Monday, 1 November 2021
Losing Yourself in a Relationship
Yesterday I wrote about always being there wherever you go, or I should say you should always be present wherever you go. Today, a friend Bernadette (Bernie – not her real name ), advised me she’d split from her husband, and she said she’d lost herself in the relationship.
Whenever I think of people losing themselves in a relationship, I think of Bjork’s Hyperballad. Bjork uses metaphors for the habitual throwing out of ‘things’ in her song. These ‘things’ represent the parts of yourself you don’t show to your partner to keep the peace.
"Every morning I walk towards the edge/ And throw little things off/ Like car parts, bottles and cutlery/ Or whatever I find lying around/ It's become a habit, a way to start the day".
Over time, the sacrifices you make can become more extensive because it’s habitual to surrender something of yourself simply. One day like in the song by Talking Heads, “And you may ask yourself, “Well… how did I get here?”. Suddenly, you’ve lost yourself. The “you” you want to be, seems buried under social, family, self-sabotage pressures.
By the end, you’re not doing any of the things that brought you joy, and you please everyone but yourself. This self-sabotage is what it is like to lose yourself in a relationship, and it’s where I was in my first marriage and other relationships.
The thing is, time has moved on, and you know you’re not who you were, but you’re also not sure of who you’ve become either. You might find out you’ve become who you want to be the trick is in the discovery, and some people never find out. However, to find me, I went to a Buddhist meditation retreat where it happened by accident.
Today's Cards
Carryover Cards
Two cards carried over from yesterday; Turning In moved from Now to Influence, Change moved from Feelings to Outcome.
Cross
By Turning In, we understand, and with the Goal of unity, we work together in We are the World, the Flowering of our true self can begin. In my situation, the reaction or ‘wisdom’ for today’s events stems from when in the Distant Past. I had encountered and recognised I’d been losing myself in a relationship too.
It’s at the point of recognition when potential opens up, allowing me to make different choices. The choices seemed bleak and daunting, at the time, like the No-thingness of the artist’s untouched canvas – where do you begin?
Simply by Turning in, Healing can begin. When you can read of others’ experiences and recognise the injury in yourself, like in the Recent Past for me, you are undergoing Healing by showing yourself kindness.
In turn, that tenderness toward yourself brings about the Future Energy of me connecting to my truth or my core connected to The Source.
Base
On the inward journey of Healing, we sometimes feel like we are sacrificing a part of ourselves if we don’t adhere to a principle. This Compromise is part of the choice we have to make on whether to heal or not to heal; stay stuck or take baby steps toward a new us. A Compromise is sometimes necessary, even if it isn’t a win. It’s a little bit of letting go and a little bit of hanging on.
When I see the Mind card appear, sometimes I think of it as “overthinking” and getting wound up over too much happening. Others’ Views of me at the moment is that I’m overthinking or overanalysing a situation where I know nothing. True, and I probably am.
Inwardly, there’s the fear that I’m projecting my own life’s situation upon what I’m reading. Hence, the Projections card appears, but there is a glimmer of hope that I’m aware of it and cannot comment on something, not my business 🤔. It’s easy in this case.
On a side note, there are a lot of cards with circles today. Perhaps, I’m seeing the cyclical nature of events play out in someone younger than me, going through what I see as a similar situation to what I had gone through. In turn, it makes me aware that when I was undergoing that Change, someone older was identifying with me.
References
- Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
- Tarot Layouts per month
Placeholder comment while I got my mojo back: “Hello, family priorities have taken over my life at present, and the publishing I’d hoped to do during this period has been put on the back-burner until the family priorities are done.Thank you for your patience.
The next expected article is anticipated for 22 January 2021. At this time, I hope to have the November, December and 2021 Year in Review published.”
