is the fear that nothing has happened since the fall and contacting the council and lodging another complaint is necessary.

 

Letting Go is in the Outcome position. While I feel like there’s a psychological shift the cards are picking up, I couldn’t tell you what that shift looks like.  All these changes inevitably rely on you Letting Go of something, for you to embrace the new.  It’s a bit like a relay, if you don’t pass the baton, you don’t move on.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
End Day 116

Day 115 – Commemorative Day

25 April 2021

Day 115. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is The Burden. 2 is Influence card is The Source. 3 is Goal card is Innocence. 4 is Distant Past card is Moment to Moment. 5 is Recent Past card is Thunderbolt. 6 is Future Energy card is Patience. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Participation. 8 is Others' Views card is Playfulness. 9 is Hope & Fears card is The Master. 10 is Outcome card is Aloneness

Commemorative Context

Australia & New Zealand Army Corps Day.  Today we commemorate those men and women who have fallen in battle.  Although ANZAC day began honouring those fallen at Gallipoli in Turkey, it has evolved.  The day now remembers the men and women who represented Australia as part of the Australian Military forces (and presumably NZ) regardless of the conflict.  While the battle of Gallipoli began the tradition, commemoration is not just for this tragedy’s spirit.

In the past, friends from other countries commented that Australia was the only country to celebrate a loss.  Not true; the day is not a celebration of the loss but a commemoration of spirit.  The day is a tribute to those who fought on behalf of Australia and New Zealand in conflicts defending that needed protection. 

To me, the day has always felt like a day when you attend a funeral.  At a funeral, there is the burial and the wake.  The sombre part of the day, the funeral, begins with a dawn service that honours those who have fallen.  Their service and the ultimate sacrifice for Australia are recognised, acknowledged and preserved.  

The Wake of Commemoration

After a funeral, there’s the wake. The wake celebrates the accomplishments and contributions those sacrifices have achieved, much like you would if a friend or family member passed away.  You talk about how they helped you do “this or that” or influenced how you “do this or that”.  You do something which honours them as a tribute, something which was close to their heart or at the very least; you talk about it.  The same is true of the ANZACs and ANZAC day.  It’s one of three (two and a half) days in the year where the game of “two-up” can be played legally (Hamilton Janke).  Two-up is a tradition that dates to Gallipoli, and the ANZ people played it.

The funeral analogy works for me.  People have died in the wars, and we tribute them each year to keep their memory alive. Then we do celebrate their contribution to the extraordinary Australian lifestyle we’re able to lead.  

So, how did I spend ANZAC day?  By acknowledging those that have fallen with mindfully living the day in gratefulness to their sacrifice.  Without even attending the service, the Ode to the fallen rings respectfully in my head:

"They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old; 
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. 
At the going down of the sun and in the morning 
We will remember them."

Australian Army

Commemorative Connection

The phrase in the Ode that triggers my connection is the “nor the years condemn”.  At this point, I’ll mention there were naïve years in my youth.  Where, like many before and after me, detested the concept of war – still do.  Unfortunately, my naïveté and anger toward wars were misdirected to those who had died in them.  Thus, unwittingly condemning them. 

As I matured, I learnt the meaning of current contextual bias.  Looking back at the past from my current viewpoint and not from the contextual history of the participants, I realise I will never know their environment or the pressures of the day.  Not for all the reading, TV shows, documentaries, or movies of the era.  The only time we can judge by is when we’re in, although we can make attempts to understand it. 

Therefore, I cannot judge what I do not know and cannot know, simply accept that it was different.  That then meant, even feeling by today’s standard, going to war regardless of time or era, knowing there could be death for you at the end of it, is brave – irrespective of the side. 

I created a personal mantra to remind myself to pull back from judgment: “you are not them, and therefore you cannot know what they are thinking. Anything you think they are thinking is a guess”.  It’s a bit long, but parts of it work enough to pull me back – trust me, it’s not easy!   

Anyway, after the morning was over, I continued to sew and complete the seat cover started yesterday, and my husband continued to people-proof the cats from the neighbourhood.

Let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 115. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is The Burden. 2 is Influence card is The Source. 3 is Goal card is Innocence. 4 is Distant Past card is Moment to Moment. 5 is Recent Past card is Thunderbolt. 6 is Future Energy card is Patience. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Participation. 8 is Others' Views card is Playfulness. 9 is Hope & Fears card is The Master. 10 is Outcome card is Aloneness. Shuffle method was Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over today.

Cross

Okay, I’m going to confess I see the cats as a burden at times.  The Burden influenced by The Source occupies the Now position.  The crux of our pain at the moment is having cats.  Would we trade them for peace? No.  Therefore, The Burden is one of our choosing. The Source is the raw Energy that is influencing the suffering. 

The Goal position has the card of Innocence.  Innocence is not so much a Goal as a way of being.  By dropping all pretence, the communion with nature – instead of fighting it – can be experienced. 

In the Distant Past is the card Moment to Moment reflecting a time when planning or looking to the past did not happen, but each moment was in complete focus.

The Recent Past position has the card of Thunderbolt.  Thunderbolt, to me, is about physical changes in direction, reflecting the inner movements of the spirit.  Thunderbolt, in this case, probably refers to my desire to move to a new house to find a more secure and larger cat play area.  It would have the side-effect of being away from the grumbly neighbour.

A clarifier/ disclaimer:  grumbly is my nickname for him. He may or may not be grumbly as I have very little to do with him, except when it comes to the cats.  His family are lovely.  Again, based on my minimal interactions with them. Grumbly is very garden-proud with every right to be so – just wish he were a more tolerant animal person.

Future Energy following the consideration of moving is that of Patience.  When the time to move is here, the universe will move things in a way to get me to where I need to be when I need to be there.

Base

My Feelings/ Immediate Future position has the card of Participation. A part of me wishes to work with the neighbour to participate in a new outcome that’s better than the one we currently have.  Yet, both beaten down by the system and The Burden of being a good “pet parent”. 

Others’ Views has the card of Playfulness. Good to know that others’ perceptions of my situation are better than I imagined I was portraying.  The goal is not to burden anyone else by what is going on. 

The Master sits in the Hopes & Fears position.  This one is easy!  I hope to be like The Master and rise above the circumstances and trust the universe will help meet the wish for the cats to be happy (not stressed) by their environment.  The fear is that I am a long way from being The Master.

Aloneness is the Outcome card.  One of the cards in the Osho book quotes Gautam Buddha’s quote to disciples “be a light unto yourself” (Osho, p.20).  Possibly indicating some things require self-reflection, which only I can do.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Hamilton Janke Lawyers, Two-up, Online, last viewed Apr 2021
  3.  Australian Army, The Ode, Online, last viewed Apr 2021
End Day 115

Day 114 – New Old Things

24 April 2021

Celtic Cross Layout of daily cards.1 is Now, card is Totality.2 is Influence, card is Compromise.3 is Goal, card is Schizophrenia.4 is Distant Past, card is Ripeness.5 is Recent Past, card is Mind.6 is Future Energy, card is Experiencing.7 is Feelings, card is Possibilities.8 is Others’ views, card is No-thingness.9 is Hopes & Fears, card is Sorrow.10 is Outcome, card is Harmony.

Context

Welcome to day 114!

 

The first thing to do today was visit the physio.  The physio was happy with my progress on the recovery from my broken ankle and added a couple of extra exercises to my list.  Main exercises of clock lunges plus standing on one slightly bent knee.  Believe it or not, these are tough exercises.

 

All the anxiety manufactured by me making assumptions about cats had disappeared, we even shared some moments speaking about her adorable puppies.  The whole experience was incredibly pleasant and have another session booked in a fortnight.

 

At home, the sewing machine was brought out of the cupboard and dusted off.  For some reason, settling for whatever you can buy off-the-shelf doesn’t always work for me. Thankfully, I paid attention in sewing class – most of the time.  Right after I griped about not being able to do woodwork and/ or metalwork.  

 

You see, during my school years girls needed to learn to cook and sew; men had to learn woodwork and metalwork.  Years later, I would still bemoan not having been taught how to do woodwork, especially since a lack of skill was not an inhibitor to me giving projects requiring woodwork a go – oh, the number of projects that failed!  Sewing helped me more than my teenage self ever thought it would.

 

Anyway, there was a chair purchased from a Swedish furniture company it was reasonably priced, but it only came in black.  Where the chair was going to be located a big black blob would not work.  Some black, yes.  All black, no.  So, a plan for the journey home was to get fabric from the reupholstery place, stop by the sewing and crafts store, cut the fabric to shape, and drape.

 

Once at home, the thought of “why not staple the cover in place before the chair is assembled?”, occurred to me. Grabbled the staple gun, cut the fabric to shape and stapled away. Unfortunately, the backrest wasn’t that easy.  There was nothing to staple the fabric to.  Then the thought of making a pillowcase type cover to hang over the top seemed the simplest way to go.  Indeed, it would be the simplest way to go. 

 

Nah!  Simple pales in comparison to, “how cool would it be if you could replace the one that’s there now?”.  Famous last words, “how hard can it be to make a cover with a zip?” followed by the words “it shouldn’t take too long”.

 

Following some measuring work earlier in the week, the effort for the backrest began today in earnest.  Admittedly, I only really got half a day done today.  The result was pretty good, if you don’t look too closely 😀.  Can’t wait to find out what it looks like tomorrow.  It has zips and rounded corners, so more difficult than I remember.

 

The sad thing about today was the sewing and craft store seemed quiet. Sewing isn’t popular in Australia, anymore – at least not like it used to be.  It’s sad to see stores once teeming with customers and being great giants dwindle; reduced to selling all manner of supplementary products to subsidise their income. Glad they are, it’s a worthy service and useful skill.   

 

With the sewing machine out, it was the perfect opportunity to mend a couple of things due for recycling or rubbish.  A pair of jeans and a skirt both had rips – now fixed.  Old items made new!  A pair of slacks which had a cuff which used cause me to trip, had the cuff sewn shut and makes them wearable again.  Three items made new all because of sewing.  What a skill-gift sewing turned out to be!

 

Let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 114. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Totality. 2 is Influence card is Compromise. 3 is Goal card is Schizophrenia. 4 is Distant Past card is Ripeness. 5 is Recent Past card is Mind. 6 is Future Energy card is Experiencing. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Possibilities. 8 is Others' Views card is No-thingness. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Sorrow. 10 is Outcome card is Harmony. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

Today there were three carry over cards.  Interestingly, two of the cards have remained in the same position even after a Washing Machine shuffle.  These two cards were Schizophrenia and Mind remaining in the Goal and Recent Past positions, respectively.

Analysis

The Now card has Totality with the Influence of Compromise.  Totality is about us totally committing to keeping the cats inside, but instead of building a prison for both the cats and us, for the moment we’ve finished the bamboo fencing so the cats can’t climb it.

 

The Goal of Schizophrenia and a carry-over card shows that the torn nature of my feelings and emotions.  Compromise can lead to coming down on the wrong side of an argument.

 

Distant Past is Ripeness.  This makes sense, it’s all those items of clothing that have been sitting waiting for a moment to become whole again.

 

In the Recent Past is Mind and another carryover card.  While yesterday the card’s confusion was around me revealing more to the cat trapper than was good for our cats, today’s confusion still lies in the misinformation, and potentially some carry over from yesterday’s discussion which I’m not over yet.

 

The Future Energy is Experiencing. Experiencing is the last of the carried over cards from yesterday. The card was the only one that moved.  From being in the Influence position to being the Future Energy position.  Experiencing is about connecting and the line drawn to me today from the Osho book was, “[b]eing humble, simple – and that is the right way to approach nature” (Osho, p.82).  Only in this circumstance, it is the right way to approach the situation.

 

Feelings/ Immediate Future position has the card of Possibilities.  The Possibilities include moving houses, fencing here, and trying to find some way to incorporate some hunting space for the cats within the boundaries of their enclosure.

 

Others’ Views position has the card of No-thingness.  No-thingness being the card of potential echoes the card of Possibilities.  From the outside it appears that anything is possible, this could relate to my sewing abilities or the cats’ containment.

 

Inner Hopes & Fears has the card of Sorrow.  During Sorrow enlightenment can appear.  Discovering the purpose or cause (cats are what I have attracted as a symptom) of my current suffering is certainly something hoping to find. It’s to get to the root cause of, and yet it’s also what I’m fearing the most.  What if it’s something unpleasant and mean?

 

The Outcome of all of this is Harmony.  Harmony being the connection and union between mind and heart.  Bring it on!  Like all things that you try too hard to hold on to, the harder you try to hold on to it the more difficult it becomes to get.  Basically, I can’t make Harmony happen, it needs to happen of its own accord.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
End Day 114

Day 113 – Getting Defensive Backfires

23 April 2021

Day 113. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Consciousness. 2 is Influence card is Experiencing. 3 is Goal card is Schizophrenia. 4 is Distant Past card is Going with the Flow. 5 is Recent Past card is Mind. 6 is Future Energy card is Past Lives. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Suppression. 8 is Others' Views card is Control. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Beyond Illusion. 10 is Outcome card is Rebirth

Defensive Context

Today, I got defensive and said the wrong things. My thoughtlessness causes me anxiety as I fear I have put my cats in danger from the authorities.

 

Note, this page has a high chance of being was edited

 

Ever opened your mouth in response to something you should have been quiet on?  These moments pepper my life.  Getting defensive usually happens when I’m hurting underneath or disappointed by humanity from my point of view.  Being backed into a corner is the prime environment for me to act defensively and lash out.  The cycle then repeats; feel bad, alone, misunderstood, something is said to hit the wound, lash out defensively, regret the unkind words, and it’s back to feeling bad.  Also, why do you think of the best comebacks after you’ve hung up!

 

Today, this reaction happened when the cat trapper rang back to advise that our cat was free and not caught in a trap.  One thing in the discussion led to another, escalating my emotions, and he pointed to a fact that was missed in communications by council staff on several occasions.  Cat owners need to know where their cats are at all times. 

 

Following the discussion, guilt set in because if I’d not gotten defensive, things would have been okay.  Instead, I painted a figurative bullseye on their backs by arcing up and revealing more than was necessary.  Sometimes “less is more” should enter my head before I admit more.  My thoughts and feelings are all over the place.

 

When the conversation was over, and I walked to the car to go back to work, I looked at the creek area, and it dawned on me the concern that cats would diminish the native wildlife.  In the five years of both cats catching wildlife, they have not brought home any native wildlife. It’s true; if the cats roam, they may be getting up to this kind of mischief without us being aware.

Hindsight after Getting Defensive

Before getting in the car, still replaying the conversation in my head, I sat and stared unseeingly at the creek.  Then it dawned on me that whoever had been clearing the stream with an earthmover would be causing damage to fauna.  When was the concern for the local wildlife during the wholesale unbiased destruction of the creek?  The very same stream the cats go hunting along.  Where is the respect for birdlife when the trees, which provide homes for multiple bird species, are cut down behind us? Yes.  I’m still defensive 😄.

The regular destruction of the creek bed and weedkiller may affect the various fauna in the area.  More damage done to the wildlife than both our cats could do in their entire lifetimes!  Now, it’s not because I don’t care about the native wildlife species – I do – but I call out the hypocrisy in the allegations. It’s just an excuse.

It’s so difficult not to get responsive.  My husband does this so much better than me. By saying thank you instead of questioning the trap’s whereabouts, I could’ve avoided the situation.  Then I got defensive and over shared, providing more information than he requested or needed.  Thus, painting the figurate target.  Previously, he was unaware, and now he’s aware. That’s something to meditate on.

Let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 113. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Consciousness. 2 is Influence card is Experiencing. 3 is Goal card is Schizophrenia. 4 is Distant Past card is Going with the Flow. 5 is Recent Past card is Mind. 6 is Future Energy card is Past Lives. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Suppression. 8 is Others' Views card is Control. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Beyond Illusion. 10 is Outcome card is Rebirth. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Carryover Cards

Only one card carried over, Experiencing moved from the Feelings/ Immediate Future to the Influence position.

Analysis

Looking at the cards today, I wanted to regather and re-deal them.  It would defeat the purpose of capturing how the cards move.  So, the cards remained.  Dark and foreboding until I could make sense of them.

Cross

Consciousness is in the Now with Experiencing as the Influence.  These cards indicate I’ve been aware of the whole cat thing brewing in the background. It is simply an Experience highlighting an area for improvement.

 

The Goal position has the card of Schizophrenia. In my belief system, where you make decisions to create your Goals, how to manage the cats and their respective locations conflicts.  This being in two minds is Schizophrenia, with the Goal being to drop both the desire to move and the need to cage the cats.

 

Going with the Flow is in the Distant Past, and perhaps I was too casual in response to some elements which required more attention.

 

It’s no surprise that Mind is in the Recent Past – Mind representing confusion.  Today my Mind got involved where it shouldn’t have and potentially made things worse.

 

Future Energy has the card of Past Lives.  There could be some part of Past Lives as in previous reincarnated lifetimes in play at the moment.  Past Lives in the future!  Okay, this is something that’s come up before (this lifetime) and looks like it’s going to continue.

Base

While over-sharing might be what I did, but there was a lot of my feelings let down.  Looking back on the sentence, it’s Feelings of Suppression. 

 

Others’ Views is that I want to be in or I have a fear of losing Control.  Both of these views are true.

 

The Beyond Illusion card occupies the Hopes & Fears position.  Beyond Illusion is the card of the transformed caterpillar to butterfly.  I hope that the situation will change into something beautiful.  I fear that there will be no transformation.

 

Finally, the Outcome position has the card of Rebirth.  This issue is Rebirth, but somehow the Rebirth of this idea is still unknown.

 

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
End Day 113

Day 112 – Political Correctness Humour (updated)

22 April 2021

Day 112. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Letting Go. 2 is Influence card is The Source. 3 is Goal card is Sharing. 4 is Distant Past card is We are the World. 5 is Recent Past card is Existence. 6 is Future Energy card is Guilt. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Experiencing. 8 is Others' Views card is Patience. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Breakthrough. 10 is Outcome card is Intensity

Context

Welcome to Day 112!

 

Discussions at work today were about political correctness and joke telling, and pranic healing.  There was one guy at work who I’ll call, John (not his real name), mentioned he had a joke but was unsure whether it was politically correct or not.  We were both discussing how humour had changed since we were growing up.  Humour’s use in breaking down stereotypes and encouraging tolerance. 

 

John told his joke, only after promising not to be offended, even if it was politically incorrect.  When it comes to humour, it would have to be outright mean for me to get offended. Humour to me is based on many factors: the context and the joke teller’s intention. For instance, one of the fifty companies I worked for had a small team made up of multiple nationalities who had worked with each other for years.  When I raised that the daily banter of racial and stereotype humour hurled at each other could be seen as offensive, they were truly shocked.  At the time, the words “unconscious bias” wasn’t in my vocabulary.

 

The team were subdued until after lunch.  It was obvious, it had been discussed and with a quick question to me whether I had been insulted by the banter – to which the reply was a definitive “no”.  There was a little bit of exposition by one of the team members, saying he came to work for the banter and would hate it if it stopped.  After ensuring the team’s antics would not offend me, the team resumed its usual banter.  None of the joke tellers’ intentions were intended to be offensive.  The context for the jokes was within the team.    

 

In the end, John’s joke was clever but as the intended audience, you would be hard pushed to offend me with a joke.  In the end, the joke’s status was unknown.  There’s a slim chance it might offend someone I’d have to check with a source who might be able to advise better.  I’d follow up with someone and get back to him.   He wasn’t sure, there was a joke out there that wasn’t funny at someone’s expense.

 

Then I broke out the “Foot, Foot Foot and Foot Foot Foot” joke1 and stood corrected. The joke came around many years ago in a “Funny Friday jokes” email or something of the sort.  This joke arrived at the right moment when I worked on the IT Service Desk many years ago, it usually told when a caller needed to reboot their machine or wait for the “load line” to march across the screen.  It got a couple of groans, giggles, and laughs with no-one every getting offended (joke below).

 

 

Yesterday, Pranic Healing was mentioned in discussion, but I hadn’t provided a definition.  Basically, it’s frequency healing.  Not being an expert click on the link to a definition Pranic Healing.

Today's Cards

Day 112. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Letting Go. 2 is Influence card is The Source. 3 is Goal card is Sharing. 4 is Distant Past card is We are the World. 5 is Recent Past card is Existence. 6 is Future Energy card is Guilt. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Experiencing. 8 is Others' Views card is Patience. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Breakthrough. 10 is Outcome card is Intensity. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

Oooh. There three cards carried over from yesterday: Sharing has moved from the Now to the Goal position, Guilt has moved from Recent Past to Future Energy, and Intensity has moved from Hopes & Fears to Outcome.

Analysis

Letting Go is in the Now influenced by The Source.  Letting Go, I’m taking to relate to the political correctness glasses at work.  If was an after-work chat and it was the usual three people on the floor working back late. Two of the three aren’t really morning people.   When I say “morning people” it’s with respect to showing up for work.  They could be wake up early people but not want to show up early.

 

Sharing is a carry-over card moving from the Now to the Goal is a forward shift perhaps indicating that the experience of Sharing in the Now is something that I’d like to continue doing.

 

Distant Past is We are the World indicating a time when the work environment was working toward a common goal but while hurling prejudices not actually being prejudice.

 

The Recent Past card is Existence and is the reason for Letting Go.  It is in the acknowledging and confidence in our uniqueness (Existence) that we can be comfortable in Letting Go. Just had a thought, perhaps this might relate to moving to a bigger property so we can put up a cat/ person enclosure where I won’t feel guilty.

 

That brings us to the Future Energy position occupied by Guilt.  I feel guilty about so many elements regarding the cats but the Letting Go has triggered the feelings of Guilt.  The guilt relates to both the cats and potentially finding funny a joke that I shouldn’t be laughing at.

 

The Feelings/ Immediate Future card of Experiencing.  This one relates to the jokes Experiencing the wonder of how people create them. 

 

Others’ Views are of me with Patience – take that husband!  Ah. Maybe it’s that I need to get Patience.  Okay, hubby. We’re good here. 😇 Patience is the reward for Letting Go.

 

Hopes & Fears has the Breakthrough card.  Back to the cats. I hope there’s a Breakthrough solution which will meet my needs as a cat owner.  The fear is for the Breakthrough will favour the cat detractors of the area.

 

Intensity is the Outcome position.   Intensity is another carry over card.  If you view the Intensity card as a person having strong views and moving forward with them, but for now, there’s only the present.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
Joke

Once upon a time in a land of incredible fantasy there lived three worms.  The first was called Foot, the second called Foot Foot, and the third called Foot Foot Foot.  For many worm seasons they went about their business, crossing the path to get the groceries whenever it rained.  Today was no different. Foot, Foot Foot and Foot Foot Foot were at the edge of the wet path and began. Foot had taken the lead while Foot Foot and Foot Foot Foot were taking their time.  As Foot was halfway across the tires of a bicycle ran over it and Foot was no more.  In panic Foot Foot and Foot Foot Foot retreated to the side of the path huddled together and paid tribute to Foot in their own worm way.  

 

This sort of stuff happened to worms all the time, it was just a part of life.  Nonetheless, Foot Foot and Foot Foot Foot were saddened.  The two were a little panicked because while it happened all the time, it hadn’t happened to them in a very long time.  After a worm eternity, Foot Foot said to Foot Foot Foot: “we still need to cross the path, because we still need to get groceries”.  Foot Foot Foot agreed and said, “yes. We should go, but we better be careful because we already have one Foot in the grave”. 

Sorry 😉
End Day 112

Day 111 – First High (updated)

21 April 2021

Day 111. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Sharing. 2 is Influence card is Beyond Illusion. 3 is Goal card is Ordinariness. 4 is Distant Past card is Schizophrenia. 5 is Recent Past card is Guilt. 6 is Future Energy card is The Burden. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Courage. 8 is Others' Views card is Change. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Intensity. 10 is Outcome card is Guidance

Context

My day was boring but a conversation at work sparked my thoughts for the day.  He was talking about his Pranic Healing experience which reminded me to my first experience as to what meditation could do – they were very similar.  It’s all vibration in the end, all from the source (God for those to use the name).  His glow as he spoke was like a person remembering their first “high”.  No. It’s not the first time I’ve been high nor is being high exclusive to drug use – did you think the post was going to be drugs?  Sorry to disappoint.

 

Getting high doesn’t have to involve drugs, although drugs is the easiest thing to associate with the word “high”.  A high, in my books at least, is your first real enjoyment of an experience.  It’s that moment when you “just get it”.  That can be instantly, or it can take time to acquire. For instance, when learning to SCUBA dive, the enjoyment was there but the experience was cumbersome. 

 

There was a lot of gear and gear lugging and, in Sydney you needed a 5mm wetsuit. (in Australia that’s pronounced “five mil”. Mil for millimetres not million). For women, a five-mil wetsuit meant no fingernails were safe from damage or feeling bruised.  Then there was the constant salt water on your hair and drying both your hair and your gear only to get it wet again.  During courses you could dive up to three times a day. 

 

Nonetheless there was beauty as well, but was it worth the effort? To keep myself going, I enrolled into advanced courses and specialty courses.   All these courses saw me constantly wet.  To get the cheaper prices, it the courses were held in the cooler months. Therefore, I really dragged my heels. Always last into the water – much to my dive buddy’s dismay.  Underneath I was probably in denial about being freaked out by being underwater.  All those warning and scare stories told by non-divers and divers alike mess with your head when you’re left alone with your own thoughts.   Even the “cool” dive stories were sometimes scary with how likely it felt it could recur.  The logic of it being a story because of its relative rarity doesn’t really come into play.

 

Anyway, the SCUBA shop near the water knew it would take time to get people “addicted” to the sport.  To keep people diving, the shop had a deal; instead of hiring your gear and trying to save for your own gear at the same time.  You purchased your gear with the hire money each time you dived.  It was great!  It solved the problem of trying to save for your gear, while you were enthused about diving. 

 

The shop knew people if you stopped before you “got it”, SCUBA would get replaced with the next thing cool thing.  It also knew it would take most people between 30-50 dives before being comfortable underwater.  The hire-buy program was a success for the shop because the store kept your gear until you paid for it.  Any diving you did would invariably be done through them.  They won, you won! And, more importantly, it kept people diving until they “got it”.  The more you dived the faster you owned your gear!   The more you dived the closer you were to realising you really liked diving.  The scheme kept me diving!  

 

Another thing I did to give SCUBA a shot was to book myself on dive trips and vacations. These were great opportunities to meet new people connected with their fondness for diving.  Still not hooked on SCUBA but hooked on the coolness of the sport I joined a few trips.  Going away on weekend trips got me away from home and seeing great parts of the country and world.  Plus, if your diving took you to the “champagne belt” apparently people would lug your gear for you, the most you needed for a SCUBA suit was a one to three mil (fingernails friendly).  Also, having your own wetsuit with fleece lining made it that much easier to put on.

 

So, how does all this relate to a first time high? We’re getting there, trust me 😉. 

 

For me, my “SCUBA enlightenment” came in the Solomon Islands at the Uepi Resort, Dive 33. It was on a dingy in the “middle of the ocean”, with two others, and the dive master.   I began to drag my heels again and the dive master said, “so what are you waiting for? You either want to dive or you don’t”.  After a pause to think about the question and statement, I decided I wanted to dive; within minutes, I was in the water equalising and floating perfectly.

 

That dive was amazing! Everything just worked, no more dragging the heels – tank prepped, straps fastened, gloves on, and with a backward flip into the water, I entered heaven! There was a connection with the ocean, the breath, the water, my fears disappeared even with a shark’s shadow swimming over me – it all happened on that dive.  It was my first SCUBA high.  With the high experienced, I wanted more!  Lugging SCUBA gear around – that’s no lugging that exercise to get fit so you can dive longer!  Wow! Wow! Wow!

 

So, why did I persevere? Anything new needs practise. There must have also been a part of me that amazed at overcoming my personal fears too.  For me, personal fears are sometimes a challenge.  If it’s a personal challenge I lean in.

 

This “high” experience isn’t just for SCUBA diving.  It was the hit that had me going back and wanting more of the same.  While there have been an amazing amount of SCUBA highs, it was the one that set the bar for everything that followed.   

 

Wow! Guess the story I wanted to get to wasn’t meant for today.  If its mean to be it will come.

 

The other thing that happened today is that the lady who looks after our cats when we go away, texted to say that cat trappers were in the neighbourhood and to keep the boys inside for a couple of weeks.  Apart from the two hours in the morning and two hours when we get home, the cats are indoors anyway.  You wouldn’t think this was a problem.  Well, we’d be wrong. 

 

For now, let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 111. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Sharing. 2 is Influence card is Beyond Illusion. 3 is Goal card is Ordinariness. 4 is Distant Past card is Schizophrenia. 5 is Recent Past card is Guilt. 6 is Future Energy card is The Burden. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Courage. 8 is Others' Views card is Change. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Intensity. 10 is Outcome card is Guidance. Shuffle method was Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

There were two cards that carried over. Ordinariness moved from Outcome to the Goal and Guilt moved from Hopes & Fears to Recent Past.

Analysis

Sharing is in the Now position influenced by Beyond Illusion.   When the freedom gained by transforming from what you were into the butterfly you’re to become, Sharing is a natural side-effect.

 

The Goal for the day was/ is the humble card of Ordinariness. Beautiful, balanced and unconcerned with the “bigger” things in life.  The Ordinariness as the Goal is about striving to appreciate and do the little things well.  Using Mother Teresa’s words, “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” (Goodreads Quotes).

 

In the Distant Past there have been a couple of comments made by the neighbour who is using council land to grow vegetables and doesn’t want the cats doing their business in the soil.  Our cats are desexed, de-sprayed, microchipped, they get annual flu shots and receive monthly flea and worm treatments.  They wear sparkly collars with a bell.  When it comes to the cats, I have been in two minds (Schizophrenia) about keeping them inside when they haven’t been indoor cats.

 

More Recent Past, I have felt Guilty because of the cats and toward the cats.  When I came home for lunch today let one of them out.  Usually, at lunch he ducks out and lies under the lemon tree then when I leave for work, he wants back in.  No today it seems.  Learning about the trapper, their lack of compassion for cat owners or anything trapped in a cage left me feeling very Guilty for letting him out.  When he didn’t return, I rang the council to check that he hadn’t been caught in one.  Apparently, the trappers with the help of a vet euthanise cats they deem feral or aggressive. 

 

Yes.  The Burden of owning cats weighs heavily on me, they’re wonderful cats and in a about five more years we’ll be keeping them inside because they’ll be too old to roam 😢.

 

Moving forward in the Feelings position is the card of Courage which I feel is what I need to move forward to try and maintain a balance with people who hate cats.  By now, if you’ve been reading the posts regularly, you’ll know that I don’t do well with the arbitrary dichotomies in a non-competitive environment which people take seriously.  The “you’re either a cat person or a dog person” is one of those dichotomies.  Yes, at present we have cats.  On a bigger property we might have both cats and dogs.  We love most animals.

 

Others’ Views is the perception that Change is coming my way and how I deal with it will depend on how painful or easy the change will be.

 

In the Hopes & Fears position is the card of Intensity. My fear is that my strong point-of-view will be mistaken as falling on one side of the stupid cat-dog dichotomy.  My hope is that I didn’t draw attention to our cats being outside without us knowing where they are at every second.  Also, I fear that once I get impassioned, I’ll say and do something stupid.  It’s sort of like cutting my nose off to spite my face, kind of thing.

 

Finally, an Outcome of Guidance was received all we have to do is get the cats to agree to it.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Mother Teresa, Goodreads, online
End Day

XX April 2021

Context

Hello!  If you’re reading this then I’ve been a bit of a goose and accidentally published the template and somehow lost my post.  Never fear, the content is safely saved away in another spot and it will be a matter of uploading it.

Dear husband, if you’re proofing this in the “live” environment, please let me know! 🙂.

Today's Cards

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

Type text here

Analysis

Type here

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
End Day

Day 110 – Final Ankle Visit

20 April 2021

Day 110. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Transformation. 2 is Influence card is The Lovers. 3 is Goal card is Slowing Down. 4 is Distant Past card is Totality. 5 is Recent Past card is Adventure. 6 is Future Energy card is Breakthrough. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Possibilities. 8 is Others' Views card is The Dream. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Guilt. 10 is Outcome card is Ordinariness

Context

There was some anxiety as the visit to the fracture clinic got closer.  My leg was hurting with a similar style of pain to when the ankle first broke.  The swelling of Day 107 was as bad as it had been since the break. 

 

Stop. Hold on a second.  Is this Herring’s Laws of Cure happening? If you don’t know what these laws are here’s a quote (Ballentine, 1999):

 

Herring’s Laws of Cure states:

 

The curative process moves:

·       from within outward

·       from the more important to the less important organs

·       in the reverse order of the onset of the symptoms

·       from above downward

 

Considering what the last couple of days have felt like with the ankle, my guess is the ankle area is still healing.  So why has the bone healed, and the ligaments are still healing?  Here’s the theory (my theory); the ligaments stretched on the way down to the max before the break happened.  Obviously, it all happened so fast it seemed like the same time.  The bone being the most important part of the fall healed first at any rate.

 

Okay, back to today.  Traffic was heavier than expected, so was running about five minutes late.  Got to the hospital carpark (the fracture clinic is inside) right on time.  Not bad.  Just park the car and I’ll be five minutes late, right? Wrong!  The carpark was a nightmare…. OMG!  Parking spots from the floor you entered in on to the top (nine levels) were all taken.  Not to mention people waiting for other cars to leave blocking moving traffic in any direction.  

 

At the top you realise there are no spots (25 minutes has passed).  Frustratingly, you get charged for the first half hour and every hour thereafter.  Rather than waste any more time in the carpark, it was time to leave.  There was a faint glimmer of hope that perhaps I would luck onto a spot on the way down. 

 

When I arrived at the entrance, the exit had been blocked!  When I say blocked, I mean boom gates, roadblock and numerous signs across the exit directing you to go to the other exit two floors down.  Just at that moment the attendant came out of his booth and caught my open window and advised if I was looking for a park to head toward the exit but veer slightly to the left and there were some parking spots there. Thank you!

 

By this time, there was only the faint glimmer of hope left of a quick and speedy doctor visit, if the clinic was able to fit me in at all.  It’s funny.  There’s a point when you’re late where you no longer stress about being late.  All the way driving to the hospital there was stress, during the first five minutes of the carpark the frustration built at not being able to quickly locate a spot.  The ten-minute mark in the carpark was peak frustration as the slim possibility of tolerance in terms of perhaps the clinic was running late and ten/ fifteen minutes wouldn’t make too much of a difference.  Once it hit the 20-minute mark, resignation had set in; there was either a long wait ahead or a “come back another day” request waiting at the clinic’s reception.

 

Then there came the lift.  Most COVID restrictions had been removed, we no longer needed to wear masks or sign in with QR codes, but the social distancing rules had not.  This meant lifts were restricted to four people and there were a number of people waiting for the lift in front of me.  Last visit people were riding the lift in the opposite direction to the direction they needed to go just so they would get to where they needed to go.  My guess, this hasn’t changed.  Out of the corner of my eye were the stairs and the staff were using them.  Do I attempt to go up seven flights of hospital stairs to get to where I’m going?  Of course!  After all, how late can it get?

 

Four flights up, the lack of exercise is beginning to show. After another flight, I walked to the lifts because nobody was waiting.  The lift opened and there were four in it already.  Fortunately for me, one was exiting.  Heading out of the lift (by the way, elevator for anyone unsure of what a lift is) toward fractures, rocked up to reception and looked at the waiting area designed to hold about 50-75 patients and saw four.  Relief. 

 

There was a glimmer of hope for me to see a doctor today, by the looks of the waiting area not too long a wait either.  The assumption proved correct, although there was still a wait before my x-ray escort accompanied me to the x-ray lounge – it’s not glamourous, it is a couple of chairs in a hospital hallway and I’m the only one that’s called it the x-ray lounge.

 

Wait 15 minutes. Have x-ray. Return to waiting area and wait for doctor.  Nurse comes out takes me to consultation room.  Doctor arrives with intern, x-ray all good.  No need for follow up appointment.  Stiffness and swelling are normal for about a year. In my head the response to this was, “what?!”, followed by “we’ll see about that!”.  What left my lips was, “Oh. Okay. That’s great. Thank you.”  That’s it.

 

It was then lunchtime.  While on the road, it was a quick trip to Ikea and the fabric shop. Grabbed a bite to eat then jumped online to catch the afternoon’s set of meetings.  Spoke to Anton again, any leftover animosity gone.  It’s now fun to tease him about the incident 😉. Finished work. Cut the fabric to fit the Ikea chair just purchased.  Done for the night.

 

Let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 110. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Transformation. 2 is Influence card is The Lovers. 3 is Goal card is Slowing Down. 4 is Distant Past card is Totality. 5 is Recent Past card is Adventure. 6 is Future Energy card is Breakthrough. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Possibilities. 8 is Others' Views card is The Dream. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Guilt. 10 is Outcome card is Ordinariness. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

On the one card carried over, it was the card of Totality which moved from the Feeling position to the Distant Past position, indicating that yesterday’s Feeling’s position was also acting as an Immediate Future position.

Analysis

In the Now is Transformation which is influenced by The Lovers. Transformation is the finality of closing one chapter of your life and moving on to another.  Certainly, the visit with the doctor indicated that there were no further visits required.  Thus, pronouncing me “healed” – at least from the broken ankle perspective.  From a website perspective, it could mean that I finally downloaded a security helper plug-in tool. This is a big step for me.

 

The Slowing Down card in the Goal position, seems to indicate the change in the carpark from frustration to acceptance and Slowing Down. Not that this was a conscious choice on my part, luckily it worked in my favour.

 

Totality in the Distant Past provides the foundations for today’s Transformation. I suppose the Transformation card could also apply simultaneously to the Anton issue and my feelings about the issue.  The whole thing has just moved on.

 

In the Recent Past there was an Adventure, apart from the foray to Ikea and the fabric shop the Adventure card could be referring more broadly to the broken ankle “adventure”.

 

The Future Energy card indicates a Breakthrough.  There were a lot of things that changed it could really be any one of them.

 

Feelings/ Immediate Future has Possibilities which is me optimistically feeling that growth is ahead.

 

On the other hand, Others’ Views has The Dream card. This might indicate, the perspective on healing for the stiffness in the ankle is perceived as unrealistic and they think I’m living in a fairy story (“they” being, anyone who heard me espousing my healing plan for six months).

 

The Hopes & Fears position has the card of Guilt. Not sure how this card relates, maybe it’s me feeling guilty about being late and hoping that the guilt or tardiness wouldn’t get recognised.

 

Finally, it the Outcome position which has the card of Ordinariness.  Ordinariness making things that happen on it special because of simply existing.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Ballentine, R (M.D.) 1999, Radical Healing, Harmony Books, New York, ISBN 0-609-60137-7
End Day

Day 109 – Cleaning Knife Wounds

19 April 2021

Day 109. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Celebration. 2 is Influence card is Ripeness. 3 is Goal card is Creativity. 4 is Distant Past card is The Outsider. 5 is Recent Past card is Sorrow. 6 is Future Energy card is Existence. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Totality. 8 is Others' Views card is Suppression. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Projections. 10 is Outcome card is Consciousness

Context

Of course, Cleaning Knife Wound refers to the emotional knife wounds – it’s not a medical site!  It’s a personal growth site.  Day 105 was the day I felt I was knifed in the back by a work colleague.  Today, I needed to speak with let’s say, “him”.  The only thing left from the “betrayal” (I know it’s a dramatic word, but go with it), is me being frustrated.  The longer it goes on, the more difficult it becomes.

 

As part of my job, we still need to communicate regularly, so avoidance wasn’t going to help anyone. The phone call was made and because we had/ have a reasonable relationship the discussion went like this:

 

“Hi Anton” (not his/ her real name)

“Hi. I s’pose you’re dirty with me?”, said Anton sheepishly.

“Yessssss!”, was my slow response.

“Hey, I’m sorry! Had a bad day”, he replied apologetically.

“Kudos to you. At least you know you did something dodgy. Did you want to talk about this tomorrow?” Was my reluctant reply.

“Nah, Mik. You know I’m just a pawn, right?” Defensively, before anything further had been said.

“You sure?” I asked again. “This can wait”.

“Nah. Go for it!” Words, I’m sure, Anton later regretted.  Shh… I was nice about it. Maybe he was of the mindset, if you’re going to have a bad day, it might as well all happen at once.  Tomorrow will be better.  No guarantees it won’t be brought up again 😁.

 

It was a great relief to get that discussion over with. This is how I imagine an AFL player feels the first time playing against the side he used to play for (perhaps other sports have team swapping to, AFL is just the one I know.).  It’s customary for the crowd to boo at first touch or even first quarter depending how much he was previously loved 🙄.

 

As mentioned somewhere, holding onto a grudge takes too much effort for me.  Usually, time will pass, things will happen then the trigger to say, “hold grudge attitude here”.  For me, too much going on, “grudge?” who has time for a grudge.  To hold a grudge, you need to feed it at a trigger point or keep reminding yourself that you’re holding a grudge.  Some of the emotions which usually give the trigger its food, are pride, ego, disappointment, stubbornness and determination. 

 

Okay, still processing the discussion.  There are several “go-to” elements for me, food or cleaning.  Haven’t worked out which triggers which yet.  Both are stalling strategies for me.  The cleaning activity is by far the more beneficial one of the two stress processing techniques.  Today’s processing used cleaning.  It’s amazing how much better you feel just having something cleaned up.  Makes me feel like everything is accomplishable – at least until the next time I sit down.  Maybe, in my choosing cleaning I am also simultaneously cleaning the wound made by the metaphorical knife.

 

In addition to processing the discussion with Anton, at the back of my mind is the request from the GP’s (General Practitioner – doctor) clinic requesting for me to make an appointment.  It’s probably just to talk about the bone density and blood tests and it if were urgent, she’d have rung, right? Or … maybe not.  She’s on leave at the moment and will be back according to the calendar by the end of April.  See, nothing to worry about.

 

Let’s see what the cards have to say!

 

Today's Cards

Day 109. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Celebration. 2 is Influence card is Ripeness. 3 is Goal card is Creativity. 4 is Distant Past card is The Outsider. 5 is Recent Past card is Sorrow. 6 is Future Energy card is Existence. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Totality. 8 is Others' Views card is Suppression. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Projections. 10 is Outcome card is Consciousness. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

There’s one carry over card Existence which moved from the Now and has moved to the Future Energy position.

Analysis

The cause for Celebration and the card in the Now position, is the discussion with Anton.  The Ripeness card in the Influence position supports that the discussion was had at the right moment.  Creativity sitting in the Goal position indicates the desire at the beginning of the day to accomplish things in a unique and different way.  The discussion with Anton needed to be held delicately and trying to figure out the best way to approach the discussion required a Goal of Creativity.

 

Part of the deception in the Distant Past was the lack of information which triggered my FOMO (fear of missing out) which is why the position is occupied by The Outsider card.  Of course, if FOMO is triggered there’s a feeling of rejection and that feeling of “you can’t be trusted”.  This, in turn, brings about Sorrow.  Sorrow sits in the Recent Past position which is when the deception was uncovered.  Are you going “boo-hoo”, yet? – I know I am.

 

My interpretation of Sorrow from the Osho description is enlightenment through tears can happen too.  It appears that by progressing and processing the situation.  By putting myself out there and approaching the issue straight out, rather than delaying it I’ve come to learn about myself more.  This is the card of Existence in Future Energy. 

 

It’s interesting that the card of Existence moved from the Now to the Future Energy position, it implies a continuity of yesterday’s state.

 

Feelings/ Immediate Future were of Totality or total commitment to resolving the matter.  After all, Anton and I still needed to work together and the tension moving forward was not good.

 

Apparently, Others’ Views were that I was suppressing my true self.  Perhaps, Anton recognised he only got part of the heat or perhaps he recognised the Suppression of swear words 😗. 

 

Then we arrive at the Hopes & Fears position which has the card of Projections. Projections pushing onto others your values.  Fear that I’m projecting onto Anton what I should be directing elsewhere.  Hoping that that what I am projecting is justified.  

 

Finally, the Outcome is Consciousness, which is an awareness of the situation and clarity from a larger less insular perspective.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
End Day

Day 108 – Choosing Colours (updated)

18 April 2021

Day 107. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Playfulness. 2 is Influence card is Guidance. 3 is Goal card is Going with the Flow. 4 is Distant Past card is Comparison. 5 is Recent Past card is Totality. 6 is Future Energy card is Control. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Courage. 8 is Others' Views card is Schizophrenia. 9 is Hope & Fears card is The Burden. 10 is Outcome card is Sorrow

Context

Welcome to day 108!

 

The bathroom renovation hunt for fixtures, and fittings continued.  Yesterday, we (husband and I) had selected a couple of tile combinations – feature tile, floor tile and standard tile.  The aim was to leave it overnight to mull around in our minds.  Independently, while we both loved the natural slate charcoal for a feature wall, we both decided the colour wouldn’t work in the space we were planning to use it for.  The bathroom’s not big enough.

 

Eventually, something we thought was going to be quick turned out to take longer than expected.  Only to come back to the original tile selection! 

 

Next were the vanity and the shaving cabinet’s turn for selection.  The plan is to reuse the existing sink, but the benchtop and cabinets will need to get replaced because of the space it’s going in to.  At first, the plan was to use Ikea to provide us with the products.  Like Goldilocks and her three bears the Ikea products were either too big or too small for the space.  We settled on a brochure and decided the decision didn’t need to be made at that moment.

 

The other thing on my mind today was my AFL football team.  They lost and for a few moments following the game yesterday, I felt bummed.  The whole choosing tile colours got me thinking about choosing a team to fan for. 

 

In 2005 on the ski fields of Perisher (New South Wales, Australia), if it hadn’t been for a white out, I would never have met my husband.  A white out is when small snow falls without all the hype of a blizzard, storm or wind.  It’s like a dark heavy drizzly day but with snow instead of drizzle.  These conditions make it hard to see, increases the chance of injury and makes it difficult for rescue teams to find anyone if they happen to get lost on the mountain. 

 

Other things happen in these conditions is the amount of runs skiers can ski is reduced to the ones with the best visibility, usually on the lee side.   With the weather being considered icky by most people, the runs are sparsely populated which means perfect skiing conditions for die hard skiers or those with limited time to get any skiing in.  This is when I met the man I’m married to today. 🥰

 

There was one thing going against the relationship he was from Melbourne, Victoria and by the time I’d moved to Brisbane, Queensland. This meant a long-distance relationship and, being a former New South Welshman, the rivalry between Sydney and Melbourne did not go unmentioned .  You see, in Victoria and the southern parts or southern states Australian Rules Football (AFL) is the sport du-lifetime.  In New South Wales, you could walk around and not have a Rugby League team and you would have been fine. 

 

Why is this a problem?  It’s a problem because the two sports are played at the same time of year at roughly the same times, therefore competing for the same advertising space on television broadcasts.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, it’s a false dichotomy.  Of course, you can barrack for a rugby league team and an AFL team.  In fact, many Victorians are sports enthusiasts.  With cold weather at that time of year, there’s not much else to do – yes it was a friendly jibe!

 

In the second year of our relationship, it was becoming clear we wanted to spend more time with each other.  This meant tackling the hard question of who would move where.  I’d always wanted to spend some time in Melbourne and was regularly voted as the most “liveable” city.  It was decided, I would move to Melbourne for a trial period.  Once the location was decided but prior to my move, my husband (husband-to-be hereinafter referred to as “husband”) solemnly mentioned there was a difficult choice ahead of me. 

 

Obviously, it was a serious decision he was so sombre, I braced myself for the really tough question.  He said, I would need to pick an AFL football team.  Really?  That’s not a tough decision! Is it?  Do I have to make a decision at all?  The answer was, of course I didn’t have to make a decision, but my life would be easier if when asked about my team, there was a response.  The response would mean people left you alone from people trying to persuade you to have a team.

 

Choosing a side in a sport I hadn’t paid any attention to understand wasn’t really as easy as I thought.  Turns out the AFL team is kind of like the Myers-Briggs or DISC personality tests and if you declare your team, people associate you with a particular type of personality.  Didn’t learn this until a few years into committing.  Discussing the selection process, I went through is a post for another day.

 

In the end, I selected a team and the universe wanted me to at least watch a game as I’d been given a couple of tickets to watch my husband’s AFL team.  The rules are simple, and it seemed very like basketball – which I love!  Now 15 years later, AFL is on more because of me than my husband.  Might discuss this investment tomorrow.

 

Let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 107. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Playfulness. 2 is Influence card is Guidance. 3 is Goal card is Going with the Flow. 4 is Distant Past card is Comparison. 5 is Recent Past card is Totality. 6 is Future Energy card is Control. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Courage. 8 is Others' Views card is Schizophrenia. 9 is Hope & Fears card is The Burden. 10 is Outcome card is Sorrow. Shuffle method was Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

There’s only one card that carried over from yesterday, the Control moved from Future Energy to Distant Past.  This implies natural movement of the cards.

Analysis - updated

Existence is in the Now is influenced by The Fool.  What does that mean?  Existence is about simply being, not doing anything just existing.  Like that moment in the shower when you’re free to be yourself.  The Osho Existence comes with the humbling feeling of knowing you’re unique in all of time and space. There never was or ever will be anyone like you with your unique set of attributes.  With this card in the Now position it assumes a position of humbleness overawed by the greater experience of existing.

The Goal card was The Source which is about getting back to basics – guess I did that in describing how I arrived at the AFL (football) team which I now support 🙂.

 

Control is in the Distant Past and Flowering the Recent Past.  The future is looking prosperous in the card of Sharing sits in the Future Energy position.  This means that from a position of controlling certain aspects of discipline has led to what was closed as now opening up, aka Flowering.  The Flowering not only opens up but like the flowers on a fruit tree soon becomes fruit to share.  Like the blossom turned to fruit, the tree does not mind who it shares its fruit with – the earth, a person, a bird.

 

The Feelings/ Immediate Future card is Understanding.  Just by writing this blog today, understanding dawned on me about why the bathroom was important to me.

 

Other’s Views has the card of Possibilities.  Possibilities in this position it could mean others see opportunities for the situation and potential further growth for me.

 

In the Hopes & Fears position is the card of Stress.  The hope is for work to not be as pressure-ful as originally. On the other hand, the fear is for Stress to enter my life unexpectedly because it has been quiet.

 

Finally, the Outcome position has the card of Adventure.  Adventure is about using the inquisitive side of the brain, investigating to get a lot more done than expected.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
End Day

Day 107 – Metaphysical Renovation

17 April 2021

Day 107. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Playfulness. 2 is Influence card is Guidance. 3 is Goal card is Going with the Flow. 4 is Distant Past card is Comparison. 5 is Recent Past card is Totality. 6 is Future Energy card is Control. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Courage. 8 is Others' Views card is Schizophrenia. 9 is Hope & Fears card is The Burden. 10 is Outcome card is Sorrow

Context

So, what does it mean metaphysically if you’re modifying your bathroom?  Is this something you’ve ever considered?  Not until I began thinking of what to write for today’s blank screen, did the thought occur to me!  Which is surprising because it is something which would be fun to have a mental play with.  Much like a cat playing with a toy mouse.  

 

It’s not that bathroom aspects haven’t entered my field of thought, like there have been times where when the pipes at a friends’ place of mine constantly reeked of blocked plumbing. No matter how many times they moved or built new houses, so it’s wasn’t like it carried over from previous occupants.  Where my mind went with this was would the problem go away if one of two things happened.  If the occupants were having problems with their personal food processing or elimination and this got fixed would the house plumbing fix of its own accord?  Or if the house’s plumbing was fixed regularly would the occupant’s elimination also be eliminated.

 

Maybe there’s too much mental, emotional and physical food coming in and not enough time spent processing the information.  By processing on the mental and emotional level I mean meditation or mindfulness activities to enhance processing. All the more important the older you get.

 

Never before had the thought of looking at the bathroom as a metaphysical and metaphorical externalisation of myself occurred to me.  Let’s logically and with a sense of fun, play with the idea for a moment.  Applying say some dream analysis guideline basics to the situation.  Yes. I’m aware we’re not in a dream but this knowledge is the one readily available to me and seem to adapt to reality as well.  Did I not mention having a bit of fun with the idea? 😁

 

Firstly, the bathroom deals with cleaning away grit.  The bathroom does this with water.  Water or fluid in dreams, and elsewhere, is typically connected to the emotions.  Possibly connected with the foetus floating in the womb’s “water”. As an example, a shower is great after exercise.  Exercise promotes toxins to leave the body.  Having a shower afterward washes away the sweated toxins.  Leaving you feeling not just good from the exercise but also fresh and reinvigorated from having a shower. 

 

For those kids who love water and find it difficult to resist getting wet when a pool, pond or beach are near means the kids are free and comfortable with their emotions.  Although there is a period of time in some kids, around the ages of 10 to 13 where there’s a reluctance to get wet under a shower but a pool or ocean swim is just fine.  That’s something to explore on another day.

 

On many occasions a shower has picked me up when I’ve been in the midst of a “what’s the point” kind of day.  How many times do you see this exact scenario enacted in movies or TV shows?  There’s also the fact you’re naked in the shower.  One of the aspects to nakedness symbolises being your true self.  To paraphrase from Osho, although not referring to a shower experience is relatable to my point:  each time you have a shower you let go of everything that has been given to you by others, your name, your identity, everything disappears for those few moments.  It’s a momentary rebirth of your innocence where you’re reborn – even if it is for a short while (Osho, p.41). 

 

Particularly, true for me when I was sharing a household with housemates who put a “damper” on me expressing who I was when at home.  The feeling was so suffocating my preferred form of exercise was to go swimming at 5:00am to do laps – in winter!  Don’t get me wrong, swimming is great but typically it hasn’t been my go-to form of exercise.  

 

Bathroom.  Bathroom …?  Okay, here goes bathrooms make us feel like ourselves.  The bathroom being renovated, is being renovated because of the shower.  From the few times where I’ve had to use it, I’ve hated showering in it because it’s restrictive.  In a previous post, I mentioned the narrow doorway.  There was also an early design decision which meant the water pipes needed to encroach into the shower space as well robbing the shower space of 70mm (7cm or about 2½ inches) off the original already tight space.  It’s still not great.

 

On a personal level, I’m not a fan of restrictions and the main shower feels like both.  The restrictions prevent freedom in a noticeable way.  Hopefully, the adjustment will increase the feeling of spaciousness and freedom.  To start the process, we bought a bathtub 🛁

 

Getting back to the metaphysical reason for the renovation, perhaps inside my head I need more room and less constraints around freedom in the public space of the home when visitors are present?

 

Let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 107. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Playfulness. 2 is Influence card is Guidance. 3 is Goal card is Going with the Flow. 4 is Distant Past card is Comparison. 5 is Recent Past card is Totality. 6 is Future Energy card is Control. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Courage. 8 is Others' Views card is Schizophrenia. 9 is Hope & Fears card is The Burden. 10 is Outcome card is Sorrow. Shuffle method was Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

There was only one card that carried over from yesterday and it was Guidance which moved from the Distant Past to the Influence position.

Analysis

The first card out in the Now is Playfulness influenced by Guidance and the Goal of Going with the Flow.  We were curious about what baths were available, as a bit of fun (Playfulness) we thought we’d drop into a couple of bathroom renovation resellers to get some Guidance.  There wasn’t a specific aim in mind, like we have to buy a bathtub.  However, if we saw one we liked, we would buy it (this is Going with the Flow).

 

 

The whole motivation in the Distant Past was the Comparison between the en suite shower and the main bathroom’s shower.  Understanding the two are completely different is one thing, but the constriction by the comparison in highlighted the lack of space in the other.

 

 

In the Recent Past, like earlier today, we purchased a bathtub which then meant committed to renovating the bathroom in Totality.

 

 

There’s a Future Energy of Control.  Could this be around finances or trying not to get too carried away with the renovation?  It might be around the colours of the tiles.

 

On a personal level looking at Feelings/ Immediate Future I felt the step to renovate needed a step of Courage.

 

 

Others’ Views. Others’ possibly think I can’t make up my mind, which was reflected by the Schizophrenia card.  It’s true, we were unable to decide on the colour scheme and kept chopping and changing the look.  In the end, there wasn’t a definitive selection – tomorrow.

 

 

When it comes to Hopes & Fears the card of The Burden exists.  The fear is the renovation will add a burden to daily life more intense than anticipated.  With respect to hope, it’s possibly hoping The Burden isn’t as intense as where my imagination is leading me.

 

 

Hmmm… the Outcome has the card of Sorrow.  Doesn’t look promising.  However, it could relate to my feeling of disappointment in not having finalised the colour selection on the tiles.  Aware it’s only early in the process.  Again, there’s tomorrow.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
End Day

Day 106 – Bone Density Test

16 April 2021

Day 106. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Change. 2 is Influence card is Slowing Down. 3 is Goal card is Transformation. 4 is Distant Past card is Creativity. 5 is Recent Past card is The Outsider. 6 is Future Energy card is Clinging to the Past. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Success. 8 is Others' Views card is The Dream. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Innocence. 10 is Outcome card is Silence

Context

Welcome to Day 106!

The morning had me doing some standard office stuff form home.  Not quite brave enough yet to follow up on the knife-stabbing email from yesterday with the person who sent it.  The email remained unanswered until the end of the day when the sub-mental processing had come up with a reasonable and professional response.  By that time, I’d also moved on from my gripe – it’s way too much effort to keep it up.  It’s not like we were besties or fast friends.

 

When it comes to work, I like to keep my options open.  The new role doesn’t appear to be going down a path where there’s going to be a lot of job satisfaction.  This was okay, because in the back of my head there was still the opportunity to go back to my old role.  This betrayal incident and a couple of other things are pushing me to stay in the new job. Basically, opportunities to retreat are becoming fewer, probably the kick I need to move on from what was.  

 

At 10:45am my presence was required at the hospital for a Bone Densitometry (BMD) or bone density test.  Not sure what a BMD test involved but the doctor advised it would not be painful.  The doctor was right! 

 

It was weird not having to wear a mask into a hospital.  Of course, we’re still social distancing and hand-sanitising but the masks are gone – even in hospitals!  Fortunately, the COVID cases Australia does have, are visitors in hotel quarantine.  

 

After checking in at reception and filling in all the mandatory paperwork (four forms!).  It was interesting to note, when filling in the forms that when asking about my sickness and operations history, I was able to recall the events because of the vacations I was on.  Anyway, reception directed me to the radiologist down the hall to the left. 

 

The lovely young radiologist said “hi” then asked me to remove my pants and my bra.  She explained, the pants had a zipper and the bra had metal hooks and metal isn’t something that I should be wearing for the scan.  The change room was behind me and donned the lovely sleeveless disposable navy “gown”, which was made of medium stiff fabric which you could wear like a bathrobe.  Not like those reverse hospital gowns, this was more civilised.  So, it wasn’t all bad. 

 

Once in the room there was a hospital bed which reminds me more to a massage table than a hospital bed.  It was covered with the usual protective disposable equipment and the machine looked a like one of the hands when depicting Egyptians walking in hieroglyphs.  See for yourself, although the DEXA machine pictured looks more modern than the one used today (refer references). 

 

The way the process works is you lie on the bed and the Egyptian arm moves slowly, and in my case, from hips to neck to scan the spine.  A minor adjustment to keep the feet apart, the Egyptian arm moves again, and the left hip is scanned.  The machine is slow because it needs to send two low x-ray pulses, one into the bone and the other through the soft tissue (radiology info).  It wasn’t an unpleasant experience, but as the arm passed the stomach, it gurgled a little. 

 

It was a quick process and the whole scan took about 20 minutes which meant I could head back into the change room and ditch the glamour robe don my pants and bra.  Although don’t think I’ll be searching the clothes shops for the gown anytime soon.  

 

Back on the work front, there’s a discussion going on at work about working from home.  The work from home has become so common place that it appears that some are taking the working from home as a right rather than a privilege.  There are at least two starting points: 1. Is that you go to work as the default position, unless agreed otherwise

2. Is that you work from home as the default position and only go to work as agreed.

 

The latter is where working from home is perceived as a right with flexibility and the former is perceived of as a privilege with flexibility.  My stance is the first option, in the future option two may become the norm but for now, I fear and feel that I’m clinging to the past on this one.  As long as flexibility plays a part in both points-of-view the foundational stance shouldn’t matter.

 

Let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 106. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Change. 2 is Influence card is Slowing Down. 3 is Goal card is Transformation. 4 is Distant Past card is Creativity. 5 is Recent Past card is The Outsider. 6 is Future Energy card is Clinging to the Past. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Success. 8 is Others' Views card is The Dream. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Innocence. 10 is Outcome card is Silence. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Success is the only card to carry over from yesterday it has moved from the Now position to the Feelings position.

Change is in the Now position and the first thing that popped to mind was “winds of change”.  Not sure what it means, exactly, just that’s what was in my head when the card was dealt.  Change is influenced by Slowing Down and crowned by the Goal of Transformation.

 

Based on the shift in the work environment around a few things with thing Slowing Down there has been the opportunity to assess the recent job Change and ability to go back.  Transformation card as Goal seems to indicate, in my head at least I’m not going back and will become determined to make the new role work.  It’s always interesting to wonder to what end.

 

Distant Past has the card of Creativity.  The Creativity in Osho’s book is about how you look at things.  Much like a painter will paint what they see and even though you may be looking at the same object, what the painter paints is an interpretation through their eyes.  In the Distant Past me viewing things in different ways has contributed to the Change that is now occurring.  This would be the way I view working relationships.

 

In viewing things differently, quite often the perspective has and in the Recent Past made me feel like The Outsider, especially in the moving on.  This creates a certain trepidation in me whereas a fallback position my Future Energy might be to Cling to the Past.

 

At present, Feelings/ Immediate Future have the card of Success.  It’s interesting that the view I’m adopting towards the Change that’s occurring is one of Success.  Success is a bit scary and there very well could be a momentary solace in Clinging to the Past.

 

Others’ Views is “I’m dreaming” as reflected by The Dream card.  This could be a lot of things around the work environment at the moment.  There is a strong possibility where the way I view the world is through rose-coloured glasses – the view’s not totally wrong.

 

The Hopes & Fears position has the card of Innocence.  Hoping that my experience continues to earn me support and fearing that my naivety or “dreaming” does not work against me.

 

In the end, the Outcome card is Silence.  Silence is the card is the silence after a storm, not the calm inside the storm but the silence once the storm has stopped.  It’s the moment where you take the opportunity to reassess. 

 

 

In summary, Creativity was what started the storm, Change its beginning, Slowing Down its calm centre and Transformation the disruptive tail.  During the storm it felt like there was no-one there in The Outsider. Surviving the storm is Success.  Others view the Success as The Dream and Innocence is the ability to weather the storm. Until finally Silence falls and the damage can be assessed.  But like with any death (Transformation) there will be an energy of Clinging to the Past. 

 

What can I say? The analogy worked today 😁.

References

Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7

End Day

Day 105 – Trust & Deception

15 April 2021

Day 105. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Success. 2 is Influence card is Projections. 3 is Goal card is Ripeness. 4 is Distant Past card is Sharing. 5 is Recent Past card is Comparison. 6 is Future Energy card is Harmony. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is The Burden. 8 is Others' Views card is Schizophrenia. 9 is Hope & Fears card is The Source. 10 is Outcome card is Mind

Context

Welcome to Day 105!

 

If one were to try to find the silver lining on betrayal, what would that look like? Apart from paying off some cosmic karma which may or may not exist.  Is that we become more distrustful?  That simply flies in the face of the Osho Zen message conveyed by the card of The Fool.


“You deceive him, and he trusts you; and you deceive him again, and he trusts you; and you deceive him again, and he trust you.  Then you will say that he is a fool, he does not learn.  His trust is tremendous, his trust is so pure that nobody can corrupt it.”   

 

My trust is not that pure.  It hurts when you trust and you’re constantly betrayed.  In a work sense, there certainly is the perception that you are less astute and therefore not likely to be taken seriously. 

 

You’ve probably guessed. Yes, there was figurative blood coming from my back as the invisible knife which was being positioned over the past couple of months finally found its mark.  To add insult to the injury, they expected me to help!   On the surface my reaction to the betrayal was probably greater than I was feeling.  Sometimes, I forget other people would view my outburst as more than it was intended to be.

 

Okay, it’s not like this wasn’t expected.  This was the way the other project manager’s felt dealing with “them”.  In the past, my interactions with this group had been minimal. 

 

At first, my ego, pride and flattery were used to lure me in.  Led to believe for some reason, my effort would be helping out and providing a big favour.  The new area has a different style of project. When moving to the new area I begged, on their behalf, to let me continue the project as a favour to me (and them). The new boss generously agreed.  Keeping the project, however, meant other team members would need to cover the tasks not being done by me.   

 

When the betrayal, in the form of withholding key information needed for me to deliver and discovering other teams had been instructed to withhold information from me.  Other areas and me, advised not to communicate with each other until plans had been finalised.  Only to discover an external source had been engaged to do the work I was expected to do, and they had received all the information.

 

Before the news had been received, I had engaged vendors to supply quotes for the work that had already been done.  The betrayal would not nearly have been so devastating if it were just me.  I can take a hit to the ego and pride on the occasion it needs it.  But the new area had suffered. The vendors had suffered.  The organisation that was approached to do the work meant “my” company as a whole suffered because it usually overprices for the market.  The people who had to put up with me calling for information had also suffered.

 

This is where my guilt hits high because of my gullibility and naivete.  The betrayal of me led to me betraying those around me.  In the end, everyone will understand but the frustration and sadness for the loss of time is still there.

 

From the ego perspective, where did I go wrong?  From the pride perspective, I’m usually good at reading situations, how did I miss this one?  Was I blinded by the appeal to me helping out when needed?  In this at least, in this The Fool will remain.  Helping is what I like to do, if help is required.  If it’s not, happy to leave it alone.

 

In the end, the betrayal helps identify areas to work on.  Areas of ego and pride come to mind immediately.  The appeal for help, will continue to draw me in and I’m happy being seen as a sucker for it.  Also, working through the betrayal helps build techniques for letting it go.  It could go the other way and foster mistrust but seriously who has the energy to maintain the rage – not me.  Just to be clear, I’ll pretend for a while 😉.

 

Okay, let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 105. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Success. 2 is Influence card is Projections. 3 is Goal card is Ripeness. 4 is Distant Past card is Sharing. 5 is Recent Past card is Comparison. 6 is Future Energy card is Harmony. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is The Burden. 8 is Others' Views card is Schizophrenia. 9 is Hope & Fears card is The Source. 10 is Outcome card is Mind. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

No carry over cards today.

Analysis

Success is in the Now influenced by Projections.  Projections is a restriction card and therefore its influence is as a blocker.  Projections in this case is me believing others were in the same boat and were open with their communications.  It’s what Success for me is based on.  However, the Success was short-lived.

 

The Goal position has the card of Ripeness crowning the other two. The circumstances were finally ripe for the successful release of documentation – just looking for the right opportunity.

 

In the Distant Past there was Sharing, which is pretty much standard operating practise for a project manager.  See, that’s what projecting looks like.  Sharing information, is something I see as a fundamental part of the project manager 101 skillset but isn’t necessarily seen that way by others.

 

Comparison sits in the Recent Past card is me just comparing what I do with others and wishing I could be like them or at the very least understand them.  The Comparison card reminds us, in this situation, that comparisons are as different as “chalk and cheese” or “an oak and bamboo”.

 

Future Energy has the card of Harmony.  In the midst of a very lengthy “ranty” but useful email sent only to my former bosses.  There was a realisation that the extended timeframes for the change will mean that I have the choice to once again beg my new boss to continue the project or hand it back.  At this point, everything will need to start afresh anyway, so it might as well be with someone in the role. 

 

In the Feeling position is The Burden.  Beyond a doubt taking on and keeping this project was like doing two jobs.  The Burden of time to deliver and the quality to deliver while not having all the information was time-consuming.   So, yes. The Burden was felt but it was done to help out but not helping anyone.

 

Others’ Views has the card of Schizophrenia.  Schizophrenia is about trying to keep two areas operating but stretching yourself thinly (as illustrated on the card).  This card in the Others’ Views indicates other people were noticing The Burden I was feeling.

 

Inner Hopes & Fears has The Creator as its card.  There is a fear inside of me that the guilt being felt has been created by me.  Part of me believes it was my slow response – another part realises I was dependent upon the information which wasn’t forthcoming.  My hope is for me to be The Creator of a different and better outcome in future, for all parties.

 

Finally, Mind is in the Outcome position.  Mind is about the mental confusion generated as part of me wades through the quagmire that this situation has highlighted and needs to be investigated moving forward.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
End Day

Day 104 – Trees Leaving

14 April 2021

Day 104. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Playfulness. 2 is Influence card is Flowering. 3 is Goal card is Receptivity. 4 is Distant Past card is Sorrow. 5 is Recent Past card is Abundance. 6 is Future Energy card is Existence. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Adventure. 8 is Others' Views card is Healing. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Morality. 10 is Outcome card is The Lovers

Context

Welcome to Day 104!

 

This morning I received sad news, the trees along the property line between the train tracks and our place are set to be removed.  The news follows the destruction of the soundproofing fence where machinery had exposed the tree roots of a large tree especially on the house facing side which had a sound-reducing fence in place to reduce the noise of the trains behind the property.  

 

A recent major storm caused the tree to fall in the direction of the exposed roots onto the house, if it weren’t for the sound-reducing fence the house may have suffered a lot more damage because the tree would have gained more momentum.  As a result, the trees behind our fence are now ear-marked to be removed.  My only hope is the arborist investigating on behalf of the government who owns the land, is working on a tight budget and some of the trees are too expensive to be removed.

 

Despite knowing the risk, we moved into a property with the trees at the back versus the blocks up the street and were shade-less and barren looking.  Possibly, stupidly and unthinking of the consequences related to having tall trees at the back of the house, we put the master bedroom at the back of the house. Yes, closer to the trees; we wanted to get away from people noise from the street.

 

As upset as I am about the trees needing to come down, and I much prefer the taller trees to stay their height and location make them dangerous.  Personally, I wish the trees were simply reduced to half their height (they’re about six metres (7½ yards – is that 20 feet? – high).  Bringing the trees down to half their height which would reduce the risk of the tree falling hard and blocking the train tracks or having too much momentum and damaging homes with people in them.  Problem is, in 15 years the trees would need another visit to get another visit and major haircut to keep them safe

 

There was a workplace health and safety officer/ project manager who worked in my area, when it came to risks, he had a pragmatic approach.  He used to say, “everything is probable and possible, but how frequent are the circumstances to make it likely to happen?”.  Needless to say, the lesson stuck with me.  At the time we were working for a Victorian government department that included earthquakes and cyclones.  This was in an Australian state incredibly unlikely to experience them.  These risks were included for the smallest of projects.  Perhaps it was somebody’s idea of sample data, which never got removed?

 

It will be sad to see the rainbow lorikeets, grey heron & family (I think it’s a heron – picture below Analysis), magpie larks knocking on the dining window, storm birds, and crows leave.

 

Apart from the news of the trees needing to be felled, and the visions of Saruman’s forces (references) causing their destruction, the day went smoothly.  I was finally able to get to an activity which has been on my mind a lot.  Although, every time it got started there was something else to distract me, a part of me really wanted to not do this activity.  Focus and discipline were mustered and chained to the sticking point and by the close of business it was done.

 

Let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 104. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card. 1 is Now card is Playfulness. 2 is Influence card is Flowering. 3 is Goal card is Receptivity. 4 is Distant Past card is Sorrow. 5 is Recent Past card is Abundance. 6 is Future Energy card is Existence. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Adventure. 8 is Others' Views card is Healing. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Morality. 10 is Outcome card is The Lovers. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday Flowering moved from Others’ Views to Influence. the impact of which seems to have no significance in its carrying over. The second card to carry over was the card of Morality but suspect that the dichotomy remains the same but with different stakes.

Analysis

The Now of Playfulness is influenced by Flowering. Flowering over Playfulness is a definite Influence card rather than a blocker card.  Flowering is an expansion card causing things to open up – like… flowering 🌼.  Then, with respect to today’s topic, Playfulness is in the dancing around the activity that I had been avoiding. 

 

The Goal position holds the card of Receptivity.  Setting a Goal of Receptivity means that I am likely to be open to distractions or things that are “new”.  New things stimulate the mind, for me today, anyway.

 

In the Distant Past was Sorrow and tears.  Sorrow and tears are signs of letting go of something. The contrast in attitude encourages Playfulness experienced in the Now.

 

Sorrow gives way to Abundance providing an opportunity to understand Existence which is reflected in Future Energy position.

 

An Adventure into the unknown, encourages faith and the next steps might bring about The Lovers, located in Outcome.  The Healing card reflects Others’ Views of Playfulness and see it as a sign of Healing taking place – greater autonomy.

 

In the meantime, Morality occupies the inner Hopes & Fears.  The Morality of doing the right thing and staying put is a genuine fear as is the fear of leaving the trees in place and harming someone.  Hopes are that the arborist will do the right thing in their assessment.

 

The Outcome shows The Lovers card which is teamwork of like-minded and respectful beings accomplishing something that will bring about love for all.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
End Day

Day 103 – Merry-Go-Sorry

13 April 2021

Day 103. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Innocence. 2 is Influence card is Integration. 3 is Goal card is Maturity. 4 is Distant Past card is Friendliness. 5 is Recent Past card is Aloneness. 6 is Future Energy card is Completion. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Success. 8 is Others' Views card is Flowering. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Morality. 10 is Outcome card is Politics

Context

Today I say goodbye to my sister and nephew, and I’m feeling merry-go-sorry at their departure.  Their departure made me realise there are times I enjoy waiting.

 

I’m amazed over 100 blogs to have published!  It’s weird to have arbitrary milestones.  Have you ever wondered why we (personkind) feel the need to put milestones in place?  It’s also amazing how milestones are associated with superstitions or are the basis of superstitions.  For instance, the number thirteen associates with good or bad luck depending on your location in the world.  Could it be the early marketing of baker’s, when they went: buy 12 get one free!?

Feeling Merry-Go-Sorry

It was a day for goodbyes, as my final two houseguests left for the airport to depart.  For those of you curious about whether I ended up watching Married at First Sight (MAFS TV show) after my sister left – I got too busy.  Also, I figured that now that I knew the characters, my sister could fill me in on the weekend.  With catch-up TV being available, there’s the chance that I could watch it on the weekend too.

 

While it’s merry-go-sorry to drop off people at the airport who would you like to have live closer to hand, I love the airport.  Yes, there’s overpriced food.  Yes, it can get crowded.  But, ultimately, for me, it’s a place of relaxation and excitement rolled up into one.  The peace comes after having dropped off the luggage in bag drop, passed through security, grabbed a drink and/ or something to eat and then it’s waiting.

Waiting at the Airport is Peaceful

This type of waiting I can do.  Not always being patient because any kind of waiting equalled wasting precious moments in your life, but airport waiting has developed into its preciousness.  These moments come from the lack of demand to do anything except simply exist.  It’s letting go of anything that needs doing at home because the moment for doing it has passed. 

 

It means waiting for the incoming flight to arrive and the relevant preparations to ready the flight for the following passengers; again, there are no demands on your time except to sit in readiness for the journey. So this gap of an hour or hour and a half where you’re waiting for the plane is all yours; there are absolutely no demands.

 

In that hour or so, you are free to do whatever you want; call friends, family, sit and read, listen to a podcast, listen to the radio, take your time sipping your beverage of choice, do crosswords, or even play some Pokémon Go, which was the case today.  Of course, playing Pokémon Go wouldn’t be my first choice, but I was with my nephew, and the game piqued my curiosity.   There was a little bit of dabbling when the game first came out, but when my husband showed it to me, I was probably enjoying apricating on the beach☀️.

 

The same sense of peace happens at the train, bus or ferry stations, too but to a lesser extent since the waiting time isn’t mandatory like at the airport.  

My Sister's turn for Merry-Go-Sorry

Now the disadvantage of being at the airport with someone other than yourself.  Like, say, someone less concerned with timeframes than you, and they tend to ignore signs or prompts to head to the departure lounge (like me).  All that relaxation goes down the gurgler (that’s Australian for “drain”).

 

For instance, if you were to split off from your sister with her son and your sister says something like, “meet you there,”.  If you were the type of person conscious of time, you’d instantly recognise that “meet you there” meant “meet you at the boarding gate”.  On the other hand, if you’re oblivious of time, you think you have time to grab Krispy Kreme for your departing nephew and sister as a departure gift.  And only THEN you go to the gate!  You’d wind up stressing the people with you.

 

Then again, neglecting or forgetting the time has the advantage of getting your adrenaline going when you realise you’re running late. It also leaves a lasting imprint on your sister and nephew 😉.  Let’s put it this way; my sister is unlikely to let me forget. 

 

So you see, my sister’s merry-go-sorry is happy for her to be on the plane away from the stressful airport and sister combination .  But being sad to leave me even with the challenges I throw her way constantly.

Adrenaline and Stress

Although I maintain if your identity hasn’t been made public, and you’re not the last person on the flight – we weren’t last, and names were safe – you’re not actually late.  Besides, how could I know that only ten people wanted to go to the same destination with a COVID threat looming?!   Oh, okay.  There were a few more than ten people, but the passengers boarded the flight quickly, and the flight only announced when we (nephew and I) were already halfway to the gate. 

 

If it’s any consolation for those of you who are feeling merry-go-sorry for my sister, I ended up ceding my doughnut to my sister.  There was no time to search my handbag for a way to separate mine from hers 🍩. 

 

When we go to the boarding queue, of course, some passengers were still sorting out their seating arrangements, and others were still walking to the gate, but since my sister was stressing, it was best not to push her.

Today's Cards

Day 103. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Innocence. 2 is Influence card is Integration. 3 is Goal card is Maturity. 4 is Distant Past card is Friendliness. 5 is Recent Past card is Aloneness. 6 is Future Energy card is Completion. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Success. 8 is Others' Views card is Flowering. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Morality. 10 is Outcome card is Politics. Shuffle method was Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

It’s simple today.  No carry over cards.

Cross of Merry-Go-Sorry

The Now position has Innocence influenced by Integration crowned by the Goal card of Maturity.  Innocence and wisdom are the two traits embodied in the Innocence card.  I’m associating the Innocence card to enjoying my time at the airport with my sister and nephew.  It was precious.  The Integration card is the connectivity and the quality time together, blending Pokémon Go with a meal and time. 

 

The blend of excitement and calm at the airport comes from the experience gained from travelling for projects.  Of course, this is not always the case, but today the experience or Maturity sits comfortably with me and with the Goal.

 

In the Distant Past is the card of Friendliness.  Maturity and Innocence resulted from past relationships with the friendly people at the airport.  The airport embodies Aloneness.  The Aloneness card also reflects the state I am left in after the last of the guests has departed.  Again, Aloneness does not mean lonely.

 

The plane’s departure meets the criteria for Future Energy to read as Completion.  The journey that started with the excitement of seeing family again after 18 months has come to an end.

Base

While I’m sad at the departure getting them to the airport promptly, I feel it is a success.  And look! It’s the Success card in the Feelings/ Immediate Future position.

 

Others’ Views has the card of Flowering.  Flowering is the card of opening up and sharing a little more of yourself with others.  Strangely, I’m going to link this view to one of me watching MAFS with my sister. 

 

At one time, I would have ranted and carried on about it being a “silly show”, but now I’ve accepted it and can enjoy it.  It’s like going to the same movie with different friends; it’s not about the film, it’s about the friends.

 

Hopes & Fears has the card of Morality.  Morality is about doing the right thing I hope today I did the right thing in ducking off to Krispy Kreme and fearing that it caused more tension than it needed to if I’d simply left it alone (fear).

 

Finally, the Outcome position has the card of Politics.  This card had me stumped.  It is the card of duality and merry-go-sorry is also about the duality.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7

  2. Dent, Susie (6 Apr 2021), Word of the Day, Merry-go-sorry, Twitter.  Miss Dent writes: it’s a 16th century word for a mixture of joy and sorrow, or the continual shift between the two.

End Day

Day 102 – Unfinished Business

12 April 2021

Day 102. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Totality. 2 is Influence card is Turning In. 3 is Goal card is The Master. 4 is Distant Past card is Celebration. 5 is Recent Past card is Playfulness. 6 is Future Energy card is New Vision. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Control. 8 is Others' Views card is The Source. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Rebirth. 10 is Outcome card is Patience

Context

Welcome to Day 102!

It was the first day at work, albeit working from home.  Fortunately, the study-come-spare-bedroom was empty throughout the day as its participant was entrenched in playing on the PlayStation located in the dining-come-daytime-rumpus room.  This left the living room for adults but not too far away from the nephew to have the family be included.

 

Where was I?  Oh, that’s right! Back at work.  Sometimes when you’re delivering a project, the pass over point from project to everyday existence (operations) leaves some support characteristics forgotten or unfinished.  These elements are usually taken for granted during a project and assumed to have existing operational support arrangements in place.  t’s not until time passes with the elements in operation where the odd issue arises from unfinished business.

 

Unfinished business is what cropped up in the first hour of my day.  The issue arose when there was a reshuffle of positions and roles and a role to finalise these steps disappeared. This meant the hand over activity didn’t get completed. When the issue does arise, questions go to the last person who touched it; you got it, me.  Fortunately, it was a simple component and involved a product instruction sheet to be stored centrally.  Creating the document was a time consuming but putting it in place was incredibly satisfying.  All that needs to happen now is approval, and it will no longer come back to me.  Just a matter of patience.  Perfect!

 

On the home front, lunch was spent with my sister watching “her” show of Married at First Sight (MAFS).  The problem I discovered is that it was the second last episode which was part one of two parts with the second being shown on the night my sister returns home.  The question is, do I watch the last episode?  Watching the episode would give my sister someone she can “analyse” the show with after it aired.  Or do I go back to my normal routine.

 

The most frustrating aspect of the show is the way that you do not get enough information to form your own opinion.  The show is presented in such a way that there are really limited options on what you can think and know.  Essentially, the producers provide an allocution or “Voice of God” view (McQuail D p.136).  As an example, the “Voice of God” was the power radio and TV had over the information provided to its viewers before the Internet’s existence.  If the news reported something, there was no easy way of verifying or seeking information.  Therefore, if the news reported that something was a fact, it was generally accepted to be so.

 

Following the airing of the episode, my sister was able to seek out a podcast on the events and source a little more detail.  One of the participants shown to be wearing a “halo”, figuratively speaking, in reality isn’t the saint that’s portrayed.  So too was the portrayal of the “villain”.  It’s very difficult for me to get invested in the show, although a definite “glee” comes out when discussing the portrayal of participants given the provided facts.  There is a side of me that is disappointed in me for getting involved; mainly because there are people behind what is being portrayed in a certain light. 

 

The argument could be made the participants put themselves in the position in the first place.  There still seems something wrong about commenting on someone else’s life without knowing all the facts – and yet I do 🙁.   

 

After the “Monday morning quartering backing” between my sister and I, the rest of the afternoon was spent throwing myself into sorting out the pile of emails that had accumulated while I was on leave.

 

Let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 102. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Totality. 2 is Influence card is Turning In. 3 is Goal card is The Master. 4 is Distant Past card is Celebration. 5 is Recent Past card is Playfulness. 6 is Future Energy card is New Vision. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Control. 8 is Others' Views card is The Source. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Rebirth. 10 is Outcome card is Patience. Shuffle method was Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

Only one card has carried over from yesterday and that’s the card of Patience which has moved from the Recent Past to the Outcome position.

Analysis

Totality is in the Now position influenced by Turning In, with a Goal of The Master.  The cards seem to be talking about my work life today.  Totality is with the dedication I pursued getting through the day amidst having guests.  Turning In, being the reflection upon why an old project’s unfinished business was unfinished and the best way to resolve it.

 

The Goal of The Master, if the card is interpreted as simply someone being skilled at something, in this case getting back from leave 😁.   

 

The situation arose from the Distant Past when the end of project Celebration occurred.  Fortunately, Playfulness in the Recent Past was able to easily identify how to resolve the issue.

 

Being able to hand over this aspect created a New Vision in how to hand this over, which in my world hadn’t happened in this way before.  The Future Energy of New Vision will encompass this new approach to handing over project elements.

 

The New Vision came about because I no longer wanted to have Feelings of where I wasn’t in Control.  Being in control of the end of project process and passing it to operations reminds me of the quote the software development team have on their wall on top of a burning building (refer picture below).

 

Others’ Views has the card of The Source, indicating a return to basics.  It’s probably more that when they needed to resolve the issue, those affected went to The Source of its creation.

 

Hopes & Fears has the card of Rebirth.  The hope in this situation is that this will be the last piece of unfinished business for the project.  The fear is that it isn’t and that I will keeping getting requests for the next ten years.

 

To put today’s main issue to bed, I need to wait on approval.  This means Patience in the Outcome position is spot on.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. McQuail, D (2010), ‘New Media – New Theory?’, in McQuail’s Mass Communication Theory, 6th edition, Sage Publications Ltd, London, pp. 136-159
Worked okay in dev, Ops problem now.
End Day

Day 101 – Emotional Landmines (Sensitivity)

11 April 2021

Day 101. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Ordinariness. 2 is Influence card is Ripeness. 3 is Goal card is Laziness. 4 is Distant Past card is Inner Voice. 5 is Recent Past card is Patience. 6 is Future Energy card is Beyond Illusion. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Projections. 8 is Others' Views card is Suppression. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Participation. 10 is Outcome card is The Lovers

Emotional Landmines Context

Today, I set out to spend the day with my sister and my mother, who had returned home.  It was my mother’s birthday, and I needed to keep some life-life balance and not overwork myself.  One of the things that, spending the day with my sister involved, was watching Married at First Sight (TV reality show).  Which prompted questions like, what is it about people’s insecurities that trigger our emotional landmines?  The emotional mines exploding is counterproductive because, instead of getting the warmth and support we crave, we push the others away from us?  

For years I used to be afraid of watching shows like this for fear of being “tricked” into watching them for the entire season.  Somewhere along the way, I was able to resist the lure.

It could be because several TV shows had successfully dragged me into its viewing sphere, only to be cancelled without resolution.  It could just be that I no longer have enough free time on my own to devote to show watching. 

Perhaps my concentration level is dropping because just getting through the ad break takes commitment.  Nothing makes me feel like I’m wasting my life more than sitting through ten ads.  I get it; without the ads, there would be no show.  Just fewer would be nice.

Regardless of the trashy components of the show, it’s a lesson in the human dynamic, how people hurdle emotional landmines and personal character arcs. The question is, do people watching the show learn from their mistakes?  Undoubtedly, one person on the show epitomises the traditional Hera archetype in being loyal to her man, but they’ve only just met.  Strangely, I would have detested such blind appearing loyalty, but it’s a beautiful thing in some.  Her composure, strength and vulnerability won me over.     

Emotional Landmines

Of course, TV shows aren’t the only place where people get defensive and sensitive. Fighting, the Osho Zen tarot card reminds me of a person who has had figurative landmines implanted in their psyche so many that the slightest provocation could set one of the landmines off.  Where a landmine once exploded is no longer triggerable, the ones in mind can simply reset.  One exploding sometimes creates others in the same area to do the same, making it even more challenging to negotiate the mental terrain.

Friends & Tension Drivers

Close friends and family are rife with emotional landmines.  For example, a couple of friends, Dorothea and Ivy, have an unusual relationship where each triggers the other’s emotional landmines.  There was mutual respect; then, the relationship became strained when they decided to live together. 

Alas, as can happen in some house sharing situations, one party feels they have been doing the lion’s share of the housework, and the resentment builds from there.  Rather than going their way, incidents kept them together.

However, when Ivy met someone, they married and had a child.  The relationship underwent subtle changes when it came to resentment.  Dorothea, the elder, had two children of her own – now grown – she naturally thought she could provide advice on child-rearing. 

Ivy, however, was reluctant to consult Dorothea, presuming that the child-raising of yesteryear was no longer applicable to the modern-day, and any assistance from Dorothea Ivy saw as an attack on her and her husband’s ability to parent.  

From there, the tension grew as Dorothea perceived the pushback as a slur on her capability as a parent. The situation continued to hover in the background. The discussion of housework and Dorothea’s perceived hands-off approach to it was also a sticking point. Each was unwittingly prodding at each other’s sensitivities. “Sitting” between these two wonderfully strong women when one has set off the other’s landmines can at times be challenging, especially if each party would like you to win your opinion on something you wish to remain neutral about.

Interference Temptation

For many years, I let myself get emotionally drawn into the discussion; when it happened today, my tact in handling the situation changed on my mother’s birthday.  Today, I doubt either party noticed that all I did was listen without input.  My best plan was not to provide feedback for unintended fuel to trigger an emotional landmine. 

It dawned on me that no amount of effort on my part had been adequate.  Over the years, I’ve supported each side morally, played devil’s advocate (this never went down well), confidence building, assurances or mediating encouraged the growth or reflection needed on both sides for the flare-ups to stop.  

The only thing I hadn’t done often was to listen to both their situations without getting involved with the “dance”.  I’ve tried to listen but end up accused as the other person’s lackey.  The situation frustrates me because both parties stand upon ipse dixit, or bare assertion, and not on provable facts.   One person may have a better memory or better imagination, and I can add nothing to counter or support it.

For me, my fear of not having them as friends has possibly prevented me from going down this path before.  There comes a time when the anxiety or sensitivity sets off your emotional landmine, and then it has to take a back seat in everyone’s life. 

Other Family Fun

Moving away from emotional landmines, my sister, nephew, husband, and I decided to test out the putt-putt golf nearby and play a round in other activities.  There was to be no scoring to eliminate the risk of a tantrum from the more competitive parties, and we had a pleasant afternoon putting around.  While we were playing, we took the opportunity to apricate. 

Yes, yes. Apricate was Susie Dent’s “word of the day” on 30 March, and I’ve wanted to use it ever since.  It reminds me of “appreciate” but specifically applied to the moment of enjoying the sun’s warmth on your back.

Anyway, let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 101. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Ordinariness. 2 is Influence card is Ripeness. 3 is Goal card is Laziness. 4 is Distant Past card is Inner Voice. 5 is Recent Past card is Patience. 6 is Future Energy card is Beyond Illusion. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Projections. 8 is Others' Views card is Suppression. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Participation. 10 is Outcome card is The Lovers. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Emotional Landmines Analysis

Carry Over Cards

Two cards have carried over from yesterday’s reading Projections which has moved from Hopes & Fears to Feelings and The Lovers which has moved from the Now position to the Outcome position.

Cross

Ordinariness is in the Now position influenced by Ripeness seems to indicate that the time was right to have a pleasant day.  The Goal of Laziness supports the mission of just enjoying the presence of my sister and nephew being with us.  Strangely aware that regular household chores would crumble a little.  If you’ve read previous posts, especially ones where the card of Laziness has appeared, you’ll know that the Laziness card triggers an overzealousness in me to prove it wrong 😁. 

Not so today. Being lazy was part of my Goal, and I was aware of the consequences – not that I knew the card would show up in this position because the reveal of the cards didn’t happen until the day was over.  Nonetheless, I didn’t retrospectively stress over it.

Distant Past has Inner Voice which allowed Ordinariness to happen. All it took was the practice of Patience in the Recent Past.  

The Future Energy card is Beyond Illusion, signifying a transformation of something that has been in the building or growing and then emerges into a butterfly (could this be the “letting go” of being actively supportive with Dorothea and Ivy?).

Base

The Feelings/ Immediate Future position has the Projections card and signifies that perhaps in trying to be actively supportive, I’ve been asserting some of my insecurities (?).   Projections coming from yesterday’s Hopes & Fears position could seem very likely if it’s what I’m feeling today.

Others’ Views has the card of Suppression.  It appears that my stepping back might be seen as me suppressing my opinion or support or that I’m not who I am.  I might need to work on how it comes across.

Hopes & Fears has Participation.  I hope that today’s non-scoring putt-putt golf showed Participation is what competition can be like even if you score.  The fear is that something associated with the “losing or winning” pushes a personal emotional landmine in some.

The outcome has The Lovers, which has moved from yesterday’s Now – seeming to indicate that the teamwork of the day followed from yesterday.  Indeed, it was a pleasant day once I let Dorothea and Ivy’s discourse take its course.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7

  2. Reference words (Dent, Susie 2021, “Word of the Day”, Twitter)

    1. Ipse dixit – This is an example of ipse dixit (” He, himself, said it “), also known as the “‘bare assertion fallacy,”‘ a term used to identify and describe a sort of arbitrary dogmatic statement which the speaker expects the listener to accept as valid (26 March 2021)
    2.  Apricate – 17th century: to revel in the warmth of the sun on your back (30 March 2021)
    3. Tarot Layouts, by month.

     

End Day 101

Day 100 – Physio Assessment

10 April 2021

Day 100. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is The Lovers. 2 is Influence card is Receptivity. 3 is Goal card is Going with the Flow. 4 is Distant Past card is Adventure. 5 is Recent Past card is Past Lives. 6 is Future Energy card is Guidance. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Sharing. 8 is Others' Views card is Creativity. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Projections. 10 is Outcome card is Breakthrough

Context

Welcome to Day 100!

 

It’s the first time in the triple digits and it’s a beautiful day. Today was the first contact with the physio since Day 086 when I felt I was pushing the physio into watching a cat video.  I felt bad about it.  Since that time, I’d written about it spoken to my husband about it, thereby processing the event – from my side at least.  

 

After the event, I wanted to know if swimming was an option, at the same time my plan was to discuss my poor behaviour.  The call turned not to reach the physio and by this time the issue had become quite insignificant and bringing it up was indeed making an issue of what was by now a non-issue.

 

The physio did not seem in the slightest bit annoyed, and her behaviour was still as warm as I usually remember it to being without an underlying undercurrent from her side.  From my side, my spidey senses were on full alert in case it picked up the slightest nuance. There was none.  This probably meant that there was something last time, but its cause was unlikely to have been me. 

 

This time my enthusiasm was muted and given the COVID restrictions maintained social distancing and mask wearing for the appointment.  There seemed no need to raise the issue, so I decided to let it go.  It was surprisingly difficult even after a couple of weeks.  There was also a sense of relief after the visit.  At the end of the visit, the physio went off into the back room like she did last time.  It dawned on me that she had physio massage cream on her hands and probably wanted to wash it off. 

 

During the appointment, sections of my ankle were still hot and healing even though flexibility was good.  The physio managed to find a crystalised area of the ankle and it was hard to the touch initially.  When the physio finished the ankle felt a lot better. 

 

The physio thinks there might be some ligament tearing in the area.  Since it’s only been ten weeks since the break she decided to wait until the three-month mark prior to working the area for ligament damage.  Since ligament damage was a possibility, the comfrey will get pulled out of the medicine box and applied – it aids in the healing process for tendons and ligaments.  Might even see if I can experiment with a YouTube sound/ frequency healing video.  Next appointment is in two weeks.

 

Unfortunately, the humidity during the day was high and my ankle was being used extensively and by the end of the day my foot had swollen to the worst it’s been in a long time.  After elevating the leg and applying an icepack it looked better; sleeping with my foot elevated will improve it some more.

 

The news of Prince Philip’s death arrived.  While not a purchaser of the magazines that report on the comings and goings of royal life, I was aware of Prince Philip’s role as the Queen’s consort.  Reports of his antics and humour have made him a comforting presence in those magazines as he invariably showed the royals to be human like the rest of us. The memory that sticks in my mind most was him apparently farting at Charles and Diana’s wedding in the box for the photo opportunity.  The family’s reaction of scrunched noses and smirks at something he’d said done, while not a “beautiful appearance” moment from the wedding it was a very beautiful personal and unscripted moment caught on camera.  He’ll be missed by me for these things.  Obviously, the BBC News wrote about the event and there’s a link to the article in References below.

 

Let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 100. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is The Lovers. 2 is Influence card is Receptivity. 3 is Goal card is Going with the Flow. 4 is Distant Past card is Adventure. 5 is Recent Past card is Past Lives. 6 is Future Energy card is Guidance. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Sharing. 8 is Others' Views card is Creativity. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Projections. 10 is Outcome card is Breakthrough. Shuffle method was Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

Past Lives is the only card to carry over and it carries over from the Goal position yesterday to being in the Recent Past position.

Analysis

The Now position has The Lovers card, and its influence card is Receptivity with a Goal of Going with the Flow.  As discussed in several posts, The Lovers card is not a sexual connection type card most of the time where I’m concerned.  The Lovers is teamwork which benefits more than the two participants involved. In this reading, I’m interpreting the card as the relationship between the physio and myself, the benefit for both of us is continued custom which leads to money for her and freedom of movement for me (husband benefits)!

 

Receptivity is my alert status watching for changes in mood or nuances indicating the last time was because of something I did.  Going with the Flow as a Goal is the “wait and see” approach to determine whether it was wise to raise the issue or the apology.  Luckily, it wasn’t necessary.

 

The Lovers were underpinned by the Distant Past of Adventure and a Recent Past of Past Lives.  The Lovers of the Now arisen from the Adventure and Past Lives morph into the Future Energy of Guidance which is listening to the self and others with wise advice.  The Adventure in the Distant Past I’m seeing as the trip to Tweed Heads for a weekend away and ended with the weekend’s ankle break.

 

The Recent Past of Past Lives simply follows on from that as one part of the broken ankle adventure was wearing the cast, the next “life” was walking in the moon boot, and the life in the present is healing the final stages.

 

The Feelings or Immediate Future is that of Sharing and expansiveness.  Following the physio visit my energy was renewed and if you were watching for it you may have noticed the subtle shift in mood.

 

Others’ Views position has the card of Creativity and refers, I believe to my application of Creativity in my self-healing pursuits.

 

My inner Hopes & Fears are based on Projections and fear what I’m feeling has been misinterpreted by me.  The hope is I’ve read the physio session with sufficient objectivity to be reasonably accurate.  

 

Finally, the Outcome has a Breakthrough where the letting go is something for me to do but has long term benefits.  It was also in the realisation that I read too much into a situation based on the feeling I got.  As sometimes happens, the feelings were right but my personal sensitivity and insecurities drove the conclusion.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. BBC News, 2021, Prince Philip has died aged 99, Buckingham Palace announces 
End Day 100

Day 099 – Vacation Past & Present

9 April 2021

Day 099. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Rebirth. 2 is Influence card is Comparison. 3 is Goal card is Past Lives. 4 is Distant Past card is Consciousness. 5 is Recent Past card is Abundance. 6 is Future Energy card is Moment to Moment. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Maturity. 8 is Others' Views card is Completion. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Celebration. 10 is Outcome card is Letting Go

Vacation Context

My vacation today is different from the ones I took in my youth.  I’m constantly reminiscing about my past, & I realise why they’ve changed. 

There are always times when the family are visiting, in our household at least, where the exchange of information dries up, and conversation simmers to that comfortable, “can you make me a cuppa?” or “what do you feel like for dinner?”.  Beyond that, everyone feels comfortable enough to catch up on a few winks by lying on beds.  At other times, a neighbourhood walk is a pleasant way to spend an hour or two. 

Community Gardens

Being classified as a medium-density housing area, the blocks in our neighbourhood can’t have extensive gardens.  As a result, planting space for fruit and vegetable gardens is limited.  Fortunately, the community has been provided with some land to grow vegetable gardens. 

When my nephew visits, he loves visiting these gardens to see what’s growing.  It also provides a teaching opportunity about the various fruits and vegetables grown in the gardens.  Since my nephew visited last time, the gardens have received some love and care and have blossomed into something beautiful.  The fresh food made us realise it was time to head back for lunch.

While everyone had their afternoon siesta, I ran around, getting the place back up to speed.  Guests are great at assisting, but there are always little things that are not “guest” activities to fix which still need to get done.  Different guests go nap at other times, but it still means you need to be awake to converse with the remaining guest/s who hadn’t gone to rest.  Of course, this means as a host, you don’t get the nap.

The adults watched a Travel Guides (Australia) show; the adults went for a nap except me.  Time, for me, was spent watching the nephew playing on the PlayStation.  As you can imagine, there wasn’t much for me to do, but for some reason, the moment I went to leave, my nephew would have a question.  

So, instead of leaving, I stayed and reflected.  Part of me reflected on the difference between my younger self and my older self and how the youthful me soaked up every moment of recreation leave, while my older self wants to travel and spend a week at home before I go back to work.

Vacation Attitude of the Past

For instance, before travelling to Africa, I left work clothes in the work change rooms.  The plan was for when the plane landed back home at Sydney airport at 6:30 am; I could go from the airport, get changed and be at work by 8:00 am.  This strategy enabled me to use every moment of recreation leave, for productive recreational purposes, right up to the last second.  Anything less at the time was considered (by my younger self) to be a waste of vacation time.

The response to any concerns other people had around wanting to come back a little early to sort themselves out was, everyday living would sort out clothes washing, dishes et cetera.  I could catch up on sleep at the weekend.  The body would reach its sleep equilibrium over the next couple of days.  What I hadn’t allowed for was “jetlag”.  

My mother called to say ‘hi’ at lunch, and my boss took the phone and, in a joking tone but completely serious, said, come and get her as soon as possible – she’s useless to me today.  I started at the remark, but my boss ignored my protests and indignation.  As the boss highlighted, I was suffering jet lag, and my focus was scattered.  He was right, and he was also a fantastic boss!  Smart and compassionate.  I hated being beaten by jet lag!

Why My Vacation Changed

Ahhh….  How smug karma must feel today.  As the dawning of understanding about other people’s choices in the past sinks in every time, I add additional days to my vacation to be at home.  My, my how perspective changes. 

In defence of my younger self, she did not have a home loan, pets, partner or anywhere near the myriad of “other” obligations which the older self now needs to maintain.  She had a simple life, living in a one-bedroom unit that only required keeping clean and paying the rent.  Mobile phones didn’t exist yet, and to make a phone call, you had to go to the phone box.  Younger me also had a good savings plan, didn’t have to worry about a car loan, just registration and car insurance.  All up, without all the grown-up overheads, it was easy to show up at work, earn money, and go on vacation.

Another thing my younger self didn’t understand was the sooner you went back to work after a vacation, the sooner the break became buried under daily life.  So now I take a few days to savour the trip before heading back into the fray.

Today's Cards

Day 099. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Rebirth. 2 is Influence card is Comparison. 3 is Goal card is Past Lives. 4 is Distant Past card is Consciousness. 5 is Recent Past card is Abundance. 6 is Future Energy card is Moment to Moment. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Maturity. 8 is Others' Views card is Completion. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Celebration. 10 is Outcome card is Letting Go. Shuffle method was Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Analysis

Carryover Cards

Only one card carried over from yesterday; Past Lives moved from Hopes & Fears to Goal.

Cross

In the Now position is Rebirth, influenced by the card of Comparison.  The Goal today was Past Lives. 

There was no conscious choice to prompt the thoughts of travels in the past, yet I was aware I wanted to write about it today somehow.  I think this so many times on so many days, and it never comes to fruition – not about this topic, just about any topic in general.  It doesn’t always come to fruition because the writing and the day can turn out differently from what I expect and write about them instead.

The Rebirth is possibly me thinking about past travel.  The Comparison’s influence is evident in how I managed travel time in vacations past instead of how I look at travel time today.  Past Lives is also apparent in that I’m comparing a “past life” from this current day to a travel style that seems to have happened several lifetimes ago.

In the Distant Past, I was fully aware, Consciousness, of the overarching travel arrangements.  Today I’m a little more relaxed with funding and scheduling vacations.

In the Recent Past, the Adventure card indicates that I still enjoy my adventures of self-discovery. However, if vacations today were modelled on the same format as previously, the discovery of new experiences at the time wouldn’t have occurred.

After all, your life is a Moment to Moment discovery 😁 as displayed in the Future Energy card echoing and continuing the Adventure card.

Base

In the Feelings or Immediate Future position is the Maturity card.  The Maturity card is about understanding growth and how you got to where you are. So it makes sense that since the early years, I’ve become more knowledgeable.

Others’ Views are that of Completion.  My Completion is putting all the “pieces” together for myself.  I have resolved the longing to travel like I once did to accept the way I like to vacation.

Hopes & Fears has the card of Celebration.  Celebration is an excellent time to take a vacation.  I hope that the next break can encompass some adventure like in the past; the corresponding fear is that due to COVID, we will be unable to fulfil the desired vacation.

Letting Go in the Outcome position seems to be unrelated to the other cards.  However, it could mean recognising vacations are different, and it’s time to let go of the longing to do things the way I used to do them, thus, Letting Go.

References

Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7

End Day 099

Day 098 – Flight Cancellation

9 April 2021

Day 098. Celtic Cross Layout: 1 is Now card is Courage. 2 is Influence card is We are the World. 3 is Goal card is Ordinariness. 4 is Distant Past card is Intensity. 5 is Recent Past card is Understanding. 6 is Future Energy card is Conditioning. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Postponement. 8 is Others' Views card is New Vision. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Past Lives. 10 is Outcome card is The Dream

Context

Welcome to Day 98!

 

It was time for another of the family to leave.  My mother had been visiting for a week the family stay has been very pleasant with the only signs of tension showing last night.  Activity today was kept to a minimum and close to home.  This was to reduce my mother’s stress levels.   It saves the whole “time getting away from you” thing.

 

When we were shopping the other day, my mother had purchased a couple of books, for some reason she had picked up two of the same book, believing they were the different books in a series.  Part of our mission today was to return the duplicate book and pick up the third book in the series. While we were out, the airline company texted that her flight had been cancelled.

 

Before my mother realised, she had the text, we were able to watch the 1997 movie Kundun.  It was a beautiful movie to watch, slightly distressing.  Couldn’t help wondering if Tibet had had oil reserves or resources if the world would have Tibet to its own devices.  What would have happened if China decided it wanted the Vatican City because it had once governed over the land there?  The whole thing fills me with sadness.  

 

Even though the text arrived at 10:30am, mother didn’t notice the text message until 2:30pm in the afternoon.  Which was when we were preparing to leave for her flight at 5:20pm.  Due to the late discovery, there were only two flights to which my mother could swap.  Both were after dark and meant a late-night train trip home, meaning she would get home around midnight.  The reason for the 5:20pm flight in the first place was to ensure she was home by about 7:30pm – enough people on the train to prevent anything sinister happening.

 

After a failed attempt to appeal to the airline for a flight on a sister airline, my mother’s stress levels forced the issue for her to simply take the 7:30pm flight.  Technically, it wasn’t a 7:30pm flight it was a 6:20pm flight delayed to 7:30pm.  The stress and separation anxiety were too much for my mother and she wanted to get to the airport immediately, although she was on a later flight which had been delayed.  Trying to relay the need for the rush was no longer there only frustrated and escalated the tension.  My sister was smart enough not to pursue any arguments, also assuming she would escape the trip to the airport.  Wrong!  I wasn’t doing this alone .  Not sure why I try to persist with a logical argument when my mother got into a tither, it only seemed to aggravate the situation. 

 

On the way to the airport, my sister did a quick checklist of items my mother might have forgotten in the haste of getting to the airport quickly.  Sure enough, my mother had left her mobile phone behind.  Fortunately, we were only two blocks from home and with a quick detour was able to meet the nephew out the front of the house with the phone and continue on our way.

 

At the airport, we were so early the bag drop for her flight had not opened yet.  So, we waited until she was checked in.  Another lady at the bag drop informed us this was the first time she had ever travelled on her own and whether I could assist her at the electronic bag drop station.  Two minutes later, both my mum and the lady were racing through security checks to wait for four hours for the plane to depart.  My sister and I waved to our mother through security and went home.

 

Two hours in, there was a message saying, I had indeed read the website correctly and the flight had indeed been delayed – sheesh, there’s just no telling eh.  At 11:00pm, my mother was home safely.

 

On a personal level, my Ganglion cyst at the base of my right pointer finger was really sore.  In an attempt to reduce the pain, I put Brauer ArnicaEze on the area which reduced the pain to make it more tolerable, it was all I needed (for now).

 

Let’s see what the cards have to say!

Today's Cards

Day 098. Tabled list: position number, description, and daily card.1 is Now card is Courage. 2 is Influence card is We are the World. 3 is Goal card is Ordinariness. 4 is Distant Past card is Intensity. 5 is Recent Past card is Understanding. 6 is Future Energy card is Conditioning. 7 is Feelings or Immediate Future card is Postponement. 8 is Others' Views card is New Vision. 9 is Hope & Fears card is Past Lives. 10 is Outcome card is The Dream. Shuffle method was Washing Machine

The Cards - Analysis

Carry Over Cards

Understanding has moved from the Goal position to the Recent Past position.

Analysis

Courage is in the Now position and We are the World is in the Influence position.  Above the two sits the Goal of Ordinariness.   Based on today’s context, it takes Courage to confront my mother when she’s experiencing separation anxiety plus a cancelled flight!  Courage to say what is needed is somewhat blocked by the desire to keep the peace and work toward a common goal like the representation of the We are the World card.

 

The start of the day’s Goal was focussed on doing everyday tasks as indicated by the Ordinariness card.  Ordinariness were those things like swapping out the book and watching Kundun (Scorsese, 1997).

 

In the Distant Past is the fire of Intensity.  A Distant Past where I drifted away from what I was taught by my mother and father putting me at odds to my mother in times where she is experiencing a crisis.   Although at some point through the day, I realised there were aspects of my mother reflecting some of what I do.  This was me Understanding (Recent Past) that at times, I have incorporated and become my mother – shopping wise at least. 

 

Understanding moving from yesterday’s Goal to Recent Past suggests that there’s an understanding of her situation in her anxiety getting the better of her.

 

When during the day it had become clear that my mother would be unable to relax until she was at the airport, regardless of the flight changes.  It was felt (Feelings position) that Postponement of to getting her to the airport with logical points was insignificant until you got the airport, where she would once again settle, knowing she wouldn’t miss the flight.

 

Others’ Views has the card of New Vision. New Vision is the card of looking at things differently and seeing it through new eyes. 

 

Hopes & Fears has the card of Past Lives.  The hope is that my Past Lives (in this life) are able to assist me in future to help everyone in the family cope with my mother’s separation anxiety.  The fear is that my mother will cotton on to this assistance strategy because she may see it as not happening before or failing before.   

 

Outcome is The Dream.  The Dream is about disillusion and pretending something is more perfect than it is.

References

Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7

End Day
Scroll to top