Day 039 – Going nowhere? Guidance needed!
8 February 2021
Context
Welcome to Day 39!
Today was another work day and the cards reflected the focus point of the day – meeting breaking new ground with new people. But first, we’ll quickly look at the morning.
This morning I woke up incredibly tired, so much so that by 10:00 AM I advised work that I would be unavailable until lunchtime. At which point, I went to bed and slept for another one and a half hours. I know! What’s wrong with me lately? Is it a case of a “lack of doing” breeds a “lack of doing”? Or is it the healing I’ve triggered with the frequency healing? In any case, my energy revived itself after lunch.
A side effect of having a broken bone that is healing, physical resources seem to be re-prioritised. What do I mean by that? Under healthy circumstances, all your blood and cell generation would have an even spread and that keeps everything working smoothly. When you have a broken anything, the body re-prioritises its resources to those areas that need healing letting the others take a lower priority until healing has been accomplished. For instance, the toes on my right foot below my broken ankle are sporting terribly dry skin. No matter what cream I put on it, the skin appears just as dry.
Sharing my situation with others at work who have experience broken body parts too, have confirmed that flaky or dry skin is normal. They also mentioned the joys of potentially frustrating itching. Oh no! Yuk. In that case, heal, heal, heal and be quick about it!
Now, let’s get to the cards’ focus for the day, a particularly challenging work meeting. The meeting saw me brush off skills I hadn’t used in some time. All the while putting my ability to stay centred and in control of my frustration to the test. There’s always the balance of trying not to lash out, and staying true to the your views while respecting those put forward by others. It’s a little more challenging when emotions around ego and conflicting agendas also appear to be in the picture.
Additional agenda items puts time pressure around the originally planned items. It’s so easy in those situations to go off topic. In the end, the meeting kept looping around to the same points and a tangent was needed. When everyone recognised that the meeting was not going to progress beyond the discussed boundaries, I realised the circuit the meeting had taken had provided clarity around what was missing.
The good thing about meetings like that and the apparent waste of time is that if you look closely you’ll discover that the discussion boundaries. If you look even more closely, the gap the loop creates also becomes clear. Of course, you don’t want all meetings to go round and round and feel like they’re wasting people’s time. The occasional one can prove useful.
Switching topics again, tomorrow is Fracture Clinic appointment day! The verdict on whether my cast stays on for the additional time will be determined by the x-ray results.
Let’s see what the cards have to say…
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
The first card in the Now position was Sharing. According to the Osho book, Sharing is about giving your joy, laughter and love. Drawing the card suggests being in such a place within yourself that this is easy to do. Indeed my workplace is a good opportunity to do so. It usually allows me to diffuse a situation which is going off track.
The Creator is the Influence and second card. The Creator when it complements the Sharing card, is about adding understanding to a situation. In this case the understanding is about sharing kindness, joy and love to help those in the meeting today who were struggling to communicate because the words they needed to say would come out with an air of exasperation.
It is of no surprise then that the card of Control became a Goal for the day or at the very least the meeting. The Goal is the third position in the layout. While Control appears to be rigid and austere, sometimes this is what is needed in a situation. It’s the impartiality or distance required to view a situation when emotions enter the scenario. I certainly felt that I needed to step back from the meeting to be able to propose a way forward.
The Distant Past is position four and has the card of The Master occupying it. Normally, I would speak of The Master card with reverence for the spiritual capacity to sit beyond the normal cycle of aversion and craving, but in this instance, it’s about the mastery over the skill he practised.
If this is translated to me and my Distant Past, it might be that in the past the relationship had achieved a form of mastery. Gone was the antagonism between the business areas and mutual respect had been developed for each other’s competencies.
The Recent Past, position five, shows Abundance. Abundance in this case serves as an extension of Sharing sitting in the Now position. You share when you are abundant, so recently abundance has been forthcoming in terms of joy, laughter and love so giving it is easy. It also makes sense that if a situation continues over a period of time and because there’s only one Sharing that a similar or like-minded card appear to reflect its continuation.
Future Energy is Innocence. Innocence from stripping back everything that is known and beginning again. In the context, I mentioned that there had been a good relationship established with this particular business area. What I didn’t mention was that different people had been involved and have since moved onto different jobs. So, in a sense the card of Innocence is advising to strip away preconceived ideas, use the knowledge that you have of how to establish a relationship but these people are new and new relationships need to be formed.
As for my Feelings on Sharing, the seventh position has the card of Thunderbolt. Thunderbolt is realising what I just spoke about in Future Energy, about the pulling away everything you thought you had built and build again. This is probably the best way forward for all concerned. It should be comforting that in the past a similar hurdle had been overcome. Now though, different people, different approach.
The eighth position is Other People’s Views and has the Harmony card. This is contrary to how I thought I was portraying myself but I am happy that some people thought that I was aiming at bringing about harmony to discussions.
Inner Hopes & Fears is the ninth position and card Guidance. Guidance is the last card in the deck to make an appearance. It’s about trusting your inner voice which seems to be whispering constantly to move in the direction that invigorates you. Certainly, there have been moments where I recognise this in myself.
When I was experimenting with the new healing method and capturing the event was very exciting. Also, trying to build the new relationship is exciting but the project work which used to give me a buzz feels burdensome at the moment.
My fear is that following Guidance might lead me in a different direction to the one that I thought I was on. Worse still, what if I’m misinterpreting it.
The Outcome position is number ten and has the card of The Lovers. Again, The Lovers implies a synchronicity and team work. It implies a naturalness in communication with each other. Not that of manufactured or “finishing each other’s sentences” although the intent of a communication is known. Hopefully, this is the Outcome eventually achieved by the end of the meeting for a future basis to work from.
Until tomorrow….
References
Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
Day 038 – Not my fault
7 February 2021
Context
Welcome to Day 38!
The day started as predicted and continued as predicted. Although my energy was quite low. All I felt like doing was sleeping. You may or may not be aware that sleep is part of the healing process. My husband is able to nap through the day when he’s sick and recovers quicker than I do – and I heal pretty quickly anyway. The frequency healing seems to be helping somewhat because I’ve been really tired. More than I would expect, definitely more than I was before I began the frequency healing.
It’s not all healing though, I have been up later than usual but also getting up later and figure the two balance each other out. However, when I was growing up there was a common belief that an hour’s sleep before midnight was worth two after midnight. Not sure how true that is either.
All my life I’ve been using myself as a Petri dish for alternative healing. Initially, I eschewed allopathic medicine (“the treatment of disease by conventional means, i.e. with drugs…” and surgery – refer references Apple Dictionary). Following in part the philosophical principles of yin-yang to find a balance, I considered myself to be more on the fence on the subject than actively against it – although there were times. This is part was also a subtle rebellion against my father who was a nurse and worked for the medical profession, at a time when my father and I did not get along.
What I used to do, in trying to find a balance against people who thought the medical profession was the answer to everything, was over-correct to the opposite extreme just to balance the argument. The greater the bias the greater the correction. It was that whole equal and opposite reaction law thing emerging in an argument rather than physics. Later, I realised that this wasn’t balancing or accomplishing anything except getting people off side. It also made me look like an extremist. With the help of meditation I learnt not to react to the extreme end of the discussion if it didn’t align with what I actually believed.
For the record, my belief is there is or should be room for both medical and alternative forms of healing. You just need to be smart about the alternative method you select for yourself. This means knowing yourself, in particular your own weaknesses. My weakness has been that I tend to subscribe to the principle of “if it’s worth doing, it’s worth overdoing!”. Sometimes when it comes to healing, this is a definite disadvantage!
Each body organ has a different resonance. But like with anything, do some research and although anecdotal evidence isn’t the best source because of its subjectivity, sometimes it’s the only thing available. In those circumstances you might try going with quantitative data from different sources to form a picture of possible outcomes.
Alternately, you have to accept that you’re the head of the spear pioneering along the path less taken and accept the risk. If it doesn’t work out well, own the decision. This is the toughest part and where most people come a-cropper and hand out blame in all directions. Do this when you are clear headed and sure of your action, play out worst case scenario and imagine how you’re going to react if it’s that. Also play out what you’ll do if you get an unknown and unexpected scenario because that’s the likely scenario where you’ll want to shift blame and responsibility. It is for me anyway.
Speaking of lashing out when making a poor decision. Today had one of those moments. There’s a certain smoothie company that has an app that lets you place your order in advance of your arrival to save queuing time. Every time I’ve used the app in the past, I’ve been in the carpark of the shopping centre/ mall. The app defaults to the store closest to you.
Thought I would get ahead of the waiting to make waiting time, so my husband didn’t have to leave halfway through his lunch to grab my smoothie. Instead of waiting to get to the carpark, I decided to order on the way So, I opened the app, selected my smoothie, selected the what I thought was my default store, paid and voila! When arriving at the allocated pickup time, my smoothie wasn’t there or on their docket order. Huh?
Looking at the receipt, its gone to another store! The app must have taken the “closest” store from when I opened the app. This is what you get when you don’t double-check. Both stores are on the same road, just different suburbs. I made an assumption that it would default to my usual store and because I never go to the other store, it didn’t even enter my mind as a possibility.
Annoyed that I had to buy another smoothie. I rang the other store, due to noise on both my end and that store’s end we had difficulty communicating. Still more annoyed that I couldn’t advise that I wouldn’t be able to pick up that smoothie, I gave the store a mediocre review on the feedback that just popped up in the midst of my annoyance.
As you can see, the feedback was unwarranted and I felt remorse the second it had gone. Now to compound everything I had made another mistake. Darn, then I felt bad, all because I reacted because I didn’t want the error to be my fault. Hopefully, there’s some resilience in the feedback numbers to balance my feedback.
Anyway, let’s see what the cards had to say.
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
Now is the first position has Postponement. So glad, I didn’t see this card at the beginning of the day! Yet, it may have helped stop me from postponing some activities like learning about creating socials for the website. You see, I’m scared they’re going to be hard to do.
Influencing the Now is the second card, Breakthrough. Breakthrough is the “light bulb” moment. You know when you’ve been struggling with idea and suddenly you realise what you need to do. Breakthrough during the day helped shift the mood of Postponement.
In position three the Goal card is Ordinariness. Wanting things to just be simple and normal. At the moment with the broken ankle, normal is not something to be sniffed at. Normal means going for walks, going swimming, cleaning the house, making the bed and mowing the lawn. These are all simple ordinary activities which become complex feats when you have limited mobility.
Distant Past has the card of Friendliness in position four. I always imagine the Friendliness card as two people waiting for a bus or a train and strike up a lovely conversation. Names are not necessarily exchanged but each gets on their respective transport and in all likelihood never see each other again, but it was a beautiful friendly moment.
Of course, it doesn’t have to be a mode of transport, it could be waiting in line to enter a supermarket when COVID restrictions were announced and you went in unaware that there were going to be queues. You wait in the queue making amicable conversation with your in-line temporary neighbours. Or even the person tracking the number of shoppers coming into and out of the store. This is all Friendliness. Going to the smoothie scenario above, in the Distant Past I’ve always had a friendly relationship with all the store and staff.
The Recent Past reflects the card of Compromise. Suggesting that, from my perspective at least, I had to Compromise. The Compromise was buying another smoothie because I/ we didn’t want to travel to the other store to collect the original order. I did choose to compromise otherwise there was a lot of effort to go to the other store, it was time and more money in petrol in addition to the inconvenience. Nonetheless, it wasn’t a win!
The Future Energy position has the card of Celebration, seeming to indicate that I triumphed in the end. Looking back on my day the only thing I can think of, not mentioned above, was the learning I gained from reading up on the socials. It didn’t look too difficult to create the accounts. So, that was a good thing.
Also, we managed to successfully download ‘Wonder Woman 1984’ from Apple/ YouTube. We’d never done that before and watched it at home. On a side note, I do miss going to the cinema. Watching it didn’t feel special as we stopped to do the dishes during the movie.
Position seven is my Feelings about Postponement and the card to answer that question is Traveling. Perhaps my postponing things had to do with me using Traveling as an excuse. There were so many things I was postponing today, it would be difficult for me to pin down which one I felt would be resolved by Traveling. Atlhough Traveling could certainly solve my restlessness.
Position eight is how other people see me or Other People’s Views and has the card of Totality. Totality as the name implies requires a leap of faith to work. Unlike the card of The Fool, there is some idea of what lies ahead and beneath you and expects courage and full commitment regardless. Could this relate to my smoothie? Do others see me as already having totally committed or something that I need to embrace? Too many questions on this today.
Hopes & Fears has the card of Flowering. Flowering is about a fully embracing your own feminine side. In Greek Mythology she’s Demeter, caring, loving and nurturing. My hope is to emulate these characteristics and today’s smoothie lash out is the embodiment of my fear if I am unable to stay in the moment.
The tenth card of Outcome has The Fool. While this card always elicits a giggle from me and my friends. It’s the card of beginnings and blind courage. I guess, for me that’s getting the Socials onto the website. It will mean a bigger audience, which I have no expectations around what that might feel or look like – let alone the ramifications.
STATS NOTE:
Incidentally, from a stats perspective, there’s only one card yet to appear and that’s the card of Guidance. During my trial run of this last year, it took 38 days before all the cards had decided to make an appearance – I wonder how much longer before Guidance makes her appearance.
References
Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
Apple Dictionary on Mac, Version 2.3.0 (268)
Dr. Alfred A. Tomatis, Sound Therapy https://mysoundtherapy.com/au/wp-content/uploads/rp-books-and-articles-about-the-tomatis-method-1.pdf
Day 037 – Letting Go for Change
6 February 2021
Context
Welcome to Day 37!
Woke, very normal day. My restless ankle had sorted itself out.
Went to shopping centre or mall. It was an easier experience than the last time. Last time was with crutches and everything was a little scary and exhausting. This time, I was confident moving around, I was able to use the kneeling non-motorised scooter as a footrest while having lunch. It’s amazing what a difference the kneeling walker/ scooter makes to the whole experience.
Had a chat with my sister and as we discussed our lives – as you do – stuff like my ankle, my husband’s birthday present, et cetera plus Betty’s unusual behaviour which resulted with her out of the blue (from my perspective) choosing not to speak with me anymore. It’s obviously still playing on my mind. The thing is what do I do about it? Perhaps, I too need to sort out how I feel about the friendship. There’s a part of me that just simply doesn’t want to call any friendship “quits”.
I love Betty, but sometimes friends grow apart and I suspect that we have based on that last conversation. However, if she was drunk and I wasn’t tuning in to the subtle clues for me to listen not chat and distract. Then I need to go back. Of course, I can still love her without the engagement of friendship. That then feels most of my past romantic relationships, and that’s just sad. As a true friend, I’d respect her wishes maybe.
There is the scenario where you can love someone without being their friend. This thought is almost alien to me, although if I think about past friendships and relationships, I don’t hate anyone. There are people who I prefer not to see again, for various reasons which I am sure goes both ways. One of my reasons is that I don’t think it would be fair to my husband to have a heap of old boyfriends hanging around. Although he’d probably be fine with it. So, maybe it would be more weird for me than him – initially, at least.
For simplicity, I’ll pop in a note to my subconscious to see if it can find a solution amongst all my values data on how best to resolve my feelings on the incident. Oh, I’m annoyed at ruminating on it so long. It should be over.
Well, lets see what the cards have to say!
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
Creativity is in position one and the Now. Creativity is about new ideas and for me it means focussing on the fun and pretty things. Don’t get me wrong, creativity can for me be working on formulas to get charts or data to sing for me. At other times, it can be to do something aesthetically pleasing – like was my aim for today. Well, aesthetically pleasing and practical. It is to adjust my logo to have a curved hand to hold the yin-yang soul ball.
By the way, the pinkish/ yellow glow in the ball is what I am referring to as the “soul light” and the yin-yang is overlain on top of it. Hence the “yin-yang soul ball” name.
Letting Go is the Influence card and the second position. This is about releasing preconceptions of what should and what shouldn’t work. When it comes to Creativity Letting Go is a good card to sit over it because it encourages a free flow of ideas complementing Creativity versus blocking it.
Maturity is in the third position of the Goal. This implies that I have reached a sense of satisfaction and I am happy for the moment being that way. My work came to mind when I saw the card of Maturity. Being in a new role feels a exciting it’s not an unreasonable goal to wish to become competent and good at it. That is, mature.
When it comes to my ankle, the Goal is to heal it to be mature by the time I visit the doctor on Tuesday – as unrealistic a goal as that may sound.
Distant Past has the card of Transformation. It was also card four. Since this reading appears to be focussing on work. The Transformation to which the Distant Past might be referring to is when the branch restructured to suit contemporary computing practises.
If talking about the ankle, Distant Past would be referring to the day I broke the ankle. Both are points from which there is no going back.
Patience is the card in Recent Past and card number five. I’m surprised that Patience has shown up for me. Actually, I’m surprised it ever appears in a position apart from the Goal or Hopes & Fears position! I do gest, I can be patient. When talking about the work situation, I feel that it’s work being patient with me.
There’s a lot happening in the area where I have moved to and the team needs hands on deck. My ankle delayed me getting on board sooner meaning they needed to be patient. Now that I am on board I need to get up to speed and again, patience from them and from me is required. “Me?”, you ask. Yes. “Why aren’t I walking yet?”.
Future Energy is position six and has The Outsider. This is easy. For work, I began late. A new member joined the team and fit right in to the team dynamic. After being away, I felt left out. Of course, that’s just my feeling because if I look back on the day, even one day later, I was included. It was just the the tainted point-of-view I sometimes get.
Position seven is the how I feel about the Now situation or what I call the Feelings position. We are the World is a card that reflects a plan coming together. That’s exactly how I feel about the Creativity card. Information is coming together in new ways that will end up being both beautiful and practical. Just need the practicality of that to sink in before I can develop it further.
Position eight is how other people view me or Other People’s Views. This spot has the card of Ordinariness. Ordinariness is about doing the everyday small things well. It’s such a beautiful card, I find it very peaceful.
Hopes & Fears is position nine and has the card of Sorrow. Sorrow is enlightenment through tears and sadness. In the Context I mentioned the situation with Betty. My hope is that I will gain a resolution from my subconscious or a dream or wait for synchronicity to help me out. My fear is that the response will be that Betty indeed meant what she said in her drunk state and that our friendship is over, even if our love for each other still exists.
The tenth position is that of Outcome and has the card of Change. Change, needs little explanation. What I will add is that this Change card is what in, what is known as the Major Arcana in tarot circles. A simple analogy the Major Arcana are big cities and the Minor Arcana are the small towns on your way to the big cities. So, when we’re talking Change it has a significant impact. The thing that determines whether it will be a painful change or a challenge, is a person’s attitude to the change.
At work, I’m going to guess that it’s the addition of the new person to the team that will have the biggest impact. It will mean a change in dynamics until everyone settles into their comfort zone.
References
Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
Day 036 – Working in the Office
5 February 2021
Context
Welcome to Day 36!
Well today was my first big day in the office. Once again I did not reveal the cards until the end of the day. Glad I did to, because otherwise I would have obsessed over the Postponement card in the Outcome position all day. Turns out the thing that I wanted to postpone because of the big day was writing my blog. Darn. I didn’t even manage to skip the Postponement step.
As I mentioned, it was a big day for me with respect to getting around on my own with just the knee walker. After being dropped off at the office around 7:15am it seemed the morning inched by quite slowly.
There was a lot of retelling of how I broke my ankle but there was one moment when I described the incident in a short sentence that had two people that overheard wince before I’d finished. For some reason the two of them got an incredibly clear image of what had happened in their minds. It was unusual to get such a response from them when they explained their reaction.
At night, my ankle or the lower part of my right leg just felt restless. If it had its own mind, it would have gotten up and paced back and forth trying to sort itself out. Consequently, it was frustrating me. It wasn’t sore or aching, it’s like it didn’t know what to do to get comfortable. Again, the positions didn’t hurt sometimes it felt like it was hollow and at others really heavy. Perhaps it was being out and about had me and my leg remember that it had another purpose rather than sitting on an ottoman elevated all day. We (my leg and I) wanted to move. Nonetheless, all that activity with the kneeling walker, which proved quite exhausting. So exhausted I began to doze off at around 9:00pm.
The perceived incident with my coworker and the one that got my Fighting hackles up yesterday was nowhere to be seen today at work. Proving to me that I was reading more into the situation than was there. Perhaps me working through the situation in the daily blog helped me deal and I managed to diffuse myself.
Let’s see what the cards have to say.
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
New Vision in position one, the Now position is a wonderful card. It’s powerful, dynamic, & beautiful. Going to work was all about the title of the card in terms of seeing how I could do things differently moving forward. It helped me understand that although elevating my leg was awkward at work, it could be done.
The point of visiting the office was to go to a meeting around the new team structure. Part of that would involve new work and a new role.
Celebration is the Influence card in position two. There were a number of celebratory factors today that influenced the New Vision or perhaps stopped it from being realised fully. These factors were a birthday celebration for a fellow worker and me celebrating, actually getting to work while obeying doctor’s orders.
Rebirth was the Goal in position three. Believe me I know this day sounds so incredibly boring, big whoop you went to work! Under the influence of Coronavirus going to work is a big deal! Going to work when you thought you were going to have to work from home for six weeks is even more exciting. It was a very nice feeling to connect again in a working atmosphere. It really was a little bit of a Rebirth and of enthusiasm and a part of me saw that for the moment at least I would miss it if I retired too early.
Oh.. and where does the Goal component come into play. It was exactly what I was hoping to achieve by heading into the office.
Maturity is the foundation which sits in position four known as the Distant Past. The new role seems exciting. While I thoroughly enjoyed the role I was in, I had begun looking at different types of projects just to spice things up for myself. This to me is that Maturity level reached in the job I was in. Without the possibility of progression because the Team Leader was great at his job and wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, I needed to branch out.
Understanding is in the Recent Past position and the fifth card to appear. The meeting today helped develop an understanding of what the team was about and the role it was to play in the organisation.
However, since my day was about more than just work it was about my ankle too. Upon visiting the kitchen I ran into Jonesy (not his real name). Jonesy is in a wheelchair and he asked if I was trying to take over his turf with the kneeling walker. Of course, the answer was no. I did explain that I had a deeper understanding of how hard getting around is for someone with a disability, albeit mine is minor compared to someone wheelchair bound.
Jonesy is jovial and funny and was telling me about how he loaned his old wheelchair to Bazza who had had a temporary back problem. Jonesy mentioned that Bazza too had developed the same deeper appreciation. Simple things like loading and unloading a dishwasher were complex activities. Easy for someone who, when pulling down the door to the dishwasher can get out of the way and lean over to stack it. Jonesy mentioned that he had learnt to do a lot of things one-handed.
Then Jonesy mentioned at the place where he used to work there was one toilet for people with disabilities in an office building with 12 floors. This single toilet also catered to members of the public that may also have had a disability. The solution to when there was a lineup to use this facility was to go out of the building and two office buildings down the street to the corner pub/ bar to use their facilities!
Anyway, after Bazza had discovered how difficult things were and gaining the understanding he had learnt from his experience. He petitioned to have Jonesy bring in his old wheelchair to give every staff member a day in the chair. The day would entail a mission to complete a couple of simple tasks. For instance, simply going to the coffee shop and back wasn’t a simple task, it requires forethought and planning on say how do you carry your coffee back if you’re using both hands to wheel the chair?
So, that’s more Understanding of others’ situations rather than my own. On my individual front, my own understanding paves the path for healing. Metaphysically, my body aching all over from exertion it hasn’t done in two and a half weeks means that my mind and body has begun to shift toward healing.
Possibilities is the seventh card and occupies the Feelings position. With respect to work, this is ability to make the new role my own and adapt it to my skill set and what I would like to do. My problem is that I usually like doing most of everything. I don’t exactly know what those possibilities are at present, but they are there.
With respect to the ankle Possibilities for healing seems quite limited but I’m secretly still hoping that the cast will come off sooner than I thought.
Position eight shows Other People’s Views and has the card of Politics. The joy of going back to work is that you have more options for Others People’s Views of you. Interestingly, it appears that I looked like I was playing Politics. If I were to look back at some of the meetings, there are moments if viewed in a cynical way that I might be perceived as “sucking up”. Although, for me it was genuine if perhaps a little over enthusiastic due to the excitement of being let off the leash like a puppy.
The Politics card is implies inauthenticity, which is what I aim not to be. There are times when putting on a face is better for all concerned than revealing the other. Especially so, if the inner face revealed is in a state of fluctuation or undecided or revealing it would prove counter-productive or destructive.
Hopes and Fears is Thunderbolt and position nine. The thing I fear the most in the work situation is that I will move into a situation where the “building is burning” and no help is on the way. The thing I hope for most is that the move will be like an Australian bushfire where while destructive is needed for the forest to regenerate healthier than before.
On the healing front, I fear that my foot will need longer than the standard length. My hope is the complete opposite of that healing will be at the stage where I should be putting some weight onto it to begin to strengthen the bone. My ideal situation would be that from break to cast removal is six weeks.
Finally the card of Postponement. Because of the big day the temptation was for me to delay writing the blog and leaving it until the morning. This is right after I got up to date on my writing yesterday. Not wanting to let Postponement get the better of me when it came to writing, I postponed my sleep to write it. Oh darn… why did that just hit me now that I should have thought of what else postponement might mean.
It appears that there wasn’t a way around Postponement this time! (Ineffectively waves fist at empty air!). Oh!!! Argh!
References
Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
Day 035 – Dentists …
4 February 2021
Dentists Context
Today I tried something different. Rushing off to see the dentists for a dental appointment at 8:00 am didn’t give me the time I needed to lay out the cards. So, I did a quick shuffle, followed by a fan spread, picked out ten cards, put them in a pile still facing down. This method meant even by the end of the day; I didn’t know what the cards were.
In a way, it’s pretty liberating. Although I do not usually read the cards first thing in the morning, I see them and get a first impression. Cards such as Laziness and Postponement tend to attract my attention then. Then I focus on these throughout the day. Even if I don’t want them to influence my day, they still do.
By selecting the cards and not viewing them, I experience the day without any influence whatsoever. It also makes it quite exciting to see what they’ll reveal after the day has happened. It also means I can write my day’s context more like a diary.
Dentists. What is there to say about dentists? Most people I know find them okay. Oh, alright, most people hate dentists and see them as necessary evils. For instance, my husband hasn’t visited the dentist in six years! That’s how much he likes them.
By the way, the husband’s teeth are fine, and apart from a clean from the hygienist, he has nothing to worry about. As for me, I visit every year or couple of years – these days – and my teeth are …. okay. But, even though I floss and brush two to three times a day with the recommended “toothpaste”, I needed to have a small filling. It turns out the hole was on my “lazy” brushing side. It’s the side that I pay less attention to because I usually don’t have to worry about fillings on that side. That laziness has now paid off in the wrong way. It looks like I will need to “brush up” on that side. (See what I did there? “Brush up” for better brushing! Oh, okay. It’s not that funny!).
After Dentist, The Laser Clinic
Then I had another appointment at the third-largest shopping centre in Australia, Chermside. When I rang the clinic, I tried to find out where their location was to reduce my kneeling scooter time in the centre. The young girl might have been new because she simply described the “big shops” with lots of real estate, which didn’t help that much. Nonetheless, I was closer than parking at the complete opposite end; it was a small win – even if my knee and thigh didn’t work anymore.
That consultation went well, but there isn’t much the clinic could do until my cast came off. This cast is becoming a nuisance. It was only yesterday that I was complaining it had been a very long four weeks. I was then kindly reminded only 16 days had passed – just over two weeks! Really? Argh.
At work, I found out that I had not progressed something into release state before I left for vacation leave on 24 Dec 2020. Bad Michaela. It’s such a terrible thing. Fortunately, the profession I work in does not hinge on this decision for a life-threatening situation.
A girl at work has her birthday tomorrow, and I’m hoping to surprise her with scones, clotted cream and jam. Failing being able to access these ingredients, I’ll simply make some chocolate brownies with raspberries. Of course, I’ll need to get permission from my caregiver, husband to do this – after all, I’ve been on my feet quite a bit today.
Okay. Now for the exciting reveal of the cards, what will they be? Let’s take a look.
Today's Cards
The Cards - Dentists Analysis
Position 1 - Fighting
The first card today is Fighting. Looking at the statistics, this is the first time the card has made an appearance. So, it’s been 35 days since this particular card. Grrr…
Yesterday, I talked about the Control card triggering insecurities and how one of those insecurities is because I have FOMO (fear of missing out). Fighting is about when one of those, something like FOMO in this case, has gone to the fire alert status. The image on the card is about a person who is so tense that the slightest provocation will tip his alert status into an uncontrolled explosion.
The thing is, it’s of my own doing. The person who has triggered me has done nothing deliberately against me. I’ve been away on recreation leave and sick leave for about six weeks, and life goes on. It doesn’t wait for me to show up. Ironically and amazingly, issues that someone could have actioned while I was away do tend to wait for me to show up to resolve them even six weeks on when they were urgent at the time. Go figure!
Where was I? This person in my life has probably just been looking out for themselves like most of us do. Any damage toward me is purely unintentional, and I’m simply collateral for which they have no responsibility.
The Fighting card was triggered by the dental visit when the dentist commented that my tooth cavity could be from poor diet and inadequate brushing. I held my response long enough for the poor brushing comment to sink in and register. I noted the word and quickly asked myself whether “this could be true”. The honest response was I am a poor brusher on that side. Trigger diffused. Phew!
Positions 2, 3 & 4 – Patience, The Outsider & Abundance
The best way to resolve issues like this is to apply Patience. Patience is the second card and in the Influencer position. Unfortunately, Patience is part of the reason the Fighting card appeared. While waiting, conspiracy thoughts emerged, and without knowing their causes, tension built, and the Fighting card is the response.
While the card of The Outsider appears in the Goal position, it doesn’t mean I wish to be an outsider. The picture is about feeling like an outsider and wanting to be on the inside – classic FOMO. The Outsider also shows that the feeling of exclusion is self-inflicted because if you look more closely at the gate, you’ll discover that it is unlocked. It’s simply a matter of adequately assessing the situation.
The Distant Past position has the fourth card of Abundance. Another reason Fighting can make an appearance is in a contrasting situation to a time where you were at a high point. The contrast between an Abundance of attention and returning to the mundane accentuates the “missing” part of “missing out”. It makes sense, right?
Positions 5 & 6 – Flowering & Slowing Down
So much so that Flowering in the Recent Past position has a similar energy to the card of Abundance, suggesting that positivity had surrounded me or my situation for some time before I left on leave, then coming back to the everyday normal exacerbates the insecurity. Here the Flowering card is about some personal growth courtesy of the broken ankle.
There are many things the broken ankle has already taught me, but it is also giving me a reality check. The reality check is that I can’t be everywhere and do everything. While the broken ankle is a physical symbol of not participating in some activities, it’s also a metaphor for not participating in non-physical activities.
Flowering can also refer to learning how to use the mobility kneeling scooter better. It can even mean reaching out to the laser clinic for advice, which didn’t seem scary once explained.
I was Slowing Down after rushing to the dentist and then to the laser clinic. It was good to take a little bit of time before I needed to go back to work after lunch. It helped me restore my energy and focus. It was an appropriate card to have in the Future Energy position.
Positions 7, 8 & 9 – Healing, The Lovers & Celebration
Feelings are the seventh position, and the card is Healing. It’s all I seem to be doing at the moment, Healing. Slowing Down is necessary for Healing to occur, especially after being in the Fighting alert status. Not sure there is much more to say on the topic of healing at this point in this reading. However, I have lots to say on emotional and mental healing.
Other People’s Views, position eight, is that of The Lovers. The Lovers is about connecting with your inner self and looking composed, and understanding your ebb and flow. There could be a perception that my husband and I work well together as a team. We do, and it’s lovely for this to be the perception.
Hopes and fears have the card of Celebration. When it came to today, I feared that I would need to manage to get home from the laser clinic on my own, either by Uber or taxi. The fear of getting to the door with a backpack, opening the screen door, holding the crutches while on the kneeling walker, then unlocking the door, then trying to get the crutches into position to get up the one step we have into the house, all without falling. I can barely manage to get off the chair onto the crutches without feeling like I’m about to fall.
I hoped that the timing of the morning’s events went in my favour and my husband would be able to drop me off at home and get me into the house before he went to work. That would be something for me to celebrate. (Side note: Luckily for me, that turned out to be the case! Yay!).
Position 10 – The Miser
Finally, position ten which is the Outcome position, has the card of The Miser. When I go to the dentist, I go into miser mode. There’s a part of me with some childish mistrust of dentists when it comes to charging for their services. Perhaps it’s the cost for a 15-minute consult in which time they can fill a tooth and get more money for a shorter time.
Look, I know they have years of study and probably live the poor life at university eating two-minute noodles, and they deserve to charge for their services. But it doesn’t mean I have to like it. After all, the dentist is a business like everything other business and needs money to stay operational to hire good staff. It’s just that sometimes it feels like it’s more than my perceived poor dental hygiene. Then again, there’s the side of me that knows that’s precisely the reason I’m a bit miserly.
I’m simply angry at myself for not rigorously disciplining myself to clean my teeth more thoroughly, and it’s merely easier to project my frustration onto the dentist. Forking out extra funds to fix a cavity only seems to make The Miser in me worse.
Until tomorrow.
References
Largest Shopping Centres in Australia
Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
Day 034 – Postponing the moment
3 February 2021
Context
Welcome to Day 34!
Today was just another day. Everything was even more routine than yesterday as I started to settle into the groove of having to work from home. By the way, working from home is nice for me regularly but not on a daily basis. I feel more connected if I’m in the office. Undoubtedly, the benefits of working from home on Fridays is that you get to go on your weekend without having to sit for hours in traffic just to get home for it to start.
Working for government means that Friday afternoon drinks are unheard of in the suburban location of my work environment. So, working from home means that you can log off on time and begin to enjoy the weekend immediately. Very similar to the “good ol’ days” of being able to log off and go downstairs have a drink with your work colleagues before heading home. The drink seemed to put you straight into weekend mode regardless of the travel home after that.
When I talk drink, I’m not necessarily talking alcohol although it certainly has been something I enjoyed after work. It can be simply grabbing a coffee and a verbal detox chat with the team. Our coffee shop closes at 2:00 pm on Fridays so no chance of that.
Anyway, today was pretty routine, but there have been some goings on that are setting off my false safety alerts. These are alerts where I feel that something is going down. A part of my brain sees this as a conspiracy against me but realistically it usually works out me making a mountain out of a mole hill, or storm in a teacup.
It’s usually because I haven’t been there because I’ve been on leave. I feel left out but it makes sense that I am because I haven’t been there. It’s irrational and not necessarily true, I know. Ah… foibles – where would we be without them.
Let’s see what the cards have to say today…
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
The first card out is Ordinariness in the Now position. That’s interesting, since yesterday’s first card out was Ordinariness. This means it is a continuation of the peaceful, restful state of finding comfort in routine and the known. Looking at the day’s plan, that’s all about getting back to work.
The second card is that of Totality and is in the Influencer position. It’s about total surrender to the process of embracing the Ordinariness of the day. There is the chance that Totality could apply to a distraction. In which case an ordinary day could wind up not being so peaceful or ordinary.
The third position of the Goal has the card of Traveling. The Traveling card can be a big or small trip. In Coronavirus world a trip to the local shops can count as Traveling. Where in pre COVID-19 days Traveling might mean visiting exotic destinations by jumping on a plane or going further afield than the local pharmacy or department store.
My travel plans are for tomorrow’s visit to the dentist and to the laser clinic. At present, I’m using invisible aligners to correct the alignment of a couple of teeth which have been crowding my mouth. There’s one in particular which had looked dangerously close to being pushed out completely. The horror of what follows was reflected in the little teeth my father had left at 80. Hopefully, with a better diet and better dental health I can avoid the same fate.
The disadvantage of using aligners is that they make me purse and tense my upper lip more than usual. To resolve this, my solution was to get either some filler or some botox injected into the area while I’m using the aligners. Aiming to counteract the pursing effect of the aligners.
Incidentally, up until recently I’ve secretly (or maybe not so secretly) have thought botox only useful for appeasing one’s vanity. Okay. That is until I found out that Zezee’s husband needs botox injections to manage the pain in his head he got from a car accident. Another friend Sue needs it for bladder control. Who would have thought. Actually, it was probably being used for those medical reasons before it had benefits in vanity appeasement.
For me however, there’s definitely a bit of vanity, but the additional pursing is really quite uncomfortable. If I were younger in my 20s, 30s or 40s I probably wouldn’t give two hoots. The reality is that I am not in any of those age groups and the tension is something I am noticing and it affects me and my mood.
Traveling to both these locations and the logistics is playing on my mind. Especially, since my husband will be dropping me off at the laser clinic because he has to go to work as soon as possible after the dentist. His boss is going on vacation and the ritual handover of activities needs to be passed on to those that will be manning the fort while the boss is away. The dentist visit was already pushing the boundaries but it is more necessary for both of us.
Distant Past has the card of Past Lives and is the fourth card to be dealt. Since we haven’t been to the dentist in a long time, the very Ordinariness of visiting the dentist becomes something we both need to commit to (Totality) – even if we don’t want to go.
Past Lives with respect to immersing myself back at work, sadly brings back all the activities you were working on before you went on vacation. Let’s face it after being away for almost six weeks, it feels like a lifetime ago!
Recent Past is the fifth position and is occupied by Participation. Participation is about getting involved with life and its activities. Since today is about routine activities such as work, it was fully about connecting with people to get back into the swing of frustration, team work and accomplishment.
The Future Energy position has the card of Control in position six. Is it me, or is this card popular at the moment. Rigid, rule following, boundary setting are all elements of the Control card. They are part of what I love about working in and on projects. Projects come to me in a mess like someone has tipped out a junk box full of odds and ends. It is then up to me to tackle the odds and ends and assemble it in some sort of order. This is also known as Control and is what I do to appease my inner authoritarian.
Somehow I don’t think this is about that kind of Control. Sometimes it means that my inner authoritarian is challenged in other ways. Circumstances that trigger parts of my: need to be liked, respect for my skills or question the value of my contribution also trigger a Control response from me.
I don’t like it when it does, it messes with my inner balance and destroys the part of me that likes to go with the flow and use gentle redirection to accomplish what others use hardline tactics to achieve. More frustratingly, why do I care what others think? Apart from the fact that it is messes with my; feelings of security, predictability for shelter, food and love *smile*. Eh… the fears have usually been unsubstantiated.
When I am unable to resolve that issue – remember that fight, flight or freeze response I have – well I “freeze” by postponing the issue. This I hope it will resolve itself and it will go away. As childish and as immature as that may sound, it does sometimes work. However, it’s not postponement at that point its strategic. However, when fear is involved it’s Postponement. There’s definitely fear involved.
Fittingly, Postponement is in position seven of Feelings. Osho refers to Postponement as stupid. And although I know it is, the appearance of the Postponement card seems to indicate that I haven’t yet learnt how not to postpone it yet. It’s certainly what I want to do about the dentist visit tomorrow! You’re right in thinking that that would be a mistake.
Other People’s Views is position eight and has the card Moment to Moment in it. this is the second card to show in the same position as yesterday. Even if yesterday’s Moment to Moment was an out of sequence selection it seems to mean that those views of me haven’t changed. For this reason, I thought it prudent to send my boss an email of what exactly I’ve been up to for the last couple of days. It’s what I’d want if I were a boss.
In the Hopes & Fears position is The Source and it’s the ninth position in the layout. The Source is about stripping everything back and finding out what you’re made of. The hope of this card is that I have the courage to face all my challenges tomorrow: dentist, getting around on the broken ankle for the longest time since the ankle has been encased, going to see a laser clinic and having to make my way home without my husband’s assistance. My fear is that the whole scenario seems a little daunting.
The Outcome position is position ten and has the card of Suppression. For me this card confirms that the Control card will challenge some of the more emotional aspects. Suppression is a natural reaction that is more on the “flight” side of the spectrum than freeze or fight end (freeze being the exact centre between fight or flight). Instead of relaxing and believing in my source or core I cover and suppress it. Thus, unwittingly perpetuating the insecurity which gets triggered.
That’s it for today. Until tomorrow when we see if I managed to get over the hurdles.
References
Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
Day 033 – The need for control
2 February 2021
Context
Welcome to Day 33!
Well it was another work day and I had a bit of trouble focussing on the tasks I needed to accomplish. Part of this was because I only have access to so many systems from home and the other is because I was too preoccupied with my foot.
Throughout the day I started to think on the Control card and what that might mean to today. My first thoughts were logical ones, I’m used to being a Project Manager and therefore like to control the aspects of what I work on and those elements that people are working on for me to deliver my goal. Quite often I see the role as a communicator and hussler.
Then Audrey rang at lunch at I noted that I suggested she visit my website to see the beautiful flowers my mum gave me on Day 30. At that point, I realised that because I hadn’t fully worked out the socials yet for my website, I was trying to steer friends to the website when perhaps it might not be there thing.
Luckily for me, it kind of is Audrey’s thing. Nonetheless, I don’t want to force the site onto people who do not wish to view it – husband excluded *smile* (love you, honey *kiss, kiss*).
So then the Control card was about this aspect of me today.
With respect to healing my ankle, I’ve decided to conduct a personal experiment when it comes to “frequency healing”. In YouTube I discovered a number of sites that would help with bone healing and regeneration. Before I went to hospital on 27 Jan I had tried a three hour one a couple of times. The result was undefined and as the nurse in the hospital said, “it’ll heal anyway”.
Under the mantle of HippiMikki, I posted my experiment. To play nothing but this track against my leg until 9 February 2021 a couple of times a day. At the review I will post my progress.
I should state that at one stage of my life, I fought hard against the medical profession in my personal life. Always believing – even if I didn’t show it – that there had to be a harmonious and complementary relationship between the naturals and the medicals.
Part of the reason I fought hard against it was that the reflection of my stubbornness was exhibited by my mother and father to the contrary. The more they pushed the more I fought against it. Hmmm…. just realised that’s another form of fighting for control.
These days I have mostly diffused the triggers that set off the full push back. It’s not what I really believe and exhibiting it makes me look like a radical. That causes the same fight response against me the other way. It’s that vicious conical spiral of antagonism.
I’m working on myself not to be a part of that. More of a “live and let live” kind of attitude, meaning accept that people are different and that alternates have their place before and after the medical profession.
Before as in seeking prevention of illness in the form of vitamins, minerals, immune boosters and minor ailment treatments like aloe vera for sunburn. After as in when the medical profession is unable to help any further or like in my case.
Frequency healing, if it’s baloney it can’t hurt. At worst, you’ve wasted your time. If it’s psychological and it’s all in my mind and it works, I’m pleased. If it’s vibrational and it works, I’m pleased. If nothing happens, I’ve lost nothing – “it’ll heal anyway”. There is a part of this that requires you to know yourself and how you might sabotage yourself – but that’s true of any situation.
Anyway, lets’ see what the cards have to say!
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
The Now position is occupied by Ordinariness. Ordinariness is a beautiful card, it’s peaceful and relaxing finding comfort and beauty in routine. Not seeing it as a humdrum affair but seeing it as something to be treasured. After a year like 2020 with Coronavirus (COVID-19) the routine of settling back to work is something beautiful.
Being the second day back from leave is essentially the first day back to a semblance of routine. The first day back is usually about talking about your leave, catching up on emails and getting back up to speed.
The Influence position is occupied by Sorrow. Slightly tainting the feeling of rejoicing in Ordinariness is the realisation that this IS back to usual conditions and a loss of the freedom of being on leave. Hence, the Sorrow card.
Coming back from vacation or extended leave is like the transformation of one stage to another, or more simply a small death. The Sorrow reflects that transition and influences the normal routine.
Goal is position three and the card of Postponement. What I like about the Osho deck is that Osho can be blunt around some of the areas where I’m a little softer. The book frankly states that, “Postponement is stupid.”. Indeed it is.
However, that doesn’t make it easier to tackle what needs to be tackled. There are some work activities that I am reluctant to face on the second day back but I am hoping to delay them just a little longer. Seeing this card reflects my goal so accurately is quite eerie.
Distant Past is position for and has the Possibilities card. In the past there have been many Possibilities. These I am viewing as the many possibilities or synchronistic events that have allowed me to get back to work.
Recent Past is New Vision. New Vision usually happens after a breakthrough of some kind. For me that’s taking healing into my own hands and using the frequency healing – regardless of its outcome, it is still empowering me. Being in the Recent Past position makes sense since it was only yesterday that I threw myself into the frequency healing experiment – radical or not!
Future Energy is The Rebel. The Rebel card is about breaking free of your old constraints, doing things your own way. Perhaps that’s the frequency healing that might be perceived as incredibly radical. I don’t really mind. Another way I am endeavouring to heal is by trying to accept and deal with the pain as it appears.
By dealing with my pain this way, rather than always masking my pain with painkillers (I do if I need to get to sleep or the pain is unbearable – to-date most of it has been manageable without painkillers). This helps me gauge how the healing process is going. It also allows me to occasionally breathe into the pain like in a yoga pose and move through and past the pain it. Part of me hopes that this will help the healing too.
Feelings is Experiencing. My Feelings are that by Experiencing the pain I am dealing with the reason that I attracted the broken ankle in the first place – metaphysically speaking.
For your information, I see the right as that of physical direction and the right ankle as capability of moving toward it. Invariably, people questioning the direction of their jobs, cars or their homes may find themselves with a broken right leg thing. Of course, that’s not all the time. I’ve had many jobs and lives in many different locations and moved states three times without an issue. It’s more around two equal directions of uncertainty.
This time for me, it was me questioning whether I should go back to work. Vacation and everyone around me talking retirement has gotten me thinking of retiring. Many times through my life, while on vacation, I’ve wanted to chuck in the towel and work in that new location. The difference this time is that I wouldn’t be throwing it in to work elsewhere, it would be to do and be someone else. But I knew I wasn’t ready yet. Breaking my ankle provides me with time to figure it out, if I haven’t already.
In essence, my healing won’t happen while there isn’t a plan for my spiritual self. Guess it is time to embrace my soul and have a chat. It’s all about Experiencing feelings as a physical manifestation.
Other People’s Views is Moment to Moment. To be completely honest, when I dealt the cards I had not taken a lot of notice of this card. Since I have just started to record my dealings, so I remember my first impressions of the cards to type up.
Once I turned off the voice memo, I gathered the cards without taking the day’s photos. When it came to finding the cards and putting them back for the photo, I had glossed over this position completely and did not remember what the cards was.
So, I simply grabbed another card from the deck and put it into the place. Very much along the lines of “it’s meant to be what it’s meant to be”.
While I love this card, when it’s in the Other People’s Views position it might be concerning. Do I look like I’m not following and off with the fairies? Or, do I look like I’m easy going? Guess we’ll just have to take each moment as it comes – Moment to Moment.
Hopes & Fears has the card of The Master. To become The Master is to break free of constraints to truly live in the moment and experience everything. This is an alluring hope but also really scares me. What would it be like to be so intune all the time? How would you act? That’s just it I suppose, there would be no “act” it would just be being.
Outcome is Control. Control is almost the exact opposite of The Master. Rigid, unyielding, yet fair. It’s the attempt to keep justice balanced. It lacks the warmth and free forms of acceptance. Holding on to the situation and trying not to react to what is thrown very much like a rock. However, too much Control can make one unapproachable. Finding the balance between Control and Moment to Moment is my balancing act at work.
References
1. YouTube, A Soundworker, -45Hz Resonant Frequency Healing, https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=tkWIq3R0hV4
Statistics for January 2021
Statistics for January 2021
Top 10
Bottom 10
All cards, All positions Appearances
Day 032 – The new leaf….
1 February 2021
Context
Welcome to Day 32!
It’s a new month and I can’t believe that we’re here already! It was the first day back at work after vacation and sick leave. Initially I was overawed by the thought but it wasn’t long before I got into the swing of things.
It appears that the rumour mill had been a little slow with respect to my circumstances as I needed to explain the broken ankle a couple of times. Given the response, it’s going to happen a few more times yet.
Getting up to speed with email is the usual task of the first day back. Filtering through 600 plus emails, albeit by the time I get to read them are no longer relevant. There were a lot of COVID restriction changes both enforcing and easing of emails. Usually from different management sources heading up the hierarchical tree.
Apart from that not much else happened today. Just a few phone calls trying to change some appointments that had been made while being physically capable of driving. Oh. It’s all those little things that have a bigger effect when mobility is impaired. This is not whinging, it’s simply pointing out that while you know this would be an inconvenience if it ever happened to you, the full impact cannot be understood until you’re in the situation.
On the healing front, I decided to try and find a Bone Healing Frequency on YouTube. It’s just a way for me to feel better or at the very least act like I’m contributing to the healing. As one guy at the hospital said, you’ll heal anyway regardless of whether I meditate or pray for the healing.
Of course, he’s right. Nonetheless, this makes me feel like I’m contributing to my recovery waiting for healing to happen. Six weeks is a long time just to get to the point of removing the cast – that was the optimistic time frame. That’d be eight weeks if you include the two weeks in the temporary cast. *frowny face*.
Anyway, let’s see what the cards have to say today.
Today's Cards
The Cards - Analysis
First card in the Now position is Harmony. The card has dolphins on it and I love dolphins the person in the picture is listening to their heart and following it. Although it’s a myth that sharks don’t exist when dolphins are around, they avoid each other but it’s not a guarantee.
In this case the dolphins protect the person because to be in harmony is to drop all pretence and simply be one. Like swimming with the dolphins.
The second card in the Influence position is Courage. It takes courage to let go of pretence and it takes courage to try new things without pretence. The card in the Influence position seems to implies that courage is influencing the harmonic state.
The third card in the Goal position is Conditioning. Breaking free of the conditions of my current constraints regarding the healing time frames for my bones and ankles is going to be a challenge.
As a project manager, I tend to take onboard the subject matter experts’ (SMEs) opinions as fundamental truths. There is one factor that these SMEs don’t know that that’s me. I know, I’m one of hundreds that have thought this before me and I certainly won’t be the last to think they’re different. Nonetheless, I have to try.
Hence, breaking through my own Conditioning is going to be tough. Goals are cheap *smile*.
In the Distant Past position sits Sorrow. Sorrow sat in the Goal position on Day 30 and the fact that it now sits in the Distant Past seems to imply that the goal was reached and has formed the seed for today’s Goal of Conditioning.
Day 30’s Sorrow was about feeling sorrow about the time frames for healing. Sorrow is about deriving a clarity through or from tears. Perhaps that was the frequency healing discovery. Or should I say a particular one that caught my eye.
Recent Past is position five and has the card of Intensity. Intensity is about breaking new ground and pursing your own path. It has been around for some time if the post dates of the frequency healing videos are anything to go by. I’m going to attribute that as my going my own way toward supporting my healing.
There was also a work problem that required a different approach to the previous conventional one. I discussed this with a fellow worker who agreed the idea had some merit and we agreed put a plan together to raise at the next meeting.
Awareness is in the sixth position of Future Energy. Awareness is about that idea that was being worked on by the back of your mind but you’re just starting to grasp on the edges of awareness. For me that’s the realisation that ages ago, someone had mentioned something about frequencies and its healing potential. There’s a slow awareness in the healing fields both medical and natural that frequencies play a part in healing.
Together with Awareness comes the Feelings position seven and the card of Ripeness. Just as an interesting side note, of the five times Ripeness has appeared in a reading three of those times has been in the Feelings position. Does this mean that I’m in tune when a mood or idea is about to come to fruition?
Anyway, that’s its interpretation. Awareness is the idea being recognised and Ripeness is about putting it into practise. It also means the its the right time for me to pursue the course of action I’ve discovered.
Other People’s Views position eight has Control. The only time I’ve interacted is with people at work and the issue that required a different approach required me taking control of the situation – or so it seemed to me.
In position nine of Hopes & Fears is Ice-olation. Ice-olation is the freezing and pushing others away to gain space. The hope is to gain the space, the fear is that if you do this too many times people stop trying to communicate with you. This is especially true of working from home. It requires a constant self kicking to reach out to discuss matters. Particularly, if you’ve been absent for a period of time.
Finally position ten the Outcome and card of Consciousness. Consciousness is the state of being fully awake and fully awareness. The awareness of the situation at work and giving frequency healing a shot without any expectations one way or the other is about to be undertaken.
References
YouTube, Cosmic, Bone Healing Frequency, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFozF3LQ-Ms&t=8497s
Day 031 – Scooting around ….
31 January 2021
Context
Welcome to Day 31!
Wow! The end of the first month of Tarot Days. It seems a little surreal getting to this point. So much has happened and so little at the same time. By that I mean, my life changed part way through the month and forced some internal reflections I hadn’t planned on.
Summary of today (retrospectively speaking). I woke up late, I only do that these days when I visit my friends or family. Basically, it’s like the only time I get to heal. I’m safe and cared for in their homes and it gives me a warm feeling to be in their energy. Late mornings also seems compensate for the lack of nap-ability through the day.
Not that I don’t feel safe or cared for at home, I do. However, when at home there’s usually something that needs doing. Some project or another that I’ve cooked up. These things disappear when I visit family and friends. There is an exception to this if the households have children in which case you’re greeted with the, “are you awake yet?” question. The question doesn’t stop being asked until you say “no, go away!”. *grin*
Today, I figure my body must have needed the rest – this healing stuff takes its toll.
The other exciting thing that happened today was that I got a SCOOTER! This is amazing, I’m hoping it will make mobility easier when venturing outside the house.
Let’s see what the cards have to say!
Today's Cards
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Laziness was the first and sits in the Now position. For those that have read previous posts, you will have realised that I don’t like this card very much. Before the day even begins seeing this card in the Future Energy, Outcome, Now or Feelings positions stoops my shoulders.
By waking up late and then seeing this card, I felt I was already on the back foot for the day. And the truth is that I did want to take it easy today. I’d gotten a little ahead or at the very least caught up with some of the activities I wanted to complete by today. There was a part of me that today went … “what the hey?”. I’m going to be lazy.
Perhaps that’s the whole point of the card’s continual appearance. Learn to recognise it perhaps rest for a few moments but don’t let what you’ve worked for crumble – monitor the relaxing you do. Especially, if Laziness appears in the Now position.
Rebirth Influences the Now position and was the second card today. If read at the surface level it could simply mean that it’s the Rebirth of Laziness. But it could be that the Rebirth card is preventing or blocking Laziness take a full hold. This could be the monitoring I just spoke about.
Rebirth then is about taking time to heal and “rebirth” the molecules that need to mend the cracks in the bone.
The Lovers is in the Goal position and was the third card. The Lovers card is all about reconciling the change made within yourself and about recognising that others around you act as a reflection of you. My husband is patient and amazing. It’s good to have someone representing the traits I aspire to have in my life around.
Comparison was the fourth card and sits in the Distant Past position. Again, another card I sometimes struggle with when used in a negative light. This is not so when the card sits in the Distant Past position. In the past, I may have compared myself to others but that comparison now falls by-the-by now. The measuring stick has dramatically shifted.
Healing was the fifth and is in the Recent Past position. The cards today seem to be reflecting the face value meaning – love it! The longer sleep, the waking up late… all to do with healing. It’s too good to not use in this manner in this position. It ties in the with Laziness card being in the Now and the Rebirth card sitting in the Influence position quite nicely.
Totality was the sixth and is in the Future Energy position. In the Osho deck, this card represents immersing yourself and committing to the course at hand. Of course, Osho is about totally being in each moment fully. However, this could be about committing wholly to the healing process. This means accepting that Laziness may play a part and that some things won’t get done while Healing is undertaken.
Consciousness was the seventh card and sits in the Feelings or immediate future position. Consciousness is about full awareness and has a similar message to that of Totality. My feelings toward resting on my laurels and the eroding of progress is something I am aware of have made a conscious choice to follow.
Experiencing was the eighth and sits in the Other People’s Views position. This could be when we were picking up the mobility kneeling scooter. I was new to the experience and simply enjoying the newness of the experience.
Silence was the ninth and is in the Hopes & Fears position. Beautiful and blissful silence. Of course, this can’t simply be about silence as the absence of physical noise. This Silence is about blending into the universe and being one with it.
The interpretation today is simply that I hope to reach this point constantly like represented in Totality. Fear being the other side of that coin is that I fear that I will lose myself in the absorption process. Although I know that I won’t.
Conditioning was the tenth and final card and sits in the Outcome position. Based on the cards sitting in the Now, Influence, Recent Past, Future, Feelings positions it’s clear to me that this card is wanting me to condition or school myself into developing a mindset away from self-recrimination every time I need to heal. It doesn’t do me or anyone else any good – which is what is reflected in The Lovers card.
References
Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, ISBN 0-312-11733-7 (St Martin’s Press)
Day 030 – Gifts to brighten a day!
30 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 30!
The context and pretext for today was that I again would be spending most of my day on the lounge with my leg raised waiting stuff from a streaming provider. The day was not going to be a cut and paste from the Day 29 because it was a weekend and my husband was home with me.
Sleeping last night was a bit problematic because I managed to get a nap in yesterday. Yes, a fabled nap. At midnight I remembered why I didn’t like naps through the day… and at 1:00 in the morning.
After trying and failing at several techniques which have had a great success rate of getting me to sleep, I simply got up and made myself a cup of camomile tea. While I was waiting for the tea to steep, I fell asleep on the lounge. Sleep at last … Zzzz.
Through the day there was some TV watching but not as much as yesterday – thank goodness. I’m sure my eyes were becoming square.
Husband did the lawn, trimmed the trees and cleaned the water feature. All stuff, I would normally help him with or even just do myself. So, I thought I would grab the crutches and head outdoors to watch and provide verbal support.
Turns out the idea was more appealing than reality. The practical application of heading outdoors became challenging on the sloping driveway and the wind blowing at my dress. There was a reluctant retreat and the heckling I hoped to deliver went by unexpressed.
Part of the reason I wanted to head outdoors was to keep my hand in using the crutches. There’s a fear that if I don’t use it and keep up the skill I might fall over again. To-date I’ve been fortunate with repeat falls in that there have been no real consequences. So you may ask, what have I been using if haven’t been using crutches?
You see, back when my mother broke her leg about 15 years ago she discovered a nifty way of getting around her single level, tiled and floor boarded house. In my old room she discovered an old school chair which I hadn’t thrown out yet.
It was small, armless and free wheeling student chair. She sat on the seat to test out its sturdiness and its wheel-ability and in no time my mum was whizzing about the house backwards. I never understood the reason for the backwards until I go my own.
Backwards feels safer. Firstly, there seems to be a little more control and if you misjudge a push and bump into a wall your injury is safe. Having your back push in the back rest also provides a bit of resistance and you get a better push. The problem with the student chair is that it is designed for children and therefore might not feel sturdy for a long term solution. Best off going with the solutions designed for the mobility impaired.
After lunch there was a lovely surprise from my mother, when a beautiful bunch of flowers arrived. It’s one of the more beautifully presented flower bouquets I’ve received. Please note that none of the flowers I have ever received have ever been ugly! The presentation from delivery wrap to table top presentation was amazing!
They really brightened my day!
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
The Dream appears in the Now position one and is the first card for the day. The Dream is about unrealistic and romantic notions. If you like an example of this might be watching or reading something and believing that the “happily ever after” is something taken for granted.
With respect to today’s events, I can safely say that The Dream was about me heading outdoors to heckle my husband and the notion of it being dreamier than reality.
The Influence and second position was occupied the Beyond Illusion card. It seems a fitting card to sit as Influence over The Dream acting as a correction and providing a reality check for me in my current circumstance.
The Goal and third position was occupied by Sorrow. Sorrow, while sounding like a sad card also points toward enlightenment via tears and sadness. The goal expressed in the Goal position isn’t always clearly identifiable at the beginning of the day. Shattering of a dream is a sad event and enlightenment certainly hit me in the head.
The Creator occupies position four and that of the Distant Past. The Creator also appeared in yesterday’s reading in Other People’s Views. Where I mentioned it is about connecting with your inner source and doing something with it.
The distinction between The Creator and The Source cards is that one is the pure energy the other is the user of the energy. Much like a potter is one that works with clay. Clay being the source and the potter being the creator. However, in the Osho deck the card is all about working on your inner self.
Working with this intent, I was The Creator of the circumstance I now find myself in. Not directly, of course, it’s not like I went, “ooh, I think I could go with a broken ankle right about now!”. But my choices did lead me to have weekend break in Tweed Heads and the consequence is simply part of living life.
But my life choices keep steering me into situations where I have to constantly face my character and not always successfully – *sad face emoji*. So, the card of The Creator fits nicely into the Distant Past and its consequence is reflected in the creation and shattering of The Dream.
Letting Go is the fifth card to appear and sits in the Recent Past position. Letting Go fittingly describes what I needed to do to move on from The Dream. There’s not much more to say on this card in this position, except maybe that the incident has highlighted that I’ve been in the process of letting go of a lot of things.
Consciousness is the sixth card to appear and sits in the Future Energy position. Consciousness is the equivalent of being stone cold sober with complete awareness. Aware of all the pieces that combine to make you “you” or in this situation make the situation the situation.
What do I mean by that? I mean that The Dream that was an illusion of my circumstances has been shattered and it took that very simple activity of wanting to go outside to bring about the change. Not every monumental awakening needs to happen with drama or fireworks. Shifts in consciousness happen everyday and some small changes pass us by without ever being noticed. That is, until one day you ask yourself, “what ever happened to that belief?”.
Conditioning was the seventh card to appear in the Feelings about the Now position. This is simple, I have conditioned myself to be constantly optimistic in my ability to respond quickly to new situations. I’ve always had a balance between being good at academic topics and had reasonable success with most sports without too much effort.
Add to this conditioning the fact that in my work life I have been required to adapt quickly to new jobs on a regular basis – life as a contractor for nine years saw me occupy 40-45 different roles working across different industries too. This conditioned me to feel that I was able to triumph over pretty much anything quickly.
Breaking from my conditioning is something I feel that I need to do now that I have limited mobility. After all, this for me is temporary and relatively minimal despite what the doctors have said about its serious nature. I can walk. I can get around. I count myself lucky.
Success was the eighth card to appear and occupies the Other People’s Views position. Again, my exposure to other people has been limited but I expect that this might relate to my mother’s sending of flowers. There’s just a feeling of riding high when you receive flowers.
For me, it’s like I’ve done something right to receive such a beautiful expression of love to help me get well. This isn’t something our family does regularly so I suspect it might also be to sweeten the guilt she’s feeling about calling on me for tech help. Of course, I have never expected anything for the assistance. It’s just what kids all over the world do for parents because they love them.
Suppression was the ninth card and occupies the Hopes & Fears position. Suppression appeared in yesterday’s reading in the Feelings position and it’s transition to a hope or fear makes sense to me.
I don’t like suppressing who I am. The shattering of the The Dream card makes me question just how many more of these notions I have and that is the fear. My hope is that the shattering of this dream situation is the last.
Guilt is in the Outcome position and was the tenth card today. In the Osho deck Guilt is an unproductive emotion. Interestingly, the Guilt in the Hopes & Fears position of yesterday has moved into the Outcome position. Given the description I gave yesterday of my fear then, of me taking healing into my own hands, I don’t think that the Guilt card today is a carry over from yesterday.
There is a little bit of guilt surrounding the receipt of flowers from my mother for simply being injured. I can, however, appreciate that at times we want to express our feelings with more than just words for our family members.
Link to References
Flowers were from ‘Only Roses’ in Brisbane, Queensland.
Day 029 – A Drift Day is Special
29 January 2021
Today's Cards
Drift Day Context
With limited capacity, there is not much I am anticipating will happen in the day. Perhaps I will manage to whittle the day away, bingeing on some TV shows successfully. It’s a good opportunity for a drift day.
This bingeing will probably impact anything and everything that is going on in my life.
On the upside, there is the possibility that my mother will ring me to see how I’m going and seek help setting up her new printer. All I can say to that is, thank goodness for TeamViewer! TeamViewer has made tech support a lot easier.
You may be asking what is a “drift day”? When I speak of drift days, I’m talking about a day where you don’t have anything. You know, when you’ve done everything, you need to do. For instance, when the housework is complete, I don’t have any shopping left to do. There are no outstanding projects, like changing the fish tank water, sweeping leaves off the deck or raking the grass.
To be clear, it does mean ignoring things like tidying up inside the cupboards, cleaning the windows, or even cleaning up under the bed. It’s just about getting to a specific point. It’s a day that becomes yours to do what you want without the guilt.
Sometimes that means you’re a little bored or might be suffering a few moments of apathy. For me, it’s moments where I might get away with having a nap.
Let’s see what the cards had to say about the day.
The Cards - Drift Day Analysis
Carryover Cards
Yesterday No-thingness was in the Now position, and today it’s in the Influencer position. Does this mean that yesterday’s situation is influencing how I started looking at it today? Let’s take a look.
Cross - first three
The Intensity card was the first out and is in the Now spot. Interestingly, Intensity was also in yesterday’s reading but in the “how other people saw me” position. Intensity is about setting your boundaries and your path. It sometimes means ignoring good, sage or expert advice and trusting what you judge to be valid and applicable to you. It also means accepting responsibility for veering off the advised path.
Just a quick disclaimer, for those who love me, it is not my intention to veer from medical advice – so don’t get nervous *smile*.
No-thingness was the second card and has appeared in the Influence position. No-thingness or potential is influencing or blocking my ability to connect with myself. If read as a blocker, it would read as me overawed by the scope of potential.
What was boundless optimism yesterday is perhaps too many options today. Too many options are certainly the case when it comes to writing and ideas on improving the website. There was a moment when I found some code on how to upload a font I like. Maybe it means going rogue with the theme coding?
Participation was the third card and is in the Goal position. Participation in the Osho deck means embracing life and being a part of it. Note, this card also appeared in yesterday’s reading but was in the Influence spot of position two. It has moved from simply influencing my potential to becoming a goal.
In the Goal position, I would like to get out and about and interact with people and has become a focus. As mentioned yesterday, getting back to work and participating in my everyday life has been on my mind, even while being a little on the scary side.
Cross - next three
Control was the fourth card and occupied the Distant Past position. Its image is of a stern man, and everything about the card speaks of inflexibility. This inflexibility can form a basis for rebellion.
If I were honest with myself, and I am certainly trying to be with everyone. I felt deflated by the amount of time the medical profession advised me to wear the cast. It just seemed very inflexible to me. Sadly, there’s very little I can do about it except take care of myself in the recommended manner.
The Dream has shown up in the Recent Past position and is card number five. The Dream card is that of having romantic and/or unrealistic expectations of a particular scenario. In this case, it might be my expectation that I will heal quicker than the professionals think.
As mentioned in the Distant Past position, I was crestfallen when I had six weeks of resting my foot in the elevated position prescribed. Stubbornly, I am still of the (possibly unrealistic) view that I will recover quicker than anticipated.
This unrealistic romantic notion makes way for a new Innocence. Innocence is the card that appears in the Future Energy position and was card number six. This position moves the reading from the known into what is likely. The Dream may gain a measure of reality and appear as Innocence. It is stripping back expectations and experiencing the circumstance with a pureness of heart instead.
It is essential to make a distinction between Innocence and naivety. Naivety is the lack of experience. The Osho deck depicts an older person beneath the heading of Innocence. Showing the man certainly has the experience, but he has shed expectations. He engages the interaction with a praying mantis with pureness of heart.
Base 1 - Feelings & Others' Views
Position seven is about the Feelings I have toward Intensity. Card seven today is Suppression. Suppression over Intensity, or it’s the Suppression of my path and my vision. Is there a part of me that might be feeling like going rogue? Definitely. But how? Everything the medical professionals have said about what I need to do to heal makes sense, except maybe the six weeks. For now, follow as required.
Oh, dear. I’m falling into the trap everyone falls into, seeking the quick fix.
Perhaps, I simply cannot relate to this card at the moment. Hmmm. Having written that, I don’t have any ideas about my health. Could kinesiology do anything? (No friends, it will not conflict with medical advice).
Other People’s Views is the eighth position, and its card is The Creator. The Creator is about connecting to the source within and manifesting its radiance outward. Considering I spent most of the day socialising with my mother and my husband, I’m uncertain of whether they think this or not. So, I’m just going to let it drop there.
Base 2 - Hopes, Fears & Outcome
The ninth position is Hopes & Fears, and Guilt is its card. Guilt is the card that spells out the “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” situation, which means that no matter the choice, the result will have a toll on personal agony.
It’s a strange card to appear in the Hopes & Fears position but going with the “hope” aspect of the coin first. I hope not to feel guilty about going my own way and healing the way I need to feel; sometimes, this means that those around me find me frustrating and stupidly stubborn.
As for the “fear” aspect, if I choose to go with Suppression of my way of doing things and pleasing those around me, I fear that I might manifest something else in my body. I was storing anger which might reveal itself in a misdirected situation at a later stage.
Since today was a “mild” day, and my rebellion is minor – if any – I’m hoping that I’m not suppressing something meaningful from myself *smile*.
Today’s Outcome being position ten has Rebirth as its card. Rebirth is about letting go of ego, the mind, washing away old ideas. It’s the beginning of a new life or chapter – on a minor scale. It’s one of those moments when you look back in years to come and realise that the fractured ankle was ages ago.
The fractured ankle is associated forever together with the launching of the website My Soul Embrace. Many tiny little learnings amount to a significant transformation that isn’t necessarily seen at the moment but appears only on reflection later.
Link to References
Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen
Day 028 – Not getting things done
28 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 28!
Today was the first day with the new cast on and I’m already experiencing some minor benefit. I was able to lie on my side for a short period of time this morning, which was pure heaven! Of course, I needed to keep the leg elevated. Worth it!
When the cards were being dealt, I dismayed when the Laziness card appeared in the Outcome position. Normally it’s such a trigger to get me active on all the outstanding tasks around the house. Not this time.
This time was different because the restrictions I was feeling with the new cast were certainly affecting my mood. Perhaps it was because regardless of the news from the hospital being positive, the whole process of swapping casts was exhausting. The exhaustion was causing me to be apathetic and certainly brought out my inner procrastinator. A sure sign that the Laziness card would prove a self-fulfilling prophecy today.
Most of the day was spent sitting with my leg elevated wanting to sleep and not being able to get to it because sleeping during the day is something I struggle with. It requires a massive mental letting go from me that despite not having anything on my mind keeps me awake.
It’s probably because the sun is up I feel I need to be up. I imagine that if I were ever to travel to a place where the sun is up for days and days I’d struggle initially.
By the end of the day the list of chores I wanted to get done went undone. Even when I tried to focus on the things I needed to do I let myself get distracted by one red herring after another.
In the end my laziness didn’t pay off and I ended up working later than I needed to. All because I let myself get distracted. Luckily there wasn’t too much damage and the Laziness card provided a warning not to get to it.
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
No-thingness was the first card in the Now position and sets the outlook for the day. No–thingness translates as “potential” to me, as opposed to reading it as “nothingness”. It’s the vacant lot waiting for an idea of what it could be used for. It’s a good card to start the day with and certainly reflected the grand ideas of what I would have liked to achieve for the day.
My problem was where to start. So much I’d like to do. None of it immediate. All of it important-ish and would need to get done at some point.
Participation was the second card and is placed in the Influencer or Blocker position. It reflects what might be encouraging me or discouraging me from fulfilling the day’s potential. This card can be seen that if I’m participating in life activities I’m ignoring the day’s potential – another way of saying that I could get distracted by participating in diversions.
The Goal position has the Clinging to the Past card. There is certainly an element of truth to that today. I miss full use of my ankle, my walks, my attempts at yoga and crossing my legs to meditate. Me behaving myself today by sitting with leg elevated although feeling like doing nothing is me doing my darndest to get back to that state.
Of course, this ties in nicely with the Distant Past card of Abundance. Abundance in this situation being when I was able to do all the things I missed, partially unaware of their value.
Schizophrenia is in the Recent Past position and was the fifth card. Schizophrenia possibly signifies the break between Abundance (being able to do things freely) and Clinging to the Past (wishing I could do things freely again) to the “break” being the cause of the change in attitude.
The sixth card in the Future Energy position is Exhaustion. To be quite honest I would have expected this card to show itself sooner than at day 28. But Exhaustion is just about physical exhaustion it’s also about mental and spiritual exhaustion too. It’s constantly trying to live up to ideals that are constructs of a persona that doesn’t work anymore.
It’s trying to live up to self-imposed or perceived impositions that can wear you out if you’re not prepared to let go and adapt. I’m hearing ya! Things for me have to change but fighting it will breed exhaustion.
The seventh card is about Feelings toward potential and today it’s reflected in the card of Ripeness. Ripeness is the perfect time to pick fruit or to make a change and while I’ve enjoyed my pity party, I’m about ready to let it go – if only I wasn’t Clinging to the Past!
The eighth card reflects Other People’s Views and has the Intensity card. The Intensity card is about finding your inner core and inner strength. Thankfully, my pity party appears to just be taking place on the inside.
Hopes & Fears is the ninth spot and has the Ice-olation card occupying it. When I see this card I always feel a little sad. Not in a pity kind of way but more like when you have to tell a child they’re not allowed outside because it’s raining. How does that relate to the overall layout or even reflect a hope or fear?
The thing that has been playing on my mind is work. Mainly the fact that I need to go back to work next week. I know I’ll cope. There’s certainly a part of me that is looking forward (hope) going back, or would have been had it been in the office.
There were many years where work followed me home, the way I was able to shut off was the second I walked in my front door at home, work was forgotten and home life began. Working from home, while at times I love it, has its drawbacks. I don’t like mixing work life with home life and the physical separation makes it easier to draw the line.
My fear then is that work will consume too much of my home life. Let’s face it I envy people that are able to look at the clock at X o’clock and just pack up and go home.
The Outcome position is position ten and is occupied by the Laziness card. Needless to say I have already spoken about this card. Reflecting back on the day, Laziness did certainly feature as an outcome because I needed to play a lot of catch up to get things to a state where I like to leave them at the end of the day.
Tomorrow’s another day right … hope to see you then.
Link to References
No additional references today.
Random thoughts on Australia Day!
For those unaware 26 January in Australia Day in, you guessed it, Australia. This is when the European settlers claimed Australia as its own. Unfortunately, this neglected the thousands of years of occupation by the incumbent indigenous population, the Australian aborigines. To them Australia Day is known as Invasion Day.
Thankfully, society has moved from the barbaric actions of the new comers to finally acknowledge and treat with respect the indigenous population. There has been talk of moving the day, however, I think this is unlikely.
Australia Day is a day where the efforts Australians have made to Australia for whatever reason receive awards. The problem with this is when it comes to acknowledging the outstanding indigenous contributors who struggle with the day.
Now, I am far from an expert in indigenous affairs and therefore anything I put forward is not meant to be offensive to anyone at all. But there’s a part of me that has always thought that there should be two days for Australia Day. The 25 January celebrating the indigenous population’s contribution. Being on the day before Australia Day being symbolic of their existence before European’s landed.
Twenty-six January can then be for the celebration of landing on the wonderful soil that is Australia for the European settlers. Perhaps we need another day, the 27 January to celebrate the harmony between the two parties. But perhaps 13 February “Sorry Day” is a better day to celebrate the coming together of the traditional owners and the new settlers. It’s probably too messy for me to figure out.
Day 027 – Hospital Consult
27 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 27!
Before the visit: Today has on the table a visit to the Fractures Clinic for a consult on the progress of my broken ankle. The clinic is to check whether I get to remove the temporary cast and put on a new one. The doctor at the clinic, will also decide whether I need surgery or not.
Hopefully, I will also get to see what the injury looks like on the X-ray. Seeing the breaks will tell me how I can direct my mental focus on healing the injury.
From there, I’m in responsive mode or simply in the lap of the gods because I have no idea whether we will be in the hospital for an hour or half or all day.
After the visit: we arrived at the Fractures Clinic right on time after racing through the entrance preparations: sanitise hands, grab a mask if necessary. From there is was a one and a half hour wait to get in to see the clinic.
At first, I was frustrated by not getting in on time. Once I realised it wasn’t going to happen quickly, I put my feet up on a pillow provided by a nurse to keep my foot elevated until a bed became available for me.
Finally wheeled into the clinic and was asked whether I could make the bed on my own or whether I needed assistance. My reply was, “I got this”, accompanied by a very loud fart! To which I responded, “see, I told you I got this especially with the extra wind assistance!”. This got a chuckle from everyone. And although the incident did not get mentioned again, the camaraderie it generated with the team looking after me was just a touch warmer. It’s really amazing what a sense of humour can do for you in a tight situation.
OMG! Red-faced and laughing I managed to get onto the bed and noticed that the teenage boy on the other bed was studiously trying not to laugh. Oh…. embarrassment *smiley face*.
It was at this point that I managed to see my foot in x-ray. Personally, I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t as bad as I had imagined. The bone was still joined and this was something I hadn’t expected. On the whole, I didn’t think it was too bad.
There was a horizontal crack 75% of the way through the Fibula and two vertical cracks not on the fibula. Not sure of their location as I didn’t get a close enough look to determine exactly where. To my mind they seemed smaller and will hopefully heal quicker – I could have asked more questions but no-one exhibited any concerning vibes.
When my mother broke both her bones fibula and tibia they were completely cracked and there were splinters of bone that needed to be fixed and the gap was big in the crack. So, my expectations of this was it was broken all the way through and needed aligning and all sorts of complicated stuff. By comparison, mine looked completely tame.
From there it was a trip to x-ray to make sure that nothing had moved since I left Tweed Heads. Nothing had – bonus! The doctor was called and assessed that my injury was on the border of needing surgery or not. However, since the first x-rays heading had already begun and was progressing well and because the bone wasn’t separated. With careful nurturing over the next six weeks it will see it healed without the need for surgery.
I wasn’t in any hurry for surgery but the prognosis seemed to be not to need it providing I behaved myself. Meaning not falling, keeping the leg elevated and ensuring that it does not become load bearing until the doctor says so. Argh…. I’m so conflicted!
There was a guy at work (for story purposes I will call him Bruce) who went skiing the same week he got his proper cast put on. He had his brother remove the cast so he could put his foot into ski boots.
Bruce’s reasoning being that downhill ski boots were just as tight as the cast and would keep his bones locked into place. True. Nonetheless after two weeks skiing he went back to the doctor and the doctor was impressed with the advanced stage of healing his bones were in.
Later the medical profession had identified that putting pressure on the bone forces the body to focus on healing the area and it heals quicker. This is the “shortcut” I had hoped to make.
Couple of things that worked in Bruce’s favour were that he had a plate holding the whole break together, he was younger than me, and had already booked a non-refundable skiing holiday.
The things going against me are, I have three fractures – one horizontal and two vertical. The pressure might only help if there was one fracture going in only one direction. My years as a secretary for a structural engineering firm taught me something about cracks and pressure.
So, I’m going to have to do the right thing and follow advice as much as my impatience is pushing at my boundaries of patience. Patience is quite comfortable to letting impatience rage because there’s nothing impatience will accomplish at the moment.
The cool thing is that I got a lighter cast that went all the way around as well as a pretty purple – incidentally the colour of emotional and spiritual healing – to make me feel better about having the cast.
That was the day. Now what do the cards have to say about it….
The Cards - Analysis
Creativity is the first card out in the Now position with the Stress card influencing or blocking Creativity. This make a strange kind of sense. In the waiting room I needed to get creative to pass the time while the stress of not being see to or knowing what was happening was looming.
If you see the two cards as constantly cycling through the day the dance between Creativity and Stress could have happened on an hourly basis at each situation. First in the waiting room, then in the consultation area, the x-ray department, waiting for x-rays et cetera.
The Goal could be seen as the metaphorical Rebirth of my bone healing. It was a renewed hope that surgery would not be necessary and while I begrudge the additional two weeks in a cast. The long term benefits of not having surgery outweigh the immediate need for it. Let’s not confuse this for me being anti-surgery, if the doctor’s recommendation would have been to have it.
My training to trust subject matter experts would have agreed to it too. It does help that the doctor was echoing just about word for word what the Tweed Head hospital orthopedic specialists had said, without them committing another doctor to a course of action they may or may not take. After all time and swelling reduction needed to occur first before they would be willing to give a definitive course of action too.
Harmony was the fourth card and is in the Distant Past position and We are the World in the Recent Past position. For the purposes of the distant and recent past positions these two cards are very similar in my mind right now. We are the World is just a slightly watered down version of Harmony.
That means from the synchronicity of Harmony, and I’m guessing it stems from Tweed Heads hospital, prompt ambulance, and care from Alicia to the local doctor’s prompt referral to the clinic everything has been healing and working as well as it has. We are the World is simply and extension overlapping the latter events.
Comparison in the Future Energy position. There’s no surprise to this card appearing in this position reflecting how I would feel about things following the knowledge disclosed to me today regarding my healing path. Of course, I would be considering Bruce’s circumstances and reminding myself that I’m not him nor is the situation identical – plus I don’t really know all the facts for his incident either.
Not to mention that my mother, my mother-in-law and best friend’s mum have all gone through a similar thing and come out smiling. Again, I’m comparing… grr Yes. I’m aware that it’s useless to compare because comparison only makes me feel isolated in this circumstance.
Look at that, Ice-olation is the card that is in position seven reflecting the Feelings I have about the situation. Ice-olation is more about loneliness than the Aloneness card. Ice-olation is usually about the loneliness you create for yourself by not sharing your feelings.
Sometimes, it’s difficult when you’re home alone and don’t really feel like sharing, so it’s about wallowing. Wallow I did. No good dose of self-pity happens without a good scoop of wallowing.
Suppression is an interesting card to have in position which identifies Other People’s Views. To my mind, I didn’t think I was suppressing much. Perhaps my frustration about the weight but once the nurse visited and mentioned they were waiting for a bed, I was good.
The other area where the staff at the clinic may have thought I had been suppressing might be how stressed I was about the injury. Perhaps, they thought I was making light of the situation to mask my true worry on the topic. Guess we’ll never know even if it is interesting.
Breakthrough was the ninth card and is in the Hopes & Fears position. You bet, I was looking forward to gaining some knowledge breakthrough! That knowledge has the power to lift me into hope and cause me to fear it.
Hope that everything would be okay and that the injury wasn’t as bad as my mum’s had been and fear that it was more complicated and would require surgery. Surgery added to longer, more complicated and more merry persons looking after me. Don’t get me wrong, I love merry persons but I’m happy with the quotient I have now.
Morality is in the Outcome position of position ten. Morality is all about doing the right thing at the cost of having fun sometimes. It definitely feels like that is the outcome to my visit to the hospital today. It also sees me wanting to wish this temporary situation with my leg away.
Day 026 – Australia Day!
26 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 26!
On the whole today’s plan was to stay as immobile as possible with my ankle above heart height. This was going to be done by watching a lot of Netflix and YouTube. At the end of the day, that’s exactly what transpired and therefore there wasn’t much to write about.
But maybe the cards can eke out some thoughts and activities that happened today.
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Moment to Moment card was the first and is in the Now position. From the outset the cards got the plan for the day; the plan was to go from one moment to the next without really planning what was next. Just being cautious where I step. Is it me, or are the cards being a bit cheeky when it shows me a man tenderly going from stepping stone to stepping stone and that’s kind of how I broke my ankle! Hmmm….
Transformation card was the second one today and is in the Influence position.
Compromise card was the third one today and is in the Goal position.
Comparison card was the fourth one today and is in the Distant Past position.
Participation card was the fifth one today and is in the Recent Past position.
Sorrow card was the sixth one today and is in the Future Energy position.
Adventure card was the seventh one today and is in the Feelings or immediate future position.
Conditioning card was the eighth one today and is in the Other People’s Views position.
Mind card was the ninth one today and is in the Hopes and Fears position.
The Lovers card was the tenth one today and is in the Outcome position.
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Day 025 – More Change!
25 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 25!
This is going to be short and sweet. The day was pretty much spent on the lounge or a chair all day keeping my leg above heart level. This for the most part meant lying down.
While this is doing wonders for the swelling, when you do finally move around to get lunch or relieve yourself, the rush of blood back to the previously raised limb heightens the pain.
Another thing that heightens the pain is the bandage has gotten a bit looser and with the swelling going down theres more movement within the cast too, which means friction. There even feels like a heel blister on the inside of the cast just to add another dimension to the spectrum of various pains. Like the half cast rubbing again the calves.
That aside, apparently my neighbour’s grandson had been influenced by seeing me on crutches and when he feel off his trike insisted on walking around with a cane until it got better at the end of the day! It’s incredibly sweet to hear.
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Adventure card was the first and was in the Now position. Maybe the Adventure card is more about what I want to be doing than what I’m doing. Having said that although this whole experience comes with it frustrations there are certainly a lot of interesting and wonderful things being experience. That leads nicely into the next card of ….
Experiencing card was the second one today and was in the Influence position. Looking at the various days and expecting that they will be simply a cookie cutter copy from the day before has been surprising.
Each day, although from the outset seems like there is little to write about seems to have its own unique characteristics. For instance, I do not expect tomorrow to be much different than from today. Yet, my husband will be home and by that simple variable, it cannot be the same as today.
Existence card was the third one today and was in the Goal position. The Existence card is about appreciating that there is no one like you or that can ever be you, and that you matter and are necessary as you are and where you are. Existence is about awareness of this relevance. As a Goal, it’s always there.
The Master card was the fourth one today and was in the Distant Past position. In this position in the layout, it indicates that I have been able to exist outside of the cyclical daily grind even while being apart from it. The Master or this feeling is the foundation for seeing this experience (including my gripes) as and Adventure.
Healing card was the fifth one today and was in the Recent Past position. This card and this position get a “oh, dah!”. It’s all I’ve been focusing on and all you’ve been reading about. The pain of the healing process.
Compromise card was the sixth one today and was in the Future Energy position. This card is one of those cards that happens as part of life but it’s really fun. So, what was today’s compromise? I don’t have one for you. The card hasn’t eventuated or I’ve missed something, both of these options could apply.
Trust card was the seventh one today and was in the Feelings or immediate future position. This card does apply. The cards itself means that I need to trust the healing process and that everything will work out.
My mum rang today to remind me to be patient during these days of temporary cast wearing as she’s aware that I’m not particularly good at sitting still not getting anything done. Even typing these posts are a no-no. Surprising since it’s an ankle injury not a brain one. However, between the pain and the odd angles at which you need to type if you’re raising your leg, it would be easier not to do them.
We are the World card was the eighth one today and was in the Other People’s Views position. Okay, the only people I could gauge this from is my husband and my mother as my only contacts today. We are the World is about working together for a common goal. Thinking about this, my mum might think that husband and I are working well together and husband might think that mum and I are doing likewise.
Rebirth card was the ninth one today and was in the Hopes and Fears position. An easy one! Rebirth at face value restoring what you once had. Healed ankle, able to move around again freely, sounds like a good “hope” factor. The fear factor is that it will take longer than expected because I’m older.
Change card was the tenth one today and was in the Outcome position. Sounds like things are moving. In other tarot decks this card is known as the “wheel of fortune”. This is the turning of start of an experience, through the growth, descent and finally death elements. The card is a reminder that the pain of the situation depends on how you view the changes that are occurring.
Reminder to embrace the change regardless of form – noted.
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Day 024 – It’s a new day!
24 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 24!
Just a quick note, by direct order from the doctor, I need to raise my leg above my heart. Lifting my leg above my heart makes the pain in my ankle much worse when I resume it to its original position. The temporary splint digs into my calves, and the ankle bones rub against the cast as well. Also, writing with my leg raised makes putting the daily blog together more difficult because of the pain – even with painkillers. The angle of the leg makes it awkward to type. It’s a new day, and I’ll find a way.
Today started better than last night, which is a good thing, but mornings are always better than evenings. I guess it’s all the times I need to get up to pee during the night. Today’s goal is to keep movement to a minimum and not leave the house. Taking every moment as it comes. If my leg is going to get better, it means being patient and doing the right thing – grumble.
By keeping myself to the study, all activity – or lack thereof – progressed nicely. I only needed to get up for a few things, basically, food and the call of nature. Then, getting up to go to the bathroom, I overbalanced on the crutches and fell. I was unable to avoid putting weight on the injured ankle.
My husband helped me get back up, but shaken was I. There’s a point where you don’t trust your footing anymore, although I know where I went wrong. Not only that, you begin to question whether the pain you’re feeling is part of the original injury or whether you added a complication to the injury.
Not wanting to stress out and become a see things that aren’t there. Plus, I’d already followed up, and it was nothing. Okay. I know that the former baseline situation has changed because there was another fall. So, I’ll be extra careful and move less, put up my foot. It’s just another three days, and I’ll be seeing the specialist anyway.
To reduce the number of times I could fall at home, we purchased a cheap office chair to wheel around the house instead of the crutches. My mum had done this when she had a broken leg and hip surgery because she lived independently. For me, it seemed like a much safer option, especially since my husband goes back to work tomorrow.
In the meantime, while at the door, the neighbour was outside with her daughter and granddaughter. The granddaughter was learning to skateboard. After a tiny chit-chat, I went back inside and put my leg up. To spend the rest of the new day with my legs elevated above heart level, watching TV shows that grabbed my interest.
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Projections card was the first and is in the Now position. Means I was hopeful that I could get around doing all the things my mum could do.
Also, there is probably a bit of an unfair projection of all the stuff I would get done if I could move about. I know it’s unfair because its stuff I’ve been meaning to get to for ages and haven’t. So, yeah. Unfair.
In fairness, it should be pointed out that some of these relate to the short exposure that I have had to my work in collecting my computer equipment and making unfounded assumptions. Oh. It’s so difficult to have time to think in isolation sometimes. Fortunately, it’s in isolation and you can work through them before they do any damage.
Beyond Illusion card was the second one today and is in the Influence position. The process of moving from caterpillar to butterfly, chrysalis is assisting me in forming the projections that are unfair. This makes sense since, the change of the broken ankle has forced upon us is causing the unfair expectations of me and those around me.
Success card was the third one today and is in the Goal position. There’s a large focus that I want to master this situation. When i say this situation, I’m talking about the crutches, the confinement and the frustration of having the broken ankle.
Sharing card was the fourth one today and is in the Distant Past position. I’m used to having more than I need and when not confined like pre-ankle I enjoy my freedom of movement and give generously of my time and effort.
Morality card was the fifth one today and is in the Recent Past position. Wonder if this relates to me “doing the right thing” not going to the hospital post the fall – just to save inconveniencing a lot of people? I suspect it might be.
Awareness card was the second one today and is in the Future Energy position. Looking at my ankle injury from a metaphysical injury, it would mean that I’m rethinking my physical direction.
How did I arrive at that? Without going into depth the basics are: right side equals physical direction, ankle equals movement, activity and allows for forward movement. Therefore, there’s a part of my psyche that wasn’t being listened to that wanted me to take a good long look at where I wanted to go with respect to my occupation.
Friendliness card was the seventh one today and is in the Feelings or immediate future position. This was probably the friendly chat with our neighbour and her family. It was refreshing and lovely.
Conditioning card was the eighth one today and is in the Other People’s Views position. People saw me as breaking away from what you’re supposed to do with a broken ankle perhaps? Maybe being out chatting on crutches made me look competent with them and it was different to everyone else at the time.
Consciousness card was the ninth one today and is in the Hopes and Fears position. I am hoping that I was fully conscious of my choice not going to hospital again was a clear choice but fearing that perhaps I might not be. This is that internal struggle position. Did I struggle with the decision? Yes. Do I think it was the right one? Yes. Am I scared that my intuition was wrong? Yes. But that’s Hopes and Fears for you right there.
Moment to Moment card was the tenth one today and is in the Outcome position. In the end, I didn’t have any choice but to live moment to moment. However, the card Moment to Moment, isn’t about having to do it means there’s a mindfulness to the acceptance not just struggling from one second to the next.
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Day 023 – Oh the joy of pain!
23 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 023!
Let me tell you right now that my day started painfully. The pain steadily increased over the course of the day. There were times that the pain was less and eased when I lucked on a “comfortable position” which was mainly in the morning.
In full disclosure, I haven’t really been taking a lot of pain medication because I have elected to deal with the pain to help prevent me from doing something stupid.
The other thing you might need to know about me is that, even if I think I’m doing things by halves others certainly don’t think that’s me. In spite of my best intentions to be “sensible” I still seem to stumble.
This morning was spent in bed with my ankle above my heart level. At times, the ankle was at head level (knee bent but the lower leg was kept straight). The increase in pain is what I’ve put down to the swelling subsiding.
Around lunchtime, the pain eased and I thought that I could manage a trip to the regular weekend lunch location. My husband organised for a wheelchair in advance to be collected from the concierge at the shopping centre. This sounded like it would make life much easier and to some extent it did – I didn’t have to walk around everywhere on crutches. I would not have gone had this been the case.
As it turned out the wheelchair while better than walking everywhere on crutches contributed to my pain. Not wanting to rob my husband of lunch we managed to find a table in the food court where I could put the cast on a seat in line with my hip. My pain subsided again. Following lunch it was a quick trip to the supermarket, where I stayed outside and again we found a place where I could elevate my ankle in line with my hip.
Thankfully, it was then homeward but a quick stop to get a wedge pillow for me to use while in bed. Which turned out just as useful to elevate my ankle because it gave my leg a ramp to lie on. With a knee support I was set. Or so I thought. I took painkillers.
Even following painkillers my right hip is really really hurting because it’s so constrained and my ankle just burns. Worse still I am unable to tell the difference of whether it’s the cast or my bones. Am I just overreacting or is it real?
The pain level is sitting at an eight which is the highest it’s been since I broke the ankle. What to do? The paperwork advises to go to the doctor to get it checked out if the pain level changes. I did this the other day and everything was fine.
In this circumstance, I am seeking comparison between what others have done and what I need to do. I know comparison is stupid because each situation and person is slightly different. Yet, my husband is asleep and he has been so wonderful moving furniture around for me, just so I can sit straight on to the TV. Think I will try and get some sleep and see how everything sits in the morning. If the pain has eased, I’ll assess it again then. If I can’t sleep from the pain, I won’t be afraid to wake Mark One of us needs to be fighting fit and I need him.
So, roll on Day 024!
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
NOTE: For the moment I will not be doing the card analysis and simply letting them speak for themselves. My aim is to capture my days in the Context sufficiently for me to be able to perform the analysis when my ankle is less painful.
Guilt card was the first and is in the Now position.
Harmony card was the second one today and is in the Influence position.
Comparison card was the third one today and is in the Goal position.
Breakthrough card was the fourth one today and is in the Distant Past position.
Turning In card was the fifth one today and is in the Recent Past position.
New Vision card was the second one today and is in the Future Energy position.
The Burden card was the seventh one today and is in the Feelings or immediate future position.
No-thingness card was the eighth one today and is in the Other People’s Views position.
Moment to Moment card was the ninth one today and is in the Hopes and Fears position.
Transformation card was the tenth one today and is in the Outcome position.
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Day 022 – The end of the beginning!
22 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 022!
Wow, just going through my posts and discovered that I hadn’t written anything for this page. At least, the read was quick for those jumping in to see what had happened. Luckily, I was taking a couple of scribbly notes on the day.
This was four days into my broken ankle and things were pretty busy. On top of being busy trying to see doctors to consultations to get my ankle looked at I’ve been petrified of moving anything below the knee for fear of increasing the damage.
Bear in mind, I’m experiencing frustration at not having seen the xray photos to know where the break is. If the break is all the way through, I also don’t want to start any accelerated healing options – just in case they work and heal the bone in the wrong location and it needs to get rebroken.
There are a lot of things that I’m learning about myself. For instance, I can be playful and compassionate to the people providing assistance to me! My goal is to make their life as easy as possible. In return, I’m hoping that by not stressing them I’ll get better care.
The medical staff have not been exhibiting an signs of concern, not even in the slightest. This means to me that everything is “normal”. Well, as normal as it can be for a broken ankle – right?
I also realised that I’m in control of the healing process. I’m awake, feeling pain and when I’m in pain I’m able to manage it more than I thought possible. At every stage, when people have warned me of the come down from pain, I was expecting a massive increase in my inability to deal with the pain. It was not so. Not at the 30 minute mark after the incident when the adrenaline was meant to drop off nor the next day.
Hmm. Surprisingly tough. Happy with that!
What did the cards have to say. The analysis isn’t going to be very detailed because I’m just going off memory for the analysis, so I’ll probably just use the names of the cards to trigger what I can remember of the day, based on my notes above.
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Playfulness card was the first and is in the Now position. Ha. You see! I used playfulness in my notes. There’s a nice bit of banter with the medical staff and husband.
Rebirth card was the second one today and is in the Influence position. This type of playfulness is something that I feel is a part of me that I haven’t seen since my teenage years. It comes with confidence and assurance of who I am in and of myself. Like an inkling of purpose. Influencing Playfulness means it’s enhancing the play. If this is a blocker card or if we look at the not-so silver lining, it could be that there might have been a reason this went to ground.
Understanding card was the third one today and is in the Goal position. This card in this position simply says, I want to understand what I need to do to heal in order for that to happen I need to gain an Understanding of what my fractures look like.
Slowing Down card was the fourth one today and is in the Distant Past position. For me, I wanted to come back from vacation and go straight in to see my doctor. The having to sit and wait until I saw someone even if it is reasonable seemed too long.
The relief from yesterday’s visit to the clinic at least put my mind at ease and that’s it’s okay even if I still don’t know what the fractures look like. The Slowing Down is required to let the swelling go down. It also gives me a little bit of time to settle.
Ice-olation card was the fifth one today and is in the Recent Past position. Yep. In my haste to do things, I feel alone. Although everyone has been quite amazing with their support. Still feel, that my lack of asking the right question on the day has prevented me from knowing what my ankle looks like. Yep. My own doing.
Completion card was the sixth one today and is in the Future Energy position. The card of Completion seems to indicate that for the moment at least, there is nothing else I can do to accelerate my healing. It’s that moment when you’ve put the cake batter into the over and there’s nothing left to do than wait for it to finish cooking. In a sense, it’s the end of the beginning.
Sharing card was the seventh one today and is in the Feelings or immediate future position. This is the compassion for the healers I was talking about in the Context. Sharing my information and not arguing with them to get information or abusing them when I was inwardly impatient at times – not often – but at times.
Integration card was the eighth one today and is in the Other People’s Views position. I’m pleased to see this card in this position. To me it means that what I’ve been setting out to portray as being cooperative with those around me, including my husband, is working.
The Fool card was the ninth one today and is in the Hopes and Fears position. The Fool card is not about being an idiot – although sometimes that can be a consequence of the decisions made *smile*. This card reflects my tentative research on sound/ frequency healing and hoping that it will work. At the same time fearing that it will do nothing. But hey, what have I go to lose?
The Rebel card was the tenth one today and is in the Outcome position. It’s about breaking free of boundaries because I trust in my process because in this regard I know myself – mostly.
Link to References
Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
Day 021 – Let the Healing Begin!
21 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 21!
Yesterday afternoon-evening the pain level in my temporary cast felt worse. It kept me from sleeping through the night. Toward the morning when it hadn’t subsided, I grew concerned that the cast was either digging into my leg or worse, the bone had moved into a more problematic position.
Last night I had husband clean a blood blister that was infected. Lanced and cleaned with Isopropyl, the wound looked much better in the morning.
Because the pain in the ankle had increased and the painkillers weren’t doing the job, I contacted the Fractures Clinic.
By the way, this was the recommendation from the hospital if the pain increased. A bit like Newton’s laws of motion, but for the injury it’s like: 1. A foot and/ or ankle at rest will stay or at a pain level, at rest unless acted upon by another force. In this case, that “other” force could be anything: an infection, the cast digging in, the bone moving, to me twitching the wrong way in my sleep or going to the loo (Australian slang for lavatory).
The Fractures Clinic picked up and turned out not to be the Fractures Clinic because it was 6:30am and it doesn’t open until 8:00am. I’d reached emergency or outpatients, who also supported that I come in because the pain level had not eased, even if I had a referral to the clinic.
My husband and I headed to the RBH (Royal Brisbane Hospital) Outpatients. It was early (just before 8:00am – I think). It took a while for me to wash and discuss what we were going to do.
At the hospital it was a short wait before Richard wheeled me in to see Dr V, who sent me for X-rays to ensure nothing had moved. Dr V wheeled me around to xray and while it didn’t look like a long wait, I noticed the toilet and decided it would be a good time to make use of them.
After discussing my “shoulda or shouldn’t I’s” with admin it was decided that I should go rather than being uncomfortable. I crutchered up and hobbled across to the only toilets in direct line of sight – the able-bodied toilet.
As a side note, being on crutches limits the amount of landscape perusal you seem to do naturally – most times. Women will do this walking past clothes, shoes or just shops, performing a quick assessment of what’s on display to see if the store has anything of interest. I don’t always do this. When I am on a “mission”, I have one goal in mind and that’s “get in and get out as quickly as possible”. In this mode, I have walked past friends and family members without recognising them when they’ve been literally two metres away from me. Yep, it gets that focussed.
Getting back to the toilet, I was in “mission” mode and concentrating hard on the new skill I needed to learn (walking with crutches). The door to the toilet was hard to push open, but with a bit of elbow force I got it working. What I wasn’t expecting was that it would push back!
Anyway, I hadn’t gotten my crutches or me inside the cubicle fast enough when the door knocked out the crutch from my right hand and I once again fell to the ground. Luckily, I managed to dodge the sink on the left and only hit my top lip on the toilet bowl. The crutches being in the way slowed my descent and made the fall less damaging.
My right knee took the brunt of the fall with a sore lip even through the mask, on the whole not much more than some would experience on a drunken night out missing the porcelain bus (toilet bowl). While there was some bruising everything seemed to be okay. The right hip was a little sore, but nothing to write home about.
The hospital staff were incredibly helpful in getting me out and up off the floor safely wheeled into the less-able-bodied toilet directly opposite the able-bodied one. Once wheeled back to my xray bed, a doctor came by immediately to check that I was okay.
In xray, Sam ever the professional took quick “doctor happy snaps” from right knee to right toe and I was on my way back to see Dr V.
Dr V had in the meantime consulted with the photos sent from Tweed Hospital, my husband and maybe the Fractures Clinic. All X-rays showed that everything was as it should be beautifully aligned. Following a quick check to confirm that the lower wound was dressed, we both decided that removing the temporary plaster could possibly put things out of alignment and make things worse.
Now that I knew everything was in its proper position and aligned beautifully – the concern I had around the pain was abated. To me it meant that healing could begin in ernst. The pain was a result of the break and the healing my body was undertaking. Much like a scab gets itchy right before it is about to drop off and show healed skin.
After Dr V re-bandaged the area. We were off home.
I tried to take it easy for the rest of the day because healing takes its toll. However, there was the nagging card of Laziness that drew my attention much like a red smudge on a sea of black and white.
This prompted me to not get lazy about letting Tweed Council, the lovely Rachel know about the fall and that I recommended that some anti-slip measures be put in place on the steps of the Jack Evans Boat Harbour. Having worked in local government (not Tweed) I’m aware that complaints need to be actioned upon, at least to assess the risk to the council’s constituents.
It also ensured that I updated work of the situation – didn’t want them missing me too much!
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Laziness was the first card and is in the Now position. If you’re new to reading these posts you may not be aware that the Laziness card gets me into a tither. It’s the card that tells me that maintenance is needed somewhere in my life because I have been resting on my laurels. Being in the Now position means I’m neglecting something that I feel is important.
The Laziness card’s effects me in such a way that I tend to forget my mindfulness and begin to focus on anything and everything else. Contrary to the card’s name, I get my act together and start getting to things that I’ve neglected for ages – which is precisely the point of the card.
Being incapacitated and the cards/ I know this. I’m not that cruel to myself to think it would be something physical I’m neglecting; like say putting weed killer on the lawn. This, however, makes the card twice as daunting and like a boa constrictor restricts my focus options, meaning less chance of avoiding the thing I’m using lazing to avoid.
Change was the second card and is in the Influence position. The Change card sat in the Feelings position on Day 019. My feelings on the changes my life has taken could have my acceptance of the situation fall into the passive state of Laziness. Instead of the conscious choice of simply being.
Existence was the third card and is in the Goal position. Following on from what I just wrote, the goal I set for myself is to simply exist. Being one in the multi-dimensional universe and reconnecting to the awareness of one’s place within it.
Innocence was the fourth card and is in the Distant Past position. Innocence was in the Feelings position yesterday – Day 020 – and spoke of seeing things in a new way. Having seen the way the health systems in the two Australian states operate, I have been pleasantly surprised.
So, how does this contribute to the Now? Perhaps, it is as I said under the Laziness section, the Innocence of new sight led me to a position of Laziness. Basically, I stopped simply appreciating and wanted to take greater control of my situation.
Control was the fifth card and is in the Recent Past position. Enter the Control card in the Recent Past position. Sometimes, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried! Control is about well, control. If you look closely at the image, you’ll see that the figure is very rigid very stern and lacks for a sense of fun.
Perhaps there was a part of me seeking to control things by unconsciously upping the pain in my leg (which realistically was probably the healing and de-swelling starting).
Receptivity was the sixth card and is in the Future Energy position. Receptivity was in the same position yesterday – Day 020.
So, what does it mean to show up in the same position two days running? A cynical person my say, the result is a likely option at some point. Not being a statistician, I could only guess the likelihood of its occurrence.
In tarot world, it means that the same energy that was there yesterday may have cycled back or will simply continue. How can this be, when the other cards have changed?
We’re all aware that multiple things happen at the same time, particularly where emotions are concerned. Emotions to me are like the weather, always there in some form, whether we can see it or not. Potentially then, receptiveness may not have left and instead continued beneath the surface simultaneously.
It applies to the day in that once Control had passed and I received the information to assuage my concerns, I became much more receptive to life in all its forms.
Thunderbolt was the seventh card and is in the Feelings position. Thunderbolt has typically meant a change in physical circumstances to me. Thunderbolt is like moving house, changing jobs or a sudden shift in relationships. It’s about testing how we to these circumstances. We can react or we can take responsibility for how we respond to the situation (if you take the description from Steven R Covey’s, 7 Habits of Highly Effective people, where he describes responsibility as broken down to our “ability to respond”).
If I stick with the physical and treat this as an immediate recognisable event position then, it could also apply to my “toilet fall incident”. The very sudden change in my physical status – standing one minute on the floor the next – would also fit the Thunderbolt interpretation!
The Master was the eighth card and is in the Other People’s Views position. The Master card is a nice card in the Other People’s Views position. I am hoping that it means that I appeared to take responsibility when I fell.
Extending beyond that incident to Dr V and general interactions with hospital staff. Meaning that what I am trying to be is exactly as I wished to be seen. That is, projecting someone who is responsive, shows situational awareness of emotions, circumstances and has the presence of mind to communicate clearly on all levels.
Traveling was the ninth card out and is in the Hopes and Fears position. Traveling has been treated as another physical activity card by me in this deck. Oh, how I wish for travel. However, given my history of incidents while traveling; do I get separation anxiety when it’s time to leave the vacation? Or, in future do I get lazy about where I travel to avoid another incident?
Healing was the tenth card out and is in the Outcome position. The beautiful thing about having the Healing card as the Outcome for this particular reading, is that it aligns as nicely with what needs to happen with my body as it does with my mind.
Given the new information from today’s trip to the hospital, I can quite happily begin to heal.
Day 020 – Patience
20 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 20!
After doing everything I could for myself yesterday, I simply needed time to catch up to the appointments put in place.
In the morning we had furniture returned that had away for reupholstering since October 2020 – that’s COVID/ coronavirus for you! It looks fabulous! Worth the wait.
My husband had to go to work today, and I had the scary prospect of having to deal with restricted capability on my own.
It’s amazing how even the simplest of tasks take on complexity. That’s not even having to deal with the restrictions of the cast. If I thought being confined to the house for COVID-19 was bad, being confined to a chair is a much worse and way more frustrating. While always having an amazing amount of respect for people who have disabilities this puts a whole new level of appreciation on top of that.
Neither near death experience, decompression sickness (mild), or concussion never prepared me for the physical incapacity of something more than a day or two. Oh, I was so blasé about so many things. So many more things that I will need to become more mindful about to enhance my appreciation of life itself.
Simple things like having a shower, which not so long ago seemed like something you just did, is now a Ben Hur movie production. Since, breaking my ankle on the way back from the beach, I haven’t been able to have a decent shower. As I write, I still have salty hair – eww! Note, I have had sponge baths, it’s not the same and enjoying the water on your head washing away the day’s ills.
The Queensland Health system mentioned that I could follow them up in the afternoon. I’ll wait.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock!
Erh… what’s on Netflix?
Hmmmm.. that looks good. Let’s watch that.
Watching, watching, engrossed.
BRING! BRRING! It’s the phone! IT’S THE PHONE! (Okay, I know phones don’t make that sound anymore).
It was the hospital to which my doctor referred me to for the Fractures Clinic telling me the referral was in the system and that the Royal Brisbane Hospital had picked it up. From there it was just a matter of waiting for the clinic staff to contact me to make an appointment. Expected timeframe was anytime in the next two weeks!
Two weeks had me worried that my broken bone would heal in the wrong position. Called a friend of mine who knew people, who had broken ankles, to ask for advice. Here, I will refer to her as Audrey (not her real name). Audrey mentioned that she would contact her mother – a long time nurse, recently retired – to find out what the process was when she was there.
Feedback from Audrey’s mother was that this was pretty standard, usually this period of time allows the swelling to go down. This was confirmed by another friend Zezee (not her real name either) who’s mother had a broken ankle. It’s more common than I thought.
None of this helped quell the anxiety I was feeling about things being out of alignment. From my photo it looked like something was skewed. In any case, the swelling needed to go down.
So, by the afternoon I had resigned myself to the wait. The whole thing was exhausting and I drifted in and out of micro naps and my focus wasn’t there although I did a lot of breathing and mindfulness activities.
Now that I’ve reached that topic, I’m used to sitting cross-legged for meditation and watching TV on couch of an evening. Na-uh! This is where I fold my hands and pout. Quite ineffective when nobody’s around except the cats!
Anyway, as the day wore on my leg started becoming more painful.
The Cards
New Vision was the first card and was in the Now position. Normally this card represents going and doing things your own way. New Vision for today, is a new way to view the world, especially the Queensland medical field and its processes.
With respect to doing things my own way, I’m not sure many people follow-up once the referral is put into the system, since there’s probably no need. I’m new to the system and part of what I do for a job involves lots of follow-up.
Mind was the second card and was in the Influence position. The thing stopping me from progressing was Mind. Mind card is about overthinking things, getting caught up in thoughts and misdirections and not taking the time to quieten the mind to allow clarity to come in (refer below to Hindsight Note, how this happened).
Conditioning was the third card and was in the Goal position. Again, breaking the bonds of conditioning was a goal. It might be that I thought the system was broken and that I needed to go rogue on it! That was conditioning.
Audrey had used the system in Queensland previously and advised me to follow the system but to trust it because it usually worked pretty well. So, no need to go rogue on the system. I needed to break my conditioning around thinking the system was broken which is a common perception.
It did make me realise that I needed to step back and let this experience speak for itself, rather than letting other people’s experiences define how this was going to work for me.
Patience was the fourth card and was in the Distant Past position. Speaking of other people’s or my experiences Patience, once all is confirmed has paid off in better service. Of course, there’s the squeaky wheel that gets served first but not necessarily better or with the same degree of care. So, past experience held me back from contacting the hospital Fractures Clinic in the morning.
The Fool was the fifth card and was in the Recent Past position. The Fool in a tarot deck does not always mean you wind up as The Fool. Sometimes it means taking a brave leap which you believe is what you must do. In the broken ankle scenario, I’m going to treat this again as breaking out of the mold.
Perhaps, it was trying to exercise (walking up and down the hall one time) the toes by wriggling them like the instruction sheet handed to me by the hospital recommended. This did seem to aggravate the injury more.
Receptivity was the sixth card and was in the Future Energy position. Yesterday, the Receptivity card was in position eight on how others might view me. Today, it’s in the Future Energy spot signalling that perhaps I’ll be entering the energy of receiving and accepting life in whatever form it takes. To some extent I believe this is what happened when I resigned to the day and the process.
Innocence was the seventh card and was in the Feelings position. Looking back on the day. There was an appreciation for how it unfolded and I felt that I did do things my own way like in the New Vision card. However, I stripped back what I thought I knew about the health system and viewed it with new eyes. As Marcel Proust once wrote: “[t]he real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes”.
Awareness was the eighth card and was in the Other People’s Views position. The card of Awareness is about discovering an innerness that is inherent in yourself. Other people’s views, could be that they see me as not consciously portraying positivity but that I might be (?) It’s open to debate.
Flowering was the ninth card and was in the Hopes and Fears position. Flowering is a beautiful card of a woman completely herself, not afraid of her femininity or expressing it but she is not weak. It is what I hope to be, not being a mother I can only hope to live up to some of the amazing feats mother’s have been through and go through on a daily basis. My fear is that I will never live up to that expectation.
Trust was the tenth card and was in the Outcome position. And finally we reach the position of Trust in the Outcome spot. Trust is the complete letting go of all control and letting the chips fall as they may.
It took awhile for me to get there but at the end of the day I think I finally got there.
Hindsight Note from 21 Jan 2021
At the point I was being treated or subsequently, it would be useful to note that I had not seen my x-rays (“it’s all in the system [computers] and the system wasn’t relaying images beyond the radiology department. Dr S always had to go to radiology to view the image and therefore out of my reach and view. So, I had no idea what we were working with. Also, the use of “temporary cast” made it seem like it was just patched up, rather than fixed and held in place.
When it came to putting the cast on, I was asked to lay on my stomach and if possible. Dr M would then bend my leg up perform appropriate ministrations to the injured area and apply the cast. Again, I did not view or understand what was being done or the severity of my break.
I was naively thought that the break in my leg had left my bones out of alignment. The photo I had taken looked like stuff was definitely misaligned (turns out this was just swelling).
Nonetheless, it was this assumption that was triggering my need to get things happening quicker, you know before my bones started healing in the wrong position and it had to get rebroken to be put in the right position.
Day 019 – Winds of Change
19 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 19!
There were a lot of warnings about a sleepless night and pain. It’s possibly the painkillers the hospital administered that prevented that from happening. For the most part I slept well.
Getting used to using crutches was an altogether interesting experience – not that I can wield them yet with any great assurance. However, after embedding the basic techniques from Dr S, falling backward was prevented.
It’s amazing just how many activities you take for granted when able-bodied. Little things like going to the ladies is a production in itself.
After checking out and crossing the border it was a one and a half hour trip back home. While husband was driving, I was able to book in a doctor’s appointment to refer me to the Fractures Clinic. Thinking I would be able to get in straight away I refrained from eating anything until after the appointment. In the meantime, the journey was not kind to the pain.
To my surprise the estimated wait time to get into the Fractures Clinic would be approximately a week to two weeks. In part this is because the swelling needs to go down and in part because there’s a backlog of patients in the public system.
Trying to get a private orthopedic surgeon seemed just about impossible and I concluded that I would need to wait for the swelling to go down regardless whether it was public or private. So, I stuck with the public health system in Queensland.
Whenever I’ve had dealings with the Queensland public health system, which has mainly revolved around a visit with my mother and a couple of Coronavirus tests, the service has been nothing but professional and competent.
Had I been staying locally around Tweed Heads I suspect I could have been fixed before the swelling set in (I think). Anyway, what’s done is done. Now I need to trust in my choices to bring about a healing experience of body and mind.
The Cards
Traveling was the first card in the Now position. Yesterday Traveling was in the Goal position and today it is in the Now position. Making for a nice easy way for us to track the transition from Goal to Now. In this case, I’m simply using the card to indicate the card’s literal meaning.
Possibilities was the second card in the Influence position. Influencing the Traveling was the Possibilities card. There were many possibilities open to me but the better long term options available to me were if we went back home. At home, if needed I would be able to seek assistance from my neighbour, my husband and the treatment options might be greater.
We are the World was the third card in the Goal position. This card, to me and it diverges from Osho’s view of this card, is when people are working in together for a higher purpose. In the situation where I have broken my ankle the Goal I have is that I give each of the people involved the respect not only for their person but also for their skills.
In this way, if everyone works together the team of experts create wonderful possibilities and my humble broken ankle aside, they save lives. Although, even the success of fixing a broken ankle in time is a cause for celebration.
Stress was the fourth card in the Distant Past position. The situation at the crux of it all was the slip at the boat harbour. A stress caused by a lack of mindfulness; splitting my attention between washing my feet, taking a step, already thinking about finalising the packing at the hotel for the trip back, how awesome the swim was and how sad I’ll be to finish the weekend.
So, can is see where the Stress card fits in? Yes.
Awareness was the fifth card and appeared in the Recent Past position. Following the moment of Stress it began to dawn on me that in there will be a period of not exercising, swimming or even moving freely. Four to six weeks of frustration loomed ahead of me. The other thing that dawned on me as I replayed the incident in my mind was that I was incredibly lucky with just a broken ankle.
The steps were/ are dangerous and being so close to the water was in in my humble opinion a beautiful and poor planning decision. Especially, if there wasn’t an allowance for including some non-slip grip on the steps close to the water.
The Lovers was the sixth card and appeared in the Future Energy position. I struggle when this card appears because it plays tricks on me. Not until today have I had another realisation about what The Lovers card might mean – retrospectively applied to when I met my husband. That’s a tale for another post.
The card is about unity and compassion. Osho’s words, “This love is based on freedom, not expectation or need” (References, Day 019.1).
Applying The Lovers to the circumstance in which I find myself in may very well relate to all the people that do their jobs well. It could also relate to my husband whose help at the moment I would literally struggle without. It’s early days and he has been incredibly attentive to ensuring that I do not further injure myself .
Change was the seventh card and appeared in the upcoming Feelings or feelings about the situation position. Without a doubt things will change for me. This is a learning curve I can say with assurance that the most people don’t plan for themselves.
The card represents the changing nature of Change itself. At the moment it is a down with the ankle and inconvenience and there is also an up in that I gain a new perspective of restrictions and constraints.
While it’s not something you would wish to test your mettle with I’m using it as an opportunity to do so. Stay-tuned as the grumbles could very well follow.
Receptivity was the eighth card and appeared in the Other People’s Views position. The Receptivity card is about appreciation and gratitude for life itself accepting whatever life brings. Being in the how Others see me position, might be the case.
There has been a conscious choice in myself on how I would handle this situation. I did not want to take my shock of the situation out on others around me and especially not on those that were there to help me. This sounds simple. For me, at least it took years of meditation to get to be able to have enough mental control not to swear at the universe in a “why me?” or “what about me?” attitude. There’s still a little way to go.
The Creator was the ninth card and appeared in the Hopes & Fears position. Following on from the Receptivity card, my hope is that I have successfully conquered the need to lash out when in pain. The fear then is that I have not succeeded and fearing that I have further to go on the journey that I thought.
Participation was the tenth card and appeared in the Outcome position. Finally, we get to Participation and the Outcome. In previous posts where Participation has appeared it has been about participating in life to its fullest. Here would be no different, but I suspect that the participation will be more with regard to participating in healing myself.
Help the people that are there to help you to actually help you, in this way you’re also healing yourself. It simply means understand why you’re being asked to do something, that’s not just on the intellectual level but also on the emotional, physical and metaphysical level.
Day 018 – The World is full of Wonderful People!
18 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 018!
The day was a little overcast but the weather outlook didn’t seem promising. Our plan was to go for a walk up to Point Danger, pack and then home for the day.
To save stressing, we booked another night’s accommodation so if we went for a swim we could come back to the hotel room for a shower. Basically, it’s an extended late check-out.
It would also give us the time to casually pack and get things together. We both had arranged to have Tuesday off to have a relaxed welcome home.
The water in the James Evans Boat Harbour looked amazing and inviting. After the walk I suggested to my husband that we go for a swim after lunch before the 100% chance of storm hitting the region at 4:00pm.
Into the water we went and the water temperature was perfect for swimming. Today we swam the length of the harbour there and back. Very proud of myself even if my muscles protested too much on the return lap. Each way is about 350 metres, so it’s a good swim.
From there decided to head back to the hotel room, shower and head home. All we wanted to do was rinse the sand off our feet and away we would go. Handily there were some steps by the water so you could rinse your feet in the harbour without your feet getting sandy again on the way out.
My husband went down to rinse his feet, ignoring my instinct to not worry about getting clean feet, I decided to do likewise. My husband mentioned the steps were slippery and while I was a little cautious I wasn’t aware of just how slippery and in a split second fell in a crashing heap onto the leg I had placed on the second last step.
Snow ski falls probably helped control the fall a little because I landed sitting and saved by both my hands. After some cursing and deep breaths, I gathered my thoughts and looked at my right ankle. It looked swollen and not like the other one.
The toes could wriggle and I was able to every so gently move my foot. The knees and thigh seemed good and apart from a couple of grazes on the foot and hands. All seemed well. All I thought about was elevating the foot, so I pivoted on my backside and moved the damaged leg to the step above where I was sitting.
Having a towel handy, I further supported it by putting the towel under the ankle as well. My husband sat supportively at my side and we wondered whether to call an ambulance. In the meantime, I decided to send my husband off to get some painkillers – not too far away.
At that moment, a lovely woman with her son arrived. There names were Alicia and Lewis. After explaining to her what she’d seen and when she saw the ankle, Alicia and I decided that an ambulance was wise. This meant calling back my husband who was making good speed to get painkillers. Alicia’s son, who at a guess was about eight or nine years old went racing after him and caught him up at the lights.
Mark and Sam were the amazing ambulance drivers. Professional and courteous to the end and handed me into competent hands in Emergency. There really were some beautiful people at the hospital.
My husband was amazing and wanted to be by me side unfortunately he wasn’t allowed in the hospital because we was from the Greater Brisbane which was classified as a COVID UK strain hotspot. For three hours he waited outside in the under shelter watching the rain patiently waiting to find out what was happening.
The whole incident helped highlight to me aspects of me I wasn’t sure about; basically, how I would handle pain. I hoped never to find out. For some time, I imagined I would turn into a screaming diva and the world’s biggest baby but when tested by this incident I was amazed by how I didn’t. Let’s face it for normal aches and pains, I am a baby.
The Cards
When you first look at the cards today, there’s nothing in the cards that says, “broken ankle” on the horizon. This is where you would typically need a reader with some intuition to pick that up. That aside interpreting the cards as they are and overlaying what I know… let’s go!
The Lovers was the first card out in the Now position. The Lovers has shown up in my life when I have been about to embark on a change of life. Different to that of say Thunderbolt, The Fool or Change where things are a bit more “upheave-ily”. No, The Lovers card made its appearance when I first started trialling the “365 days of Tarot” and keeping a record. The card was a constant appearance leading up to my husband entering my life.
Naturally enough it appeared to have romantic consequences. When I wasn’t reading it as a change to my romantic life, I was reading this as an amicable unity that facilitated love beyond sex and would one day foster compassion. Beyond that I have dismissed it and not made the association of a major change.
When you think about the possibility for learning from a broken ankle though, I am developing a deeper appreciation for people who have experienced disability. Whether that disability is temporary or permanent in nature. When viewed that way, The Lovers card could be pushed into saying that. However, it sits in the Now position at the beginning of the day and not the Outcome position at the end.
The Lovers are influenced or blocked by We are the World. Which is about bringing humanity together for the same purpose. Perhaps it could simply be that getting out and about is influenced by the very act of being out in the world. The people that work, live and visit Cooloongatta and Tweed Heads have been nothing short of amazing during our stay. The “vibe” has been awesome.
Traveling being in the Goal position early in the morning is of no surprise since the goal for the end of the day was to travel home.
Trust being in the Distant Past position implied in the morning that typically we would trust that we would be traveling home as per usual. On retrospect, it could have been read that in the past the trust earned by the medical profession and people when in a dire circumstance has always been sound.
Understanding is in the Recent Past position and is about, had the broken ankle not occurred I would have read as we needed to get out and enjoy short breaks. By the end of the weekend we were completely relaxed and feeling free.
Ordinariness is the card in the Future Energy position. It certainly the predicted that there would be a time of sticking to and focussing on the everyday activities in your life. It’s the not taking things for granted card. While there are a lot of things that I take for granted, walking was right up there, until of course, I couldn’t do it easily anymore.
MORE TO FOLLOW …..
Day 017 – Stress on Weekend Vacation?
17 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to day 17!
It’s day two of the weekend vacation. After the ocean swim yesterday muscles I hadn’t used in a while were letting me know that I had neglected them.
The day was perfect and we went for breakfast at Bellakai in Cooloongatta. We had the special – chocolate chip pancakes with banana – which we wholeheartedly recommend.
Once again, the harbour looked amazingly inviting, so back to the room we went once again, changed and marched off for another ocean swim. This time we decided we would swim all the way across it.
After laying out the cards this morning I was a bit concerned about the influence of stress and the feelings of postponement. Nonetheless, I think the stress of it possibly was playing on my mind.
There was also that after an extended seasonal break I will need to go back to work on Wednesday.
Apart from the awareness that my full time job was getting closer to reality and for some reason the disconcerting discussion with Betty was on my mind again, too.
To-date I haven’t sent any communication from me, like I said I would – not sure if I’m being gutless or waiting for the right moment. There’s a little bit of something ruminating in my brain about the situation, but the clarity to what it is has escaped me.
But that’s enough about the day, what did the cards have to say?
The Cards
Position one is Maturity. In the Now spot it speaks to a coming to oneself. With the experience is the reward of centred-ness and peace. It is the last card in the suite and is about not finalizing a situation but more reaching a peak. Just because you reach the top of a mountain ledge doesn’t mean the journey is over. It is the point reached at a particular point on a path. In the mountain analogy the next ledge will be it’s own journey and have different lessons to experience.
The Maturity is the weekend vacation. Today it had reached its peak and tomorrow will be time for the weekend to change direction.
Position two is Stress. Since yesterday, I’ve had the itching of a cold sore beginning. Cold sores usually manifest in me when I’m feeling a little stressed.
It’s shown upon in position two as an Influencer because the cold sore and its cause subtly impact the mature point of the weekend.
I’m surprised that the cold sore hadn’t manifested earlier following the call from Betty. However, up until yesterday afternoon I hadn’t really put much further thought into the situation.
The situation needed to cool down. Now that it was starting to cool, it was a question of what to do next.
When the cold sore appeared – metaphysically representing holding back words that you’re boiling to say – it was no real surprise.
Oh yeah, if you’re not used to me, I tend to believe that, “the body cries the tears that you don’t” and the area that is stressed will manifest a reflection of the pain you’re feeling in some form. It’s definitely along the lines of Louise Hays or Annette Noontil’s works on the same concept (both of which I’ve read).
Another subtle stress is that I need to go back to work soon. The luxury of taking my time to write these posts will be over and I will need to establish a new routine that allows for the additional time.
Position three is Adventure. Adventure is that sense of wonder and appreciating everything as if it were new. To have this appear in the Goal position makes sense that the Goal would be to replicate where possible the experience of yesterday. I’m talking about the energy of yesterday not necessarily the same activities.
Position four is Friendliness. In the Distant Past is Friendliness and Friendliness is about companionship and being each comfortable within yourself but companionably so. This has formed the foundations for the card of Maturity, and Adventure.
Position five is Politics and is the Recent Past. This card typically portrays a discord between external actions and feelings felt. It is sometimes necessary to play politics and have the duality to maintain the peace.
The only time in the day where it was necessary to be this kind of political was when we went for a gelato at Gelatissimo, Cooloongatta.
It was when a lady who had obviously arrived after we had, made out to be looking at the flavours on offer and then stepped up as if she were the next rightful person in line.
If there’s one thing most Australians don’t like are queue jumpers or people who cut in line ahead of others who had been waiting.
On a side note, for me personally, it was something I found bizarre when visiting Japan. If I was the first in line at a bus stop or in front of a lift/ elevator I expected to be first on the bus – otherwise what was the point of getting there early?
Anyway, I frequently ended up last getting on or in whatever mode of transport on offer. This, to me, didn’t sit with the reputation of politeness for which Japan was/ is renowned It was the only discord.
On the other hand Australians are good at being amicable and not causing a fuss – most of the time. Having to say something to a queue jumper is not something we like doing but it will happen.
Anyway, when she cut in line, I bristled and she ignored it – OMG! Anyway, I turned to view the reactions of those behind me to gauge whether I should trigger a raucous. Fortunately, there was a resigned shrug by those that saw the action and for today, peace was had and politics played. Let it be known that no-one was happy with what transpired.
Position six is Courage. The Courage card is in the Future Energy position and given that this was this morning and I’m not looking back on the day, this could relate to the swim across the harbour. Why was this courageous? Mainly because not a lot of people brave the slightly deeper water.
From a personal perspective, I felt brave doing it, it was a reasonable distance. Not having swum for some time wasn’t quite sure if I would be able to make it. Upon successful completion of one way, a return swim boosted my confidence.
Position seven is Feelings and Postponement. As I’ve said, this card played with my mind a little today. Never really sure what it’s referring to. The question was always, “to type or not to type?” or “if I do this am I ignoring that?”
To put it bluntly, there was always something being postponed as something else was being completed. Postponing only seemed to cause more stress than needed. Obviously, this is an area upon which I can improve.
That said there were certainly times when I “fluffed” about and stuff I needed to get done didn’t at the time activities.
The consequence of delaying things is that at some point you will miss at best fun at worst something crucial. As the Osho book so succinctly points out, “postponement is stupid”. Having said that there is an important lesson from looking at a card and not realising the position in the layout it is in.
For instance, today Postponement was in the Feelings position. Feelings aren’t facts but they help point you in the direction in which you need to take action.
Position eight is Morality. Morality in Other People’s Views or how other people see me. This may once again relate to the gelato line incident. Not making a fuss was the right thing to do, it kept the peace. The look from those behind us absolved me of the responsibility to act – again I was doing the right thing, although it caused me anxiety. Had those behind me shown more discontent my obligation would have been to say something, the social conditioning dilemma. The Morality card on display at its finest pincer move.
Position nine is Harmony. Harmony reflected in the Hopes & Fears position seems obvious with respect to the hope part. Realistically the lack of harmony seems obvious to me as well.
The reason we, and I include the people in line at the Gelatissmo shop didn’t want to make a fuss was harmony. The fear of disharmony on such a beautiful night would have ruined many people’s experience should the encounter have gotten a little tense or an exchange of rude words occurred. People don’t like being picked up when they’ve done something they know is wrong. It tends to create an angry response at the person pointing it out, when they’re just mad at themselves for doing the “wrong” thing and being caught.
Position ten is Innocence. The Outcome of today’s reason was Innocence. Innocence is depicted by an elderly gentleman simply enjoying the playful interaction with a praying mantis. At his age, Innocence almost seems to be the wrong word how can he be innocent?
Innocent is that sense of wonder expressed by the Adventure card in the Goal position. Obviously, when you have a goal and an outcome that align and there’s only one card reflecting the same thing, there needs to be a card that expresses something similar.
The next question to ask is, “why is it that the Innocence card is in the Outcome position and the Adventure is in the Goal position and not the other way around?”
Innocence represents a letting go or an end point where one has been on an adventure and come by innocence by letting go of negativity. Where adventure is the start of the journey yet to begin. There is nothing to let go of as yet because the experience is still to happen.
For today, at least, this fittingly applies to the day and its outcome.
Post Publish Notes
A year ago when the concept of daily posts was being tested the cards tended to drift with their predictions. This means that although the activities applied to that day, they foretold of upcoming events about three days in advance. It makes it inconvenient when trying to do the cards. However, on the 17th day there was the Stress card as Influencer and the Courage card as Future Energy.
Nowhere is it more opportunistic to highlight the error of reading your own cards than here. Another reader would possibly have interpreted the cards with a broader scope and tuned into forthcoming circumstances. The difficulty of having a strong psychic ability and sensing something bad is going to happen, then recommending a path away from it makes it look like you’re not a psychic.
Reading your own cards, for me at least, is always based on life not encountering anything out of the ordinary. Basically, I plod along thinking that, “it won’t happen to me” :).
Oracle: I’d ask you to sit down, but you’re not going to anyway. And don’t worry about the vase.
Neo: What vase? [Neo knocks over a vase with his elbow. It falls down and breaks.]
Oracle: That vase.
Neo: I’m sorry.
Oracle: I said don’t worry about it. I’ll get one of my kids to fix it.
Neo: How did you know?
Oracle: Ohhh, what’s really going to bake your noodle later on is, would you still have broken it if I hadn’t said anything?…
– Neo and Oracle
For quote source see References
Day 016 – Weekend Break!
16 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 16!
Morning comment: Finally away and finally checked in! The accommodation, Mantra Twin Towns, is nice. Despite all my clever planning to stay in Queensland and ensure we booked accommodation in Coolongatta (Queensland side of the border) so we wouldn’t need to get a border pass.
Turns out the Mantra looks like it was two separate hotels at one time, one in Queensland and one in New South Wales. Someone, presumably Mantra bought out one or the other and the two became one. As luck would have it we’re staying in the New South Wales side the Harbour Tower. Not that we would get away without a border pass if we were staying in the Ocean Tower. Foiled!
Last night I got a call from another friend who I had been thinking about catching up with for about a week. We had a lovely and amazing chat about anything and everything. Four hours later, the phone call finished and life was very pleasant indeed.
Our plan for the day was to spend the day relaxing. This included a walk along the mouth of the river, a trip to the local shopping centre for some lunch.
My mum texted me to give me the weather forecast for the area (she knew we were here) and she knows I don’t typically catch the news, especially the weather. I mainly stick my head out the window to see what it looks like. Nonetheless, it was useful information and lent itself toward some decisions made throughout the day.
End of day comment:
We managed to do the relaxing, the walk and trip to the shops. The water in the James Evans Boat Harbour looked amazing.
So, if the weather was going to turn bad, we thought we would capitalise on the beautiful conditions. We then made quick time back to the hotel, got changed into swimwear and made our way back to the boat harbour.
The water was a touch chilly at first – when isn’t it? It felt like forever since we’d had our last swim in the ocean. After a quick duck dive under the water, the water was amazing. A quick swim some playful water splashing, followed by another walk along the channel with a sit on the side of the channel to dry watching the eddying currents play with a couple of leaves, really made the day.
On the whole it was just a beautiful day enjoying the sand and sea. Fully recommend it to anyone. Seize the day!
On that note, let’s see what the cards had to say about today.
The Cards
Position one is Aloneness. Aloneness should not imply lonely. Aloneness is an inner peace with one’s own company. This applies whether you are in company or not alone. It’s about being comfortable going your own way.
Some Lyrics from a Billy Joel song that come to mind, “Oh, but sooner or later you sleep in your own space | Either way it’s okay, you wake up with yourself” (My Life, see References). Basically, within the context of this day, it means that your own views and path is strong enough to guide you regardless of other people’s opinions. Okay, that’s probably not the gist of the song …. or is it? But the extract just seemed to work here.
In the Now position Aloneness, influenced by the Moment to Moment card simply means enjoy being yourself. Or should I say it implies that I will be comfortable being myself and doing what I need to do.
Position two is Moment to Moment. A lovely supportive card in the Influencer location. The card shows a person taking one step at a time at each moment. It’s about being in the moment.
Based on the day, outlined in the context these two cards accurately depict the kind of day I/ we had.
Position three is The Rebel. The Rebel in the Goal position represents a desire to follow my own path and do things my own way. Not separate from society but by being part of it. Again, this harmonises with the the independence highlighted in Aloneness and the state of awareness indicated by the Moment to Moment cards.
Position four is The Outsider. On the ‘About Me’ page, I indicated that I’ve always felt and have been seen as an outsider to the typical social groups. I’m not free of it yet, I suffer severe FOMO (fear of missing out). Yet, I’ve never really been able to change myself enough to become the person that would be accepted.
It would go contrary to everything I am, nor would it be fair on the groups I’m trying to be included by. This is separate to being accepted by the groups, I get along fine with the majority of people, I just don’t get the invites to things that I think I want to go to – although I know that I some of the time I wouldn’t want to be there.
This wanting to be included but fear that “they” are omitting me is really not something they have put on me. It’s more that I don’t share the interests in the same things, and quite rightly am not invited. So, the missing out is created by me. I could get included but it’s only me holding myself back. The choice is mine.
Because of this I’ve had to make my own way and be my own light. Hence, The Outsider card in the Distant Past position has influenced the Now moment in this layout reflected in the Aloneness card.
Position five is Comparison. That feeling of being outside and not included comes from an internal habit of constantly comparing against people who aren’t me. Sometimes, it’s even comparing myself to myself rather than simply living in the now.
However, through darkness light arises and without experiencing the dark you might not know what light is.
So, comparison is necessary however judgement of the comparison is like comparing the bamboo to the oak – both simply are.
Position six is Celebration. The Future Energy then is that of Celebration. Breaking through that comparison and letting go of constraints – simply enjoying the moment.
Today, was a day of enjoying each moment and by changing routine you have the opportunity to figuratively clean out areas unreachable because of the daily rituals being present.
Position seven is Slowing Down. Today was a day of slowing down my Feelings were able to step back because there was no real place to go.
The time differences between New South Wales and Queensland during the summer months is challenging if you are bound to a timetable, especially since the electronic devices show a different time depending on which cell tower you’re accessing.
If you’re not bound by a schedule from waking to sleeping this adds to the feeling of freedom. It does take a little mental adjustment to let go of time and simply slow down.
I may not have been able to “stop” like a friend of mine suggested but I was able to slow down and smell the sea breeze.
Position eight is Playfulness. It was easy to see what Others’ Views of me today might have been and it certainly fit with the card of Playfulness.
From the cheeky interaction with the breakfast hosts to light water splashing in the harbour and playful chit-chat with people in the lifts (elevators), and food lines.
Playfulness and relaxation may very well have been how I/ we were seen.
Position nine is Breakthrough. Position nine is the Hopes & Fears position and my hope is that my inner light will shine through and break out of the constraints that I’ve been keeping it under – at times. Such a Breakthrough though would also mean that I would have to let go of some well worn comforts tropes.
Here we are at the the Outcome card which is position ten and the card is Experiencing. Looking back over the past 24 hours, it has been quite eventful and full of joyful experiences.
None of the experiences were organised or directed today. I would have been comfortable and content going through the day simply reading a book; but I/ we just went where the mood took us. That is what Experiencing is all about.
Day 015 – The Burden of Laziness
15 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 15!
Have you ever wondered why we go on vacation/ holidays? This isn’t a question about the mental or physical health benefits of taking a break away from known environments. It’s really just a playful question on the stuff you need to do before you go on even a weekend vacation.
It might just be me, but before I go on vacation I like to make sure the house is tidy so when I come back the coming back is like a refreshing view from vacation. Let me explain. If the homecoming is to a messy house, the break feels like it might as well not have happened.
If the place is tidy upon returning home, it’s like an angelic choir sings as I walk through the door and the peace gained from the break continues for a little longer. The stark reality can ease its way back into existence rather than the instant plummet of coming back to housework.
Today is the day when we go to the Gold Coast. Due to some learning I was doing last night with respect to certain aspects of development, I got to bed later than anticipated. This meant that I woke up later than anticipated and I was also tired. This warranted a longer than usual breakfast.
Then I did the cards and saw the Outcome of Laziness. This is like a red flag to a bull. Not wanting to be seen as lazy, I over compensate and push myself to do everything. Of course, that’s not the real cause of the laziness.
Read on to today’s card analysis to find out more about the difference between healing and laziness – that’s if I can work it out!
The Cards
The first card is Healing. In the Osho book Healing is about being less in the mind and more in the now. Letting go of the ruminating thoughts, like in the situation with Betty.
In the past I agonized about whether a person would contact me or not contact me. Not in the “never speaking with you again” situation more if we’d hurt each other, along the lines more of a romantic relationship break-ups situation – I’ve had a few of those.
Fortunately, I was busy focussing on not being lazy. And really, there was nothing I could do about any of it, anyway. All my analysis had happened yesterday, I’d talked it out in the spirit of compassion and could do no more. Personally, I was over thinking about it – it’s never helped me in the past and it wouldn’t change whatever Betty was feeling or going through. From my analysis, it seemed to be that I was the trigger for a whole lot of things busy being avoided.
The Healing had certainly begun and I was strangely at peace with it all. Maybe that’s what the healing is all about.
Then we have Schizophrenia as the Influence on Healing. This makes sense, if you then factor in whether I was in two minds about whether I was being callous in letting it go and not letting it bother me. Or whether the right thing to do would be to reach out. If I indeed was a trigger for her issues then my contact would raise them again. If in truth, we had just grown apart again I would be making things worse.
The Goal of The Burden makes sense when I time is typically my burden when it comes to everyday social activities. My family and friends were stoked when I met my husband and he was an “early/ on-time person” because we arrived at events on-time.
The Burden of time and the getting away is a double whammy for me today. My burden was to pick up my husband at 3:30pm. Of course, you will have instantly spotted the weak-point; my husband was not there to prompt me to get away on time to “pick up my husband”.
Then there was the Laziness card driving me not to be lazy, and everything including the kitchen sink got done – except maybe the post I was writing for the day. Sitting down to do that would have taken more time than I had. For that I need to allow what I call “drift time”, which I didn’t have because I had a “pick up husband” deadline!
In Distant Past is the Friendliness card and its is a lovely card. The Osho book (see References) speaks of the independence of being. I’ll think I’ll quote it: “(f)irst meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen of its own accord. Then being with others is beautiful and being alone is also beautiful. Then it is simple, too.” You don’t depend on others and you don’t make others dependent on you.”.
Most of my friendships are like this. We help each other out and even if we don’t speak to each other for years, when we pick up the phone the time that has elapsed has made no difference.
Sitting in the Distant Past simply highlights this style of friendship and forms the basis on which to base today’s card of Healing.
The Recent Past position has Thunderbolt. Thunderbolt is the change of circumstances and the destruction of a structure that has been in place. I usually view this card as one of the few “everyday” cards in the Osho deck.
It’s the change in physical location, the change of work, physical circumstances or other more tangible aspects. Or should I say that the internal shift is so great that it manifests physically or even vis-a-versa.
‘The Recent Past position is the now or just passing. Since we will be relocating to a vacationing spot. This is certainly an accurate reflection of the physical.
The Future Energy position has Integration. Integration it’s the consistency of the warring elements within your mind. It’s when what’s inside is what’s outside crystalises into a whole or a stronger bond.
In the Feelings position is The Source. The Source to me is about connection to yourself and a vacation is very much about removing external objects and reconnecting with that centre. It’s like hitting the reset button or if you play or have watched console games, its like sitting at the last checkpoint before beginning again.
Politics is an interesting card to show up in the Other People’s Views position. Mainly because I didn’t interact with anyone except my husband. And I’m pretty sure that my husband didn’t see me as being political.
The Politics card is about being two-faced and having to do what you need to do even if it is unpleasant.
Sorry, don’t having anything else on this one today.
Today’s Hopes and Fears position has Adventure. Apart from being and going on adventure it has the ability to link with the freshness and wonder of a child playing with a “light switch for the first time”. It’s that sense of wonder. It doesn’t have to be about anything big but seeing things anew.
Yes. I’m hoping that the vacation will certainly put a new shininess to things. The fear is that it will be the “same old thing” or as we say in Australia “same ol’, same ol’”.
Right from the start I’ve mentioned the Laziness and here it is in the Outcome position!
As we have discovered that healing doesn’t mean sitting around on my butt going “woe is me” – that probably laziness (which I’m sure if they handed out awards, I would have a couple).
No, Laziness is about resting on your laurels and your successes. It’s about putting something in place and then neglecting to perform maintenance.
While the it will seem everything is fine there are tiny signs of things starting to deteriorate.
Following on from the activity of the day I noticed, little things in the garden that need to get looked at, which we have been neglecting. Basically, if I’d gotten to it in a timely manner I wouldn’t be running around doing that as well as just cleaning basics right before going away!
Laziness (not the card) is what made me late for picking up my husband.
Neglecting household stuff and relationships could also apply. Since this is an Outcome position card, we can only what happens.
Day 014 – Fallout
14 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to day 14!
After an intense emotional day yesterday, I’ve had some time to reflect upon the interaction and today things look in a different light. The fourteenth of anything usually deals with the changes that occur on the thirteenth. Nice to see that side of things panning out too!
My emotions on yesterday fluctuated today but I was at peace to some extent. During reflections I’ve discovered what a blessing my friend is and how courageous her soul was to spew forth what she felt needed to be said. If I don’t always need friends to just constantly agree with me and tell me I am wonderful, if a friend is unable to tell you outright that you’re full of bull, then who could.
When I was in my mid 20’s I went to see a Tarot reader to advise on an issue which has been plaguing me. The reading didn’t go anywhere near expectations and again I was gutted. Being the angry-ish person I was at the time I sought support in a friend about that nasty tarot reader.
Instead of giving me support in terms of sympathising with me, she empathised and told me that the tarot reader was right! Slam!
This comment snapped me out of my obsessive spin on the topic – whatever it was and had me step back to look at the situation and make better less reactive choices. This is what my friends are for. At least, I can be embarrassed about my behaviour to someone that accepts me for me.
By the way, my mother and sister do likewise, as well as being family, I “like” them and consider them fam-friends.
Let’s see what the cards have to say today!
The Cards
First is Now and Transformation – Yesterday Transformation was in the Outcome position and today it is in the Now position. What does it mean? For me it means that today the Transformation was taking place. It is were a game, it would have been smack in the middle of it. The Now position is also more than current state, it can also capture the issue the questioner has (aka me).
Like what sort of transformation am I choosing to go through. My reactions to the situation are completely my own and I have the ability to choose my response (responsability) and guide where I end up.
Okay, that takes a bit of effort and some self reflection and a massive amount to hard work – but I think it’s worth it. As mentioned yesterday, I am aiming for the ability to exhibit immediate compassion rather than allowing for a passage of time before I realise what is actually occuring.
Second is Influence and The Source – On Day 012 The Source was in the Future Energy position and now it’s in the Influence position. At first, I was tempted to write this off as a different influence, but then thought about what the Influence position is about and the Now position is NOW being influenced by the Influence card. Which means it’s happening at the same time as the Now. Therefore, moving from Future Energy to the Now makes complete sense.
Third is Goal and The Fool – This is the first appearance for the card of The Fool and it’s sitting nicely in the the Goal position. The Fool is all about taking on new things and basically going, “let’s see what happens!” or “how hard can it be?”! The result of such a decision could mean egg on your face, falling flat on your face or you could wind up smelling of roses. Of course, The Fool is holding a rose in his hand and so is betting on the roses to win otherwise he wouldn’t take the step.
This has been true of many things around my website and it’s certainly the approach I have taken to the situation with Betty yesterday. I can do nothing else.
Fourth is Distant Past and Harmony – The Harmony of the past in situations has helped form the foundations for personal success. The Harmony card in this deck speaks of stripping back everything you know to its most simple principle. This means risking everything you are. In the past, I have been there with a previous boyfriend. It’s strangely calming when you step back from the emotions.
I like to think that there are there sides to the self. There’s the male side which is all about action and protection. Action being the very essence of doing and protection being the very essence of closure. Then there’s the female side which is all about accepting and accommodation. Acceptance being all about patience and waiting while accommodation is the very essence of openness. Then there’s the third element which I call the Wisdom of the Ages. Neither male or female but is director, confident and mediator between the other two.
When my female side got figuratively smacked in the teeth by coming home to an empty house after work. The male side wanted to lash out in anger in defense of the female side. There were so many get back strategies that could really reciprocate the hurt onto the offender.
In a complex mental struggle with the “voice” in my head I call the “wisdom of the ages” directing the desire to act harmful or to act and support my emotions by listening to them and letting them just simply be hurt and cry it out. The latter won and it was a refreshing way to deal with a break-up and I recovered sooner than I thought I would.
Fifth is Recent Past and New Vision – Yesterday New Vision was in the Outcome position and today it’s in the Recent Past. Is it me, or do some of these cards flow at the moment? I’m trying very hard to not shuffle them together. Each day the cards are returned to the deck distributed through the deck ensuring they are not next to each other and therefore start in a position away from each other.
New Vision is about embracing the light and dark of a situation and accepting it warts, beauty and all then coming out with a new point of view. Waiting until today to reassess yesterday’s situation certainly did that for me.
Sixth is Future Energy and Understanding – Understanding is something that seems to be a logical extension of the growth that’s been happening. As we have seen from when Understanding appeared last time, Understanding is about putting bars on a situation that may not have needed to be there. The card is about being too hard on yourself and then discovering that this is what you’ve been doing.
Seventh is Feelings and Ripeness – This position represents the questioner’s feelings about the Now situation. Read literally the questioner was ripe for the transformation. Ripeness is like saying “I’m ready for testing Universe, whenever you are!”. It was a good teaching experience, I just wish it didn’t have such a potential dire consequence. It is what it is.
Eighth is Others‘ Views and Letting Go – This will be interesting, because I feel like I’m letting it go. All the anxiety, all the pain and simply accepting that this is what needs to happen. If the cards are right, this is what I am – will shortly project.
Nineth is Hopes & Fears and Intensity – The Intensity card speaks to the quote I have on the My Soul Embrace home page about following your own path. Again, this is an area where I have been giving a lot of thought. My fear is that I’ve gone astray from what I want to do. My hope is that my path will get me to where I want to go. No way to know unless I keep going.
Tenth is Outcome and Success – It’s always nice to see the Success card. It means that something’s bound to go right. even if it is for a short while. The Success card is also a reminder to enjoy the success but don’t latch to it. Oooh.. exciting!
Day 013 – Betty, Dobby, Transforming a New Vision
13 January 2021
Dobby & Betty Context
My plan for today started simply, and I was going to work on the Celtic Cross Layout, record it and post it on a separate info page. Putting the layout up on the website was transforming a new vision into reality. First, I would need to learn how to do some of those things. Luckily, I enjoy learning. I also wanted to upload my logo at the very least so that the tab you see at the top in your search engine shows my little logo.
“Moltke, the Elder” has been quoted as saying, “no plan survives contact with the enemy” (Wikipedia) and for me, “today” was the enemy. The morning usually began enough, but by 9:30-10:00 am, I discovered a cowering mouse beneath the water bowl. The bowl has a mouse-sized hole which before now I had not thought of as a mouse hole.
Dobby and the Mouse
It was most likely brought in by Dobby (cat number 2) because it was alive. After a few seconds of thinking, I managed to trap the mouse. Valentine (cat number 1), our other cat, with more of a killer instinct, was attempting to get at the mouse trapped in a clear upside-down Tupperware lettuce container (the one’s with holes).
To prevent the creature from being harassed, I needed to grab a brick – I hadn’t quite worked up the courage to try and move the mouse if I lifted the container and it escaped. Then I’d be in an even bigger pickle! Long story short, this mouse stayed where I captured it and at the back of my mind all day, exuding a subtle tension. Kill it or let it go. Where do I let it go? Am I then potentially unleashing a plague upon the suburb?
Will the mouse go from being a hunted creature (birds, snakes, lizards, cats all eat mice) to a dominant species with humanity shifting the local ecosystem? Okay. So, I’m overthinking it just a little. It’s the whole “earthquake happens if a butterfly flaps its wings” thing.
Transforming a New Vision of an Old Friend
Then a spot of lunch. After lunch, I got a most welcome phone call from a friend, who here I will simply call Betty for writing purposes. It’s a safe name for me because I don’t know anyone called Betty at the moment. Betty and I haven’t spoken in ages. At the outset, I got the impression Betty was having a glass of wine during our chat. Having a drink is not uncommon amongst my friends to have a glass of wine and conversation.
So, we pleasantly discussed COVID-19 (Corona Virus), its isolation impacts, the US election, its results, along our hopes and fears. We talked a bit about physical aches, pains, getting older, her dog, her niece, her country of origin and relationships with husbands and people in general. A couple of emotional teary starts on Betty’s part, but she assured me she was okay.
Somewhere, I must have missed a cue. Maybe it was the talking to an old friend, the inability of connecting when perhaps the cabin fever began to show. The conversation went from lightness to a profound probe question of, “who are you, Michaela?”. The conversation went from, “I miss you and you guys (our other friends) so much” to “I’ve just wasted two hours of my time talking to someone I don’t know and what I’ve learned in all my years is that I have choices and I no longer choose to speak with you”. It was the blink of an eye. Ouch! Betty then put the phone down – not hung up.
Shock as Transformation Hits Me
The suddenness stopped me in my tracks. In the professions dealing with the psyche, they would probably argue people go to the extremes of the fight or flight response when shocked. When confronted with an uncertain situation, I can’t decide whether to fight or take flight. The centre of that spectrum is “freeze”. I didn’t lash out with harsh words as I might have once, nor did I hang up the phone and flee. Instead, I paused waited to see what would happen. After a few moments of silence on the end of the phone, I hung up.
Of course, Betty’s a friend of 30 years, and to some degree, I got the frustration. Is this the end from my point of view? Certainly not. I’ll give her time to get over her hangover and send an email to test the waters. From there, it’ll be up to Betty how much of it was me and how much it was anxiety.
It reminds me of how hard isolation can be, mainly if you are used to socialising. If you are not into technology, like Betty, life might be challenging indeed. Betty loves the intimacy of face to face in-person conversations – like most of us. It’s probably something about other people’s pheromones (refer to References) and their scent which you don’t get when technology is involved. I didn’t get to ask whether she used video chats, but I suspect not. The video chats have made it easier for my mother, and at least she can see who is on the other side of the conversation.
On the upside of my hurt, I reached out to a mutual friend to talk it out. Thank goodness for friends!
Enough about that; what did the cards predict.
Today's Cards
Analysis
Cross - first three
First card Compromise in the Now position. Firstly, I can relate this to both situations today. Capturing the mouse and not doing anything with it was a compromise. The mouse didn’t win because it wasn’t free but it was alive; I didn’t win because the mouse was alive and I didn’t know what to do with this. This also sounds a bit like Schizophrenia’s rock and a hard place.
No-thingness was the second card out. This is a tricky one since I usually refer to No-thingness as “potential”, is Compromise threatened by potential creativity? Perhaps it’s a situation in which I needed to get creative about. Let’s assume it’s the mouse situation and that option one was “kill mouse” and option two was “let mouse go”. The compromise was let mouse go at the end of the day.
With respect to Betty maybe No-thingness can be interpreted best as “openness” as opposed to receptivity. Perhaps it’s being open to Compromise?
Conditioning was the third card selected and sits in the Goal position. Conditioning is an interesting card and in the Osho deck talks about the lion brought up by sheep and led to believe it was a sheep. That was, until one day it discovered he was a lion and not a sheep. Osho sees societal conditioning as the sheep and the individual as the lion. As a Goal, it might mean that it’s time for me to look inside.
For a moment, I’m just going to mix up the tarot deck and refer to The Mythic Tarot where its about battling your ego or lion within. The day certainly challenged my ego and it is without ego that I can say there has been some improvement to my early life’s reactions to a similar situations.
Cross - Distant & Recent Past
Next is the Distant Past position and Participation is its card. Previously Participation showed on Day 004 in the Future Energy position and the card is described as enjoying life and be a part of it. My thoughts on this one go to my interaction with Betty and how in the past we embraced each other’s company.
Again, talk of this threw the contact into stark relief and today’s interaction showed that she missed our past “girl gathering” interactions keenly. This stirred up the realisation that said style interaction would not be possible in the near future. Reinforcing the cabin fever she was already feeling (refer References).
Recent Past position has Schizophrenia – The personality split in two minds. Our being seeks wholeness. Betty’s dilemma reflected in part my thoughts and my actions. Entertaining the burden of what society requires at present; restrictions put in place for the safety of all to prevent the spread of the Coronavirus. Divides us internally.
We as people who strive for togetherness are now more than ever forced to face ourselves and the choices we have made on where we live and who we live with. There are no more distractions to keep us from facing our immediate lives. Perhaps its millennia of conditioning that’s kept us from pursuing our dreams, bound up by a responsibility we don’t really want to understand.
Then there’s my frustration at not being able to reach out and simply exist in the same space as my friend.
Future Energy is Transformation – it’s not hard to understand why this card has shown up in the Future Energy position. If I had read the cards at the beginning of the day, I would have been clueless as to what my day would entail. As mentioned, my plan was so different to what transpired.
Transformation
Transformation is the card that tells you that something has forever changed and is irreversible, akin to the moment of learning that Santa is not a real being. It’s the moment you lose your virginity – there’s no turning back. Sadly, so too was my interaction with my friend Betty yesterday.
It took me a while and a meditation to realise what the situation might be. Although I made progress on my immediate response it’s far from where I would like to be of responding immediately with compassion instead of stillness.
Base
Feelings position is Adventure – Although this might sound a little haughty or aloof I am glad of the experience that Betty provided me. Although I hope that the interaction was not my last with her. It allowed me to look at my truth. Not in the analysis that I am doing here but at the moment of asking.
While I knew my response would have been, “I don’t know”. There are also so many facets to the question that hardly made a difference at the instant where I knew instantly then stumbled to articulate 10,000 words into sentences. This truth is what the Adventure card is all about.
On a literal everyday level, Adventure also reflects the adventure of the upcoming weekend away.
Other People’s Views is Possibilities – Here we have the Possibilities showing up again – that’s eight times in fourteen days. This time it’s how other people see me. Perhaps in chatting to my friends – they being the other – and talking about the plans for the website they saw creativity and possibilities ahead. Maybe it looks like keeping myself too busy to live.
The Hopes and Fears position is Inner Voice – This card is about being the same person on the outside as I am on the inside. The same person that speaks to you at home, at work and to my friends. Naturally, if I were to be in each moment I would be speaking my truth at all times. It is certainly my hope, my fear is not being able to attain or sustain it. This makes logical sense in light of Betty’s call.
Outcome position is New Vision – A popular card of late New Vision. Whenever it has appeared it has been about accepting the light with the dark, the good with the bad. This is exactly what my plan is moving forward it’s a slightly new way of being and certainly gives me reason to continue meditating and practising mindfulness.
Day 012 – Stupidity and Politics
12 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Last night I realised there could be other meanings to the Sorrow and The Burden cards. In short, I realised I was burning the candle at both ends.
Doing the layout first thing in the morning and then typing up the day’s events last thing at night is not a sustainable process for a year. The cards would begin to represent a burden to me which is not their intention. Their intention is to provide data for some statistical musings, conjecture and fun. Not a rod for my back, which would turn into resentment, cynicism and bitterness – mainly toward myself. Something best avoided lest it translate into insincerity and therefore become a honest and enjoyable read.
This morning I awoke to the much awaited registration of my logo – words, image, words and image together. It takes a while for it to be approved. Once you know the process you understand why it needs to take so long (optimistically seven months) because the process requires time – literally. It’s like putting a cake in the oven, it will take time to cook. During which time you cannot use the logo it to promote yourself – in case it gets disputed.
My advice is to anyone wanting to have an image or name that’s relatively secure, legally speaking, get onto it as soon as you can.
Before we get started, I have mixed feeling about the cards today and when you look at them you’ll understand why. Oh well, let’s get to the cards!
The Cards
The first card out is New Vision. If this represents the Now – and it does – it means that it’s important to understand the necessity for light and dark to exist in order for the life’s experiences to be more meaningful. This isn’t new to anyone reading these posts. Being in the Now position is what makes this more poignant today. The interesting factor is the human element being in the centre having access to both.
Funnily, I wrote the above words on the mixed feelings about the cards this morning when only three cards drew my attention – Postponement (grrr), Guilt and Politics. There was also a cursory growl at Comparison too. It would seem then that the New Vision card was to be a reminder to embrace both aspects of experience.
New Vision is crowned by Creativity. Normally, I would be delighted to have Creativity show up, however the cursory glance the morning has now made New Vision a reminder. Why do I say this?
You see, not liking the Postponement card very much has me spending a lot of time trying not to postpone things but unwittingly while doing so come to realise that I am an excellent postponer, when my ego doesn’t want to face something. Managing to kid myself into thinking I’m being productive all the while postponing the actual thing that I should not be postponing. Seriously, kids avoiding bedtime could take lessons from me…. Don’t worry parents, I won’t be holding avoidance classes anytime soon!
See. Where was I? Oh, yes. Creativity on top of a reminder to embrace the dark as well as the light and knowing Postponement is the Outcome card simply translates to me finding lots of “creative” ways to avoid doing what I need to do. What it is I need to do is actually irrelevant.
Oh, you might enjoy this a little the Goal card has Politics. Oh dear. The Goal position is not always a consciously set goal, it manifests based on the Now position you find yourself in. The Politics card is about being two-faced. It’s like the Compromise card in that it’s all mind games. Saying one thing while doing another. This is something that is sometimes necessary.
When it comes to accepting the dark cards and the light cards to enrich life experiences as a goal, it means that I’ve been setting about politicking myself. Telling myself, “I’m not avoiding” with one face and with the other face, “you know, you really are”. Phooey!
In the Distant Past position is Thunderbolt. Thunderbolt showed up on Day 008 in the Future Energy position and looks like its moved to the past. On Day 008 it was about the lockdown coming into effect. It appears that lockdown is definitely in the past.
But during lockdown I had hopes, as remarked yesterday of completing more household chores, more writing, more of everything. Yet, it appears that I did a lot of things just not those I had planned.
The nice thing about Thunderbolt in the Distant Past and having captured it on Day 008 the thread was easy to follow without me trying to push it to make it work. 🙂
Existence is in Recent Past. How wonderful! I love this card (I’m allowed to like the light – that’s what it’s for). It is about simply being.
It’s the card that most tells the, “It’s a Wonderful Life” (1946) Christmas Movie story. Which incidentally, I only saw it for the first time in November 2020. It’s a great movie that tells a story about a person’s relevance.
My near death experience had me feel what life would be like if I were to have exited this existence at that time. Not as succinctly as in the movie but there was a sense of a hole in the future where I should be. It was quite humbling and life reaffirming at the same time.
So the Existence card is about knowing that there never has been, is or will be another person quite like you.
Future Energy is The Source – not the stuff you put on chips and pies but the centre of creativity. Perhaps I was being too harsh on Creativity as the Influence card just being about excuses for Postponement. The Source is what drives a new project, it’s about what lets us settle back and rest if that’s what’s needed. That says to me that more website writing or creativity is on the horizon.
Moving into my Feelings on New Vision and Creativity situation. New Vision from my literal interpretation is the is just what the words on the card say it is. The Success card for me immediately rang to the successful registration of my logo! Which I will put up tomorrow, it will also make it easier for me to approach a developer to zhuzh up the site. By the way, I’m so excited about this!
Here is a dark side card in the Other People’s Views position and it is ….. Guilt. Not having looked at the layout too closely this morning I noted the card but not the spot. The spot being Other People’s Views, which isn’t as dark as I thought it would be. Nonetheless, I will keep the balance of dark and light appreciation in mind moving forward.
This part is where I guess what other people might be viewing from the outside. My husband might certainly think that I’m beating myself up on any number of topics. What might it be about today?
For something different it could be about the fact that we’re planning that trip to Surfer’s Paradise and the lady next door always feeds our cats and fish while we’re away. In appreciation for her efforts we ordered an additional meal kit that we could hand to her. In COVID/ Corona Virus days, that’s like buying someone dinner :).
Maybe my husband and/ or my neighbour feel I’m doing this out of guilt and then the Guilt card would apply. There are, of course, other reasons. As mentioned, this position is tough to read for yourself.
The Comparison card visits me again in the Hopes & Fears position. Of the four times the card has appeared in the layout three of those times has been in the Hopes & Fears position. You would think I would learn to stop comparing myself to others or what I perceive of others. I’ve watched the movie ‘Hilary and Jackie’ (1998) where things are not all they seem and how some actions can be misunderstood. Yet I continue to do it.
Hoping that I possess certain skills dominant in someone else and fearing that I won’t measure up. Knowing deep down that I have my own skill set which is mine alone. I should take heed of the Existence card more often.
Finally, we get to the Outcome card of Postponement. The card that unwittingly set the tone for the day. Discovering that while working on the “pretty aspects” of the website I’m not “fixing” the bits of the website. Bits that aren’t working the way I would like them to for a better reader experience. This could be where other’s see me exhibiting some Guilt.
There’s one thing I’m not going to postpone any further and that’s publishing this article.
If you’re reading this, publishing has worked!
Day 011 – Weeds are a Burden
6 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to day 11 and the third day of lockdown! How did the people in Victoria, Australia cope with six weeks of lockdown? That must have been super tough!
The good news for us Brisbane-ites or Brisbanians is that we have had no new cases in three days. Fortunately, jumping on one case of the more infectious UK strain of COVID-19 meant that restrictions have eased but mask wearing in pubic places is still mandatory. However, we are not restricted to the home anymore.
Of course, it’s like those movies where someone quietly saves the day and everyone not in the know thinks it’s simply a knee jerk reaction.
It’s always difficult to prove things would have been much worse. Similar to the Y2K madness in the late ‘90s, for those of us old enough to remember. Because of all the work that was done prior to the year 2000, “did we prevent a disaster or was it over-reaction?”.
Thankfully, we will never know. At worst a lot of money was spent keeping people employed to do nothing. At not-so-bad, a lot of systems that needed improving were improved. Obviously, the best case was that a global disaster was prevented.
Emotionally today the “lawn” played on my mind. The falling leaves from the past few weeks of rain and wind have really let things get out of hand. Having a three day weekend with my husband, I thought we would get an opportunity to do more. This wasn’t the case due to two days of bad weather. I found myself longing for the days of an apartment.
I did manage to get out the lawnmower and edge trimmer and neatened the council lawn up out the front of our place. Normally I would do our neighbours lawns as well. Before you start thinking that this might be noble, it’s not. The space is as big as a standard middle class home dining room. Today I simply didn’t have the energy to do it. Maybe tomorrow, if I’m looking for something to do.
On a more practical note, since restrictions have been lifted it means that we can go on our trip to Surfers Paradise, Gold Coast for a couple of days break. Going away meant that I needed to ensure that I would be able to write the daily posts on the cards.
Let’s see what today’s cards have to say about that!
The Cards
The first card in the Now position is Ripeness. If I had to say what Ripeness was it’s the fact that I’m ready to share me with the Internet. Not that my life is particularly interesting, but it just seems to be the right time to do so. This might mean just capturing my experiences with the website and its development at first. And boy have I got ideas for the site …. ideas yes. Skill level no.
Integration is in the Influencer position and the second card dealt. Integration on top of Ripeness seems to indicate that it is not a block. My reasoning for this is that Integration is about bringing things together. About a certain state of maturity before Ripeness can proceed. Thus supporting the now rather than hindering it since the Now was already ready.
If I were determined to read the card as a block card I could argue that the time to integrate elements may cause the Ripeness to spoil rather than aiding it.
Maturity in the Goal position and third card. Seems to follow on nicely from Ripeness and Integration. Ripeness is a form of Maturity after all. Desiring or seeking it is equivalent say to having those skills that I lack. Again, I’m relating this to my website and its development.
The Maturity may relate to having to mature my process so that it is portable and I am not confined to my desktop in order to upload content. Today was about refining the process and how the process will travel.
Morality in the Distant Past is another card that was situated in the Outcome position (Day 008). Doing things the right way have brought me to this position or at the very least conforming to the parameters that the web-development tools push me into using correctly. Funnily, near enough is not good enough for some of these tools. Thankfully, it has brought about Ripeness.
The Abundance card sits in the Recent Past position and possibly comes from the generous amount to energy today had. Cleaning, lawn mowing, portabl-ising my website capture equipment and the appropriate jig to the plan on how to actually travel with it.
Sorrow is in the Future Energy position. Sorrow is the card of things not getting where you would like them to be. In addition to being sadness personified. In times of our greatest misery and pain a clarity can form. This is not the made clarity that can come from anger, anything that derives from anger needs to be assessed once the anger has eased.
Back to my lawn mowing and the weeds. I started sitting on the lawn with my weeding tool to start weeding when I realised the weeds had gotten out of control. Not wanting to just mow over them to hide them for another two weeks. It dawned that there was such a thing as weedkiller and there was some tucked at the back of the shed – along with a brand new weedkiller dispenser.
This discovery gave me an out. Mow now, weed in two days, then mow again and place the cuttings with weedkiller back over where the weeds were. Ta da! Enlightenment.
The Lovers is an interesting card and it sits in the Feelings position. Because I’ve written so much already, I’ll save the “how I met my husband” story for another day. The Lovers doesn’t mean sexual love necessarily. Nor does it mean that you will be with another person. The Lovers is about connection between the male and females sides of ourselves. The Lovers it’s the yin-yang of a situation in balance.
Sitting in the Feelings position makes it relevant because I moved on from getting in my way to pushing myself along. It’s balancing the physical with the mental exertion. Today, I felt I got the mix right.
The Other People’s Views is Courage. Do people see what I’m doing as courageous? There are so many reasons might be the case. I’m just going to put it out there, I’m a little impressed that I’ve gotten this far.
The Source in Hopes & Fears most possibly relates to the unlimited and controlled essence of creativity. It is the student with a little bit of knowledge to be dangerous and not enough of the lessons under the belt to know better – which incidentally is the fear.
The Burden is in the Outcome position. And today’s main burden was the lawn, more specifically the weeds in the lawn. Also, due to the late night last night clarity at the moment is getting a little foggy. Suffice it to say that there may still be some residual burden waiting in the wings. Not today.