My Soul Embrace

Welcome Home!

Year: 2021

October Stats – Three Cards Don’t Show

Statistics for October 2021

October stats are here!  The daily cards can be found on the Tarot layouts, even if I haven’t had time to finish writing all the posts for the month.  The important thing is that they happen daily. 

October begins on Day 274 and finishes on Day 304.  Friendliness makes a whopping ten shows being the first card to reach double-digit appearances all year!  All I can say is, I’m glad it was Friendliness 🤗.   The Source and Politics each have nine appearances, followed by Stress with eight shows.

Thunderbolt, Adventure, Abundance, Transformation, and Guilt have seven turns, and Intensity is the top of the cards with six appearances.   Sadly, Harmony, who looked a promising contender for the year’s most popular card, had dropped back due to making only five appearances in October.

When it comes to cards with the same position two or more days running, two cards did this;  The Source and Adventure.  The Source accomplished that on Day 298 and Day 299 in the Others’ Views position, while Adventure had the Influence spot on Day 301 and Day 302. 

To date, there were 3,040 cards dealt as of 31 October 2021.

A Kind Glossary

It’s not a good glossary, but here are some terms that might help clarify things. 

The Cross is the first six cards, and the Base is the last four cards to the right of any layout.

Time-based positions are Distant Past, Recent Past, Future Energy.  Note, the “Feelings” spot can also be referred to as the Immediate Future.

It is not set in concrete for the Cross and Base to act as external and internal or physical and emotional; respectively, it is something I use as a rough guide.

These can wiggle a little when it comes to the types of cards that appear and, dare I say it, one’s intuition.  There is, of course, Others’ Views which is arguably “external”, but it’s our reaction to how Others’ Views that have internal meaning. 😁

The reason I focus mainly on the highest appearing cards is that they give me the best data.  If a card appears twice in the month, it’s intriguing to ponder its significance in a pool of many and is certainly something a discord might be enjoyable to have; quantitative data is initially more fun 🤔.

Distribution Across the Layout

Interestingly, even with Friendliness’ ten appearances, it was over the month; it doesn’t once show in positions eight, nine or ten.  While The Source also has a relatively uniform showing rate, it avoids the Goal, Distant Past, and Outcome spots, although The Source dominates position five through nine.

At the same time, Politics makes regular appearances in the middle of the month and avoids the Goal, Distant Past, and Others’ Views spots.  Stress finds its groove in positions four and five, ignoring positions one to three and ten.

Transformation primarily liked the Cross area focussing most of its energy on the Distant Past and Goal.

Distribution Across the Month

Concerning timing across the month, the other top ten cards placed themselves evenly across the month, with perhaps the exception of Adventure, who arrived later in the month.  The cards were more focused on selected positions rather than when they showed up.

October's Stats - By Day By Position

October Stats Top 10. Friendliness, The Source, Politics, Stress, Thunderbolt, Adventure, Abundance, Transformation, Guilt, Intensity

The Story of October

Friendliness’ showing in Feelings and Distant Past possibly played into the political mindset that pervaded the past positions.  Furthermore, Intensity and The Source inhabited the inner realms of Hopes & Fears and Feelings.  Conversely, it also showed on the outside how others perceived me.  It’s the perception that I’m constantly trying to “find” myself. 

However, I do not believe we need to go searching for ourselves.  Think of hardwood floors painted over, tiled and carpeted.  Once you remove these elements, you still have hardwood floors.  It’s the stripped-back hardwood floor, which is The Source of who we are.  It’s the part we need to embrace.  Once we’ve adopted the rawness, we can then find a clear varnish to suit our style; this is so our authentic selves can shine through and be protected.

Intensity is simply the drive and passion for pursuing whatever endeavour energy holds sway.

Year-to-October 2021

From a year-to-date perspective, The Source (54), edged out by Harmony (51) from last month, is back in top position.  It leads appearances by three.  My focus has returned to incorporating a previous couple of changes and working out how it affects “me”.  Ironically, the thing that would help with this assimilation sits in the last position Turning In (25), the act of meditating.    

When it comes to first appearances in positions, basically, what card hasn’t shown up in a layout position?  If so, what positions are still vacant against which cards?  The First Appearances stats are summarised with 97% of positions occupied, leaving 3% or 19 spots still unclaimed.

That’s October stats done.

Overall Yearly Trend - Highest to Lowest

October Year-to-date stats Largest 56, lowest 25 appearances

Only October's Stats - Highest to Lowest

October Stats Month Only.

October Stats First Appearances

Day 307 – Hating Myself happens Sometimes

Wednesday, 3 November 2021

Day 307. Cards in order of appearance: The Lovers, Consciousness, Creativity, Aloneness, The Creator, Completion, The Outsider, The Source, Friendliness, Schizophrenia, Standard Shuffle

Hating Myself Context

There are days when I love myself, and there are days when I hate myself.  Luckily, the difference isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  If you love something intensely, the reverse of the sine wave is to hate intensely.  This dichotomy lets you know the depth of feeling you’re capable of understanding.  Today is one of those days where I am disappointed that it borders on self-directed hatred. 

When I’m talking about hating myself, I’m not talking about depression or thoughts of self-harm.  Today I know about my feelings and their depth and are part of why we exist – in my humble opinion, anyway.

So, I’m disappointed in myself because I’m constantly undermining my goals.  For instance, I’m trying to lose weight and cut down on sweets and sugar.  Almost with the next breath, I’m walking toward the kitchen to grab a chocolate chip cookie!  Why do I do that?  Is it my last hurrah?  Or a mechanism for self-sabotage?  Whatever the reason for my contrary actions, it’s annoying.

Last Sunday, I stepped onto scales for the first time in six months and was appalled at my lack of restraint.  I discovered I’d almost reached my heaviest weight – ever!  Hence, the goal was to cut down on sugar. 

The additional weight might be contributing to my ankle not recovering as quickly as it could, not to mention the excess sugar in the diet!  Alas, even with the logic piling up, controlling my appetite seems insurmountable.  Why, with all my mindfulness and meditation, am I seem unable to stop my action?!  Sure, mindfulness is excellent!  All that seems to mean is that I’m aware of me countering my intentions, but compulsion seems to win, and then I hate myself.  Grr.

Next Steps

For now, my next steps will be to work on why I need to rebel against myself.  In the past, it has been a great way to do things that I’d generally object to doing.  However, it appears to be a disadvantage for weight loss.

Maybe if I tried to eat more, I’d rebel against the thought, lose weight and hate myself for being so contradictory.  Hmmm, that’s food for thought!  (Yes, pun intended).

Today's Cards

Day 307. Cards in order of appearance: The Lovers, Consciousness, Creativity, Aloneness, The Creator, Completion, The Outsider, The Source, Friendliness, Schizophrenia, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday; The Creator moved from Influence to Recent Past, and The Source moved from Future Energy to Others’ Views.

Cross

So, it would appear that when it comes to weight loss, the Distant Past’s Aloneness has contributed to parts of my foundations not being as sturdy as they could be.  Although The Creator in the Recent Past indicates that there is something in my history to be applied to curtail my “cravings”.

Fortunately, this Consciousness has a unifying influence, and there is something at work in my subconscious forming the harmony of The Lovers.  The Goal is to try and reroute my focus using Creativity.  With a bit of luck, Future Energy will arrive at the Completion of an internal duel.

Base

Supporting the Aloneness with the current card showing The Outsider indicates feelings of loneliness and ostracisation.  The key to reading The Outsider card is realising that the effect and the solution are available. 

Others’ Views of my predicament are that I am at The Source or I’ve reached a moment of clarity.

Unlike what I’m feeling, the Hopes & Fears position reflects Friendliness.  The fear of the Friendliness card shows that learning to reroute my attention when I’m heading to the pantry is perhaps a passing phase.  Conversely, the reverse of fear is hope, and the fix is part of the unification transpiring Now with The Lovers.

Finally, the duality of Hopes & Fears or The Lovers’ “individual togetherness” could cause an internal struggle when it comes to letting go of old habits; embodying a little bit of compassion toward myself could allow me to acknowledge and move on from hating myself.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – Although there are days when I’m not happy with myself, and it goes to the “hating myself” realm, I know it’s only temporary.

End Day 307

Day 306 – Taking a Step Back to Give Space

Tuesday, 2 November 2021

Day 306. Cards in order of appearance: Patience, The Creator, Ice-olation, The Rebel, Change, The Source, Control, Innocence, Exhaustion, Celebration, Deck pile shuffle

Taking a Step Back Context

A couple of days ago, I was at a loss about how I could help someone I care about when they were emotionally hurt (Day 301).  Today, I had a different story; it’s about checking myself when someone asks me to step back.

Just helping others in small, subtle, unnoticeable ways builds my inner peace and somehow validates my existence – to me at least.  On the other hand, I’m okay stepping back if asked.  However, being told to “back off” cause you to get defensive.  It’s a lesson I’m learning, and I’m, oh, so much better now than I was. 

When someone is yelling at you or asking you to back off, the key is to remember they’re stressed too.   Think of it as an animal growling at you; it’s a warning to keep away, but the animal will attack if provoked.  Stepping back is a difficult thing to do after a growl.  The growl usually had me defensive and “growl” back.  In hindsight, you realise it was a misstep on your part, and that’s presuming you manage to patch it up with an apology!  🙄

When Someone Doesn't Step Back

Years ago, I asked a colleague to step back and found out what it was like to be on the receiving end of someone getting defensive.

Setting the Scene

Now, some women don’t experience mood swings with their menstrual cycle.  Lucky them!  I, however, wasn’t one of them 😟.  By the time I reached 38, I could sometimes sense my mood change, and it usually happened about one to two days before “de day”.  In the office, something had happened I thought was particularly stupid, but knowing not to say anything and continue working was my safest approach.  So, I mumbled to myself and kept working.

Unfortunately, for all concerned, the mumble was overheard.  My boss, Carmella, had taken the caring but wrong path of asking me what I had said.  Full of concern, she asked if I wanted to talk about it.   

Since I was aware this was the day I might haphazardly resign, and my emotional sensitivity was on high alert with very little control, I asked if it could wait until tomorrow and if she wouldn’t mind stepping back.  Carmella, full of further concern and to use the phrase “bless her cotton socks”, didn’t let it drop.

The Outburst

Once again, and controlling the internal emotional warring forces threatening an apocalypse, I calmly stated that it was just before my “feminine monthlies”, and I would likely say things I would regret if we spoke about them now.  My emotional glass was at capacity!  Carmella couldn’t let it go; being asked to step back triggered her concern and feelings of rejection.   Found that out later.

Valiantly, or so I thought at the time, in a last-ditch effort to head off the discussion was to use the urgency of my work as an excuse to discuss it later.  Inwardly, I was pleading for Carmella to leave me alone.  Please, just let me get on with my work without needing to apologise later.

You guessed it!  Her curiosity was also piqued, and I had no chance.  Then I spewed forth anything and everything that had been on my mind.  The domino effect led down a path right down to the irrational.  All the things I knew I didn’t want out in the world came out. 

Yes, I had to apologise later.  This outpouring of dribble is what happens when people don’t step back.  It’s awkward, and you’ve said things that can’t be unsaid or unheard.r

The Lesson

Finally, after my outburst to Carmella and apologising, I learnt Carmella had also been processing her internal issues.  It was simply “wrong place, wrong time” – or was it?  After all, the experience provided me with a piece of valuable information – albeit the lesson was an emotional one.

Today's Cards

Day 306. Cards in order of appearance: Patience, The Creator, Ice-olation, The Rebel, Change, The Source, Control, Innocence, Exhaustion, Celebration, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday; Change moved from Outcome to Recent Past, and The Source simply continued in Future Energy.

Cross

If you are going to step back and today is where, although not asked, the need to step back played on my mind; it requires Patience I’d learnt in the Distant Past from my being The Rebel.  It’s not typical for someone to ask you to step back, which caught Carmella off-guard.

Today’s influence was The Creator.  It’s apt since The Creator card is all about applying skills you’ve learnt and adopted into your arsenal of coping and compassion abilities.

Complementing The Creator’s influence, or perhaps generating it, is the Goal of Ice-olation.  Ice-olation, in this context, is about pulling back and providing the person with hurt feelings the right to experience their pain and come to grips with their situation. 

It can be tough to witness others go through what you’ve experienced.  You need to change how you handle others encountering situations you’ve mastered for the first time.   Think of it like (and this is more for me than those reading this post) you’re unable to walk for someone else.  There are some things we have to do for ourselves.  Realising this in the Recent Past was a Change for me.

Since Patience worked for me, I will continue to work on The Source in Future Energy.

Base

Alas, to step back requires considerable self-restraint and Control; they’re my Feelings on the matter.  😏

Surprisingly, Others’ Views are that of Innocence, and like The Creator card, Innocence isn’t about the new fledgling wide-eyed and naïve unsuspectingly facing a scary world.  It’s about being comfortable handling any situation when it arises, and this knowledge is wisdom.    In summary, it appears that’s what I’m doing.

In the Hopes & Fears position is the Exhaustion card.  Why I would hope for Exhaustion in this situation is unclear, but I can see why exercising Patience might take its toll.  😁

Finally, it appears there is something to celebrate.  Perhaps it’s the exercising of Patience or the satisfaction of being able to step back.  Nonetheless, it’s a time for Celebration!

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – Taking a step back when someone’s plucked the courage to ask for space can be challenging when you just want to help.

End Day 306

Day 305 – Losing Yourself in a Relationship

Monday, 1 November 2021

Day 305. Cards in order of appearance: Flowering, Turning In, We are the World, No-thingness, Healing, The Source, Compromise, Mind, Projections, Change, Deck pile shuffle

Losing Yourself in a Relationship

Yesterday I wrote about always being there wherever you go, or I should say you should always be present wherever you go.  Today, a friend Bernadette (Bernie – not her real name ), advised me she’d split from her husband, and she said she’d lost herself in the relationship.   

Whenever I think of people losing themselves in a relationship, I think of Bjork’s Hyperballad.  Bjork uses metaphors for the habitual throwing out of ‘things’ in her song.  These ‘things’ represent the parts of yourself you don’t show to your partner to keep the peace.   

"Every morning I walk towards the edge/ And throw little things off/ Like car parts, bottles and cutlery/ Or whatever I find lying around/ It's become a habit, a way to start the day".

Bjork - Hyperballad

Over time, the sacrifices you make can become more extensive because it’s habitual to surrender something of yourself simply.  One day like in the song by Talking Heads, “And you may ask yourself, “Well… how did I get here?”.  Suddenly, you’ve lost yourself.  The “you” you want to be, seems buried under social, family, self-sabotage pressures.

By the end, you’re not doing any of the things that brought you joy, and you please everyone but yourself.  This self-sabotage is what it is like to lose yourself in a relationship, and it’s where I was in my first marriage and other relationships. 

The thing is, time has moved on, and you know you’re not who you were, but you’re also not sure of who you’ve become either.  You might find out you’ve become who you want to be the trick is in the discovery, and some people never find out.  However, to find me, I went to a Buddhist meditation retreat where it happened by accident.

Today's Cards

Day 305. Cards in order of appearance: Flowering, Turning In, We are the World, No-thingness, Healing, The Source, Compromise, Mind, Projections, Change, Deck pile shuffle

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday; Turning In moved from Now to Influence, Change moved from Feelings to Outcome.

Cross

By Turning In, we understand, and with the Goal of unity, we work together in We are the World, the Flowering of our true self can begin.  In my situation, the reaction or ‘wisdom’ for today’s events stems from when in the Distant Past.  I had encountered and recognised I’d been losing myself in a relationship too. 

It’s at the point of recognition when potential opens up, allowing me to make different choices.  The choices seemed bleak and daunting, at the time, like the No-thingness of the artist’s untouched canvas – where do you begin?

Simply by Turning in, Healing can begin.  When you can read of others’ experiences and recognise the injury in yourself, like in the Recent Past for me, you are undergoing Healing by showing yourself kindness.

In turn, that tenderness toward yourself brings about the Future Energy of me connecting to my truth or my core connected to The Source.

Base

On the inward journey of Healing, we sometimes feel like we are sacrificing a part of ourselves if we don’t adhere to a principle.  This Compromise is part of the choice we have to make on whether to heal or not to heal; stay stuck or take baby steps toward a new us.  A Compromise is sometimes necessary, even if it isn’t a win.  It’s a little bit of letting go and a little bit of hanging on.

When I see the Mind card appear, sometimes I think of it as “overthinking” and getting wound up over too much happening.  Others’ Views of me at the moment is that I’m overthinking or overanalysing a situation where I know nothing.  True, and I probably am.

Inwardly, there’s the fear that I’m projecting my own life’s situation upon what I’m reading.  Hence, the Projections card appears, but there is a glimmer of hope that I’m aware of it and cannot comment on something, not my business 🤔.  It’s easy in this case.

On a side note, there are a lot of cards with circles today.  Perhaps, I’m seeing the cyclical nature of events play out in someone younger than me, going through what I see as a similar situation to what I had gone through.  In turn, it makes me aware that when I was undergoing that Change, someone older was identifying with me.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

Placeholder comment while I got my mojo back:  “Hello, family priorities have taken over my life at present, and the publishing I’d hoped to do during this period has been put on the back-burner until the family priorities are done.Thank you for your patience.
The next expected article is anticipated for 22 January 2021. At this time, I hope to have the November, December and 2021 Year in Review published.”

End Day

Day 304 – Losing Yourself

Sunday, 31 October 2021

Day 304. Losing yourself. Cards in order of appearance: Turning In, Schizophrenia, Totality, Friendliness, Trust, Stress, Change, Celebration, Morality, Playfulness, Fan Selection

Losing Yourself Context

In my school years, I used to write, “remember wherever you go, no matter where you are or who you’re with, you’ll always be there!”.  It was my version of a philosophical koan or riddle.   Because, well, you always are wherever you are, and you will be whoever you will at that moment in time.  So, what is this business of losing yourself? 

So, when people – me, included – have said they’ve lost themselves, it’s pretty unrealistic, but I understand the point of view.  Wisely, it’s good to remind yourself that you are not lost, and it’s simply the social constructs you are surrounded by when you feel lost that don’t match your sense of true identity. 

Kyler and Sonja both mentioned the sense of loss in their hometowns.  It’s a different sensation to the feeling you get when you’ve found “home”.   In the latter, it’s that sense of acceptance, the feeling of “this is right”; your defences aren’t up because you’re unsure where or when the next emotional trigger sets you off when you don’t get that feeling it can feel like you’re losing yourself.

Before you go home, you’ve done all this work on yourself; let go of stuff, come to peace with elements of your past, you no longer get frazzled by most things.  Then you go home!  If you’re unlucky, someone will remind you of your place within the first five minutes.  Now, I’m not talking in a bullying or aggressive way, and it’s just where there is a lack of understanding that what they remember of you is no longer a reflection of who you are now.

Situational Response

My mother sometimes buys my sister cutesy things, but my sister is now 50!  It would be like someone I met at school buying me a KFC Zinger burger because they remember it as my favourite.  In the meantime, I’ve been a vegetarian for 25 years.  If I ate the Zinger out of kindness, would I be losing myself?  Not necessarily.

Okay, these examples are simple, but this scenario happens all the time.  I bumped into a friend/ work colleague I hadn’t seen for 20+ years at a funeral.  It was fantastic to see her!  Before recognition happened, I thought how wonderfully poised and elegant the beautiful woman was standing in front of me. 

Slowly recognition dawned on both our faces, and a conversation ensued.  Naturally, the discussion focussed on memories of the deceased and our past journey together.  However, I’d forgotten Anita’s turn of phrase and how it sometimes triggered an automatic emotional and defensive response from me.  It’s these times where I risk losing myself or my composure and fall into what I’ve been working to outgrow.

I thought I didn’t have this response anymore.  There’s something about delving into a past situation that brings back past reactions and feelings.  Since then, no one in my sphere has the same turn of phrase or makes the same observations, or at least they’ve not mentioned them to me.  

Regretful Reactions

The truth is that Anita’s phrasing of the observations always feel like they’re limiting me, and in a sense, I lost myself (see my feelings on that in Day 267 Dispelling Poppycock).  I’d asked if Anita had lost weight, and she bristled.  Unintentionally, I’d hit on a sore spot of hers – I’d forgotten how fastidious with her weight and body she’d been.   Anita never had an ounce of fat, but her shape was different somehow.  She seemed taller and willowier. 

It turns out she does a lot of yoga, and Anita has reshaped her body to more tall and slim-looking rather than hourglass-like.  Nonetheless, I bristled at her compliment that I’d always been good at the running type of exercise!  Why was I losing myself?  It was true.  When I knew her, I played squash two to three times a week, went to the gym five out of seven mornings; why then did I bristle?

Anyway, after the funeral, I had to rush off.  Typically, changing a flight isn’t a concern, but there was a work imperative the next day, and I needed to be home to catch the infrequent flight.  Sadly, this meant we couldn’t get past the initial awkwardness and settle into a new dynamic, one where losing myself was less awkward. 

Predictably, Anita and I stopped sending each other text messages to catch up.  Of course, our departure was awkward, not only because we hadn’t updated our connection, but I also needed to ask a favour of her to drop some things off at a company before I rushed home.  In addition, there was the painful memory of a funeral where we lost our primary connection to each other.

Forever Learning

Since the funeral, I’ve been working on those sensitivities and understanding the times where I undergo the act of losing myself.  I also spent time wishing to apologise, but the opportunity is gone.  And I know that in wishing Anita the happiest life she can have, she would want the sentiments reciprocated.  It’s the classic card of Friendliness.  We were on the same road heading the same direction for a time, but then we turned off and went our own way.

Today's Cards

Day 304. Losing Yourself. Cards in order of appearance: Turning In, Schizophrenia, Totality, Friendliness, Trust, Stress, Change, Celebration, Morality, Playfulness, Fan Selection

The Cards - Losing Yourself Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday into today’s ‘Losing Myself’; Turning In moved from Goal to Now, Friendliness moved from Feelings to Distant Past.

Cross

Following the crypto crash of yesterday (Day 303), I discovered that it too was a mechanism for losing myself.  Turning In took the form of meditation.  During meditation, a past incident with Anita played on my mind, and the crypto angst I was feeling (Schizophrenia) were warring within me.  It’s funny that I was talking of the Friendliness card above, and it showed up in today’s Distant Past.

Interestingly, Totality and Trust have appeared one in the Goal and the other in the Recent Past, suggesting the moment of Trust (I think that both the crypto crash and Anita’s conversation somehow link in my subconscious).  Totality is about the moment you surrender to the process, and Trust is the faith to lead you to the decision.

Coming up in Future Energy is Stress.  Does this Stress have to do with the crypto investment or my losing myself?

Base

Regardless of circumstances, Feelings of Change are whirling through my head on both topics.  I need to Change how I react to a compliment without losing myself.

Others’ Views are that I have cause for Celebration.  Could it be in the confelicity I find when I visit the websites where people have posted such heart-warming comments?

Inwardly, my Hopes & Fears are all about doing the right thing, aka Morality.  Soulfully speaking, it’s the fear that I’ll lose myself again.  Under the circumstances, I fear not knowing how or what will trigger it means I need to find a way not to mask it but to cope with it simply.  I hope I’m up to that challenge.  😁

Finally, Playfulness is in the Outcome spot, and for those of you who have read a couple of my posts where Playfulness has appeared, you’ll know that Playfulness sometimes masks times of Stress.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – A Youtube website’s comments prompted me to think about situations where losing yourself seems inevitable.

End Day 304

Day 303 – Experiencing a Crypto Crash

Saturday, 30 October 2021

Day 303. Crypto Crash. Cards in order of appearance: Control, Intensity, Turning In, Transformation, Participation, Traveling, Friendliness, The Master, Creativity, Adventure, Washing Machine

Crypto Crash Context

Although on many occasions, I’ve repeatedly stated in my posts that you shouldn’t invest what you’re not prepared to lose.  This statement is entirely faithful.  Nothing, however, prepares you for the shock of the crypto crash when it happens. 

Many people suffered magnificent, temporary losses when Bitcoin had its crypto crash.  A friend’s investment dropped by over AU$400,000.  At the same time, I’d read an old post by Daniel Puzny of Speed Dragon on LinkedIn re Bitcoin’s drop.  The implication was that putting money into crypto is like riding a roller coaster.  Daniel said, “This is why I remind people that the crypto market is highly volatile and that they need to have the stomach to invest in it“.

The Roller Coaster

I’ve now experienced one of the crypto roller coasters Daniel’s mentioned, and it’s scary.  It was with the money I could afford to lose.  Notwithstanding, there comes the point when you begin to trust the system, even with its highs and lows. 

But what you don’t count on is your attachment to the increase and the incremental increases until it becomes something more significant.  The rewards start to look promising, with the projected APY (Annual Percentage for the Year) forecasting happy growth – even with a modest investment.  Your hope builds.

Then in an instant, your investment plummets, leaving you with nothing or what feels like next to nothing.  You breathe a sigh of relief that it was only money you could afford to lose, but it hurts nonetheless, even if you do have the stomach for it. 

So, what happened?  Simply put, AutoShark, while “super secure”, had its ecosystem abused.  A vault on their site had low liquidity and low fees making it vulnerable.  AutoShark’s ownership of the issue and its Compensation Plan –  Telegram announcement – saved an angry outcry.  To me, it felt like a pump and dump (cnbc.com), and I was left holding the bag.  Only time will tell if the recovery plan will work.  But for now, I’m just coming to grips with the reality. 

To think only four days ago (Day 299), I extolled with the progress the cryptoverse was making and my confidence in it high.  But experimenting means failures as well as successes.  We learn more from the loss but are stronger when we heal from it.

Today's Cards

Day 303. Crypto Crash. Cards in order of appearance: Control, Intensity, Turning In, Transformation, Participation, Traveling, Friendliness, The Master, Creativity, Adventure, Washing Machine

The Cards - Crypto Crash Analysis

Carryover Cards

Four cards carried over from yesterday; Intensity moved from Hopes & Fears to Influence, Turning In stayed in Goal, Participation moved from Others’ Views to Recent Past, Adventure moved from Influence to Outcome.

Cross

In the Distant Past, Transformation in my mindset led me to establish Control today.   The emotions surrounding or influencing me are that of Intensity, and to get a grip on inner turmoil, I’m setting the Goal of Turning In.

In the Recent Past, Participation has been fun.  Still, something was holding me back, encouraging me to re-evaluate my position around how much money I sank into the cryptoverse.

Future Energy is about Traveling to new locations and talking to my crypto sensei. 

Base

Despite the plummet and the shock of the breach, I still have Feelings of Friendliness toward the environment.  Of course, it helps when you go to the AutoShark Telegram site and read the positive comments from the AutoShark faithful.

Others’ Views is that I appear like The Master and remain seemingly unaffected by the suddenness of the crypto crash.

My Hopes & Fears are hopeful that the team at AutoShark and Atlantis, the underpinning platform, use Creativity to bounce the tokens back to life after the crypto abuse.  Hope is the Creativity employed to reinvigorate the site.  On the other hand, I fear other people’s  Creativity might cause a mass departure from the site.

In the end, Adventure is the Outcome.  It’s about learning and experiencing something new – although – disappointment isn’t a new feeling.  The challenge from the crypto crash is to HODL.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
  3. Day 163, My First Cryptocurrency
  4. Day 276, Danger of Crypto Addiction

SEO – Although I’ve preached not to invest what you’re not prepared to lose, you feel mortified when crypto crashes and you’ve grown your initial crypto play money.

End Day 303

Day 302 – When are You Too Old?

Friday, 29 October 2021

Day 302. Too Old. Cards in order of appearance: Clinging to the Past, Adventure, Turning In, Silence, Integration, Aloneness, Moment to Moment, Participation, Intensity, The Creator, Standard Shuffle

Too Old Context

After an intense session of Hot Yoga, I got to wondering when, at what age, should you stop exercising?  And how do I lower my expectations of the results as time goes on?  Is this something that happens naturally?  I guess it all boils down to one question; how do you know you’re too old?

For your information, the Bonfire Yoga site describes their Hot Yoga routine as a series of 27 yoga asanas (postures) and two breathing exercises performed in a room heated up to 37°C (98.6°F).  And yes, it’s hot!  I began trying to get one session in a week, although I’d like to get to three by mid next year.

Long gone are the days when I’m expecting my belly to become taut, flat and terrific.  I never knew what I had until I don’t have it anymore 😟.  My flexibility sucks at the moment, even though I’m pleasantly noticing incremental improvements with each session I attend. Sadly, this flexibility could change depending on the instructor.

So, what is an acceptable age to stop or be too old?  Am I persisting because I’m hanging onto the idea of returning flexibility?  Or will I get the flexibility back?  Basically, when is it too late?  Do I have to give up climbing trees?  When do you know?

For my part, I’m going to tread down the path of many before me and either wait until I just ‘know’ or find out the hard way with something going wrong.  No, my ankle fall in January wasn’t related to my age!  It was a regular spot for people of all ages to fall

Role Model Images

You see, I have a problem when it comes to being “too old”.  The issue stems from two factors: firstly, my mother is a dynamic woman who, despite her protests that she can’t do something, manages to do the task anyway. 

Secondly, Betty White, Jane Fonda, Clint Eastwood, and other actors have demonstrated that they are flexible and talented at any age, at least on the worldly visible side.   Alas, proving that you’re never too old to tackle seemingly impossible things for someone mature.

Today's Cards

Day 302. Too old. Cards in order of appearance: Clinging to the Past, Adventure, Turning In, Silence, Integration, Aloneness, Moment to Moment, Participation, Intensity, The Creator, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday to today’s discussion of too old; Adventure didn’t move and stayed in the Influence spot, Moment to Moment moved from Goal to Feelings.

Cross

Oops, there I go again!  Clinging to the Past, that would be my longing for a flat, taut belly. Wondering, when am I too old?  It might even be the result of the Adventure helping the hurt friend who brought my past coping capabilities (Day 301) 🙄. 

Given I’m not too old to have had experiences and glad I’ve had them, which is a weird thing to say, I know.  But living through a similar experience and remaining active might help.  It does, however, awaken one’s nostalgia.

Indeed, having a Goal of Turning In would allow me to let go.  One of the things I’m unclear of is, why is reminiscing such a horrible thing?  Provided I’m not attached to it, what could it hurt?  

Perhaps, it’s the longing associated with the nostalgia where you can come unstuck or stuck, as the case might be?  Argh, that’s it, isn’t it?  😔  But that’s not what makes it too old?  Oh well, there’s still work to do on me – still too young to be too wise. 😏

In the Distant Past, I’ve settled into Silence and understood things will not be the same, and at some point, I will be too old.  It’s with the recent Integration (Recent Past) of helping by retelling your coping strategies, hoping the person receiving it can garner something from it to help themselves.

Once the retelling is complete, you’re left to your Aloneness in Future Energy, as the person goes and sorts through the new information they got.

Base

Contrary to the circumstances of Clinging to the Past, my Feelings are that I met yesterday’s Goal, and I’m moving from Moment to Moment or taking one step at a time.

Others’ Views indicate that I’ve been involved and supportive, and my Participation makes a difference.  And thankfully, I’m not too old.

Internally, Hopes & Fears has Intensity.  I fear that I cannot control my Intensity regarding my experiences and hope that I have released enough to be helpful but held back, making it about me.  It’s tough!

Finally, The Creator in the Outcome position indicates I’m using my experience and applying it to the present circumstances with wisdom and control.

In summary, I think you’re never too old to make decisions for yourself.  There’s something to be said for the aging process and experience, is that if you listen, it’s not that you’re too old it’s more that it’s something you don’t want to do anymore.  Yoga, even hot, is low impact, and I feel better after attending.

For instance, Do I want to go to a nightclub and hip hop even if I have the capability?  If I’m being honest with myself, I don’t.  It’s fun to imagine I could go and do it, but the real reason for going to a nightclub and participating is not because I’m too old but more like it’s longer applicable to me. 🤔

 

Side note:  The Creator card looked like an evolved and merged version of the Turning In card’s figure and the colours of the Intensity and Participation cards.  It’s probably just me looking for patterns.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – Following an intense yoga class, where I struggled at times, I began to wonder at what age are you too old to do things?

End Day 302

Day 301 – When Someone Hurts

Thursday, 28 October 2021

Day 301. When someone hurts. Cards in order of appearance: Sorrow, Adventure, Moment to Moment, Thunderbolt, Inner Voice, The Master, Abundance, Harmony, Healing, Fighting, Standard Shuffle

When Someone Hurts Context

It’s difficult to help when someone hurts.  My fellowfeel at this time is high, and I’m sure I’m not alone in my helplessness.  There have been many throughout history and around the world daily who experience or have experienced similar inadequacies.  The worst part is when the person hurting shuts down to heal.  Sadly it’s when I unconsciously make it about me. 

Firstly, I understand their need to curl up into a ball and lick their wounds figuratively.  Logically, it makes sense they’re retreating to heal.  We’ve all been there when civil communication is a challenge at one time or another.

So, why do I make it about me?  When someone hurts and shuts down, I feel frustrated and even a little hurt at being excluded from their pain.  Maybe it’s my FOMO (fear of missing out), but I can’t, for the life of me, understand why that might be the case.  Perhaps it’s because their pain resonates in me, and I want to help them fight their fight.  Alternatively, it could be that shutting me out has connotations of unworthiness.

Whatever the reason, the truth is it’s not my fight, and it’s not about me.  I need to trust that.  Sure, I can be supportive, listen and listen some more.  Most times, this is good medicine when someone hurts. 

A friend’s mother warned me not to “say what you’ve always wanted to say” regarding relationship dynamics.  It’s because if the wind changes, you’ve potentially put yourself in hot water with the parties you’re trying to help.  The key is to empathise, not sympathise; there is a difference!

By the way, I’d like to be clear that I’m not talking about physical wounds.  I’m referencing circumstances where people in a relationship separate; someone passes away, or other life events.

Today's Cards

Day 301. When someone hurts. Cards in order of appearance: Sorrow, Adventure, Moment to Moment, Thunderbolt, Inner Voice, The Master, Abundance, Harmony, Healing, Fighting, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - When Someone Hurts Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over from yesterday; Thunderbolt moved from Now to Distant Past.

Cross

Because Thunderbolt moved from yesterday’s Now position to today’s Distant Past, its result indirectly affects the Sorrow I’m experiencing now. 

As you may recall, yesterday (Day 300), I undertook email therapy and pursued it further today.  It turns out there was a miscommunication; the root cause was a miswritten process name.  Phew!  Luckily, the issue got sorted without sending a cranky email 😁.

So, when someone hurt and told me as such, I had to use my Inner Voice to guide me through my response.  Helping someone close in this regard is a whole new Adventure (Influence) for me.  My Goal was to negotiate the mood by going a step at a time or Moment to Moment.

Future Energy has The Master.  I’m going to borrow select words from Osho’s The Master because I would like to embody its purpose; “Together, they create an energy field that supports each unique individual in finding his or her own light” (p.46). 

In the Osho book, the quote refers to Osho’s work with his disciples.  I, obviously, don’t have or want to have disciples, but I like the idea of working with other’s to support their uniqueness.

Base

Alas, when someone hurts, your Feelings of Abundance come to the surface – you want to help. 

Others’ Views is I’m exhibiting a softer, more receptive side of me, mixed perhaps with a touch of playfulness, Harmony.

When it comes to Hopes & Fears, I sincerely hope I contribute to the Healing of someone hurting.  The fear is that my issues are letting me dictate my actions and, therefore, I am not providing the support the person needs.

Finally, Fighting is in the Outcome position.  Fighting is constraining my issues, so they don’t get in the way when someone hurts; that isn’t me.  The funny thing is I seem to have so many of them.  The words going through my head is, these issues are from my life.  They have their problems and their own life – no matter how similar their issues might seem to my experiences.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – When someone hurts, and they’re close to you, it’s not easy helping them without bringing up your past hurts of a similar nature.

End Day 301

Day 300 – Email Therapy & Managing Frustration

Wednesday, 27 October 2021

Day 300. Email Therapy. Cards in order of appearance: Thunderbolt, Completion, The Miser, Stress, Totality, The Source, Letting Go, Consciousness, Guilt, Politics, Standard Shuffle

Email Therapy Context

Sometimes you think what’s happening at work is stupid.  Usually, when I encounter a standard “frustration” type of stupidity, it passes without too much of a blip.  After all, I’m guilty of contributing to other people’s frustration when I do something minor and stupid, and it’s all par for the course.  However, when something strikes me as preposterously ridiculous, I need to rant, and if it’s work-related, I tend to pursue “email therapy”.

The version of “email therapy” I’m talking about today is simple, type an unaddressed DRAFT email to the person who is the source of your frustration and save it to drafts – or delete depending on your preferences.  By the way, I don’t know if there is such a thing as “email therapy”, and I’m too frustrated to look it up on the internet; so, forgive me.

The Beginning of Therapy

Today, I typed several drafts!  If you plan on pursuing email therapy, as per the above paragraph, there are some things you need to consider.  Firstly, DO NOT address the email.  If you have a burning need to address the email to somebody because you’ll feel better, address it to yourself or a friend. 

I cannot stress not sending or addressing it to anyone enough – trust me, I know the consequences of eating humble pie.  Several things happen if the recipient gets a “ranty” email.  At first, they might get defensive, and an email war ensues.  You could be making a career-limiting move, undermining your credibility or getting fired.  At best, you may make a point, and the person realises the stupidity; this is rare and usually happens in movies.

Secondly, after you’ve written the email and decided not to delete it, you need to park it in “drafts”.  Once you’ve parked your draft email, email therapy doesn’t end there.  The third activity is to walk away, preferably leave it parked in drafts for a day and reread it tomorrow. 

This last step of waiting is a crucial part of email therapy.  I’m a fire sign, and I react like someone flicking drops of petrol (gasoline).  That’s right, I spit, crackle and hiss with words.  So, I need time to recompose and redirect my hissing.  Trust me; it’s not always easy! 

When it comes to waiting, I try to persevere until I’ve spoken to the person.  By the time I’m in a position to talk to the person, I’ve calmed down sufficiently not to hurl insults or use passive-aggressiveness.  Most times, it ends up a miscommunication.  Let’s face it; we’re not always able to convey information clearly, especially when we’re under pressure.

After the Wait

If I’ve managed to clarify where the stupidity or frustration came from, then it’s “all good”, and I go to my drafts and delete the email.  On the other hand, if the frustration is still from a lack of information, it’s time to reread your email and embark on the next phase of email therapy.

By this time, I’ve cooled down, and the spit and crackle have disappeared – mostly. Rereading the email is a good way to gauge just how frustrated I was at the time.  The reread allows me to correct the emotional content, make the email sound more professional and less career-limiting. 😃  Once the heat’s removed, I can safely readdress the email and send it. 

Note, if the email is to someone high up in the office hierarchy and I have a manager, I try to send it to my manager.  In my case, my manager is intelligent and level-headed and has a way of diffusing any explosive content I may have left in the email. 

Likewise, if one of my direct reports sends me an email communicating something they would like to pass on, I can assist with diffusing because I’m not close to the experience.

In conclusion, I am writing draft emails to myself and waiting until the next day is soothing.  This form of email therapy works for me.  Note, I sometimes type it up in a word processing document, in Mac Notes, TextEdit or Notepad – they’re safer when I’ve encountered a cup of stupidity rather than a few drops. 🔥

Today's Cards

Day 300. Email Therapy. Cards in order of appearance: Thunderbolt, Completion, The Miser, Stress, Totality, The Source, Letting Go, Consciousness, Guilt, Politics, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Email Therapy Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over from yesterday; The Source moved from Others’ Views to Future Energy.

Cross

Thunderbolt (Now) is about a significant shift; this is what I’m going to attribute to the external ranting of my frustration; that is, email therapy “step one”. 

In the Distant Past, a service I’d built was hijacked and conflicted with its intended purpose.  Developing this service created a lot of Stress with its elements finalising in their Totality in the Recent Past.

Hence, the service’s Completion influences today’s Thunderbolt.  Admittedly, my Goal with the service was miserly keeping it to a minimum, and since it was our team’s to own hadn’t expanded it to meet alternate requirements.  Alas, The Miser’s appearance in the layout.

Fortunately, Future Energy has The Source and indicates a resolution founded on the root cause for the frustration.  It looks like there might be something I’m missing, and the email therapy has been worthwhile.

Base

I don’t like feeling frustrated or annoyed with someone, and confrontation is such a stressful pursuit for me – unless it’s on the sports field. 

The other good thing about email therapy is that it allows me to clear my head and clarify what I want to say with the added benefit of blowing off steam.  After several rewrites, the only thing left is the Feeling that I’m Letting Go. 

Others’ Views are that I’m fully aware of my circumstances (Consciousness).  

Alternatively, Hopes & Fears has me shackled with Guilt.  I fear I’ve done something and communicated too much to people in the office about my frustration; thus, spreading unwarranted rumours.  On the other hand, I hope I’ve said just enough not to feel Guilt.  Only tomorrow can tell.

Finally, Politics is in the Outcome position, and it doesn’t surprise me.  Until the situation resolves, I’m going to be treading tentatively.  Of course, by the morning, I will have calmed down and will contact the person involved.  That’s the next step in email therapy and my least favourite one.  So, what I do sometimes is to check with others first before getting involved.  Ah, Politics.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – It was a tough afternoon because I had to employ “email therapy” to manage my frustration.  Our team’s purpose-built item got repurposed.

End Day 300

Day 299 – Security & the Cryptoverse

Tuesday, 26 October 2021

Day 299. Cards in order of appearance: Participation, Flowering, Aloneness, Inner Voice, Innocence, Existence, Friendliness, The Source, Clinging to the Past, The Rebel, Fan Selection

Cryptoverse Context

I had a personal epiphany today while thinking about cryptocurrency and the cryptoverse.  Why not use it for security to protect information?  Then the “duh” moment happened, and it tweaked that crypto was short for encryption (sort of).  Following dumping the idea into a search engine, my epiphany revealed brighter minds than mine had beaten me to it.  Maybe “everything that can be invented has been invented” Quora.  Of course, I jest.

The exciting thing about researching encryption protocol is that you discover many governments, including the Australian government, are already investigating the crypto field.  Countries like Kenya, whose bank in 2015 denounced crypto’s use, is now considering it as an option.  Last month (September 2021), El Salvador adopted Bitcoin as a legal tender – although it didn’t go well (The Star, Kenya).

Alas, cryptocurrency’s volatility is still the reason for its lack of adoption as a foundational currency.  But how cool would it be to have a cryptoverse where money is not specific to a country but the globe?  It might make business dealings across borders more straightforward, much like the idea of the Euro.

Note:  cryptoverse is not a “proper” term used anywhere in my readings on the subject, but I thought it sums up all the existing “matter and space considered as a whole”.  Or cryptocurrencies as a “particular sphere of activity or experience”; hence, cryptoverse (“universe” definition from Apple Dictionary).

Today's Cards

Day 299. Cards in order of appearance: Participation, Flowering, Aloneness, Inner Voice, Innocence, Existence, Friendliness, The Source, Clinging to the Past, The Rebel, Fan Selection

The Cards - Cryptoverse Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday to join the cryptoverse; Flowering moved from Now to Influence, The Source stayed in Others’ Views.

Cross

When it comes to cryptocurrencies, Aloneness is my Goal – albeit not a desirable one.  In the Distant Past was the Inner Voice getting me into this tangled world of encrypted digital currencies.  Innocence has been noticeable in the Recent Past, where I’ve invested with some guidance, but at the moment, I’m going it alone.

The guidance I’ve received made me or makes me feel like I can contribute to a group (Participation in Now).  That Participation has generated confidence (Flowering) in my ability to negotiate the crypto world tentatively.  But when it comes to Existence in Future Energy, I think I’m a grain of sand in the scheme of the cryptoverse; and I’m okay with that.

Base

Luckily, most people in the cryptoverse give off Friendliness Feelings.  Maybe, that’s just my interpretation?

Since most of my thoughts have focused inward on crypto usage and have little to do with the work environment, Others’ Views of me remain like yesterday’s.  That is, I look like I’m connecting to or am comfortable with The Source.

Disappointingly, my Hopes & Fears are Clinging to the Past.  Talking about cryptocurrency always makes me fearful of the world we’re heading toward.   And, in a sense, I’m still clinging to the idea that the standard monetary system will remain as a foundation.  On the other hand, I hope my natural curiosity will allow me to keep pace with new economic concepts.

Finally, The Rebel in the Outcome spot says that I’m breaking perceptions and constraints regarding the cryptoverse.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
  3. Related Articles on Cryptocurrency: Day 134 – Making Sense of Bitcoin, Day 163 – My First Cryptocurrency, Day 183 – Crypto Currency Update

Today, I thought I had an epiphany related to using cryptocurrency or blockchain in government for system security; I discovered governments were already in the cryptoverse. 

End Day 299

Day 298 – What is it about Monday?

Monday, 25 October 2021

Day 298. Cards in order of appearance: Flowering, Integration, Past Lives, Comparison, Beyond Illusion, Rebirth, Adventure, The Source, The Outsider, Silence, Deck pile shuffle

Monday Context

My energy is flat, and the will to push through the day is at its weekly low.  Although it’s not like me to feel like this regularly, Day 041 was the last time and today isn’t even that bad. There are some Mondays where my mood is down.

I guess there could be many reasons for the feeling.  Firstly, the weekend was great, and you don’t want it to stop.  Secondly, you have too much scheduled for the weekend, and you don’t get time to do it all.  Thirdly, you feel the contrast between a relaxed lazy Sunday against the intensity and rigidity of Monday.  

And as much as I would love to abolish Monday mornings and Friday afternoons (Dire Straits, Industrial Disease), it would simply push my mood to Monday afternoons and Friday mornings.  Monday Morning Syndrome is a thing.  While not having the symptoms of a legitimate syndrome apart from being a little hazy or tired, ITFM offers some suggestions to overcome the mood.  They’re adorable, but I’m determined to enjoy my flat Monday morning mood! 😏

Today's Cards

Day 298. Cards in order of appearance: Flowering, Integration, Past Lives, Comparison, Beyond Illusion, Rebirth, Adventure, The Source, The Outsider, Silence, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Monday Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday; Beyond Illusion moved from Now to Recent Past, The Source moved from Recent Past to Others’ Views.

Cross

In the Distant Past, this mood happened because of Comparison.  That Comparison has been brought on by emerging from a cocoon and going Beyond Illusion.  (Wonder whether this has anything to do with yesterday’s reality check on humanity and my association with it?). 

Anyway, I feel like the mood was brought on by the personal illumination or glimpse yesterday.  Consequently, the following concept might be difficult to grasp, but I think this has something to do with my karma.  

I don’t typically delve into “Past Lives“, aka previous existences, ” as some of you know.  Butchering Osho’s words, it’s hard enough to carry and live one life; why would you focus on others?  Unless, of course, you believe that in previous Past Lives, you were always noble and wise; if that were the case, you probably wouldn’t be here. 🤔

Moving on, Integration and its effects influence the Flowering of confidence and Future Energy’s Rebirth of faith in personkind.

Base

Embarking on a journey to work when I’ve been flat, or am emotionally down, can ironically provoke Feelings of Adventure.  

There’s something about pushing myself and getting through the day.  However, not an exciting Adventure allows me to explore whether I immerse myself in work or do something else entirely.  Sometimes, it even gives me the courage to say stuff – tactfully, of course – that I would typically let slide.  See, it is an Adventure.

Others’ Views of me are that I’m connecting to The Source of my being.  Maybe that’s why they thought I was quiet today?

However, in Hopes & Fears, my thoughts turn to fear, where the lack of outgoingness makes me The Outsider.  On the other hand, I sometimes hope to be on the outer.

Finally, the Outcome has Silence indicating that I’ve reached a state of peace by the end of the day and gotten over my “humanity is disappointing” thing.  Sometimes, I feel like Leeloo in the 1997 movie The Fifth Element when she views the encyclopaedic footage of humanity’s war history.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – As I struggle with another dark mood, it strikes me that it’s always a Monday when I battle the inertia of the weekend to go back to work.

End Day 298

Day 297 – Pets Adopted & Discarded

Sunday, 24 October 2021

Day 297. Discarding Pets. Cards in order of appearance: Beyond Illusion, The Dream, Clinging to the Past, Going with the Flow, The Source, Celebration, Politics, Healing, Schizophrenia, Conditioning, Deck pile shuffle

Pets Context

There was a shocking story on my Twitter feed this morning.   The BBC reported pets adopted during COVID-19 lockdowns were returning to shelters as fake strays and essentially declaring they no longer have use for the animal.  This returning of “pets” has produced an onslaught of animals for euthanising.  I guess that the UK isn’t the only country experiencing this trend.

Reading the story made me nauseous, and writing this makes me hollow inside because I can’t fathom why anyone would do that to an animal.  Take it, love it, then dump it?  Why?  This animal gave you their trust, and you fed, looked after it, and it became your pet.  What? Only to have you discard them like a worn chew-toy.

Many years ago, my ex-husband mentioned that the Catholic church – at least the one he attended – claimed that animals didn’t have souls, so their treatment didn’t count.  He didn’t believe it, thankfully.  Anyway, like many things, I wondered about this and concluded, leaning slightly toward the Buddhist viewpoint, that animals are sentient beings and therefore worthy of love, respect or both.

Now, I could carry on about the possible justifications for doing it, but to be honest, I’m not a news site and therefore don’t need to pretend neutrality.  Let’s put it this way, looking after the pet goldfish is annoying, and although pet stores can take them back, my heart’s not in it.  Fortunately, my husband is accommodating and cleans the fish tank most of the time; I just get to overfeed them 😏.

Besides the story on pets, the rest of the day was uneventful.

Today's Cards

Day 297. Pets discarded. Cards in order of appearance: Beyond Illusion, The Dream, Clinging to the Past, Going with the Flow, The Source, Celebration, Politics, Healing, Schizophrenia, Conditioning, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Pets Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

Going with the Flow in the Distant Past led me to an emotional response prompting a look at myself (The Source in Recent Past).  Previously, I’d been so buoyed by humanity getting animals as pets from shelters.  I was elated when I heard the pet shelters had very few animals left to adopt if any.   

Alas, this was the influence of The Dream’s misconception.  The conception sits shattered by today’s tweet, bringing me to reality and taking me Beyond Illusion. I’m now numb to the subject because I feel helpless.

And, yes, I would like to Cling to the Past (the Goal); it’s humbling greeting and living with the better half of my humanity – it’s the glass half full approach to the situation.  I’m hoping that more animals found good homes than not, and the plight of those pets is cause for Celebration in Future Energy.

Base

Somehow Politics is the card in the Feelings position.  Could that be that I don’t want to get deeply involved in the discussion on fake pets or fake strays because it hurts too much?

Others’ Views are that I’m currently Healing.  Accordingly, Osho, Healing is about discovering an area of your ego that has been invested too much in something.  It’s the whole “it’s because of the principle” attitude.  The principle is another name for “I’ve got my pride and my ego”.  Perhaps, not going on too much of a rant means I’m healing that “principle”.

Conversely, Schizophrenia in my Hopes & Fears shows my struggle and duplicity, trying to be fair about discarding pets.  I hope not to understand but fear that I know all too well.  It’s like disowning a family member, and I know all too well; because my father and I estranged for years. 

Under Others’ Views, I talk about others witnessing healing or letting go of ego and in the Outcome position is Conditioning. 

Once again, I refer to Osho’s book for guidance.  You know what? Scratch that!  It’s more the Mythic Tarot I refer to with this, although in the Mythic Tarot, it’s the card of Strength I see every time I look at this card today. 

So, the Strength card is Hercules fighting the lion, representing his ego struggling with one’s “principle”.  This association between Healing, Schizophrenia and the Mythic Tarot makes more sense.

Oh, shoot.  I’ve come full circle back to Osho’s interpretation of Conditioning about sacrificing the personality that society bestows upon you.  Alternatively, Osho states individuality is intrinsic from birth, and the “principle” is irrelevant.  

Aw, where does that leave me on the pets or strays thing?  Still sad.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
  3. Sharman-Burke J, Greene L, The Mythic Tarot – A New Approach to the Tarot Cards, ISBN 0-207-15356-6

SEO – A BBC article, “Covid: Fake strays”, affected my mood, & it was about owners who previously adopted pets but were discarding them as strays.

End Day 297

Day 296 – Rebooking with a Suspicious Mind

Saturday, 23 October 2021

Day 296. Suspicious. Cards in order of appearance: Transformation, Participation, Innocence, New Vision, Rebirth, Abundance, The Lovers, The Creator, Comparison, Ordinariness, Washing Machine

Suspicious Mind Context

The following notation exists in my notebook, “Crystal Shop Exciting”.  You would think I’d remember what the excitement was about; but, I do not.  The second notation I have is regarding my mother, suspicious minds and an email she received from Webjet.  Yes, if you’ve been reading my posts, you’ll know the sinking feeling I had when I heard the company’s name.  Refer to Day 098 or Day 164.

The email from the airline via Webjet said my mum needed to use her flight credits by February 2022.  That was, booked and taken.  My mother was ropeable3.  You see, her suspicious mind was under the impression that they (“they”, being Webjet or the airline) were out to get more money out of her. 

Because there have been four reschedules over the past two years, from COVID-19, there were times when she’s paid more.  With the reschedules, suspicion can mount if you’re handing over money each time.  Mind you; they claim there are no additional fees.  However, the increments and their impact were minor.

When it came time to rebook the flight, a final time to Brisbane and return, enough credit was to cover the trip without paying more. 

The next grumble about “them”, and this time I’m not so sure it was entirely my mother’s suspicious mind.  The airlines pushing for the credits’ consumption before Easter smells of business sense.  Especially since it looks like Easter 2022 might have all Australian borders open to each other.  It’s also an excellent time for folks who haven’t seen their family in a while to catch up.  So, it’s not just my mother’s suspicious mind at work on this one.

Today's Cards

Day 296. Suspicious. Cards in order of appearance: Transformation, Participation, Innocence, New Vision, Rebirth, Abundance, The Lovers, The Creator, Comparison, Ordinariness, Washing Machine

The Cards - Suspicious Mind Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

A New Vision in the Distant Past creates a Transformation today.  Transformation is possible because Participation is its influence.  The Goal of Innocence accepts what has gone before and arrives at a place with new eyes4. 

The Rebirth is (Webjet sending with rebooking terms) in the Recent Past.

Nonetheless, Future Energy has Abundance – I was able to help my mother see she had enough money, and it wasn’t much more than she originally paid.

Base

Unlike Day 098, my Feelings involved respect and unity of direction, much like The Lovers card.  Note, rebooking with Webjet was a breeze today, it was a marked improvement from previous experience.

Others’ Views of me are that I utilised my previous experience to manage and pursue the best course of action, much like The Creator.

Conversely, Hopes & Fears reflect a different story.  It’s one where I hope I have performed enough Comparisons to get the best value for my mother.  Alas, like anytime you’re bargain shopping, you fear that you’ll walk around the corner and there will be a better price.  Sigh.

Finally, everything goes back to normal or its Ordinariness as the Outcome.  Suspicious minds put to bed – for the time being, anyway.

 

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
  3. Apple Dictionary: adjective Australian New Zealand informal.  Angry, furious: the idea of it gets him absolutely ropeable. Origin: late 19th century: from the notion that the person requires to be restrained.
  4. Marcel Proust quote reference. “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” BrainyQuotes

SEO – An email from the travel agent prompted a string of concerns from my mother’s suspicious mind. Nonetheless, the experience went smoothly.

End Day 296

Day 295 – Unremembered Epiphany

Friday, 22 October 2021

Day 295. Epiphany. Cards in order of appearance: Guilt, Suppression, Completion, Going with the Flow, Patience, Change, Maturity, Traveling, The Source, Thunderbolt, Deck pile shuffle

Epiphany Context

Don’t you hate it when you have an epiphany partway through the day and can’t remember what it was?!  You have the thought to make a note quickly, but you “poo-poo” the idea because it’s such a memorable epiphany there’s no way you’re going to forget!  This rejection of notetaking flies in the face of the multitude of times. In the past, you’ve done the same thing and forgot.  And so it was that’s how today’s story went.  😟

Alas, when I had the idea, it was pure illumination, and I was so excited about it that I would write about it tonight.  Sadly, all I’m writing about is the epiphany I had and forgot.  It’s minor instances like this where the “Transformation” card shows up in some Distant Past position, and you wonder what it was that changed. 

Epiphany moments can be like when you think you’ll remember a dream, but as soon as you wake, all you remember is dreaming, with the content slipping further and further from your grasp. Eh.  Maybe it wasn’t such a great epiphany after all.

Today's Cards

Day 295. Epiphany. Cards in order of appearance: Guilt, Suppression, Completion, Going with the Flow, Patience, Change, Maturity, Traveling, The Source, Thunderbolt, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Epiphany Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over yesterday; The Source moved from the Now to Hopes & Fears.

Cross

In the Distant Past is Going with the Flow.  Going with the Flow can be the same as deferring to the situation.  It’s like those times when you are unsure what you want to eat, and friends ask where you want to eat. 

In a Going with the Flow situation, you might reply, “I don’t mind.  I’ll go wherever”.  So, in the Distant Past, deferring to others’ has led me to the Now where I’m amid Guilt.

Guilt influenced by Suppression.  See, even the cards show the Guilt around forgetting the epiphany, and it probably means that it’ll show up again at some point.  And, if I had to guess what the epiphany was about, I’d say it had something to do with Completion – since it was today’s Goal.

Future Energy has Change afoot, forecasting the potential impact of today’s unremembered epiphany.

Base

Now we’re into the base of the cross, and Feelings of Maturity shows my growth.  At least today, I’m aware that I’ve been silly about not writing the epiphany down rather than repeating it blindly.

Others’ Views think of me as Travelling; it is something percolating in my thoughts at the moment.  Perhaps, it’s made it outside my mind .  

Conversely, Hopes & Fears are all focussed inward and connecting to The Source.  It’s the hope of securing it and the fear of what will happen if I do, and I don’t like what I find.

Finally, Thunderbolt in the Outcome position reinforces the Change sitting in the Future Energy.  Okay, it’s one thing to have an epiphany but quite another to have the upheaval that Thunderbolt implies – I’m nervous.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – Don’t you hate it when you have an epiphany and can’t remember what it was?  That, in a nutshell, is what happened today.

End Day 295

Day 294 – End of Year Burnout

Thursday, 21 October 2021

Day 294. Burnout. Cards in order of appearance: The Source, The Outsider, Friendliness, Inner Voice, Fighting, The Burden, Healing, Clinging to the Past, The Dream, Politics, Standard Shuffle

Burnout Context

When people all around you are leaving, it’s disconcerting.  Is it from office burnout?  So many people in the office are suffering from “trudge” fatigue – the constant pushing to keep yourself motivated when the circumstances around you are becoming increasingly complex. 

This feeling of burnout is what’s pervading the office at the moment.  The seasonal break at the end of the year couldn’t come fast enough for some folk.  Today, I’m feeling the same trudge fatigue, and it just seems like the year’s been a burden. 

Interestingly, people in the office have been using slog and plod to describe the journey. Do they know it’s the Year of the Cow or the Year of the Ox too?  It certainly feels like we’ve got yokes around our necks ploughing the fields this year.  The sowing has been getting vaccinations. Hopefully, 2022 will see the fruits of those labours – our reward for being diligent.

The burnout was what preoccupied my mind today.  So, let’s see what the cards say.

Today's Cards

Day 294. Burnout. Cards in order of appearance: The Source, The Outsider, Friendliness, Inner Voice, Fighting, The Burden, Healing, Clinging to the Past, The Dream, Politics, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Burnout Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

By listening to my Inner Voice, I’ve wound up looking inside myself once again in the Distant Past.  In essence, it’s looking at The Source of the burnout mood I’m picking up from others.  It took me stepping back and looking at the office from an outsider’s perspective (The Outsider, as influence).

I found out how others were feeling by using Friendliness, that is, being myself (the Goal).  In the Recent Past, I’ve been Fighting my tiredness, trudge and burnout feeling.  So, when someone mentioned the Christmas break, I couldn’t wait!

Future Energy has The Burden.  Unsurprisingly, everything at the moment is weighing me down.  Of course, there’s nothing specific, just general burnout.

Base

When you recognise the signs of burnout or are plodding, it’s a sign that weight is lifting and there’re Feelings of Healing. 

Others’ Views of me was that I’m Clinging to the Past, and they could be right.  After all, we did talk about them and sometimes, I get carried away with the nostalgia. 

Alternatively, it’s not what the Feelings were saying, and the Hopes & Fears position indicated I might be fearful that the Healing I think is happening is just The Dream of illusion.  Or I hope that’s not the case.

The final position is Politics as the Outcome.  Politics is all about being diplomatic; sometimes, it’s necessary to keep the peace.  So, I should keep any feelings or ideas to myself – for the moment, at least.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – It’s been a tough year, with people retiring, leaving or passing away, the office is feeling its effects, the trudge contributes to burnout.

End Day 294

Day 293 – Blinkers and their Removal

Wednesday, 20 October 2021

Day 293. Cards in order of appearance: Letting Go, Morality, Guilt, Stress, Abundance, Receptivity, Harmony, Possibilities, Success, Ordinariness, Standard Shuffle

Blinkers Context

Today, one of the people I’ve worked with, in some form, has left – let’s call him Leo.  Leo wasn’t retiring but moving to another job.  It was quite a shock when one of the “lifers” retired.  Personally, I thought Leo would hang around until he retired.  Leo’s retirement happened relatively soon after I had my blinkers removed. 

In all honesty, I wasn’t sure how to take Leo’s leaving.  For many years, I respected him and would defend him.  Belatedly, I witnessed some unconscious bias affect people around me over the past couple of years.  It wasn’t until it affected me, however, that I saw how blinkered my view had been. 

Like with any blinker removal, there is disappointment and resentment.  There was a while there where I felt I almost hated Leo.  As time moved on, I got over it.  I’d only just gotten there when news of Leo’s resignation did the circuits.  If Leo’s leaving were to occur in another month or two, my respect for Leo would have been fully restored, except this time, without the blinkers.  Hey, who doesn’t have faults?  I just needed time to recover from the wound removing the blinkers left.

As it is, I was sad because Leo’s energy and intelligence brightened the office, and he backed his staff when it came to senior management pressure. 

When trying to find words for Leo’s card, one flittered across my mind, “if you treat every woman as if she were a beloved daughter and every man like your beloved son, then the world will be, in theory, a much nicer place” – or words to that effect.  They were a little “out there” for a farewell card.  Nonetheless, it’s useful.

Today's Cards

Day 293. Cards in order of appearance: Letting Go, Morality, Guilt, Stress, Abundance, Receptivity, Harmony, Possibilities, Success, Ordinariness, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Analysis

Carryover Cards

Three cards carried over from yesterday; Letting Go moved from Goal to Now, Stress moved from Feelings to Distant Past, Abundance moved from Outcome to Recent Past.

Cross

In the Distant Past, my blinkers of Leo, or the removal of my blinkers of Leo, caused me Stress mainly, when his unconscious bias affected me.  More recently, the attention I’d learnt to integrate my respect for personality with the unconscious bias and continue to do what I could to help him understand it exists.  This task will fall to those in his new environment. 

The Now position has Letting Go, which is fitting considering it has to do with my disappointment and my respect.  First and foremost, I was doing the right thing – influenced by Morality.

As I’ve stated, I didn’t know where I stood; I felt that I needed to be sadder at Leo’s leaving – and I was – but not as low as I thought I should be.  Alas, Guilt is the Goal.

As a result of Leo’s leaving, I’m opening up more to new ideas.  Hence, Future Energy shows Receptivity.

Base

The good thing about my equanimous Feelings is that I felt the sadness at his leaving, and the confelicity for his new job brought about Feelings of Harmony inside me – a balance.

Others’ Views are of Possibilities opening up for Leo, even with my blinkers off.  Leo’s leaving does remove the potential restraint others may have felt was holding me back.  I’d been reluctant to leave my position because I enjoyed working with him.

Furthermore, Hopes & Fears have me wishing for Success and fearing what I would do with it if I got it.  It’s a bit like a dog chasing a car – does a dog know what he’d do with it if he ever caught it?

Whatever my feelings, Leo’s leaving, and the timing around the healing of my unblinkered respect returning couldn’t have felt more natural, albeit still a little tender.  Hence, the Ordinariness card is in the Outcome position.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
End Day 293

Day 292 – Kids these Days

Tuesday, 19 October 2021

Day 292. Kids these days. Cards in order of appearance: Flowering, Slowing Down, Letting Go, The Rebel, Conditioning, The Outsider, Stress, Experiencing, Completion, Abundance, Deck pile shuffle

Kids these Days Context

When the postman arrives with a delivery, I don’t typically get in a conversation, and today was different as we ventured into a “kids these days” discussion.  Because I’m working from home, and the postie’s, time is valuable too. 

The conversation started when he noted the parcel he was dropping off was a cassette player.  He commented he needed to get one to play his favourite cassettes.  My reply was that this cassette player would – apparently – copy my tapes directly to USB and MP3 format without needing a computer.  I want to do this before the cassettes deteriorate, and I’ll never be able to listen to them. 

The topic of age arose, and the postie playfully lamented that “kids these days wouldn’t know a cassette or a cassette player”.  After discussing modern technology and the native digital users, we said goodbye after a few moments.

When one of my godchildren, Jack, showed up for a seasonal part-time job he was one of a few that showed up.  Jack said that four others didn’t show up for their first day of work.  What followed was Jack, who’s still only 21, uttering the phrase, “I don’t know what it is with kids these days … “.  My husband and I almost fell over laughing.  He’s talking like he’s 50.   Hehehe.

Today's Cards

Day 292. Kids these days. Cards in order of appearance: Flowering, Slowing Down, Letting Go, The Rebel, Conditioning, The Outsider, Stress, Experiencing, Completion, Abundance, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Kids these Days Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over from yesterday; Flowering moved from Others’ Views to Now.

Cross

The Rebel in the Distant Past is about taking an independent stance over your own decisions.  One of the things related to today’s topic is I had hoped to not use the line “kids these days”.  

Unless it was a legitimate use, it’s difficult not to use the phrase, but using the words not only makes you sound older, but we are programming our psyche to be older.  From there, the body begins to act on those thoughts, and we age before our time.  I’m unaware of what I think aging is, but I’m positive that saying “kids these days” is one of the phrases to avoid when you’re 21.

Aging is partly Conditioning, and in this instance, I’m talking about societal expectations of what “old” people do.  Thanks to the Baby Boomers who were teens in the 1960s, old doesn’t mean a lack of dynamism.  One of my favourite ads (which I can’t find on the internet) was a 70-year-old man dropped off to do heli-skiing with some snowboarders. 

The man was heli-skiing/ snowboarding on challenging terrain regardless of the product.  Now that’s what old should be like!  So, in the Recent Past, I’ve altered my Conditioning.

That recent change brought about the Flowering; others saw yesterday, but I’m experiencing Now.  It was possibly influenced by Slowing Down.

When you’re breaking with tradition, you need to do some Letting Go, the Goal.

Consequently, when you break the bonds of society or shift away from the norm, you can make yourself The Outsider (Future Energy).  😁

Base

While I’m Flowering, I’m Feeling Stressed.  (Okay, I’m going to confess, I’m not sure what the context of this has to do with my day because I’m not Feeling Stressed.  Hey, the cards can’t always be right).  Making changes to break Conditioning can cause some Stress.

Experiencing is what Others’ Views are of me and my situation.  All I can add is that Stress and perhaps Experiencing are related to everyday work problems.  Eh.

Wow!  Okay.  Completion in the Hopes & Fears position echoes the other cards like Letting Go, The Outsider and The Rebel.  Perhaps, my hope of avoiding saying “kids these days” is an unusual position to take because it’s so natural a phrase people aren’t aware they are saying it?  Recognising the decision to take that stance is Completion, and its fear is lingering consequences.

Finally, the Outcome has Abundance, and the Letting Go is worth the break from tradition.  I mean, what about “kids these days” 🤔.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
End Day 292

Day 291 – Resigning in Words with Friends

Monday, 18 October 2021

Day 291. Resigning in Words with Friends. Cards in order of appearance: Patience, Suppression, Ripeness, New Vision, Existence, Guilt, Maturity, Flowering, Moment to Moment, Rebirth, Standard Shuffle

Resigning in Words with Friends Context

Okay, I play Words with Friends on my iPhone with strangers.  I am genuinely happy to get thrashed and have someone score against me, and I’ve lost by over 300+ points a couple of times.  Unsurprisingly, the person took a screenshot and showed everyone.  Winning and losing is part of gameplay; I don’t consider resigning.  Hey, I don’t even like swapping my letters to try and get better ones.

It constantly amazes me with the number of people who give up when I’m playing a stranger on Words with Friends 2 (WWF2).  You see, in my early days of playing, I opted for the “Game of the Day” or the option to play “Someone with Similar Skill”.   I thoroughly enjoy playing these games, regardless of whether I’m winning or losing. 

Initially, when we finished playing, and I lost, of course, I was crestfallen (which the other player didn’t see).  Naturally, I congratulated them on a game well-played and asked whether we could rematch.  “Sure”, was the reply.  Great!  Throw the stick again, boss. 🎾

The Change

During the game, the player revealed he was a “he”.  Let’s call him Anton.  Anton was thrilled with his 300+ victory and thanked me for allowing him to have it.  Of course, my response to that was, how could I do otherwise?  Never say die, right?

Anton then told me that many players simply resigned when he’d gotten in front by 200+ points.  Dumbfounded, I asked, “why”?  Anton guessed it was because he was winning.  Okay, I can kind of see that. 

Then Anton asked me why I hadn’t resigned.  I replied, “just because I’m losing doesn’t mean I want to deprive you of your rightful victory.  Besides, I could come back”.  (That last sentence was me deluding myself – in that game, at least.  I still had two tiles to play 🙄). 

The whole thing left me flabbergasted.  Today, someone resigned on me because I was substantially ahead.  It’s true; I don’t know why the resignation occurred; it just seemed that 150-200 points that to some might seem insurmountable.  Darn, it was early in the game and a triple J with a triple word, and you’ve got 90+ points immediately. 

By the way, there have been a couple of people who resigned because I hadn’t chatted to them.  They’ve all been males.  Initially, I used to text, and it was limited to a “good” score, or if I got a great scoring word, I’d be like “sorry”.   Then the “dating” chats began; sadly, I no longer chat.  This form of quitting didn’t sadden me.  

Losing

Of course, if you decided to play a game with a random stranger, you’re going to have the possibility of losing and potentially losing “big-time”.  The algorithms to match players with abilities aren’t infallible.    Thank goodness!

Understandably, it’s hard to lose when you get your butt is handed to you on a silver platter several times, but that too is part of the thrill of playing.  Coming back from defeat makes the victory satisfying because you tried your hardest.

Maybe I’ve got it all wrong.  Nonetheless, I played Anton for ten games before I could win.  But with each game, I got closer to a victory.   Sadly, Anton didn’t get time to play more often due to work, and after I had a couple of wins, he no longer played WWF. 

Funnily, I thought it might have been me winning.  Naturally, there could be many reasons for Anton not playing, but the timing was unlucky for us. 

Today's Cards

Day 291. Resigning in Words with Friends.Cards in order of appearance: Patience, Suppression, Ripeness, New Vision, Existence, Guilt, Maturity, Flowering, Moment to Moment, Rebirth, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Resigning in Words with Friends Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

New Vision in the Distant Past is about opening up to new adventures and new experiences.  Alas, opening up to connect, in Words with Friends, outside of myself to the world, confident that I could handle, winning or losing and losing I can do. 

Recently, I’ve begun appreciating losing more and more; it’s my best mode of learning – all I have to do is weather the welling of emotional disappointment.  The weathering has become more manageable, and I am now indifferent to wins or losses.  Don’t get me wrong; I still try very hard to win; however, my ego isn’t in the game’s outcome anymore.  

Instead, I embrace my Existence and the joy I get from experience.  It sounds cliché, but there’s a reason it has become so.  A phrase can be as original as the day of its inception if you mean it, and it’s not an off-the-cuff remark.

Following today’s resignation against me, I held together my emotional disappointment, Suppression (Influence) and exercised Patience (Now).  Before the opponent’s resignation, I was ready to play another strategically placed word and felt that I might win.  That was the Goal of Ripeness, anyway.

Future Energy holds Guilt.  Guilt at playing too hard, I should curb my enthusiasm for placing good words when the opponent leaves a spot open and, as luck would have it, I have great tiles.  Sadly, I shouldn’t have to do that just to get a game.

Base

And even though I suppressed my emotional frustration at the resignation, I’m getting better with that too.  It’s all about Feelings of Maturity and seeing the experience for what it is; just someone who is where I was.  So, hugs.

Other’s Views is that they see me Flowering and becoming comfortable in my skin, and embracing the feminine.

In agreement is the card in the inner Hopes & Fears position, Moment to Moment.  I’m hoping to live life stepping from Moment to Moment but fear that I’m more pretending rather than genuine.  This pretending notion comes from the lack of continuity of experience, that I can’t maintain the feeling for any sustained length of time.  Alas, that’s the point, isn’t it?

Finally, it’s Rebirth in the Outcome position.  Rebirth is about “a time of growth and change” (Osho, p. 136), part of the continual self-evolution experience.  Now that I’ve conquered (cough) losing, where to next?

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
End Day 291

Day 290 – Delegate Upward

Sunday, 17 October, 2021

Day 290. Delegate upward. Cards in order of appearance: Past Lives, Inner Voice, The Rebel, Celebration, Beyond Illusion, Friendliness, Politics, No-thingness, The Fool, Totality, Deck pile shuffle

Delegating Upward Context

My thoughts today drifted toward delegating and what that means.  I’m talking about the verb form of the word, which the dictionary defines as “to entrust (a task or responsibility) to another person, typically one who is less senior than oneself” 3.  However, in today’s world, you can potentially delegate upward.

If you look at the other part of the statement, “send or authorise (someone) to do something as a representative”3.  You can delegate upward.  You may say, “you can’t delegate up the chain of command”.  Sure you can; what do you think seeking approval is?

Anyway, this is what I was doing a lot of today; making sure the right area gets enough information to act on a request without having to do all the running around – spoon-feeding is not in my job description.

That’s it for today.

Today's Cards

Day 290. Delegate Upward. Cards in order of appearance: Past Lives, Inner Voice, The Rebel, Celebration, Beyond Illusion, Friendliness, Politics, No-thingness, The Fool, Totality, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Delegating Upward Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

In the Distant Past, I’ve had cause for Celebration with delegating upward.  Don’t get me wrong; I’ve long worked within the weighted risks of process and permission versus radicalism and forgiveness.  That’s if you subscribe to the school of, “It’s easier to seek forgiveness than it is to get consent”.  There is, of course, a time and place for both. In the Recent Past, a chrysalis occurred where I’ve emerged from the cocoon of uncertainty in Beyond Illusion.  I’ve come to understand my Past Lives4 because my Inner Voice is influencing me.  This influence comes from a Goal of wanting to do what’s right wherever I can, and The Rebel card exemplifies this aim. Thankfully, Future Energy has Friendliness implying a balance of the quip-pro-quo between the ability to delegate upward, keep stuff and delegate downward.

Base

Initially, delegating in any direction makes me feel “dirty” or that in some way I’m being duplicitous or playing Politics.  It’s the whole being an independent thing and thinking and/or wanting to do it all!  Delegating sometimes feels like I’m not taking responsibility, but that’s the trick, isn’t it; knowing when to trust is the skill.  It’s still how I feel, nonetheless.

Others’ Views are that I have potential or options open to me in the card of No-thingness.

On the other hand, The Fool reflects my inner Hopes & Fears.  I hope that the risks I’ve taken are something I can continue – after all, I’m assuming a certain degree of authority.  Of course, if I get or feel pushback, I’m happy to step back.  On the flip side, I’m fearful of being The Fool and getting the decision wrong.

Finally, Totality in the Outcome position; looks like it’s going to be an “in for a penny, in for a pound” scenario when I delegate upward 🤔.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
  3. Apple Mac Dictionary
  4. When I talk “Past Lives”, I’m talking about this lifetime. Think back to the world before COVID-19; it seems like “another life”, for instance.
End Day 290

Day 289 – Secret Santa and Christmas Plans

Saturday, 16 October 2021

Day 289. Secret Santa. Cards in order of appearance: Traveling, Understanding, The Creator, Adventure, Projections, Change, Playfulness, Thunderbolt, Healing, The Miser, Deck pile shuffle

Secret Santa Context

Today was about how the rest of my family, bless them, are beginning to make plans for Christmas.  There’s the whole, who will buy what for whom in Kris Kringle (Secret Santa).  The adults will participate in the Secret Santa, while the kids still get presents from whoever wants to buy them – and, of course, from Santa 🎅🏽.

Over the last couple of days, I’ve been pondering the thought of, where do you go when you need crypto help?  Luckily, I have a close friend’s husband who showed me the ropes, but I hate contacting him even then.  In all seriousness, I’m a big girl, and I should be able to work it out for myself. 

The crypto topic aside, it puts me in mind of a particular person I know, who, before children, vowed never to keep Santa a secret because it was lying.  Oh, yeah.  The tune changed after children, and the complication arises when you realise children can’t keep secrets.

Telling a child “don’t tell anyone because it’s a secret doesn’t work because, in five minutes, the secret Santa is secret no more. There’s usually the embarrassing prefix, “you’re not supposed to tell anyone”!  Also, there’s a corresponding tie in with the child’s age, and the younger the child, the more chance the secret gets out.

Consequently, other parents may not take kindly to having their secret Santa trump card revealed early.  Naturally, there’s the added benefit of having that ace up her sleeve at Christmas too.  But that does leave you perpetuating a lie. 

Admittedly, the lie can teach kindness of the human spirit and help teach a child self-control.  On the other hand, if it’s all about the gifts, it could lead to a consumerist or capitalist view where goods equal love.

Today's Cards

Day 289. Secret Santa. Cards in order of appearance: Traveling, Understanding, The Creator, Adventure, Projections, Change, Playfulness, Thunderbolt, Healing, The Miser, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Secret Santa Analysis

Carryover Cards

Three cards carried over from yesterday; Adventure moved from Feelings to Distant Past, Projections moved from Goal to Recent Past, Change moved from Influence to Future Energy.

Cross

The cards look like they’re all about planning travel.  It’s incredible how travel in the Distant Past was an Adventure, and now it’s a commonplace occurrence. 

In the Recent Past, there have been Projections and thinking that someone else has the same thoughts as you.  Sometimes, that’s when you want to connect with someone, and you do have similar ideas.  At other times, you can be wrong.  How many times have you imagined a situation, only to have circumstances reveal it’s something else?

My Projections stem from my physical insecurities where yoga is concerned.  I’m always fearful that I’ll become like the once innocently teased “Evergreen” (Day 210), of course, we never said it to him.  Maybe that’s what’s happening to me now?

If we’re talking about Secret Santa, my Projection in that space is that nobody wants to buy presents.  Not because I don’t want to buy a gift, it’s that I struggle with the pressure of getting someone something that truly expresses my feelings; I’d never had enough money for that.

Nonetheless, Travelling to mum’s – a different state – was on our minds.  And there was a mutual Understanding influencing the discussion today.  The debate on where to go, when to fly.  You know, that sort of thing. 😁

The Goal was to be like The Creator, utilising experience to plan Christmas without complications.  The way we’re doing Christmas with Secret Santa this year is a Change, quite possibly to Future Energy too.  The argument is that I spend X, you pay the same amount of X, and we might as well get our gift.  But to keep the spirit of giving a Kris Kringle is an excellent way to share the morning.

Base

Whenever we’re discussing Christmas and crossing a state border within the same country, we have a chuckle; there’s a Feeling of Playfulness.

Others’ Views are things are changing dramatically, and either I’m the cause or the recipient of the change is like a Thunderbolt, destroying existing structures.  It could be that we’re using Elfster.com to help run the Secret Santa, bringing our mum along for the move to a technologically-assisted Christmas. 🎄

On the other hand, my inner Hopes & Fears are Healing.  Sometimes to heal, you need to cause damage; I’m thinking of a dentist having to extract a crumbling or rotten tooth – alternatively, the piercing of an abscess.  Honestly, I can’t think of how this card applies to the day’s activities.  Maybe it’s the Secret Santa or the secret of Santa creating an impact.

Aha!  It looks like we finally come to The Miser in the Outcome position.  Maybe I am stingy about buying gifts, and I didn’t realise.  After all, giving one gift as part of Secret Santa removes the need to buy for everyone! 

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – We spent planning Christmas, & the way we do presents for adults changed; a secret Santa (Kris Kringle) seemed a fun, cheap choice.

End Day 289

Day 288 – Exercise Headache & Turkish Baths

Friday, 15 October 2021

Day 288. Cards in order of appearance: We are the World, Change, Projections, Breakthrough, Success, Friendliness, Adventure, Innocence, Rebirth, Clinging to the Past, Standard Shuffle

Baths Context

You can tell you’ve exercised when you get sore muscles and a headache (Day 287).  Typically, my body begins to feel twinges at about the 18-hour mark, and the soreness steadily progresses to about the 36-hour mark and then begins to ease.  Of course, the soreness cycle depends on my level of fitness.  If I’m unfit, at the 36-hour mark, I’ll get the detox headache, and all I want is a luxuriant magnesium salts bath.

The detox headache following exercise, or even happens when I give up chocolate, has a slight pain just up from the third eye on the forehead between where the insides of the eyebrows meet.  It’s a pinching pain, not sure if that’s the right word for it.  Nonetheless, in the past, I’ve thrown up at the peak.  Throwing up is a quick way of eliminating the build-up of toxins that your exercise has loosened from their comfortable little pockets.

Why do I not learn and stay detoxified?  Ah.  What is the point of detoxing if you don’t have any toxins in your system?  This comment reminds me of when I travelled with my father through Hungary, and we stopped at Budapest to visit the Turkish baths.

Our evening arrival meant the baths were closed.  While we were inspecting the opening hours, I met a Canadian named Jeff. 

In summary, Jeff had been diagnosed with irreparable cancers; his passion for architecture took him to travel Europe and, while visiting Budapest, discovered the reputed Turkish healing baths.   When he arrived in Budapest, half his luggage allowance was various medications.  Since his discovery, Jeff visited the baths every day and intended to continue to do so after I’d left. 

You see, Jeff was feeling better, and he was about to ditch the last of his medication.

The Baths

Consequentially, Jeff’s enthusiasm inspired me along with his recommendation to ensure a visit to the baths before I left.  We went our separate ways with Jeff’s parting comment, and I hope Jeff lived a long, happy life thereafter.

The baths opened at 5:00 am and my father, not being an early person and living in Europe, decided to forego his visit.  Determinedly, I persisted and got up bright and early to visit the baths.  By the way, sore muscles weren’t an issue because I was fit from at this point in my life.  So, there was no headache following exercise, but I wanted to feel as good as Jeff did.

I rocked up at 5:00 am and paid my money for the massage and a dip in the baths.  There were ladies and men’s areas, and I was promptly handed a towel and pointed toward the massage area, where I received a shock.

The shock wasn’t that I needed to be naked; this I kind of expected.  I’d been to Japan, and false modesty doesn’t get noticed, except you look stupid trying to protect it because nobody pays it a second thought.  So, I simply pretended I was used to walking around naked like everybody else.  Not that I think anybody else was acting; it was a case of “fake it til you make it”, in my case, it was until my mind caught up.  🙈

The next thing you got to avoid doing is staring and at anybody.  That doesn’t mean looking down at the floor the whole time; that’s too conspicuous.  It’s so challenging when you’re unaccustomed to naked people everywhere.

Sofia

So, now that we’ve established my nakedness wasn’t the issue, what was?!  It was the massage bed.  Scarily, it was not your average run-of-the-mill Swedish or remedial massage bed.  Nah-uh!  The massage bed was made of stainless steel and had grooves, very much like sacrifice tables to allow blood to run off! 

Waiting for me … Hold on.  Wait.   First, picture a stereotypical depiction of a strong, tall Hungarian woman with muscles, hair-tied in a bun, white “nurse-like” tunic, and a “don’t argue” look on her face.  Second, in her hand, she – whom I’ll call Sofia – held a hose of running water.  With a nod and a point at the stainless-steel torture bed, you knew what Sofia expected.   

Once in position, Sofia pummelled, kneaded and slapped perfunctorily at my back.  All the while with water hosing me down.  At one point, a little self-consciously, I’d had my legs together.  Sofia matter-of-factly grabbed them and separated them to get to the inner thigh.  She was professional, quick, and had no time for false modesty! 

Sofia used water instead of oil since you don’t want oil in the healing waters.  Mind you, if I didn’t have sore muscles, the massage found some or made some, anyway! 😖

After 10 minutes, I was flipped over, repositioned, massaged and given a final hose down, and within 15 minutes, I was back in the “wilds”.  It felt like I was a sheep getting treated with some annual ritual.

There was no point drying off as I made my way, looking pathetically drenched, to the baths themselves.  Now, I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to describe this, but it was expansive, but the dark brown architecture made it oppressive as well. 

After a swim and an hour, I could say, “been there, done that”.  

Erhardt

As if a wet massage and a swim in the baths wasn’t enough water, I showered, dressed and left.  There was one thing worrying me; I didn’t feel any different.  Cleaner, certainly.  Changed?  No.

Following the chat outside the closed baths last night, my father, or whatever reason, headed home without me.  So, when I came back from the baths this morning at 8:00 am, and I headed to the railway station and bought breakfast to go.  On the journey back to Germany, where my father lived, I bumped into fellow travellers.  One was an older man who wanted to practise his English; this was fine by me.

Here my I expressed my concerns over the underwhelming wellness feeling I had gotten from visiting the baths.  Erhardt (again, not his real name) began to quiz me.  Questions went along the following:

Question:        Do you feel unwell after going to the baths?
Answer:           No.  I feel the same as before I went.

Question:        Were you sick when you went to the baths?
Answer:           No.

Question:        They’re known as “healing” baths, right?
Answer:           Yes.  Doh!

Erhardt proceeded to playfully “lecture” me on how it made sense not to notice anything different because I wasn’t sick.  Can you get healthier than 100%?  The answer is not.  So, I never got to find out if they worked.  Hopefully, I will never need to know.

Mind you; it would be handy if you had been exercising and needed to soothe those aching muscles earlier to avoid the headache after exercising.

Looping Back

To loop back after a long-winded explanation about toxifying.  Alas, like you need to be sick to feel the healing benefits of the baths, you need to have toxins to detox. Fortunately, in this regard, I’m safe. 😁

Today's Cards

Day 288. Cards in order of appearance: We are the World, Change, Projections, Breakthrough, Success, Friendliness, Adventure, Innocence, Rebirth, Clinging to the Past, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Baths Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over from yesterday; We are the World was in the Now and remains there today.

Cross

Is the Breakthrough in the Distant Past about not noticing the difference of healing baths in a healthy person?  Nonetheless, I didn’t get to a full-blown detox headache because I’ve discovered wheat packs are excellent. However, you do need time to lie there and have them do their magic!  It avoids having to run a bath when you’re suffering.

In the Recent Past, I’ve had some Success in dealing with headaches; yesterday was a challenge but not insurmountable.  Today, in the Now “We are the World” is about working together.  At present, I have one of my godsons visiting, and he and my husband have been co-ordinating meals; it makes for a nice Change – for my husband, that is 😏.

Meanwhile, Projections is in the Goal position.  I’m going to go with Projections being an unconscious desire because I’m unable to make sense of it for you immediately.

Future Energy has Friendliness; it will be pleasant for everyone if I’m not acting like a grizzly bear!

Base

My Feelings on the day and the headache’s journey is that it’s like an Adventure.  Admittedly, it’s not always a pleasant journey like a bath, but it’s one nonetheless.

Others’ Views is that I’ve used my experience and applied it to my circumstances to arrive at a purer, cleaner approach to my healing (Innocence).

Conversely, on the Hopes & Fears front, there’s the fear that the Rebirth of my headaches will lead to its more sinister version where I would need a bath.  Where, I’d hoped that I dealt with the underlying issue causing the general headache.

Finally, Clinging to the Past is in the Outcome position.  I wouldn’t have thought that bringing up the past means you’re clinging to it, but I suppose there are elements of fondness that the memory brings up.  Maybe that’s why I relayed the story.  You know, it’s “been there”, “done that”, “had a bath” and “wrote the blog”. 🙄

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
End Day 288

Day 287 – Yoga Headache after Exercise

Thursday, 14 October 2021

Day 287. Yoga Headache. Cards in order of appearance: We are the World, Guilt, Transformation, Harmony, Participation, Integration, The Fool, Schizophrenia, Aloneness, Possibilities, Deck pile shuffle

Yoga Headache Context

Hi, you can tell that I made the most of my exercise yesterday because today I have a yoga headache, sore shoulders and a very low tolerance for stupidity and loud noises.  Sometimes, if I haven’t been active in a while, I get a headache following exercise.  

If I don’t catch the headache early enough, I’ve come to realise I shouldn’t consume headache tablets except in the beginning before it “sets in”.  Consequently, my blog today is limited to the analysis, and even that’s probably going to be very light on when it comes to information. 

Today's Cards

Day 287. Yoga Headache. Cards in order of appearance: We are the World, Guilt, Transformation, Harmony, Participation, Integration, The Fool, Schizophrenia, Aloneness, Possibilities, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Yoga Headache Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over from yesterday; Schizophrenia moved from Influence to Others’ Views.

Cross

Harmony in the Distant Past could represent the joy and peace I feel when I get a class that challenges me to improve.  In the Recent Past is Participation and reflects me partaking in the Bonfire Yoga class.

The Goal when I attend the Bonfire Yoga class is Transformation; physical, mental and emotional.  However, in the lead up to the moment on the yoga mat, I get inexplicably nervous. 

The class designed to help me and work with me is perhaps intimidating because of my perception of the regular “perfect people”   Maybe it’s just that it holds up a mirror to my desires for healthy living and constant exercise.  Although, I can do without the yoga headache, or any type of headache, really.

Future Energy has Integration, suggesting I might find a way to make some of my aims a reality.

Base

When I go to a session, and I haven’t drunk enough water and begin to realise it, I feel like The Fool embarking romantically on the endeavour.  Or I could think like The Fool for giving the class my all.

Others’ Views when I’m attempting to be diplomatic might see me as suffering from Schizophrenia, unable to decide what I want to do with my exercise regime.

Regardless, my Hopes & Fears are Aloneness.  I fear that classic FOMO, wanting to be somewhere else, is loneliness, not Aloneness.  On the other hand, I hope while practising, to be entirely in the now, comfortable and alone but not lonely.

Finally, Possibilities open up my frontiers in the Outcome position.  In summary, there’s a bit of darkness hanging around with the Guilt card, but that’s external.  On the whole, it’s looking good.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – Often, after exercise, I hope to get sore muscles & not the exercise hangover; my wish was ungranted as I struggled with a yoga headache.

End Day 287

Day 286 – Episodic Memory Loss & Yoga

Wednesday, 13 October 2021

Day 286. Cards in order of appearance: Politics, Schizophrenia, Suppression, Rebirth, Fighting, Exhaustion, The Creator, Intensity, Ice-olation, Existence, Standard Shuffle

Episodic Memory Context

Last week, Day 279, I wrote about how good it was to get a different instructor for Bonfire Yoga.  Today, I was so looking forward to going back.  And even with the weekly visit, my flexibility is improving.  Another topic that dominated my thoughts were from an interview with Bjorn Ulvaeus, and he suffers doesn’t have episodic memory. 

By the way, in an interview on Skalvan (2014), Bjorn talked about not having Episodic memory or emotional memory of specific events during his time as part of ABBA.  One description of Episodic memory is: “Episodic memory, on the other hand, refers to the recalling of particular and subjective life experiences” (Ayesh Perera 2020).   Moreover, to help clarify with examples, the VeryWell mind website lists some, making it more relatable.   

Memories that are “global” snapshots, like where you were when you first heard of 9/11, are mass episodic events.  Then there are the memories that a specific to you.  I can only imagine that it would be difficult for a musician on the road to remember what city he or bus leg he was in when he heard about, say, a grandparent dying.  From what I can gather, it’s like driving a vast desert distance and someone expecting you to remember you were 150 km/mi out from Dustytown when that happened. 

Nonetheless, it reminded me of personal experiences I may have forgotten, and I’m certainly guilty of losing track of some of those memories.  Isn’t that why we take photos?  To put us back into the place and reinforce situational recall.  The other question I have, and I haven’t done the research yet, is, does hypnosis recall episodic memory loss events?

Today's Cards

Day 286. Cards in order of appearance: Politics, Schizophrenia, Suppression, Rebirth, Fighting, Exhaustion, The Creator, Intensity, Ice-olation, Existence, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Episodic Memory Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over from yesterday; Politics moved from Future Energy to Now.

Cross

Interestingly, Rebirth is in the Distant Past at a time when I’d outgrown my previous ego (the lion) and emerged renewed in who I am, or so I thought.  The Fighting card in Recent Past implies a sensitive spot has triggered, and I got caught up in it.  This recollection, I believe, comes from my discussion with people after yoga about how much I enjoyed having a female instructor, and I felt reinvigorated.

While I wanted to be effusive in my praise, I was in two minds (Schizophrenia) about how much I could say without ridiculing the previous instructors.  The Goal was Suppression.  Suppression of my true feelings at that moment because I knew in retrospect, I’d regret it. 

The truth is the previous instructors were also magic but in a different way.  Besides, they weren’t my true feelings; they were just my “Now” feelings.  Hence, I played the diplomatic card of Politics with two faces: one for the world and one for me.

The effort to suppress is exhausting, and too much of it leads to Exhaustion, as per Future Energy.

Base

When Bjorn spoke of having episodic memory loss, I stopped and examined my Feelings and discovered that there are probably certain areas of my life that I feel I should remember but don’t.   Regarding these situations, I feel like I need to “make them up” like The Creator using factual knowledge and weaving some expected emotions into the memory regardless of whether it’s true or not.

On the other hand, or tangentially, Others’ Views are of me are of Intensity, a single-minded enthusiasm on the topic at hand, aka Bonfire Yoga.

My Hopes & Fears admit I, too, have some episodic memory losses that might isolate me from others (Ice-olation).  As you may know from Day 063, the fear is the “fear of missing out”.

Finally, the Outcome has Existence and with it comes the simple act of being oneself.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – Going back to yoga felt good, but the focus was the startling revelation that Bjorn from ABBA has episodic memory loss from days past.

End Day 286

Day 285 – Being Late is Frustrating

Tuesday, 12 October 2021

Day 285. Being Late. Cards in order of appearance: Maturity, Trust, The Lovers, New Vision, Beyond Illusion, Politics, Totality, The Miser, Stress, We are the World, Standard Shuffle

Being Late Context

One of my sister’s favourite lines is “she was born late, and she’s been late ever since”. It’s true; arriving on time is a struggle for me, and I was born late.  When I met my husband, an early person, everyone I knew breathed a sigh of relief because, between the two of us, we arrived on time – no more being late for me! 

By the way, I hated being early, particularly to events.  Usually, you sat there making small talk and only once the small talk passed stuff would get interesting.  It was selfish of me to let others do the hard work of small talk.  To be clear, it was mostly an unconscious decision to be late. 

I’ve asked myself many times why I’ve persisted in being late.  My retrospective reasoning went like, “I’m always where I’m meant to be when I’m meant to be there”.  Yes, it’s more a justification but still maddening for recipients. 

Alternatively, I blamed TV shows.  As each show went from plot point to plot point, usually without travel, so too was my reliability and being late.  For example, if an event needed or wanted my presence (I reasoned no one ever ‘really’ wanted me there) and it was 15 minutes away in travel, I was 15 minutes late.  The degree of lateness, of course, became a problem the further I was away from an event. 

Now, my tardiness isn’t always within my control.  As a “relieving staff” officer for a couple of years, one of my jobs was to backfill anyone sick or on leave across the metropolitan region, and relieving as a teller was one of them. That was before automatic teller machines (ATMs), banks had staff at counters performing that function.  So, travelling up to two hours, at a moment’s notice, was not uncommon.

Mitigating Circumstances

One of the ways I tried to overcome my lateness was by reading.  I discovered the joy of reading if I arrived early and there was nothing to do upon arrival.  Alas, I headed off super early on several occasions, so I got the opportunity to read. 

Also, I found going to the gym first thing in the morning near the place I was required to relieve at was another beneficial way to get me within a shorter travelling distance.  That was only possible if the local “sweatshop” reciprocated my gym membership. 

I left home early on multiple mornings only to encounter circumstances beyond my control and wound up late.  Usually, it was traffic.   And before you say everyone faces traffic, not like this, they don’t!  Sadly, the universe conspired to thwart my attempts at timeliness.

For instance, one morning to get to the gym – and maybe squeeze in some reading – I left home four hours early for a 20-minute journey.  The plan was to leave at 5 am for an 8:45 am start.  There was a 5:30 am gym class not 10 minutes from the branch I was to work that day.  As you may have guessed, I arrived late!  And that’s without going to the gym and without doing any reading.  Why?  There was a truck that had “fallen” sideways and blocked all lanes in one direction.  Emergency rescue teams then needed the freeway in the opposite direction to do rescue type activities.  Thank goodness for the radio!

Back in those days, there weren’t any mobile phones, so there was no communication capability.  You had to rely on the radio to broadcast news of the event or hope others were heading in the same direction and communicated the predicament.

The Universe versus Me

Luckily for me, the truck impacted many people heading in the same direction.  But for a time, this type of delay happened to me ALL the time!  Even now, going to meetings, I’ll get a phone call as I’m about to head off to being late. It’s challenging to say no when you’re in back-to-back meetings. 

In project management, it doesn’t have to be the boss that waylays efforts to arrive late for a meeting.  After all, the focus of a project manager is to keep issues from impacting the timeframe, costs or quality of a project.  That means there’s always some sort of ‘brush fire’ to fight, figuratively speaking.

One of the things I learnt from my constant tardiness and meditation was that if I listened to my inner voice, I’d get to places when I needed to get to places.  I know it’s fatalistic, as in “what’s meant to be will be”, but I believe this to some extent, anyway.  But it’s crucial to note that we are not powerless in the exchange.

You see, I believe before we’re born, our souls choose a mission and part that means hitting meeting specific touchpoints.  For example, your task is to make a chocolate cake.  One of the ingredients needs to be chocolate.  You usually get the ingredients by the time you’re 20, sometimes those end up being late too.

Whether you get the ingredients early or late is what you decide when you’re here. Of course, one of your missions might be to do them in a particular order or make something with them.  But as long as you get the ingredients, your soul’s purpose is on the right track. Only you listening to your inner guide can say when fulfilment will happen.  First, you gotta learn to listen.

Learning

Once I learned to listen to my inner voice, I found I wasn’t being late, I was there “at time” rather than “on time”.  Being somewhere “at time” can be translated to being “at the right time”.  Several times when going to the airport, I’ve not felt pushed to get moving.  On each occasion, the plane has either been late, rescheduled or cancelled. 

My learnings have never extended to confidently saying “I’m not packing” 😃.  So, today I’m less late, I get impatient when I need to be somewhere early.  Yes, no surprise other people don’t like being late!  Believe it or not, there have been times when I’ve been pushing my husband to get ready and “we gotta go”, not for any other reason than we need to be somewhere “at time”.  Okay, it’s rare, but it happens.

By the way, when it came to the truck traffic event.  I learnt more than “don’t fight the universe” I also learnt to let go of my frustration at being late when there’s nothing you can do.  It was when I could define the difference between anger and frustration. 

Anger is when you could or couldn’t do something to influence the outcome of a situation.  Frustration, on the other hand, is when you’ve done everything you can, but it’s out of your control, and nobody else is to blame.  It’s like the truck event there was no avoiding being late to work that day.

Today's Cards

Day 285. Being Late. Cards in order of appearance: Maturity, Trust, The Lovers, New Vision, Beyond Illusion, Politics, Totality, The Miser, Stress, We are the World, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Being Late Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over from yesterday; Politics moved from Hopes & Fears to Future Energy.

Cross

I’m going to guess that the Distant Past’s New Vision came from the moment I realised I needed to trust my inner voice.  Next, I need to specify my inner voice not to frustrate those waiting on me and prod me before that happens.

Consequently, in the Recent Past, I’ve morphed, which is what the Beyond Illusion card is saying.  The image has a third eye opening up and the light of clarity emanating from it, showing only recently I’ve evolved.  The Goal has always been to work in harmony with my inner self and the world like The Lovers.

It’s only with Trust’s influence that Maturity has happened.  

But, uh oh!  Future Energy has Politics, possibly signifying that duplicity is still necessary when I’m late and get held up.

Base

Totality is in the Feelings spot and continues Trust’s influence to allow total commitment toward managing late attendances; at least, that’s how I feel.

With others viewing me as The Miser, my Politics aren’t as flawless as I would like to think they are; in truth, I’m not very good at Politics.

Whenever I’m late, Hopes & Fears come to the fore.  Firstly, inwardly I Stress and fear arriving late.  If I’m late, I get tempted to play Politics and find reasons that feel like lies; I hate lying – lying causes even more Stress.  Secondly, there’s hope that I’ve left enough time or that no one has missed me enough to notice I’m not there yet.

Finally, We are the World is in the Outcome, which signals what goes around comes around.  This perception is not typical for the card, but maybe being tolerant of others brings about the feeling of solidarity. 

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – There were a couple of back-to-back meetings today, and I kept being late to meetings, and it reminded me of old habits I need to kick.

End Day 285

Day 284 – Getting a Second Opinion

Monday, 11 October 2021

Day 284. Cards in order of appearance: Consciousness, Creativity, Harmony, Transformation, Slowing Down, Success, Courage, Thunderbolt, Politics, Traveling, Deck pile shuffle

Second Opinion Context

When it comes to doctors, people advise getting a second opinion if you get unfavourable news.  The same recommendation can apply to most things in your life.  For me today, it was about selecting another builder for our bathroom renovation (Day 120).  

The builder we had spoken to initially (around Day 244 or Day 250) and because I’m lazy, if the price and timeframe were “reasonable”, I would use them.  Unfortunately, the timeframe wasn’t right since it’s April 2022.

Shocked by the lead time, I thought to ask around to find out what a market scan would do.  Right from the word “go”, the second opinion was worth the effort.  Fantastically, the contact could come within the hour, which was better than waiting two weeks for an inspection.

By the way, it was lucky Darren happened to be in the area when I called.  Otherwise, I wouldn’t normally expect such a prompt response. 

In addition to the quick response to assess the work, he was professional, accommodating, and instructive for bathroom products.  Moreover, let’s say, Darren if accepted as the builder, would speak to the tile store on my behalf and ensure I got the right number of tiles.  When I say “correct” amount, that’s not too many or not too few, but just right!

Darren worked with me to help me to enable me to make informed decisions.  Only time will tell because I still need to get his quote!  I’ll know then whether the second opinion was as exciting a prospect as it seemed.

Subsequently, there is the terror of communicating to the first option that I’m going with another.  Yes, the fear is real.

Today's Cards

Day 284. Cards in order of appearance: Consciousness, Creativity, Harmony, Transformation, Slowing Down, Success, Courage, Thunderbolt, Politics, Traveling, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Second Opinion Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday; Slowing Down moved from Outcome to Recent Past, Politics moved from Influence to Hopes & Fears.

Cross

A Transformation in the Distant Past changed the way I viewed selected a tradesman.  Previously, I’d considered choosing a tradesperson like picking a skillset, and I’d assumed that people with specific skill sets are all trained and competent. 

The view was if this were the case, then it didn’t matter whether it was the first person or person number ten.  So, providing the first person I contacted was reasonably priced, I took for granted they could do the work.  Getting a second opinion seemed irrelevant.

Note, if the first person seemed competent and not out of the ballpark with their prices, I reasoned that going with the first would save me time.  It’s also part of satisfying my inner chicken of telling someone I’ve gone with someone else.  That always feels a little breakup-like.

Maybe it was in the Recent Past’s Slowing Down where I realised I could afford the time and select someone who might deliver in my preferred timeframes.

Most of all, I wanted Harmony as my Goal.  That Harmony was both within myself and with the person working on the renovation. 

It was a relief then that Darren’s experience and his situational Creativity put me at ease.  And with full Consciousness, I’d made the decision that I would like him to do the bathroom.  So, it seems getting that second opinion and moving away from chickening out was wise.

Selecting Darren wasn’t a first selection thing; as sad as to let the first option go, Darren might be an even better option.  Everything happens for a reason (Please let his price be reasonable, or something acceptable).

Alas, it’s no surprise that Success is in Future Energy.

Base

The whole scenario felt amazingly surreal.  As strange as it may sound to the likes of those who have a very matter-of-fact way of dealing with these situations, I had Feelings of Courage.

Conversely, it seems that Others’ Views of me are simply factual in that I’m making a physical change to my accommodation or building something, which shows by the presence of Thunderbolt in this position.

Inwardly, Politics is in the Hopes & Fears spot.  This card in this location reflects the fears that the interaction was that of a salesman and prospect.  And not the hopeful one of mutual respect.

Finally, there’s Traveling as the Outcome.  Since this Outcome didn’t seem to fit with my expectations, I decided to do the “look at the page and see what line my eyes land on thing”.  Yes, it’s kooky, but what else am I going to do, relay the whole lot when only a portion is relevant?  Besides, what does it have to do with today’s topic of seeking a second opinion?

Anyway, the line I spotted went like this: “there is no need to struggle or plan too much” (Osho, p.92).  So much for me thinking it was going to bring about ‘actually’ going somewhere.

So, what was my lesson today?  I learnt that it is not only worth getting a second opinion on medical and work situations, but it’s also helpful for matters in your personal life.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – Usually, too chicken or lazy for a second opinion in my personal life. The first option’s renovation timeframes were too long, so now what?

End Day 284

Day 283 – Crypto Sensei and My Next Step

Sunday, 10 October 2021

Day 283. Cards in order of appearance: Breakthrough, Politics, The Outsider, Trust, Ordinariness, Sharing, The Source, Silence, Patience, Slowing Down, Standard Shuffle

Crypto Sensei Context

Well, today, we had a visit from Florence, and I learnt about the crypto ocean from my crypto sensei.  Naturally, with Florence visiting, even with yesterday’s scurryfunge, there was more this morning.  The weather came out beautifully too.  So we thought we would put the shade umbrella up on the side deck and enjoy lunch and company there.

We had a peaceful and enjoyable lunch, especially after such a long COVID influence.  We did note that we were less inclined to go out even with restrictions lifting.  Funny, isn’t it, ho?  We could hardly wait to get out of the house at one stage, but the tables have turned. ‘Going out’ now requires fighting inexplicable inertia to stay home.

My Crypto Growth

Since my first crypto purchase (Day 163), I’ve simply been playing with putting money into the Dividends area of the site.  And finally, my crypto sensei thought I was ready for putting some of my accumulated funds into what AutoShark** calls “The Ocean”. 

For those unfamiliar with crypto, like me, I describe the Ocean as putting currency into a bank’s short “Term Deposit”.  I think in crypto, it’s known as “staking”, or in some places “baking”.  You’d invest in The Ocean, or similar depending on the site you invest in because usually, the APR is higher.  The better rate is the reward for committing to the block period.

So, I took the plunge into Ocean 🙄 and invested in a couple of “pools” to see what would happen.  A short term one, so I could work out how to retrieve funds.  It’s pleasant to watch the Stats page tick over the ups and downs (Day 276), a summary of all the Total Value Locked (TVL) in the various parts of the site.

**AutoShark have – as far as I know – ceased trading.  So, I have removed links to the site.**

Today's Cards

Day 283. Cards in order of appearance: Breakthrough, Politics, The Outsider, Trust, Ordinariness, Sharing, The Source, Silence, Patience, Slowing Down, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Crypto Sensei Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over from yesterday; Sharing moved from Influence to Future Energy, The Source moved from Others’ Views to Feelings

Cross

In the Distant Past, I Trusted in my crypto sensei to guide me down a path of prosperity (modest though it be).  The everyday excitement of crypto has worn off, and Ordinariness has taken over because I’ve become comfortable with the process to date. 

I choose my Goal as The Outsider because a few friends of mine are investing in crypto more heavily than me, and I’m unwilling to commit to the same extent.  If there’s one thing I’ve learnt in the past couple of months of crypto investment, it is not the “get rich quick” saviour of my life. 

The fuss about Bitcoin seems recent because it’s grown from its original five-dollar purchase price – 10+ years ago!  The people then didn’t know it was going to get big.  So it is best to reset your expectations more frequently.  

Politics seems to influence the current Breakthrough in the Now.  I can’t speak to that because I didn’t recognise Politics if it was in play. 

Future Energy was Sharing, and I can confirm this seems like sitting on the deck enjoying lunch on a beautiful sunny day with a friend.

Base

Learning something new almost always makes me look The Source of my makeup.  So it would make sense for The Source to sit in the Feelings spot.

Silence is Others’ Views of me.  Silence is about connecting to your inner being or, as Osho says, “to plumb the depth of your own inner Silence” (p.36).  If this interpretation by others is the case, then it aligns with what my feeling is doing with The Source. 

Moreover, Patience is in the Hopes & Fears position, indicating, perhaps, that I am at peace waiting (I hope!) and fearing my lack of self-restraint will see me put more money in than intended.

Finally, following the initial tutoring with my crypto sensei, I invested a little each payday.  It’s at the point where I think Slowing Down – the Outcome – and waiting is prudent.  After all, once you’ve planted the seed, you need to wait for it to grow before you can harvest the fruit.  Alas, waiting it is.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
  3. Investopedia – terms
  4. Day 276 – Danger of Crypto Addiction
  5. Day 303 – Experiencing a Crypto Crash
  6. Day 163 – My First Cryptocurrency

SEO – Florence visited & my crypto sensei encouraged me to take the next step by investing in the ocean. Yes, it was scary changing my comfy groove

End Day 283

Day 282 – The Sales Representative

Saturday, 9 October 2021

Day 282. Sales Representative. Cards in order of appearance: Inner Voice, Sharing, Transformation, Projections, Stress, Guilt, The Miser, The Source, The Fool, The Dream, Standard Shuffle

Sales Representative Context

Sadly, even two micro-naps cannot pep me up enough to write about today’s events in any great detail.  And, if I’m being honest, which I am, I don’t have anything in my notes worthy of writing.  It was routine household stuff because I have Florence visiting tomorrow, and the scurryfunge (Day 085) was kicking in late this afternoon.  Alas, this activity could be the reason for my tiredness.  A visit from a sales representative it the most exciting thing that happened.

Oh, a little bit further on, I’ll remember what the day was about.  It was about a sales representative coming to the door.  I thought I’d give you the heads up since I’m too tired to rewrite 🤗.

Today's Cards

Day 282. Sales Representative. Cards in order of appearance: Inner Voice, Sharing, Transformation, Projections, Stress, Guilt, The Miser, The Source, The Fool, The Dream, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Sales Representative Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

Projections in the Distant Past brought the Stress occupying the Recent Past spot, which led to wanting (Goal) a Transformation in my life.  Let’s face it, though; Stress could be from anything!

Sometimes by listening to your Inner Voice and under the influence of Sharing your thoughts, you might say something that will upset others.  Not that I can recall the situation at the moment, but it’s a recognisable pattern. 

Every decision I make isn’t always going to be popular with others because my decision concerns my life and not theirs.  Hence, it looks like this is what Future Energy of Guilt is saying might happen.

Base

Ah, ha!  It looks like I finally remember what happened today.  There was a sales representative from a reputable business at my door.  Once again, I declined to take up the services they were offering; I felt (Feelings) like The Miser in doing so.  That would explain the Guilt and listen to my Inner Voice.  The reality was/ is we don’t need the service at the moment – maybe in the future.

Others’ Views are of me knowing what I need and connecting with that, aka The Source.  If you remember from other posts where The Source appears, you’ll know The Source refers to the materials that go into making something.  For instance, it’s the clay that makes up a pot, cup or bowl.

On an internal level is Hopes & Fears and today’s card of The Fool.  After the interaction, I began questioning myself and feared that I was declining this service in pursuit of a new bathroom, and it was a mistake.  On the other hand, the hope is that I didn’t close the door on the opportunity.

Finally, The Dream is in the Outcome spot, complete with its self-delusion capabilities.  Thus, possibly signalling, I’ve read way too much into the encounter with a sales representative for a company!  Sigh.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
End Day 282

Day 281 – The Thin Etiquette Line

Friday, 8 October 2021

Day 281. Thin etiquette. Cards in order of appearance: Moment to Moment, Playfulness, Thunderbolt, Adventure, Understanding, Rebirth, Schizophrenia, Ice-olation, Maturity, Abundance, Standard Shuffle

Thin Etiquette Context

Today, I was in a meeting, and the topic of bullying arose.  It’s a prickly subject, and depending upon the audience, your views can get misinterpreted.  Saying something which treads the thin etiquette line between etiquette and offensive can quieten a room. 

Fortunately, those in the meeting understood my intention and were not offended, thus avoiding crossing the thin etiquette line between morality and embarrassment.  But it could so quickly have gone wrong.

I’m going to cover my views briefly, and I apologise in advance if you’re offended.  Thus, I mentioned that the bullying I’d received at school strengthened my character.  Admittedly, it wasn’t the same degree of bullying that the person in the meeting had witnessed as he was growing up, with kids turned upside down and their heads held above the toilet.  The comment then was grossly out of context.  That’s what happens when you enter part way through and don’t have the facts.

Yes, the bullying I’d encountered was some name-calling, hair pulling and persistent innuendo.  The latter always confused me because I both found it flattering and offensive at the same time!  I was flattered because the comments implied, I had a great body or bust line worthy of attention and appreciation.  On the other hand, I was offended that it was the only area to get attention.   Alas, the thin etiquette line got crossed.

Fortunately, I can look back on those times, acknowledging it for what it was, youth and inexperience.  But sometimes, we slip up and wind up with “foot in mouth”, from which we need to extricate ourselves.

Today's Cards

Day 281. Thin etiquette. Cards in order of appearance: Moment to Moment, Playfulness, Thunderbolt, Adventure, Understanding, Rebirth, Schizophrenia, Ice-olation, Maturity, Abundance, Standard Shuffle

The Cards - Thin Etiquette Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

An Adventure in my Distant Past fuelled the Goal for a change in views, Thunderbolt.  In the Recent Past, I gained an Understanding of a situation I hadn’t comprehended before.  How horrific has my friend’s life been to be exposed to such horrible “bullying” tactics?  And I grew up in a “bad” neighbourhood!

Luckily, the Playful influence in the meeting allowed me to travel from Moment to Moment (Now) and escape traversing the thin etiquette line.

Future Energy has Rebirth, and for once, I’m not sure whether to view this card as a positive card.  Do I want a Rebirth of the memories about childhood challenges, even if they helped me form a sense of worth based on reference to me?

Base

As I entered the conversation and realised the thin ice I was walking on, I struggled with finding my footing to the safe ground (Schizophrenia card in Feelings position).  In the end, I felt simply letting my perspectives go and seeing how the chips landed was the best way to go.

Others’ Views are that I’m experiencing Ice-Olation.  This recognition could have occurred when the invitees realised I was struggling for the right thing to say once I had the full context.

When it comes to Hopes & Fears, I hope my Maturity helped me navigate the situation.  Alternatively, the reverse – expressed as fear – could be true, and immaturity was what showed.

Finally, the Abundance card is in the Outcome position.  The Outcome shows the expansiveness and benevolence of the people attending the meeting.  Their generosity allowed me to skirt close to the thin etiquette line without causing me to panic and cross into nonsense comments to save myself.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
End Day 281

Day 280 – Men Can Say No Too

Thursday, 7October 2021

Day 280. Say No. Cards in order of appearance: Politics, Breakthrough, Possibilities, Friendliness, Stress, Ripeness, Transformation, The Dream, Harmony, Suppression, Deck pile shuffle

Say No Context

Today, I heard two songs that got me thinking, Nenah Cherry’s Heart and Dolly Parton’s Joelene.  Both tunes are full of passion about how the other woman is threatening to take away their man.  These songs don’t credit men with any volition of their own.  Surely men are empowered to say no, too.  

Or are these songs saying men are susceptible?  Then, why would you be with someone so gullible?  Isn’t there a line in the Lord’s Prayer asking us not to be led into temptation, and isn’t the whole point of that line to encourage our convictions and loyalties?

Quite simply, temptation is there to resist.  By the way, I’m not very good at it myself; in the words of Oscar Wilde, “I can resist anything except temptation”.   Does it hark back to Adam and Eve’s apple scenario?  In that scenario, is it saying Adam/ men are innately the weaker sex because he/ they can’t resist temptation from his/ their rib? 

It’s a fundamentally flawed concept if men are unable to say ‘no’?  Are they ‘spoilt’ brats?  Or is it generation upon generation giving leeway to boys what they want?  In my grandmothers’ generation – and my mother’s – men were fawned over.  My mother doted on most I dated. 

In relatively recent times, a person I know when, in the middle east, was part of a multi-rape trial.  Her perception was the innocent young woman displayed her body like she was walking through London rather than the middle east.  The young woman was unaware of the cultural nuances, thereby “courting trouble”.  

My acquaintance’s view was, men were powerless to say no?  Yet so many men had!  I can’t begin to write how I disagree with the perspective.  Because once I start, I’d be writing all night.

Women's Magazines

On the contrary, men can say no and often do but don’t traditionally have no told to them.  There are some aspects of society; I’m talking women’s magazines that write stories about various women being ‘homewreckers’ or taking another woman’s man.  Really? 

Firstly, a person should not be a possession of someone else.  Any engagement or co-existence should be mutual, in my humble opinion.  Secondly, doesn’t the man doesn’t have a say?  What bewitching beguilement do these women possess to have such power? 

My ex-husband, in a heated argument I told, cruelly baited him to cheat on me.  Out of spite, he went to take me up on the offer, but he couldn’t go through with it in the end.  The same was true for Anton, a previous work colleague.  He had made plans to cheat on his wife.   He changed his mind at the last minute when he realised how much he loved his wife and didn’t want to hurt or lose her.  He simply had to say no.

In both these cases, the man was not a mere puppet, nor was he a slave to his physical urges both understood consequences?  I love the saying, ‘it takes two to tango’ because it reminds me that men or the other party involved can say no too, even if it is challenging.

Today's Cards

Day 280. Say No. Cards in order of appearance: Politics, Breakthrough, Possibilities, Friendliness, Stress, Ripeness, Transformation, The Dream, Harmony, Suppression, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Say No Analysis

Carryover Cards

No cards carried over from yesterday.

Cross

The Distant Past’s Friendliness, I’m going to assume is a previous love (and I still enjoy) of these songs, has given rise to Recent Past’s Stress.

My Goal today was to discuss Possibilities while playfully and skilfully writing tactfully on this topic akin to serious Politics.  The change comes from the influence of a Breakthrough that, unless the go-between party is drugged, it takes two to tango.

Alas, Ripeness in Future Energy suggests it’s the right time for me to broach the subject and talk about men also having the ability to say no.

Base

The Breakthrough has been illuminating, and my Feelings are that I’m undergoing a Transformation.  I know I’ve now seen a perspective in myself that I won’t be able to “unsee”.

Others’ Views are that my perception is romanticised by The Dream’s appearance – not sure how that works.

In the meantime, Hopes & Fears has Harmony.  I’m hoping not to destroy any Harmony I’ve established with my followers and fear the converse is true.

Finally, however, the Outcome for me is Suppression.  Can I be true that I’m still suppressing something on the topic of men saying no?

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – It’s funny how songs can prompt a breakthrough today.  It was a couple of songs & a conversation with an acquaintance on how men can say no too

End Day 280

Day 279 – Different Instructor Changes Things

Wednesday, 6 October 2021

Day 279. Different Instructor. Cards in order of appearance: Sharing, Celebration, Innocence, Guidance, Compromise, Change, Aloneness, Awareness, Ordinariness, Comparison, Deck pile shuffle

Different Instructor Context

Today I celebrate knowing three exceptional individuals!  My nephew, bestie’s sister, and a former employee’s – he has since gone on to greener pastures.  Additionally, I returned to hot yoga.  For the first time in a long time, I thoroughly enjoyed the class because of a different instructor. 

Furthermore, when I finally put the screenshots, I put together from the other day’s training into PowerPoint to begin transcribing my notes.  Once I saved the file to the OneDrive, it disappeared.  This situation is where I could talk about conspiracy theories, but I thought it was protecting data put into a “presentation format”.  It wasn’t my intention, but I get it!  However, did you have to try and gaslight me?  Couldn’t you simply corrupt the file?

All up, it was a busy day!  And my focus was on how amazing it was to be back at hot yoga and immensely enjoy it.  It was the first time, at this centre, that I’d had a female yoga instructor.  Robbie was supportive, clear with instructions – not that the others weren’t clear with theirs, the instructions finally sunk in with Robbie’s phrasing.

At the end of the class, my head was planning my next couple of weeks’ yoga visits; it’s the first time I’ve been that inspired in years.  Anyway, on that high note, I’ll head straight to the analysis.

Today's Cards

Day 279. Different Instructor. Cards in order of appearance: Sharing, Celebration, Innocence, Guidance, Compromise, Change, Aloneness, Awareness, Ordinariness, Comparison, Deck pile shuffle

The Cards - Different Instructor Analysis

Carryover Cards

Two cards carried over yesterday; Sharing moved from Feelings to Now, Celebration moved from Recent Past to Influence. 

Today’s topic didn’t seem to lend itself to discussing the carryover cards.  

Cross

Following my intuition’s Guidance in the Distant Past, I arrived at yoga today.  While I’ve enjoyed going to previous classes, it felt like a Compromise like the visits in the Recent Past.  That’s because I’ve previously gone to yoga for exercise, flexibility, and to build my strength and blindly did what the teachers asked of us. 

Today amidst the joy of celebrating the birthdays (Celebration as Influence) of people I love and Sharing in their happiness, I got a gift of my own; a different instructor.  Whether it was because I went in with a different mindset because it was someone new (most likely)?  Perhaps the Innocence of the tutor’s exposure to my capabilities allowed me to reinvent myself.  What a change a different instructor can have on your performance.

Change in Future Energy suggests that an attitude shift is on the horizon.

My feelings of Aloneness come from what transpired with my screenshots.  It’s very much a gaslighting thing to have a file completely disappear from your “cloud” – after all; it’s not stored on your computer anymore, is it?  (I know it’s part of the “base”, but it wasn’t about the different instructor anyway).

Base

The incident was disturbing not because it got deleted, but because there wasn’t a trace of it ever existing except in the certainty in my satisfaction of finishing the file and saving it. 

Furthermore, the other disturbing element was no matter how hard I’ve tried to remove the visibility of the titles of my work files from the “Open Recent” list; I struggle to do it.  The reverse is also true; I see my home file titles at work.  So, it was nefarious when a file was there a moment ago and disappeared the next.  Hence, my Feelings of Aloneness.

Other’s Views – and now we’re back at yoga – is that I’m finally developing an Awareness of my posture.  It’s something I hadn’t realised or spotted in the years of going to yoga; I stand on the sides of my feet for stretching or standing on one leg.  It’s why I’ve struggled to get my ankles to touch and why I slightly turn my foot outward when I have one foot on the ground for a stance.  Who knew?  Having a different instructor can pick up things missed for decades!

Meanwhile, in Hopes & Fears is Ordinariness.  It’s not an exciting card, except I’m going to quote Osho, “whenever, in whatsoever situation, you become one, a peace, a happiness, a bliss, surrounds you, arises in you.  You feel fulfilled” (p. 153).  I hope this feeling of fulfilment is what I experienced today, but I fear you’ve misread my emotions following the class.

And that brings us to the Outcome position where, following yoga, I begin a Comparison.  This time the Comparison is not on my ability but my responses to different instructors.  Why can’t I simply just accept “it is what it is”?

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month

SEO – So, I went back to hot yoga and discovered a different instructor – she was terrific!  Robbie picked up something ignored for decades.

End Day 279

Day 278 – From Elation to Emotional Struggle

Tuesday, 5October 2021

Day 278. Cards in order of appearance: Possibilities, The Source, Morality, Existence, Celebration, Moment to Moment, Sharing, The Burden, Intensity, Integration, Washing Machine

Emotional Struggle Context

There’s a gulf of difference between the strange feeling of elation on Day 275 (2 October) and today’s massive emotional struggle is vast.  I don’t know whether it is from the effects of the vaccine or because people around me are planning their retirement. 

When you begin nearing the end of your working life, everyone around you of a similar age is making retirement plans.  Up until recently, I had been blissfully working.   Of course, I knew retirement was around the corner and had a tentative plan in place for what I was going to do in it.  It’s part of the reason I began the website.  What I hadn’t prepared for was everyone talking about it affecting me.

I tend to get an idea and run with it, which is why it was dangerous for me to begin thinking of retirement when I need to work for another three years before it is even a thing.

One of the most important things to consider was activity post-work; the other was income.  So many people, I have heard, are okay being retired for six months and then struggle to keep themselves entertained.   When it comes to finances, if you are no longer earning, you are drawing down on funds designed to last you until you ‘shuffle off this mortal coil’ (William Shakespeare, Hamlet).

Maybe it was a combination of the contrast of the joy, the retirement talk and an overcast day causing the emotional struggle.  But whatever it is, I know this feeling too shall pass!  Thank goodness!

Today's Cards

The Cards - Emotional Struggle Analysis

Carryover Cards

One card carried over from yesterday; Integration moved from Recent Past to Outcome.

Cross

The elation and humility of Existence in the Distant Past led to the Recent Past’s feeling of Celebration opening up today’s (Now) Possibilities.  The Source influences the idea of more ideas and opportunities. 

However, the Goal of today was on making sure things get done “properly”.  It’s like in the card Morality, showing correctly as having the fun removed from it.  Alas, the lack of fun described my emotional struggle today. 

I can just “play it by ear”, which in some cases is far from “reading a music sheet”, and take it from Moment to Moment in Future Energy.

Base

Despite the emotional struggle, the cards suggest that I’m feeling abundant enough for Sharing. 

On the other hand, Other’s Views are of me carrying The Burden.  Perhaps it’s the perception, which I may have encouraged, that I haven’t planned for my retirement?  It could be true.

In the meantime, Hopes & Fears has me hoping for Intensity’s return – or simply a return of energy and spriteliness will do.  Conversely, the Intensity magnifies the emotional struggle (fear). 😟

Finally, the Integration card is in the Outcome position and seems to indicate the merging of moods blending today’s struggle with Day 275‘s elation to form a happy medium.

References

  1. Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
  2. Tarot Layouts per month
End Day 278
Scroll to top