Thursday, 28 October 2021
When Someone Hurts Context
It’s difficult to help when someone hurts. My fellowfeel at this time is high, and I’m sure I’m not alone in my helplessness. There have been many throughout history and around the world daily who experience or have experienced similar inadequacies. The worst part is when the person hurting shuts down to heal. Sadly it’s when I unconsciously make it about me.
Firstly, I understand their need to curl up into a ball and lick their wounds figuratively. Logically, it makes sense they’re retreating to heal. We’ve all been there when civil communication is a challenge at one time or another.
So, why do I make it about me? When someone hurts and shuts down, I feel frustrated and even a little hurt at being excluded from their pain. Maybe it’s my FOMO (fear of missing out), but I can’t, for the life of me, understand why that might be the case. Perhaps it’s because their pain resonates in me, and I want to help them fight their fight. Alternatively, it could be that shutting me out has connotations of unworthiness.
Whatever the reason, the truth is it’s not my fight, and it’s not about me. I need to trust that. Sure, I can be supportive, listen and listen some more. Most times, this is good medicine when someone hurts.
A friend’s mother warned me not to “say what you’ve always wanted to say” regarding relationship dynamics. It’s because if the wind changes, you’ve potentially put yourself in hot water with the parties you’re trying to help. The key is to empathise, not sympathise; there is a difference!
By the way, I’d like to be clear that I’m not talking about physical wounds. I’m referencing circumstances where people in a relationship separate; someone passes away, or other life events.
Today's Cards
The Cards - When Someone Hurts Analysis
Carryover Cards
One card carried over from yesterday; Thunderbolt moved from Now to Distant Past.
Cross
Because Thunderbolt moved from yesterday’s Now position to today’s Distant Past, its result indirectly affects the Sorrow I’m experiencing now.
As you may recall, yesterday (Day 300), I undertook email therapy and pursued it further today. It turns out there was a miscommunication; the root cause was a miswritten process name. Phew! Luckily, the issue got sorted without sending a cranky email 😁.
So, when someone hurt and told me as such, I had to use my Inner Voice to guide me through my response. Helping someone close in this regard is a whole new Adventure (Influence) for me. My Goal was to negotiate the mood by going a step at a time or Moment to Moment.
Future Energy has The Master. I’m going to borrow select words from Osho’s The Master because I would like to embody its purpose; “Together, they create an energy field that supports each unique individual in finding his or her own light” (p.46).
In the Osho book, the quote refers to Osho’s work with his disciples. I, obviously, don’t have or want to have disciples, but I like the idea of working with other’s to support their uniqueness.
Base
Alas, when someone hurts, your Feelings of Abundance come to the surface – you want to help.
Others’ Views is I’m exhibiting a softer, more receptive side of me, mixed perhaps with a touch of playfulness, Harmony.
When it comes to Hopes & Fears, I sincerely hope I contribute to the Healing of someone hurting. The fear is that my issues are letting me dictate my actions and, therefore, I am not providing the support the person needs.
Finally, Fighting is in the Outcome position. Fighting is constraining my issues, so they don’t get in the way when someone hurts; that isn’t me. The funny thing is I seem to have so many of them. The words going through my head is, these issues are from my life. They have their problems and their own life – no matter how similar their issues might seem to my experiences.
References
- Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
- Tarot Layouts per month
SEO – When someone hurts, and they’re close to you, it’s not easy helping them without bringing up your past hurts of a similar nature.
